Tail Wags Dog

I actually put my guy down in his room and snuggle next to him or on a baby mattress next to his bed. That way, he was already in his room and I didn't have to move him out of it. They'll still wake up and come to you, but you can walk them back, and if you're relatively comfortable and fall asleep in their room, at least you get some sleep!

Got to be strong and consistent. There will be crying, but especially at their ages, they know that that is how they get their way.

We are going through the same thing with our almost 3 y/o. No matter what he ends up in bed with us. Over the past few weeks, he is falling asleep in his own bed, he doesn't stay there all night, but it is a start. My husband figured out that he was scared/cried because the door was shut. So one of us sits in the living room while he lays in bed, if he gets up we put him back in bed. Usually after about 6-7 times he stays there.

Have a spot on the floor for him, in your room.
If need be, he can go there to sleep.
That is what we did with our kids.
It worked.
Also at this age, they do get 'fears' at night, and separation-anxiety.... it is developmental based.

When I was that age and older, I did that too.
I simply missed my parents and would get scared at night, in my room all by myself. I would even, get up, creep down our LONG dark scary hallway... just to go to their room, and squeeze in between them. They let me. I grew out of it.
But... that is one of my fondest childhood memories, of my parents... and how they handled it. How a child goes to bed.... is a fond memory or not, for the child. I still remember to this day.... about when I did that.... and I remember it fondly... because my parents never admonished me for it.
I grew out of it.
It is childhood.

My sibling however, wanted nothing to do with my parents at bedtime. And she would, tease me about it. I just thought she was mean and not a cozy type.... nor very warm hearted.

all the best,
Susan

Let them fall asleep in your bed, the move them to their own rooms/beds.
They will probably wake up later and return to your bed but over time the hour that they awake will get closer and closer to morning time, till eventually they just sleep right thru the night in their own bed.

Good luck! This has worked for us.

Crying doesn't hurt them. Their little psyches are very resilient. Their crying hurts you far more and trust me, they know it. = )

Take a deep breathe and prepare yourself for a long week. Stick with a calm and consistent bedtime routine. Warn them at 7:00 that it is bedtime in 30 minutes. Remind them again at 7:20.

Go to the bathroom. Brush teeth. Get a drink of water. Read a book. Pray if so inclined. Exchange hugs and kisses. Turn on some quiet music. Leave the room. When they cry, let it go for a few minutes. Then sweetly and gently guide them back to bed. Exchange few words. Keep the recuddling to a minimum. Tell them if they get up again, you will be putting them back to bed again. Then try to extend the time you wait and let them cry by a few more minutes. Repeat Repeat Repeat. Reward Reward Reward the next day if the routine has gone a bit better.

We had a super awesome sleeper for our first. Didn't care where he was or what time it was. If we said "time for bed" that's what he did. Our second was a little more stubborn. And we applied the waiting game at around 9-11 months...Took maybe 2-3 nights. So it worked for us and our child doesn't need therapy due to the damage inflicted by our cold-hearted approach. For the record, I am not a die-hard advocate of any CIO theory. I simply encourage parents to try anything and everything that seems reasonable to them. If they find something that works, then that is the goal.

Cute post title. "Tail wags dog."

The problem - you "gave in to his crying." Don't give in. It's hard, but if you're determined and you stop giving in, he'll get the point.

We practiced family bed and it really worked for us, so no slamming here. We would put the boys to bed in their own rooms, and when they woke they'd come to our room (each at that age). It got later and later until they were (mostly) spending the night in their own beds.

Here is a GREAT book that we found very helpful: "The No-cry Sleep Solution" by Pantley.

My husband has a very short threshold for crying, so I know how hard it is to not give in, but I am a little tougher and say..you have to let them cry. Now, I don't mean for hours, but they have to learn that crying is not going to get them what they want. Something to sleep with and quiet music works for our boys for bedtime and naptime, they are 2 and 4. It's soothing, the light from the tv, we have all music channels with no picture just music, makes my 4 year old feel safer than complete darkness, so why not try something like that and see if that will transition them easier into their own room.

you cant give into the crying. not slamming you but you have to be tough. i let my 2 yr old sleep with me till he goes to sleep and then put himin his own bed. try putting them in the floor on a pallet of blankets. but dont allow them in your bed. cio works usually within 20 minutes. if not they are sick or something.the first week will be hard and make sure they have a night light. my oldest was easy to break he prefered cio to be put to sleep. my youngest is getting there. but he wont stay in his bed he winds up in ours but his bed is in our room. something that was suggested to me was give him a shirt that smells like you one that you wore that day. I am trying that now.

mine wont come out of the room but wont stay in his bed. give him a blankie or whatever he needs. good luck I need it too.

Hi S.,
I am the mother of 3 boys and I know how hard it can be. We went thru the same thing with the 2 older boys. What worked for us was putting a sleeping bag next to our bed. Every night we would move the sleeping bag towards their room. This took a couple of weeks, at one point they were sleeping in the hallway before we got to their room. Bottom line, whatever you decide - stay consistent! It will get better ;)

We transitioned to a toddler bed in our room. She still ends up in the bed with us by morning, but it is much later... She got to choose some sheets she really likes and it is working well. She is actually in her own room at this point, with minimal fussing (we got her a princess bed for christmas last), but we still have one bed in our room, one in hers and she naps in ours...
I also explained (repeatedly) that the big bed was mommy and daddy's and the other bed was hers and she needed to sleep in it...
Good luck!
R.

Well, you can't just go 'cold turkey'. Maybe you should start with putting the two of them in one big bed in their own room. Then you fall asleep in there with them in their bed, and sneak out after they nod off. Gradually, over many days, you can slip away a little sooner, like when they are sleepy but still a little awake. Then you graduate to pulling up a chair next to their beds, then sitting in the chair in the corner of the room when they fall asleep, etc etc til you can put them down and then leave them room (even if just for a minute before you come back in to check, then leave again). Then eventually they get their own beds. I didn't ever let my kids in my bed but my daughter is going through a phase where she wants me in her bed with her and I am trying to get her back to just getting tucked in and going to bed on her own with this method (as you know, once you indulge them with the co-sleeping habits, it is hard to get them to go independent again!)

I have had success with my 2 1/2 year old son, just this week, sleeping in his 'big boy bed' and I want to share, to encourage you, that you/we all make our decisions to raise our kids to the best of our abilities. When situations change, it's ok to change what we want or expect from our kids. Since birth, my son slept with me in my bed-of course! He had been in my tummy and it was a natural transition. As he grew, and stopped nursing, started moving, kicking etc, mom was not getting sleep!! I tried the battling with stay in your room, only to have him wake at 11, 1am, 4 am...OMG. I literally had a conversation with him last week and said that," you are getting to be a big boy...mommy is not sleeping..., I would be so proud of you if you could sleep in your big bed..mommy is always here and your always welcome to come visit in my bed once in a while...". It worked! I prepared him, asked him if he wanted to rock or cuddle before I put him down, I said I would stay till he fell asleep (then I moved to a couple of min the next couple of days). One night was ok, he woke at 1 and I slept with him. That next day I said, "I was so proud you slept for 4 hours by yourself, let's try to sleep till the sun comes out." It has been outstanding-shocking really. He NOW takes 3 hour naps from 1:30-4:30 and goes to bed at 9-7ish. My husband and I have time in the evening and I have time during the day.
Hang in there! Get control by communicating your needs, kids want to please you and want to see you happy. : > Holler if you need anything.
A.

if children are taught some sort of independace from day one they would not have so much anxiety. Sleeping in their bassinets/cribs is the beginning. I had my kids in the 80's we were told before we even left the hospitals to never our baby's in bed with us. If your children are running the show it's because you have not determined in your home who is in charge and who isn't. I have always wondered how having baby's/children in your bed how you could have a healthy and spontanious sex life. J.

We had one child that had severe separation anxiety that even carried into him not being able to sleep in his own room. So we put a mattress on the floor in his room, and one of us slept in there at night if he fussed. He knew we were there for him.
At naptime, I just took a nap on the mattress in his room, or I brought in a book and read.
It was a bit of a sacrifice, but we all got sleep and eventually he grew out of it.

I know how difficult it can be transitioning them to their own beds. I have a wonderful on line book I can forward to you if you email me at ____@____.com. I started with a very strict bedtime ruitine and stuck to it like glue. I'll give you more details in an email if you like.
Good luck and I hope to hear from you soon.

Good Luck! My youngest daughter slept with us and it was really hard transitioning her to her own bed.

We just really had to be consistent. It took some sleepless nights, but finally after about a week she was doing better, but still not easy to put down at night. I started with putting her in her own bed, we'd do the night time routine and I'd cuddle with her. It started out I cuddled with her until she feel asleep and gradually moved it to 15 min, 10 mins, 5 mins. She'd come to our bed in the middle of the night and I'd have to get up and put her back in her bed, multiple times.

I'd also leave her room light on until she feel asleep and/or a nightlight on all night.

I know it's hard, I've been there. Best of Luck!

Co-sleeping is not for everyone, but it's not a bad thing either:) I took my kids to do a little shopping for their Big Boy room. Pillows, blankets, or a stuffed animal to snuggle w/ in their own room. Build a Bear is great too....so they can create their snuggle toy. Good luck!