Getting 17 Mo Old to Put Himself to Sleep

My son is 17 months old, and while he's a holy terror while he's awake, falling asleep is no big deal! BUT... we've been doing the same thing for forever with him. Persistance is key mama; you've got to undo what's been done. My son is on a very predictable schedule... he wakes up around 7:30am, naps at 9:30 and 2:30, then goes to bed at 8pm. When we put him down for naps or for bed at night, I use my calm and quiet voice, hold him close (with his blankie) and keep repeating 'night night, love you' and he repeats after me. I kiss him, put him in his crib (while keeping the lights off), cover him with his blanket, and walk out, closing the door behind me. He might yell and cry for a minute, but then he babbles to himself until he dozes off. I truly believe that using my calm and quiet voice for nothing BUT bed/naptime helps a LOT!! Good luck :)

My daughter was the same way. Our pediatrician told us some kids can not sleep alone, and to take her to our bed. She immediately fell blessedly, soundly asleep. He said humans are social and the idea of putting your baby in a different room is very VERY new, and not really how babies are designed to sleep. We would follow her bedtime routine, but one of us would lay next to her until she fell asleep. We'd leave her there (with a protective row of pillows stacked around her and go about our business downstairs. When it was time for us to go to bed, we'd transfer her to her crib in our room. This also made it possible for us to have sex without her in the bed (remember sex?) As she got older, she slept harder and longer. She was definitely calmer and slept better without all the bedtime anxiety, and we did too. When she was 2, we took the front of her crib off and put up a toddler rail so she could get up and come to our bed herself without one of us having to pick her up. At that point, we were able to implement some of the No-Cry-Sleep Solution for toddlers, which encouraged her to stay in her bed. We made a book of her bedtime routine, staying in bed all night etc, with actual pictures of her on Kodak Gallery, which was also helpful. She started coming to our bed at maybe 5 or 6 in the morning, by herself and without me or my husband having to get up, and immediately falling back asleep. This was fine with us because we were now getting a full night's sleep and a very nice snuggle in the morning. She's almost 4 now and sleeps in her own big girl room (her choice because grandpa made her an AWESOME and motivating house bed), but still comes to our bed at 5 or 6 to sleep her final hour or two. I gotta say, we still love that morning snuggle. Good luck with your baby.

Truthfully - I don't expect a normal child to put themselves to sleep and stay asleep until grade school. Too many things can scare or frighten them, being alone may simply be hard on them (most Moms and Dads would not choose to sleep alone in a dark room, so why your infant or toddler?), not to mention they wake up from hunger, feeling wet/need the bathroom, thirsty, etc just like adults do.

I have co-slept with my #1 baby until 6 years old... she's ALMOST 6, and is transitioning twice a week into her own room. She knows she has to be 100% in her own room by the time #2 is born in July. I am transitioning her slowly because I know it is a HUGE change between sleeping with the safety and love of Mommy and Daddy and moving to a room where she is on her own.

I LOVE co-sleeping and will do the same with #2. I feel like everyone is safe, loved, attended to and it's easier to breastfeed. My biggest fear is to have a break in, fire or other disaster in which my child(ren) are sleeping in another room and I cannot get to them in time. With co-sleeping, that isn't an issue... Neither is not falling asleep.

Have you tried co-sleeping? This has worked well for quite a few moms with very sensitive or anxious children I've known. After he's sound asleep, it's often possible to transfer a child to a bed or mattress next to your bed if you feel too crowded. I co-slept with my daughter for her first couple of years, and loved it. She had absolutely no problem transferring to her own bed at around two.

Oh my God, I find the cry it out method completely unacceptable, so I should probably NOT answer this post, but having a baby throw up every night, are you serious?? Just put your convenience on the side for a while longer and comfort that baby! If he needs you emotionally you got to be there for him..geez. I will never, EVER, understand this approach to children,They NEED to be held in their tender years, as needed, why, why WHY take that away from them? It must be (anglo-saxon) culture that makes it acceptable, I am not sure, but ,geeezz, mamas...completely against nature. Why make a baby suffer that much. Sorry, I know, I am completely un-helpful, and probably just irritating, but I felt your baby's pain and I couldn't help but voice it. I am so glad you stopped.

I have never been a fan of cry it out. I let my kids get into all the "bad" sleep habits: we coslept when they were babies, I rocked them to sleep or let them fall asleep in my bed for long past the first year, and I almost always went to them right away when they cried. They are now excellent sleepers. We say "bedtime" and they usually climb in to bed and wait for hugs and kisses. But we've gotten to this gradually.

At 17 months, we had a fairly consistent pj/bedtime. They could climb into our bed or cuddle with us (or both, I was often tired and ready to settle down by the time it was their bedtime). Once they were asleep one of us would move them to their beds so they got used to sleeping there and waking up there. As they got older, we would move them to their beds a bit earlier, before they were all the way asleep, and then stay with them until they were asleep. Then we could leave before they were fully asleep. I would say that by about 6, each of them were ready for hugs and kisses and tucking in, then going to sleep on their own.

I know this doesn't work for everybody, but it was so much less stressful to us (parents & kids both, I believe) than pushing them to be independent before they were ready. Yes, it is a long process. But that is part of parenting, and it's the end result that really matters.

Wow, I am searching my brain but not coming up with much you haven't tried. Maybe if you make the quiet time in his room where he has to sit on the floor while you fold laundry, read, tell stories (no pictures just stories) or sing to him. Have a little pillow and blanket and tell him it is his settle down time and try to get him to self engage in his space but he can't be in your lap and then ease him into the crib from there?? Good luck and much patience to you.

The only suggestion I can offer is that you find a way to get him more sleep. It might mean spending lots and lots of time rocking him to sleep for a while, but perhaps once he's getting more sleep he might fall asleep and stay asleep easier. I'd recommend moving his bedtime back little by little in 15-minute increments (7:45 for three nights, then 7:30 for three nights, then 7:15 for three nights, etc) until you get it to 6:30 or 7. I also think he probably needs to be getting much better naps during the day, but I can't imagine how that's happening if he's so difficult to put to sleep. Kids over the age of 4-6 months really need motionless sleep, so naps in a car or stroller don't count. If this sleep issue is really difficult to live with, you might consider taking a week vacation from work just to stay home with him and work on getting into a very solid nap routine. The idea here is to do whatever it takes to get him to sleep more hours every day, and then hopefully once he's getting more sleep and is better rested you can start trying to work on getting him to fall asleep more easily. Good luck!

Sorry that you and your 17 month old are going through this. I've had some sleep issues with my now 17 month old, but not quite to the extent of what you described. I don't think I would ever do CIO either if my son was vomiting from being upset.

Would giving him a sippy cup with milk in it help to soothe him? I know it works for my son. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, I'll give him his sippy cup with milk or water and he drinks it and falls back to sleep. He only occasionally needs it.

Do you run a white noise like a fan? This works really well for my son as well. I think the sound calms him and helps him fall asleep. I often go in and turn it off after I know he's asleep.

You've tried solutions like the No Cry Sleep Solution, but for how long? Whatever you try you have to try it for a MINIMUM of two or three weeks! Anything shorter and you haven't really tried it to its full potential.

CIO is not a method. No sleep method has ever, ever suggested leaving a child to cry or scream in their bed to force them to fall asleep alone. What you want to try is Ferberizing or look up Dr. Ferber, which the term was coined from but he never used that term of CIO and he never suggested what people assume is CIO.

Thirdly, he's ONLY 17 months old. He can't automatically know how to fall asleep by himself. He needs to be taught, which is why any method you use should be firm but gentle and will take close to a month. He needs security and love and guidance during the process. Soothe him back to sleep as long as it takes and whatever it takes. You can't reasonably expect him to fall asleep on his own without help after waking up afraid. It's hard for ADULTS to do that.

So stick to a routine because that will help him feel secure. Stick to one method for a minimum of 2 weeks. If he has a daycare that doesn't have a routine, then maybe you should find one that does. With a child that has separation anxiety, you need to encourage routines that will help him feel empowered and where he can know what to expect next. That's part of why bed time routines are important. That's why daily home routines are important. Kids can be laid back and still need the stability of a routine and schedule.

What about switching him to a toddler bed so that he doesnt feel so restricted to the crib? Im not saying this would work or is the reason that he wont sleep but you mentioned that even during the day when he is in the crib playing with you there that he hates it so maybe its the bed and not the sleep thing. We recently switched our DD to a toddler bed at 16 months and she did awesome. It was rough for the first week because she had this new found freedom to get out and roam when she pleased but after about a week the novalty wore off and now bed time and nap time are exactly that
Plus if he is in a toddler bed you can sit beside him and maybe rub his back or head and he can start to lose the dependency of being in your arms to fall asleep
Good Luck