I am and have been trying to get my 14 month old to sleep all night in her crib. My husband thought is was okay when she was younger to allow her to sleep with us.it has been a nightmare I have aloud her to fall asleep in {our bed} then i put her in her own bed,but after like 4-5 hrs she is flipping as soon as she gets in bed with us she is fast asleep. she is such a restless sleeper and is all over the place. I have noticed as soon as she moves around in her crib and hits the bars she is wide awake it seem more of a contact thing to me.she is so use to feeling us next to her that when she moves and she can't feel us she wakes right up. I have tried the CIO and my husband said it was cruel and not to do it again. He won't allow me to do this method at all. I did try it and still over 2 hrs she never calmed down and ended up needing a breathing treatment.I am so miserable and tired i just don't know what to do. I want her to sleep in her crib and not with us. For months i let her fall sleep in my bed and more her,but she still wakes right up.My husband and i have no time alone at all let alone our sex life is gone :(Believe me we try and get together,but it always seems to get messed up.
I had my youngest in bed with us for a long time also. I found that she wouldn't sleep well in her crib at night either. I moved her into a toddler bed at 14 months old, and we have had no problems since then. You may want to try adding extra pillows to the sides of her, so if she wakes she still feels the softness next to her and should go back to sleep.
Hope you get some rest, good luck!
Hi H.!
It looks like lots of people recommend "crying it out" personally, I think it's awful and I wouldn't do it if you paid me millions of dollars. Not soothing a crying child can (not always) but can potentially cause insecure-resistant attachment issues. This is marked by unpredictability in the care-giver's behavior, the caregiver is close at times and uninvolved and irritable at others. If your child is used to being close to you and you let them cry it out that is something different from you that they could not have predicted. Even though your child may not remember crying them self to sleep for hours for 3 nights as an infant, I think it can still do damage and if it doesn't do any damage I don't know who can feel good about letting their child cry for hours no matter how well it worked in getting your child to sleep. The thought of letting my daughter cry herself to sleep disgusts me. I liked Elizabeth's suggestion. Coming up with something different is a much better idea, whatever works for you, that doesn't leave your child in distress and yes your child will be distressed if you allow her to cry her self to sleep. I'm sorry to be long winded, but I find it really upsetting that parents advocate letting their children cry themselves to sleep. I don't see the benefit. Good luck.
My daughter is 14 months also. I literally just went through this last week. I do not believe in the cry it out method...that is just me....for anybody who wants to do it..that is fine..but I didn't want to do it. I am also nursing, so I felt that it was even harder..because she wanted to nurse and to cuddle in my bed. I always nursed her to sleep and then put her in her crib at around 9 pm..but EVERY TWO HOURS she would wake up! I would always bring her into bed and nurse her and cuddle with her...and EVERY TWO HOURS she would wake up and nurse and cuddle...well, she is 14 months old and I need some sleep! So, when I felt she was ready....I would nurse her almost to sleep and lay her in her crib....she would almost be asleep, but not entirely. I would sit right next to the crib and pat her back and rub her tummy and tell her it was bedtime. Well, she cried, but since I was right there with her, I was okay with it. The first night it did take almost an hour..she didn't cry the whole time..once in awhile. But night after night I did the same thing. Also, the same when she awakened during the night. Now, after a week, I can nurse her, put her in her crib and rub her back for 5 minutes and she will fall asleep. She also sleeps so much better..she usually wakes up every 2 hours but she cries for literally 30 seconds and falls back asleep. Usually at about 3 am she wakes up and wants to be nursed..so I nurse her and in 30 minutes she is back in the crib til 7 am!
This worked for me, maybe it will work for you!
Also, you need to be creative with your sex life! Find another place to get together! I know you said you have four children, but find other places to cuddle....just because the bed is taken doesn't mean your sex life has to end! Have fun!
Good luck!
Yes, of course your daughter loves to sleep with you in the bed. And you're right she is feeling the safety of you and falling back asleep; the important step for her to take is that she feels the safety of HER and falls back asleep. You need to let her cry it out. It will only take 3 nights at the most. The technique of getting her through this though is key. Put her through the usual routines and let her fall her asleep in her crib; cause she does that well...it's the staying asleep. So, the first wimper let her go and just listen -- DO NOT GO IN AND RESCUE HER -- she is not dying, she is just crying because she's mad her sleep's been interupted -- snuggle her from the top covering her and saying very calmly and quietly you're ok, momma loves you and coo low soft pitches in her ear and walk out of the room -- the first time she will continue to cry -- let her scream her head off for about 10 min. go back in and reassure her again -- DO NOT PICK HER UP -- rub her arm, lay her back down if she sitting up type of thing make minimal changes -- no lights -- little activity -- just a low soft reassuring voice -- wait longer each time to go in --
The first night you may go through 3 crying episodes; 9 pm, 1 am and then again at 4 am or something -- just be patient. The second night will be better and the third may be the charm or it may happen one more time and then she'll be sleeping peacefully again in her own crib and you free in your own bed to love your husband and get a good nights sleep to be a great mom.
We went through this with all 3 children - and here's what I've wondered over the years does this impact them positively or negatively through out their growth as little people into the teen years - interestingly enough children who were never taught to sleep through the night - never do - the parents and children just keep replacing the panacea with other things: music, tv on all night ... it's sad really.
Parenting is tough is the hardest job you'll ever do. Consistency is so important though and this little exercise. It will teach all of you something as you go through it together. Oddly, enough I remember being so much more in love with each child after going through it and being so proud of them for accomplishing the task. It's hard to listen and watch them cry but, believe me this is the easiest challenge they will over come and the rewards are great and life long if you all do it together.
I promise you she will not die from this and it is not cruel she will not even remember the crying -- she will however if this bad habit of her sleeping with you keeps up and you have to do something like this when she's 5! Then it will be so much more work and drama filled and horrible.
hang in there and feel free to contact me again with the start of it so I can pray for you. :)
GO FOR IT AND BE THE BEST PARENT YOU CAN!!!
C.
Personally, I feel CIO is completely cruel. Our kids are little for a short time so I have no problem with "spoiling" mine by letting them sleep with me while I am okay with it. Do you have the option of letting dd sleep on a twin mattress on the floor? We did that with our son at about her age (same issue, hitting the bars) and he LOVES it (he's 2 now). It didn't completely solve our sleep problems, but he is a lot more comfortable on the mattress than in the crib. I also like the twin because if he wakes up I can lay next to him until he falls asleep then slip into my own bed and not have to worry about waking him by moving him. AND he gets used to always sleeping in his bed, not moving from mine to crib. About your sex life, my only advice is to be creative. Why wait for bedtime?! Good luck.
I agree with Claire as my son is now 13 months old and he sleeps 11-12 hours stright through thanks to "ferberizing" which, I was totally against until I realized there really (for me) was no other way and I desperately needed sleep for his sake and my sanity. It worked like a charm. I never ever created the issue of sharing our bed with our son... I had too many friends that really regretted it because of breaking the 'habit.'
Good luck!
Cry it out, yes, but babies aren't supposed to cry for hours on end. They can damage their vocals chords, even pop an ear drum. Not to mention the obvious effects.
A baby as old as 14 months is more than aware enough to comprehend a change in pattern within a few days. Don't let her fall asleep in your bed and then wake up in a different place. Go through your normal bedtime routine with her and verbalize what is about to happen. Repeat often that she is going to bed, it is bedtime and she is going to sleep in her crib. She won't like it or really understand it for awhile, and when you put her in her crib, she will cry. Give her a few minutes . . .no less than 5 but up to 15 to start off with if you can stand it that long. Then go and soothe her and repeat to her that she is going to sleep for the night in her crib and put her back in the crib. Repeat as necessary.
It will take at least a few nights up to a week. for a very stubborn and/or smart baby, even longer, but it is worth it in the long run. At 17 mos. my daughter was climbing into her toddler bed and tucking herself in when I said "time for bed".
It is normal for them to need a few minutes to calm down each night even after she is used to sleeping in her own crib. She will also continue to test you to see if you will come and get her when she cries, but after you have established with her that she can and will sleep in her crib, give her those few minutes to calm down. Never let her cry for more than 1/2 an hour though. Just be prepared to get less sleep for a few nights, but in the end it will be worth it for you and for your baby.
H.,
I agree with the advice from Claire. It will seem like a looooong 3 nights, but then it will be over! For good. Hang in there and BE strong!
My son was falling asleep in our bed too. At 5 months we did the cio method...I was very resistant to it. I thought it was cruel, but my husband really thought it would work & I was so exhausted I gave in. It was so worth it! Our son cried for about 4 hours before falling asleep the first time. THen he woke up a few hours later & cried for about 2 hours before falling back to sleep. The next night he cried for about 1 and 1/2 hours before falling asleep. Then when he woke in the middle of the night he cried for 30 min before falling asleep again. The next night he cried for about 15 minutes before falling asleep. Now he usually falls asleep with out crying.
Some things we did to help the transition...we put a rolled up blanket in the crib with him (we rolled it like a log & laid it next to him, so he felt like someone was still there). We also covered him with another (small, knitted) blanket. (Our doctor recommended this). It seemed to help.
I suggest reading more about "Sleep Training" methods before you make any more attempts to make a change. Change is hard on kids. And the older they get, the harder it is. I would highly recommend fully reading Ferber's book, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, as you may not fully understand the approach that has been termed Cry-It-Out. I also highly recommend reading another book that offers a gentler approach, like Tracey Hogg's Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect and Communicate with your Baby. (There's another version of this book, I believe, specifically for toddlers.) These books are available at the local library, so you don't even have to buy them. There are others as well like the No-Cry Sleep Solution. Find something that makes sense to both you and your husband, pick a plan and then STICK TO YOUR GUNS. No matter what method you choose to help your little one learn to sleep on her own, consistency is key.
Been here and done this! And my husband felt the same way about the "cruelty". Keep in mind though, that nothing is wrong with your child except she's upset and angry. I had the very same problems with my daughter. I made my husband leave the house or go to the basement where he couldn't hear her cry. The first night she went on for over two hours. The second night for an hour and the third for about 45 minutes. They were the HARDEST nights of my life. I sat on the phone with my best friend telling me over and over that I was not cruel and she wasn't going to remember any of this. On the fourth night she went down like an angel. We had to let her go on if she woke up in the middle of the night and we'd be up but it seems that the middle of the night spells lasted a shorter amount of time b/c she had learned to self soothe at bed time. It only took three nights of hell but we had quiet nights from then on. It's not easy but it was worth it. I think it also helps to have a routine at bed. We did bath, dried off with a warm towel out of the dryer, sat and rocked for a bit and then it was crib time. A routine helped her to understand that it was bedtime.
It took a while for me to get to the point that I was really willing to give this a shot. Who wants to sit and listen to her child cry so horribly? No one! But let me tell you that if I decided on a time limit that I would allow her to cry before I went in, she knew I would eventually come in and never stopped. When she figured out mommy wasn't coming in she went to sleep. Maybe from sheer exhaustion but she slept.
I wish you luck and sweet dreams.
My family ended up doing the family bed thing since neither of my children liked to sleep alone (who would when there are warm cuddly people down the hall?!). We put the kids to be in our bed and then when we came upstairs, we'd ,ove them to their own beds. They would wake up in the middle of the night most nights, adn then they'd come back in with use til morning. Eventually, they stopped waking up at night and, of course, now they sleep through in their own rooms. My advice: get a bigger bed!! And enjoy their warm little selves while you can.
Alos, read William Sears on this; he has a book on sleeping issues.
A.
We just went through something similar with our 7-month old. He was napping in his swing and I knew he should be in his crib. One weekend he was crying in his swing and wouldn't go to sleep, so I thought if he's going to cry, I might as well try him in the crib. And we ended up letting him cry it out. I think he cried 30 minutes the first time, and then it was down to 12 minutes the next time. I wasn't consistent with the naps because of running errands and such, so for about a week we struggled with this. I tried the method of going back in to comfort him every 10 minutes or so, but that just made him cry worse. So, one day I had to let him cry for an hour! I was about to go in and get him, but his crying tapered off and he fell asleep! Since then he has been able to fall asleep on his own, and I feel soo much better about things. I'm proud of him and proud of myself because now he has good sleep habits and can even fall back to sleep when he wakes up at night. I think that every parent will go through the crying when it's time for sleep training, no matter what age. I would do it sooner than later though! I think husbands are more soft-hearted than us sometimes. But, I think it will be worth it in the long run, definitely.
Once a baby gets used to sleeping with mom & dad it's hard to break. She loves it as much as you do! Or did. It would most likely take several nights of screaming for her to sleep in her own crib. But since your husband doesn't want that, (and neither does your baby, and neither do you) you might consider letting her outgrow it on her own. Their babyhood is so short and these will be cherished times. When she moves to a regular bed she'll probably be more ready for the transition than now. My daughter rarely slept in bed with me as a baby but she still had nights when she wanted to sleep with me till she was 5 or 6. Enjoy that closeness.
