Struggling with Working vs SAHM

This is a tough question for a lot of parents. I had this same struggle when I went back to work. I worked for about 9 months and then called it quits to stay home with my one year old twins. Now they are 7 and in first grade. I have been able to work part time from my home for the past two years. I have not regretted leaving my full time job to stay home. It can be hard/lonely when you are home with little ones so you have to make an effort to meet up with adults. What helped me make the decision to stay home was when a friend told me she did not know any stay at home moms that regretted their decision to stay home, but she did know working moms that regretted their decision to work. Good luck with what ever you decide.

You said you would love to stay home, so it sounds like the majority of your decision is made. I am in a similar situation, I worked full time for 10 months and then went to part time, which I think is worse than full time is some ways - lots of crazy ups and downs day to day. I have made the decision ot stay part-time, for a few reasons

1) the money is nice, we can afford private preschool
2) I got my doctorate the month my first daughter was born and I want to use it
3) I feel lucky to have flexibility
4) the future, I like the comfort of saving for retirement
5) honestly, the break from the kids is nice sometimes, I like to get showered and dressed and have someone call my by my first name :)

However, if I were forced to choose full time or nothing, I qwould quit in a heartbeat. Personally, I think it is very important that a parent be a primary care giver. You DO miss a lot when you work. That is hard for some people to admit, but it is a fact.

Now, about the logistics... when I went part time, we sold our single family home in Vienna, Va and movced ot a townshouse in Loudoun County. (That's since changed b/c of the housing market, we actually are back in a single family.) My husband changed jobs to a better paying and more secure position, but it means a long commute and he is home less. Money is tight sometimes, and we have accululated some bills. Sacrifices we are willing to make.

My advice would be to start living like you aren't working. Put your whole paycheck in the bank. It will make a good security blanket and will tell you had far off from reality you are. Start making adjustments to your spending - eating out and how many cable boxes you have! Consider how your vehicle gas bill will change and consider getting a cheaper used car. Have a yard sale and declutter. Look at real estate in other places. Work on your resume and look for other positions that are more flexible or think of doing something new, even working retail if you are currently doing technical/professional work. See what kind of changes your husband can make. And, most important, set a deadline or else you will never do it. Good luck, I hope it works out.

I've been where you are. It's a tough call, and the answer is different for everyone. In my case, we simply could not afford for me to not work. I cried when I took my son to daycare when my maturnity leave ran out (12 weeks), and once he was old enough, he cried too. For me, I realized I benefited from adult interaction at work, and that made me a better mom when I was at home. Also, when peeking in the window at day care, my son was having fun with the other babies and kids. He never cried for more than 10 min after I left, and once he was a toddler, he'd often want to stay and play when I came to pick him up at the end of my work day. With working, I could afford to buy him some toys and things I wouldn't have been able to afford without my income. I also enjoyed talking with the caregivers at daycare. And seeing how some other kids behaved at day care gave me a greater appreciation for what an easy sweet natured son I have. A few times I got sick with the flu or something, so I took my son to day care, called in sick at work and went home to sleep and get better as quickly as I could. For me, keeping the job worked out fine.

I am a mother and now a grandmother. I worked on and off for a number of years. I'm a college graduate old enough to be your mom. I have two wonderful adult daughters and two grands. I made the decision to assist my husband in his career so I could have the flexibility to go in and out of the workforce when necessary. I don't regret it one bit. One daughter is married with 2 children and an attorney, the other is a 3rd yr medical student. The oldest daughter has decided to work for the government so she can work with a set schedule. She talks often about wanting to be home. She like you contributes substantially to the household income. Yet, when her husband's salary increases she may consider part-time. Both girls have said their success is because I was there helping them and was available to them. I look at my girls and my husband and now my grandchildren who I am there to help with and realize at the end of the day all that really matters is family. It's true on one's death bed, no one ever wishes they had worked more. A solution may be to contract to do work, or find a home based business that would allow you to earn income. Just some advice from someone who has been where you are and learned a thing or too.

Dear S., I bet you'll be flooded with responses on this one! Many can relate. You need the best of both worlds. I work with lots of work-from-home moms who have been able to replace their corporate incomes. They are able to work thier businesses around the needs of their family, and still contribute significantly to the family income. I call that the best of both worlds! Your family needs you now; you can always go back to "the job" later, if you choose; education is never really wasted, is it? If this is intriguing to you, please contact me. Let me know how much money I'd need to show you was available on a monthly basis, residually, and I'll show you how we do that. Sound good? Good luck in whatever you decide to do. N.

I retired from my corporate job about 5 years ago and enjoyed the freedom but missed my corporate income. I wanted to work from home so I would still have my freedom with flex hours and replace my income. I work two home based business one helps people I am with Ameriplan which is a 16 Year Old Solid Company. Nation's largest and fastest growing consumer driven medical/dental Benefits Company. You can work Part-time or Full-Time with flexible hours. The benefits are Daily Pay, 401k, Free benefits for your entire household. If you love pets I work part-time for a Holistic Pet Food Co. that is a 10 Year Old Solid Company it also has benefits and can be worked Full or Part Time. It's not easy raising children and working I know I am a Mother of 3 and a Grandmother of 5 to be 6 very soon.

i just became a stay at home one week ago and it was hard i miss my coworkers and my office because going to work was my home away from home where i could have time to myself out side of handy manny and sesame street but at the same time i am so happy to stay at home with my baby it broke my heart when my nanny told me he started crawling and i missed it but now that i am home there have been some problems i don't see my fiancee awake ever lol he goes to work at 6 am while the baby and i are still asleep and he does not come back till 8 pm he works over time every day so i can stay home and i am grateful for that but it does put a strain on us and our mommy daddy time but he thinks its worth it my advice is do it under caution i would take some vacation time and stay home with the kids first to see if you like it you might be like me and miss your co workers and if u get paid vacation days put the money aside so u can see what it is like to have a one person income see if u can handle it like i said my husband works overtime every day except sunday so i can stay home and another problem u might have since u helped with the income is that you might feel i bit worthless because i did i clip coupons to make my self seem more useful but i am slowly very slowly getting to where i feel i am doing my part so good luck just when u make your choice think very carefully and remember if it does not work out you can always find a new job

Its a matter of money and self-worth. If you quit your job, can you afford to pay your bills and not have your lifestyle affected? Its also self-worth. If the time comes when you have to forgo something you want due to lack of money, how will you feel?

As someone who was just given notice at work, my suggestion for right now is to keep your job since you have one. Work on paying some bills down. That way when you really can't take it anymore, or the decision is made for one of you, it won't be as difficult an adjustment.
M.