Quiting My Job to Be a Stay at Home Mom

Working full time will get easier ove time. I quit working after my 4th child was born and now I am so unhappy with my decision. It is great for the kids that I am home to do things but it is very hard because I am not out in the workforce being useful. Children are very resilient and it is only really hard when they are little. When they start school it is a different ball game totally.

I went part time at my job and it is the best thing I ever did. I love being at home with my son but I can only watch Barney for so long. I also love getting dressed and going to work and socializing with grown ups. I'm the type that needs to work for my own sanity. I only do 20hrs per week and I still have the time for my little guy. I would definitely recommend going part time if possible.

Hi J.
I am currently on maternity leave (had the baby in mid-January) and I can tell you I am already worried about how I will feel going back to work (which doesnt take place until the end of April).
My husband will be staying home with the baby because my job is the one with the health benefits. As in your case, living on the one income will be tight but do-able. If I had a choice, I would totally stay home..
I think it also comes down to the type of work a person does for a living.. is it difficult to become employed in the field you are in? My husband is a contractor so another reason why it seemed better for him to stay home was because he could probably "get back in the game" later on easier than I could (I teach in college).
It also comes down to your childcare arrangements - I can tell you that the only reason I think I will be all right going back to work is knowing that her other biological parent is watching her. If I left her with someone else every day, I would never get any work done.
I say go for it - stay home and enjoy your baby - when else would you have the opportunity to do so?
A.

i quit my job after my first son was born and it can be very difficult at times...you can always find financial outlets to make ends meet, but noone prepares you how lonely it can be to be at home. it's not what i expected it to be..don't get me wrong, i love spending time with my kids and being the one to raise them, but somewhere along the way you start to loose yourself...my advice is to try it out and see how it works. if you stay home , STAY CONNECTED to the outside world! ha ha have an outlet for yourself and if you feel as though it's not working, don't feel guilty if you need to go back to work..good luck :) E.

I am also 39 but became pregnant with my first child at the age of 31. We now have three kids. Prior to that I had a very good job and enjoyed working. However, once we were pregnant with our first child my husband and I both decided we wanted me to be able to stay home with our kids. Yes, it did make money a little tighter, but you learn to adjust. No amount of money in the world can make up for the time you will get to spend with your child, watching them learn and grow. There are times when you have a bad day at home and wonder what you are doing there, but when your at work you can also have bad days and wonder what you are doing there. Overall I can honestly say that being at home was the best choice for us and I feel that my kids are better for it. The questions you have to ask yourself is can we afford it and will I look back some day and regret my decision (staying at home or going to work) I feel that work will always be there if and when I choose to go back, but kids grow so fast and I didn't want to miss any of it. I can tell you that for me, at first, it was an adjustment because you are used to being around adults and suddenly you are with your child 24 hours a day. But if you have stay at home friends you can get together with to go to the park, visit, etc. then it becomes better and you get into a new routine. I have never regretted staying at home. I enjoy it most days! As far as the money, when you figure out daycare, gas to work, clothes for work and lunches at work - how much will your income really be reduced? It was scary when I first quit because we didn't know how much the money difference would effect us, but we found that it wasn't that hard and my husband has continued to receive raises over the years so that has made a difference also. Good luck!

J.,
This is a very personal decision and you cannot be influenced by others. You can hear all the stories, but the decision has to come from you. Working full time, depending on your career as well, doesn't get easier with time. You will always be juggling and feeling guilty for the job you are not doing...whether it be mommy or assistant to the VP. I just recently had to make this decision. My job required 150 percent of my attention which left very little energy and time for my kids. When it came down to it, I left my job of 17 1/2 years to be a stay at home mom at the age of 41. It was very difficult to see who my children had become. I have an 18 year old and an 11 year old, both were raised by grandparents and my daughter was raised by a nanny as well, upon my mothers passing. It was as if though I were meeting my children for the first time. I had to figure out their moods, behavior, needs....everything. It was then that it dawned on me that I had always been hard at work and never spent any valuable time with my children. I looked at them and was asking "who are these 2?" I have been home for the past year and it has been hard rebuilding a relationship with both my kids, so my suggestion to you is.. if you can do it, be a mom first, stay home. You will have days where you will be bored or things may seem monotonous but frankly, if you were working, your job would take on that description after a while too and the end result would not be as rewarding at a job. The end result of raising your child is much more rewarding. If you start to get restless, which you will have those days, get yourself a part time job.... somewhere YOU would enjoy being, not somewhere stressful. A book store, a library.....2 days a week or perhaps something daily in the morning for a few hours, to get you out of the house. You'd be surprised how stress can get in the way of your relationships with your family and you don't even realize it. Remember, this is a very personal decision for every woman but also remember...no one can take care of your children better than you and always follow your heart & gut instinct, they are usually right. The early years are also so very important, they are the foundation of the relationship you build with your children. In the end J., I have found peace....I know my children, I'm not stressed out and I am here for whatever their needs may be. GOOD LUCK.

You might regret giving up your job but you will most definately regret not staying home with your daughter. You can never get back that time in her life but you can always go back to work. You will make it work financially. I did it and absolutely have no regrets. I found ways to cut corners money wise and it worked for us; didn't go out to dinner as much, cut coupons, didn't buy those extra things that I really didn't need. Good luck with your decision.

J.,
I to was a single Mom with a young daughter who had to go back to work for financial reasons. I hated every minute of it. Years later when I got married and finally had baby #2 (after 2 years of IF treatments) I had the chance to stay home. I loved every minute of it.
However, I did miss the feeling you get from working and making your own $$. This is when I decided I needed to find a way to have a home based business. I spent 18 months researching it and found Arbonne International. I love what I am doing. I find it personally fulfilling and the $$ is great. You can determine your own hours and work part time or full time. It is an amazing company with a 27 year history of success.
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S.

J.;
You will get so many different opinions about this topic. There are moms who will say that staying home is the best thing they ever did, and that there children are better off for it. Then you will get those moms who swear that going back to work was the best for their children and for them. This is a decision, in my opinion that would be best answered by the parents involved. Only you will know what your financial situation is, what your child's personality is, what your personality is, etc. Are you the type of person that gets bored and irritated by being at home, and not in the office. Are you the type of person that loves being at home, and would love to not have time restrictions, that would be associated with working outside of the home? How do you feel about childcare, and would it be worth it for you financially to pay for childcare, while working outside of the home.
I worked outside of my home, until my daughter continued to get sick in day care. I stopped working even though on paper, we could not afford it. I was willing to pay some bills late, cut back a bit, etc. And I did a lot of praying and got help from my family. My daughter is older now, and doesn't get sick as easily as she once did, so I work part time now. It's not easy by any means. But I'd do it all over again. Not to mention that I loved being in my home. Not only to care for my daughter, but I just needed a break from Corporate America. Don't let anyone sway you either way, you have to do what works best for you and your situation. God Bless, and I wish you the best!

I went through this too- everyone has an opinion, but in the end - its all about balance. Whatever makes you feel right is the right choice! I was home w/my daughter, and after a few months I felt like I needed to have some "adult" connections outside the mommy world. I ended up w/an at home wellness business that I work at part time - I have a sitter who comes a few days a week from 9-3, and I feel fulfilled. Good luck in your journey!
Jo
www.shaklee.net/wholeness

I joined Arbonne in September in order to be able to be home with my kids and still have a nice income and its perfect!! The $ is great and I work it into my life and maybe work about 10 hours a week. Its part time work with full time pay!! Plus its really not like work at all because im out having fun!! Call me and I will give you more info ###-###-####!

Hi J.. I have been a stay at home mom for 17 years. I was a teacher in my "previous life" and made the decision to stay home when my first son was born. I have NEVER regretted my decision! I have to say I was VERY worried about making ends meet. BUT, it's always worked out for us. I too have a home based business that has allowed me to be at home with my kids and bring in good money at the same time. I work my own hours and have chosen different times over the course of the last 10 years to either ramp up my business to increase my income, or slow it down so that I could focus more on my family. The balance has been great. I have all the benefits of being with my kids, helping out at school, joining play groups, being there when they are sick, etc. Plus, I have been able to take my family on vacation, purchase furniture and other things because of the income from my home business. I don't want to sound like all I'm doing is promoting my business,but it truly has been a blessing to me and my family. Please email me at ____@____.com if you'd like to learn more about it. The decision to work full time or stay home with your children is a very personal one and difficult to make. Some people never have the luxury of making a choice. I hope this helped in some way.

Hello J.

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I think you're putting too much presure on yourself by making it seem so final. You can always try it, and if it doesn't work go back, or you can make the decision to work part time, or even stay home for 2 years or so and then go back. I went back to work when my son was 4 months, and it was the hardest thing for me. Like you, all I wanted to do was to be home with him. My son is 26 months now, and I am still working. As the months passed, I was able to come to terms with being a working mom and I was very blessed to have some flexibility to work from home. So I had a live out Nanny who watched him while I worked (mostly from home). At around 21 months or so, being home was just not enough for him, and he needed more, even with the music and gym classes. I enrolled him in a parttime program, which he loved so we have transitioned to full time now and no more Nanny. Now that I look back, I don't regret remaining a working mom because of all the things I can offer him. I think because I am a working mom, every minute that we spend together or as a family is quality time. I firmly believe it's the quality of the time you spend together rather than the quantity. My son is very well adjusted and a very happy child. I appreciate the me time and the fact that I am working. The decision is a very personal one, but it's not irreversable.

Hi J.,
My name is K.. I am a stay at home mom right now and things are tight. However, I believe it to be very important to raise your child at home verses having a sitter. Would it be too much of a loss in income for your family if you did stay home? Maybe you could you save all of your paychecks for a while and bank them. Then you could see first if you could really afford to stay home. This will also give you a nice cushion for when you do decide to stay home. Just another posible idea for you. Good luck! K.

I was a stay at home Mom for 6 years. I was formerly a Wedding and Bat Mitvah planner working 60 to 70 hours a week, then had kids and life changed dramatically, not only financially but also emotionally. I made great money had some ME time and money was not an issue. Then, I dedicated my life to my 2 children(no regrets). But after 6 years, I NEEDED not only my own money (no more asking the hubby) but I needed some type of outlet for myself, I thought I was going to lose it. I could count on one hand how many times I was out without my kids. This may sound selfish but I needed some adult conversation without interuptions.
For the past year I started working for a jewelry company doing Home parties. I make my own schedule, work when I want and how much I want. It is truly an understatement to tell you that I have CHANGED MY LIFE. Not only financially, but more importantly emotionally and socially I now have ME TIME! The icing on the cake is since I am happier, my kids now don't take me for granted and appreciate me when I am around,(whereas before MOMMY WAS ALWAYS THERE). Not to mention the fact that my husband now sets Date nights with me, because I have told him if we don't have plans and someone wants a party I will book that night. It is like before we got married now, and I will be honest this is how it should be. I am extremely happy because I have the best of both worlds, I consider myself still a stay at home mom BECAUSE my kids are not in daycare, I don't even have a babysitter, I still take them to dance, religion, soccer, gymnastics etc., and I bring home a FULL TIME SALARY. Not to mention I have now 34 woman across the United States that I manage from home on MY TERMS. So basically, my advice to you would be if you can find a job that you could enjoy that can work around your "MOM" schedule and still be able to bring home GREAT MONEY, then GO FOR IT! Just remember they are only YOUNG ONCE!
D. C

I'm half stay at home....I recently graduated this past December from college(I was going all online so i coudl be at home with my daughter), and I am still only working mornings. I have my daughter on a schedule where she wakes up about 10:15 every morning and my husband doesnt have to go in to work until noon. So I work 5am-10am weekday mornings, I am home by the time she is waking up and I am with her the rest of the day. I really enjoy being a stay at home mom, but honestly, if you are used to working, it can become pretty routine, almost boring some days. I absolutely love staying at home with my daughter, but I needed to work as well(more for myself than the $), so I have the best of both worlds this way. You could try to work something out with scheduleing and work part time if you want, or even start a small home based business. Either way good luck with everything!

I was a school music teacher, now a stay-at-home mom of three. Money is always tight, but I have learned that my kids don't need the newest high-tech toy or the boutique wardrobe. They'd rather sit on the couch and read books with me or help me cook dinner than play video games, anyway. Spending time with them every day has been incredibly rewarding, and I do not regret staying home with them. I like it so much that now I'm homescooling! Maybe I'll go back to work when my kids are in college : )!

I will start out by saying that part of me is jealous. I would love more time with my kids.

When my son was born, I wasn't working, and I stayed home with him for the first few months, and then went back to work with a heavy heart about leaving him, but looking forward to being gainfully employed again, having an income, and being around adults who didn't want to talk about poop and formula and naps all day.

When my daughter was born less than a year later, I was sad to have to leave her so soon to go back to work, and thinking I would love to be a stay-at-home mom.

What I realize now that she's a year old and my son is almost 2 is that I like to work. I also like to spend time with my kids. I wish I had a more flexible schedule and could spend more time with them, but I don't hate my 9-5 set-up. I feel like they're learning way more at daycare than they would if I were home with them. My son is a social butterfly, knew his colors at 20 months, and, now, at 23 months, sings the alphabet and counts objects to ten. I don't know if they'd be flourishing like this if I were their sole educator.