Stranger Issues

Shelly and Beth H. had some REALLY GREAT advice for you. You need to closely supervise ANY child of ANY age that cannot respond to these situation appropriately. The role play is a really good idea.
I had one more thought to add. There are 2 really good books by Gavin Debecker. "The Gift of Fear" and "Protecting the Gift". The latter book addresses what things to teach children to protect themselves and what to REALLY worry about. Such as when a child says "No" to whatever invitation by a stranger, but the adult continues to try to persuade them. You're child should know to RUN not walk away in that situation.

Everyone's child should be taught these things in many different ways and on many different occasions until they REALLY get it. It may take special needs kids many more times than others to "get it". In the meantime, keep them close.

A.

My kids and I really enjoy the video that John Walsh of "America's Most Wanted" created called "The Safe Side". You can check out their website at:
www.thesafeside.com
There are DVDs, books, etc.
I hope this helps!!!!
T.

P.,

I think a lot of kids are confused about the subject because our society teaches comflicting and confusing messages about stranger danger. We say "don't talk to strangers," but we expect our children to speak when spoken to by a new doctor or cashier. We say "don't take things from strangers," but we let them have samples at the grocery store and suckers from the bank teller. No wonder they are confused.

I have told my children a little differently and I hope this will at least keep them a little safer.

1. Don't talk to a stranger without me there. If you want to pet a puppy of someone who brought their's to the park, you ask me to come with you. Don't go by yourself. If you are at school and your teacher introduces you to someone, it is safe to talk to them WITH your teacher.

2. Ask my permission if someone offers to give you something.

3. If you ever get lost, find someone who wears a badge or works where we are. We have spent A LOT of time learning how to spot employees at the store, the library, the mall. I teach my kids to give the employee their name, my name and my cell phone number. If this is too much info for your son to remember under stress, keep a card with the info on him - in his pocket or around his neck.

4. If someone tries to take you away or hurt you, you have the right to do ANYTHING to them. You can scream, hit, kick, bite, scratch, ANYTHING. We also roleplay situations so they can practice knowing what to do. (No, they can't hurt anyone, just practice talking, decision making and running.)

5. Until he truly gets it, keep him well supervised by an adult whenever you are not at home. Make sure that your son's school has good supervision on the playground.

I saw a Dr. Phil experiment where they took a group of kids (with parental permission) who could give all the right answers about stranger danger. Then they put them in the park and had a paid actor come up to the kids and ask "do you want to see my new puppies? They are in my car." EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE KIDS GOT IN THE CAR!!!!! And they didn't get alarmed when there weren't any puppies and the actor shut the car door with them in it.

I think that kids envision "bad people" as the kind they see in stories and movies. Dark clothes, mean looking, scary music. That is how they spot a bad person. The real evil people know how to blend in. I talked to my kids about that a lot, too. I used the White Witch in the Chronicles of Narnia as a good example. So nice at first, cool reindeer and sled, pretty white dress, shared her Turkish Delight. You can't judge people by their looks.

Last of all, I think we need to use caution not to scare our kids too much. We don't want them to live their lives constantly worried that they are going to get kidnapped at any moment. It is so rare. Statistically, stranger abduction HAS NOT SIGNIFICANTLY RISEN in the last several decades, despite the great increase in media attention. Well over 90% of abductions are done by family members - usually in some kind of custody battle. That is a whole other can of worms, but since you are married, the chance of your children being abducted goes way, way down. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't use common sense, but that fear shouldn't govern your life either.

Hope this helps,
S.

What have you done so far and what is your child's level of understanding? I have two DD kids and it really depends on how much they can take in at a given stage. With one of ours (his functioning level was several years younger than this chronological age) we discussed it regularly, played the "What would you do?" game (What would you do if someone told you to get in their car? If someone you didn't know offered you candy? etc.) until I was satisfied his answers and understanding level were adequate. We also kept up the supervision levels - assigning an older sibling to take turns with us to make sure he got outside enough, but was also safe.

SAHM of seven (2 DD, 4 adopted, and a baby)

This is a really tricky topic, isn't it!! There is a book called _Protecting the Gift_ that is an absolute must-read. How we "teach" our children about strangers is very, very important, and I think this book covers ground in a really enlightening, helpful way.

Hi P.! It sounds like you are in a challenging situation! I'm wondering if you've tried social stories w/your son. Social stories are talked about in terms of autism strategies, but I think they're helpful for a variety of situations--neurotypical and otherwise. You may already know about them, but I'm happy to give you some resources and some ideas from the ones we've used for my son.

Also, I'm wondering if you've tried dramatic presentations--like if he has favorite toys/stuffed animals, have you tried making them do a little skit where they meet a stranger and run away, etc.?

I hope you find some successful strategies--I know how worrisome this can be.
Best, J. G

I dont know if anyone has posted this yet or not, but when I was growing up we were taught a password. My parents said never to go with anyone but them or my grandparents unless they knew the password. Our password was Rhino. Make it into a fun game when you are teaching the password so they remember it, and make it a word they don't use every day. Hope this helps - good luck!

We had a "safety training" day for our MOMS Club at the local police station, where much of what they talked about was stranger safety. From a parent's perspective, it was really interesting to hear them address strategies that predators use, but in a kid-friendly, relevant way. The officers (in Coon Rapids) that we worked with were SOOO happy to talk to the kids that I wonder if you would have some luck with your local police department? I find that many already have the resources (a crime prevention specialist, kids' liason officer, printed materials, etc.), so perhaps they would be willing to meet with you one-on-one to go over some of the basics. Best of luck to you--this is a concern that I think all parents have, so I can imagine how you feel having some extra challenges as well.

When I worked at a in home daycare we taught the kids around age2-3 this simple phrase and role played it over and over again til it became a game they would ask to play.

You teach them to always say "I have to ask my mother first"

Example:

Stranger: Hi want some candy?
Child: I have to ask my mother first

Stranger:Wanna come pet my dog?
Child: I have to ask my mother first.

As an SLP working within the schools, I have found this website, http://www.sandbox-learning.com/
to be an excellent tool for parents to purchase social stories that can be personalized for your child. I know that they have a "strangers" social story...I haven't personally used that one...but it may be worth looking into. I find that my students with developmental delays often learn better using book forms.
hope this helps!
J.

You know, I tried to do that with my daughter (4) and she didn't get it until I had her watch the Disney Movie called "The Rescuers". The basic plot of this movie is 2 little mice help a little girl escape from a wicked women who kidnapped her and is mean to her. I put it in that context with my 4 yr old and she understands to be a little leary of people she doesn't know because they could be like Madusa (the mean lady in the movie) and take you away from your family and make you do aweful things. That may help.

Heartland Area Education helps kids with special needs. They are a great source and I'm sure they could help. Your doctor or teacher can get out a referral to them.

Brite Music has a a book/CD set about personal safety that effectively addresses those issues in a fun, kid-friendly way with music. I grew up with it and have it for my own kids. Please contact me if you would like more information about it.

I am also a mother of four, three of whom are triplets! I don't have any advice for you on this particular subject but I just wanted to say that I hope you get some suggestions that you find helpful. Being a parent of multiples is challenging enough. Good luck!