Stirring the Pot - What Would You Do About an Unplanned Pregnancy

Well, I'm 47 and just starting "the change" so I would be shocked shitless! I don't know. That is an interesting quesiton. For me, I feel I'm too old. So I better be darn careful!!!!! No sex tonight!

If I did the crime - I'd have to do the time....

Can't see myself getting an abortion...I lost 3 pregnancies so yeah - no, I think I'd keep it...my husband is totally pro-life so - we did an adult act and knew the consequences of the actions....sooooo yeah - keep,

I'd do a happy dance and start planning for baby.

DH would panic, but eventually he'd come around. There would be much beer involved.

I had an abortion at 19.

I regret it everyday of my life now.

No one told me how much guilt and hate you would feel towards your self.

I have a tattoo on my wrist to remind me of the worst mistake I have ever made.

I know that you meant if you found your self knocked up in the right situation....Than what would you ? I would keep it. Absolutely. If I could go back and change my feelings and reactions eight years ago I would. I would take the heat from my Parents...I would have had to just deal with their disappoiuntment....

I say this but just last night my mom and I were talking about how my little sister is sleeping with her boyfriend...I made the comment I knew she had not been prego or had to make and tough life choices....My mom chimed in at the end....''If I ever found out she did have an abortion that would be the end to her...'' Needless to say I came home and cried.

I have forgiven myself. I have forgiven my husband(it was his baby we just were very young and we were both freaked out)....I have learned alot about myself and the the impact my choice has made.

I will forever be an ashamed daughter.....I have tried a few times to come clean to my mom. ...My little sister knows and my Big sister suspects...

I dont judge people who have one out of shear Terror. There was no way I could have raised a baby. We both had a drug problem(pot)were hardly working...I was to afraid to try and do adoption..my family doesnt believe in giving up babies...once conceived they are yours.

I remember the day I went in for the procedure their was a girl there in the waiting room telling the girls around her what to expect...and then told them this was her fourth one. That to me is just reckless and wrong...and people like her well they should seek professional health fast!

I know two other people who have had them. One found out after she could possibly be carrying twins. All three of us have had to seek some type of Professional help later on after having our own kids...The guilt has been that bad.

For Women who judge other Women for making this choice...Know most of them hate themselves..and will probably live with horrible guilt for it afterwards.

Dont feel you need to place your views and Morals out loud on someone who has gone through with this. You have no idea the torture one goes through before and after. If you have strong views against it. Keep it peaceful. and to yourself.

I am 39 weeks with an unplanned pregnancy. I see it as God said we were not done. I am excited to meet our bonus baby very soon.

I'd go on a nice long vacation with my hubby, and then get ready to welcome our unexpected blessing. It wouldn't even be a decision, just a fact for me.
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Answer to the original question of:
Stirring the pot - what would you do about an unplanned pregnancy
Say you were married - stable - done having kids and taking precautions to not have anymore - but ended up pregnant anyhow?

Would you have the baby or have an abortion? What factors would influence your decision - money, lifestyle, house size - etc?

Hypothetical people before i start getting nasty hate messages...lol...

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All babies are a miracle, from God. We should be grateful for them no matter how they get here or when or in what circumstances. If it were impossible for me to raise my child I would find someone who can and would want nothing more. But I can't imagine being in that position. I would not end the child's life to make mine easier.

have the baby. we dont believe in murdering babies in our house.

I would treat it like a planned pregnancy! I believe that even if we are using precautions, if I get pregnant, it is a gift from God!

Well that baby was Meant to be Ours :-) I'd probly Freak out and then say 'oh what the hell's one more' LOL

I'd probably cry for a while...and then I'd go into planning mode. For me there is no question I would have the baby. The problem comes in that I hemorrhage after child birth, so I'd make sure my midwife knows (which she already does) and that she gets there early enough that she can start an IV and pitocin (and whatever that pill is they always give me) to stop the bleeding.

I'd also have it naturally but in a hospital with my midwife so we're right there if anything is needed.

Hmm...now that I think about it, after the shock wears off, I'd probably call everyone I know and post it on Facebook...then I'd go into planning mode. Then I'd go shopping because I have nothing for a baby.

Yeah, that's what I would do.

I would have the child. To me it is no different than finding out Andy had issues. Did I think I could handle a special needs kid? Nope, but you adapt. Do I want another child, nope, but if given one I would adapt.

I would have the baby. I've had to terminate a pregnancy, I was young and their was a difference of opinion on whether or not the position of the baby would be a problem. One doc said yes we have a problem, one said let's wait and see. I admit I was 20 and not ready for a baby so I terminated. But everyday I live with guilt wondering if I should have waited.....

Abortion - no question. I am perfectly happy with my current life and do not need another child. That's it. My body, my choice.

We've been trying for over 3 years to get pregnant so an "unplanned" pregnancy would be welcome. I would gladly adopt a child with or without health problems. A child is a gift, if you can' t raise it then give it to someone who can. A life is priceless and shouldn't be thrown away. I have friends who have had abortions and I won't judge them for I know they have to deal with their choice without others putting them down. But, I will encourage women who still haven't decided to choose life.

It happens.. I would just prepare for the change of life baby...Just like my parents did in their mid forties when my mom got pregnant with my youngest brother. Regardless of where we lived, how much money we had or didnt have.

I would keep the baby no matter what. We'd work it out. In fact just the other day I had this conversation with my husband. I used to be pro choice but having my first child really changed my mind. There is no way I could have an abortion now that I know what it's like to be a mother.

I would have the baby. It would definitely take a mindset rearrange, but I just couldn't imagine not keeping that baby. It has nothing to do with religious beliefs at all; I just can't imagine "getting rid of" him or her. I would always wonder who that little person would have or could have been, who he or she would have looked like, what his or her name might have been. I would drive myself to insanity! I do have religious beliefs, so maybe that's influenced me, but it's subconscious. I wouldn't keep the baby because I felt I was going to be condemned if I didn't... It would never be a decision to make in our family; it would just "be". We'd have another baby. That would be our decision regardless of our stability or financial situation; we'd find a way. I'm interested to see what others have to say!

Thank God for the surprise blessing. Money, house size, lifestyle...all the "etc" stuff can be figured out and worked out.
Actually: my first son---we were only married 6 weeks, I was taking birth control....a baby was for "in the future"....but after visiting my mom and things still pretty bad after Hurricane Katrina, I got a staph infection. They didn't tell me that the antibiotics I was taking would effect the "success" of the pill. We figured it was time, whether we thought so or not, and were thrilled. I got a 2nd job, and my husband worked extra hours. And we were living in his 1 bedroom "bachelor pad" apartment at the time.
With my 2nd son---I'd had a knee surgery and some complications from it, including blood clots. I was on blood thinners for half a year and was unable to do ANY phys therapy because of the clots for that whole 6 months. I went to the ER coughing up blood....they said I must have passed the last clot after scans showed no more. I started physical therapy immediately (finally!) and did that for 6 weeks. I joined a fitness center to continue my work on my own, and to lose weight.....but felt funny.....started drinking pickle juice. Hark! Pregnant again weeks after I stopped taking blood thinner. We were thrilled again. Even though we just had a little 3 bedroom starter home, we weren't going to let that dampen our joy.
NOW: it might be a little "concerning" since I'm older and not in the shape I need to be in health wise to have a baby right now (but we'd just see a specialist, join an aqaufit class, etc).....but more importantly, because my husband had a vasectomy. If we got pregnant though, obviously we'd consider that a gift from God, especially since he's had a vasectomy. You just figure it out. It's a life...and a real blessing. If not for you, then for another couple that wants to build a family and experience that kind of love. (My dad's wife couldn't have a child, and they were thrilled to adopt a girl that they spoil rotten....adoption is a beautiful thing too.) At least we're in a house that would have plenty of room for another child now.

Have the baby. We can figure the rest out. We have things we can change to accommodate a new child. I personally could not live with an abortion and an adoption would only be a solution for me if I was in a dire situation. I'd consider it an unexpected blessing. Friend of DH's has a son born many years after his father's vasectomy. They figured it was meant to be and he's grown into a fine young man and they are thrilled to have been surprised by him.

I would absolutely keep the baby!

Have the baby! I am against abortions. if you get pregnant and do not want another child there is something called an adoption. there are any people out there who can not concieve and would love to have a baby. I know Several and I also know of a person who got pregnant and did not want to child( tooo young, Financially unstable) and someone adopted the child. doing it indevidually is cheaper on an adoption (if you know someone) than people spending years with adoption agency after agency. Also if you are done!! with having kids then get fixed is the ultimate solution. Me and my husband are done two kids and thats all we want so he got snipped. It was a mutual decision and is less down time for a man to get snipped. But if a lady has to have a c section and they know its there last its easier for the woman. Good luck with your "poll"

I would keep the baby, no questions asked. My plan may have been to not have anymore children, but it would mean that God had different plans for me.

I would keep the baby.

In this day and age I think "true" surprises between a monogamous, married couple are the exception to the rule, but it does happen.

If it happened to me (and we take measures to make sure it doesn't!) I would keep the baby.

I truly believe in every woman's right to choose, and her right to a safe medically-sound abortion, if desired, but for me...I'd keep the baby.

But I doubt anyone really knows 100% what they'd "do" in ANY situation in life until they're actually "in" the situation themselves.

I was faced with this. I chose to have the baby and I now have a beautiful almost 2 year old baby boy. I don't believe in abortion except in maybe extreme circumstances. Definitely not for use as birth control. Baby's are a blessing.

When we dealt with infertility I learned so much about what it really takes to get pregnant. A baby truly is a miracle and a gift. I would freak out and I'd be worried since I am older, but the only option would be to have the baby. Having an abortion would never even enter my mind because I think it is wrong.

I know a couple who had an unplanned pregnancy when they were first dating and chose to abort. She said she wanted to finish school and start her career. She also wanted to know if he was the one. They are now married and have been trying to concieve with no luck.
Me i got pregnant after only dating the person for 4 months. Abortion never crossed my mind.
I dont think id ever get an abortion as much as i dont want anymore kids. I'd keep it no matter what.

My due date is November 11. We are currently in a 2 bedroom apartment (4 kids, parents and puppy). My husband is unemployed because of a worker's comp settlement and difficult finding a job due to his weight carrying limits. We will have more room once our tenant moves but that will be a while.

I read a couple of responses and thought I would add that I was royally pissed when I found out I am pregnant. Then we had a scare with down syndrome and since I have a genetic chance of giving a son a bleeding disorder my world turned upside down. Those 2 things copuled together would have given the poor baby no life--or a chance at greatly suffering. I am absolulely thrilled that my CVS came back normal and I did not have to make an absolutely difficult--the MOST difficult decision I would have had to make in my life. Not sure sometimes how I feel about having another but when he kicks it reminds me what is coming and ready or not......
BTW, my husband has turned from no way to totally thrilled with this new addition.

Im actually in that EXACT situation. My husband and i were using precautions and simply decided we were done having kids (even though i would love more)

Well im pregnant anyhow.

I WILL NOT, nor would i ever,consider an abortion. We can make the money thing work, we can accommodate our house size to more children, or move. Thats our baby, i couldnt look my kids in the eye and think "i should have said no to this". All of my pregnancies were surprises and all of them are important and meant to be.

If ever i were in a position where i would have to give up a baby i would sterilize myself before i could, Id never be able to do it, its just not in me.

no way could i ever abort. that's a child. Read "Unplanned" by Abby Johnson. She worked for Planned Parenthood for many years in my old stomping grounds (College Station/Bryan, Texas). The first chapter (which I could email you if anyone wants) made me cry, talking about what she saw on the monitor/screen when the doctor performed an abortion.

Added to answer JC:
I think you may be misunderstanding my point, JC. Not the courage to NOT have the baby - the courage to actually SAY that they wouldn't have the baby. Look at the answers here - the vast majority are from women who say they would continue with the pregnancy. Most women who would not choose to continue a pregnancy aren't going to say it here. They are the ones who would get the hate mail. That's why I brought this up. It's not like the original poster is going to get a true represented cross section of opinion. Most women who would choose not to have the baby in these circumstances aren't going to talk about it in a mama site.

Original:

I haven't looked at the answers, but I wonder why you ask this question. Do you want women who have courage and honesty to say they would not have the baby to get hate mail on here?

Dawn

First I would probably be a little pissed off lol! Then I would have to start trying to convince hubby that it really was an accident and that I didn't mean to get pg!!! And then I would get excited and start planning for baby.

I know the feelings and wild thoughts that occur when you have an unplanned pregnancy though. My girls are 12months and one week apart, number two was a huge surprise!!! I went through anger, denial, sadness and then finally excitement. And even though I'm very much pro life, I will admit that for one crazy moment the though of abortion popped into my head! It was a brief moment but a moment none the less. Today though, dd2 is such a vital part of my life and I can't imagine one second without her and I know it would be the same were we to be blessed with a third child.

Why not have the baby. Of course it means a lifestyle change, but surprises like that are often for a reason!

Unplanned pregnancy with my husband after taking precautions???

I'd of course have the baby, it would seem he/she was REALLY meant to be here!

While I'm SOMEWHAT pro-choice, inconvenience is NOT a reason to terminate a pregnancy JMO!!!!

Give me the child. I'll take it.

I think at this point I would have an abortion. I'm 41 with a full time job, a husband with a vasectomy and two small children whom I love more than anything, but I'm miserable pregnant and feel quite taxed with what I have, so if a really big accident happened -I'm just not up for it!

And for all of those who so deeply regret abortions, I'm sorry, but I know many women who don't!

The first thing I'd do is sue the doctor who did my tubal ligation LOL I'd probably have an abortion. I was a high risk pregnancy when I was in my 20's with my oldest son ... at 44 ... it ain't gonna be better that's for sure.

I also already have one special needs child, and with my age the chances of another one sky rockets. I love my special needs son ... but to do it again NOW ... no thanks. And adoption of a special needs child isn't nearly as easy as a healthy newborn.

So yeah ... abortion it would be.

Thank GOODNESS after 13 years I'm pretty sure the tubal took really really well LOL

If it happened right now, I would probably get an abortion.
There are many factors that play into it, but I would not be ready to sacrifice a lot of things that I have worked very hard for (career-wise) to have a baby right now.

I would have never thought that I would ever be in a stage in my life where I would not embrace a pregnancy, but right now (and probably for the next two years or so) would just not be a good time and my husband would absolutely feel the same about it.

I would have the baby. Abortion would not be an option. If a person is truly so done to the point that a surprise pregnancy in a stable situation would be traumatic, they should take precautionary steps to permanently sterilize themselves.

Abort. My daughter is grown, and I'm closer to fifty than forty. I have no desire to go through raising a baby again.

I can't even imagine how awful it would be to start over with a newborn. Ugh. I feel like our family is perfect the way it is. I can't imagine going through with another pregnancy right now, I really can't. I'd be very hard pressed to continue the pregnancy, but of course, I'd talk it over with DH and we'd decide what to do.

I'd consider my age and health. That's all. If I was ok with both - then unless something was wrong with the fetus, I'd have the baby. I'm pro-choice BTW. If something was wrong with the fetus, I'd abort.

I have found myself pregnant even while using birth control at a time when we were NOT ready AT ALL to have more kids - financially, emotionally, physically. But after losing three babies to miscarriage previous to that I knew that this baby was a blessing and that we would pull up our bootstraps and make it work.
We can always downsize our living space, use hand me downs from friends, and pray for patience to make it through the day - we can never get back a lost baby, either from miscarriage or abortion.
Unfortunately I lost that baby and it has been the saddest loss yet, even though we weren't *really* ready, I wanted that baby SO much, as I knew it would be my last.

I'd have an unplanned baby!! Aborting would never be on the table.

Definitely have the baby, BUT MAYBE consider adoption, specifically give the baby to my SIL. I don't know, that would be VERY difficult to do, but she really wants and deserves to have a baby, and we have taken measures ( hubby had the snip) to prevent becasue of feeling like we are done, and 2 are enough. But if it were to happen by some miracle, it si a miracle and a gift and it is for a reason - so I would definitely have the baby....we would have to talk about the rest.

Been there... did that! lol, literally.
Here's hypothetical gone reality...

Hubby decided to be done after our second baby. I was pretty sure I as done, but wanted to at least wait until we were out of the rough spot we were in - maybe once hubby had landed the "dream job" he was going to school for. I've always been pro-choice, though and still am. Probably would have aborted #3, BUT I DIDN'T... why? Simply because I FELT him. He was "real" to me then, not something I could just say was a "thing". We were using condoms w/spermicide although i was still breastfeeding too, just couldn't afford anything else.

I didn't know I was pregnant because we had a LOT going on. My husband was just starting his final semester in school and working full time, my daughter was in preschool and just turned 5. We were struggling financially and living with his parents. My grandmother was failing at recovering from a massive stroke, enacted her DNR order - took her body 10days to finally give up - spent everyday of nearly 6 weeks calling my dad, supporting him. Traveled "home" to help him bury her after she died on no money... This all in Jan/Feb.

Got to march first and got to thinking that I hadn't had a period yet and figured it would be that week. Curled up in a chair a couple days later and felt that "flutter bump"... if you've ever been pregnant you know what "quickening" feeling I'm talking about here - and thought, OMG! Called a girlfriend and begged her to meet me at the park for a playdate the next morning and when i went to the public bathroom (g/f watching my kids of course) wasn't too shocked to see that i was pregnant - fastest pregnancy test in all of 4sec flat!

If i had caught the pregnancy before i felt him, I would have opted to abort. We really were struggling. If I somehow got pregnant now, then I'll abort - if I catch it early enough, since I felt him at 10weeks! We are done and if hubby's vasectomy isn't going to be enough to keep me from being preggers then I'll get "fixed" too! And you can't tell me that I don't know what a first trimester abortion feels like, been there and done that too - before we were married.

But things changed for me then cause when I felt him, he was real. It wasn't "just" raging hormones that I could get over. I wasn't quite done having kids (always wanted 4). Now I never could understand how a pregnant woman could abort once they felt the baby moving....

I would have the baby, or at LEAST adopt it out. Although I do think women should have freedom of choice... I personally consider abortion a last resort.

If you don't have the money, a pregnant woman has about 9 months in most cases to figure it out... or there is help available (at least in our country). with a husband, you have twice as many ways to figure things out too!

In most houses, in a pinch you can fit a lot more people that one might think. With my first daughter... we three (husband, Rhiannon and I) all lived in a tiny studio apartment for the first 9 months of her life. It was super tight, but we made it work. After a while it was a little to snug for us so we found a bigger place... but if we HAD to, i know we could still fit all 4 of us in that bitty apartment! sure, it would have to be temporary... because there is an age where kids need to have their own space and privacy... but my point is that you can have a perfectly happy family with a lot less that you might think!

I can't speak for every situation of course. If I was unable to feed another mouth, and there was no help available, and no way to adopt my child out, like in some countries maybe i would have to find another option, but I doubt if i lived in a place like that, that I could afford an abortion anyways... talk about a double edged sword!

Of course, after the baby came I would try to be EXTRA careful!

-M.

Personally I would have the baby as much as I really don't want another child... But I would not look down or criticize someone at all who chose not to because they really couldn't afford another child and would have to rely on public assistance on a long term basis, or if they had a special needs child and felt they just couldn't handle another child, or if in some way they felt the child was not going to have a decent chance at a good life. I'm pro choice bc I don't think every child brought into this world faces a good outlook and I'm not sure it's doing the actual child any favors to bring him/her into the world knowing the child is likely to have to really struggle.

Had it happen -- at age 42. I had my "caboose" baby -- and have never been happier :) We were NOT expecting it, and could not afford another child, but she is the light of our lives. I think you can make the space -- I hope for you.

First, I have trouble imaging what a true "stable" marriage is... ;-)

I am 50. I LOVED being pregnant at 40 with my very much planned daughter. I can not imagine being pregnant at 50, divorced, sharing a one-bedroom with my daughter, on a limited income, finishing my PhD and getting back into the workforce with an infant. Just don't see it. Nope.

I am pro-choice and I feel the same gratefulness that this choice is available as I did at 20 when I first became sexually active and soon after went on the pill. I would have aborted then and I would now. During the years that I was married, from 28 until we started "trying" at 38, I would have had the baby, planned or not.

The issue during those years would have been my husband, who was so wrapped up in dealing with issues surrounding his two children from his first marriage, that I'm not sure our marriage would have withstood any more stress.

I've been there multiple times, and have several children to show for it.

If dh's V were to fail today, I'd probably abort. If I won the lottery at the same time, it'd still be an extremely tough decision. 5 kids seems to be my limit in every aspect.

I am the mom of 3 bio kids and 1 step kid. Every single one of them was unplanned - my husband and I were single parents of our oldest children when we met and our two together are birth control failures. So I can say without a doubt that I would have any baby I conceived. My first child obviously turned my life upside-down and changed its direction forever (didn't go to grad school, moved in with my parents, changed careers to something stable) and our last child made us have to buy a bigger house and do more career changes.

So that's what I would do. I am pro-life in the abstract but in real life, I know how hard an unplanned pregnancy can be and don't judge anyone who chose differently than I did.

I would have the baby. We planned our first son and our second child was a "surprise." We weren't planning on having anymore for a few years because both my husband and I wanted to finish our graduate degrees. However when my oldest was only 4 months old we found out we were expecting. Needless to say, it was a very interesting Thanksgiving lol. The decision weighed heavily on my mind because I had just gone back to work and we were very happy with our family of three. Now my youngest is a year old and I couldn't imagine life without him. We had to sacrifice a lot (I had to give up a job I held for 5 years because the cost of good childcare in our city is exorbitant) and its taken a little longer for both my husband and I to finish our graduate degrees (we will both finish this December), but for us at least, the sacrifices are worth it.

That's my situation now, sans the pregnancy. I would have the baby. Having said that, I can see a place for termination in the world.

I would never ever adopt my child out. But I would much rather see a child being adopted out than living in a neglectful, abusive, miserable situation.

I am TOTALLY pro choice - just not for myself (unless I was raped or something similar) With hubby, no way could I abort. No way.

After suffering for years from IF - I would be SHOCKED, but we already decided that if we had HOM from treatments, we would not reduce - so we would just have to adjust and figure it out.

I believe EVERY child is a gift....

Ok, here we go....
I am pro choice and I do not agree with alot of people on abortion. Its a womans choice and if that's what one chooses then ok no matter what the circumstance. I would be devestated if I got pregnant and yes im on bc. I once again agree with dawn b.

As long as there were no serious health complications, I'd keep the baby. Our daughter was not planned, we were not married, not stable, etc. We've made it work & we are OK! If we had another unplanned child later, we'll just have to figure it out again! :)

I do want another one now... waiting for hubby to be ready! (Mentally & stable-job wise! LOL)

So with all the parameters you mentioned in your post... I would have the baby. UNLESS, my own life, were at risk.

I would not want to have an abortion.

I am a fence sitter on this issue so it's not that I am anti anything. I think a woman has the right to manage her own body. She has the right to say if she carries a child or not. The government has no business in her managing her own body.

However, I also think birth control should be free if it can't be afforded, that adoption should be easier and less expensive, that housing and medical care should be offered to women who can't afford proper housing or care until the baby is born whether she gives it up for adoption or not.

I think that the whole family should be given the information. If the other kids say it's okay then they could go ahead and do an abortion. Otherwise it should be a welcome blessing.

As for finances, if you have kids you will find a way to feed them. It just happens. You make 3 boxes of macaroni and cheese instead of 2 and cook a couple more hot dogs.

I just had my third child and it was an unplanned pregnancy. My daughter just turned 1 on 7/29 and he was born on 7/19 ( my son is 3) Yes, it was stressful when I first found out but I wouldn't change anything!

The choice was made inside my body for me... We made a child. The child is there, so that's it as far as I'm concerned.

We don't want anymore kids. My husband had a vasectomy. I also have some health reasons to not have another child. My pelvis separated with my fourth (I couldn't walk for a month after), and my pelvis still isn't 100% the same- and I was told it could be a much longer time I couldn't walk if it were to possibly separate again due to birth, I've also had issues with hemmoraging (sp) in the past- that can be very scary.

Emotionally, I'd be initially shocked, probably stressed out, but just a few days later I'd be excited and REALLY hoped for a boy (we have four girls), but heck, I love our girls so another one would be great, too.

I found myself advising a friend recently. She was talking about having a baby with an unstable man. It's her plan. I said, "It's great to dream, and it's a wonderful plan. I hope you get to make the changes you've been talking about, and that he'll get to make the changes he's been talking about before there is an additional person's needs added to the situation."

Then I said, "If I'd been who I am now, when I got pregnant (an unplanned pregnancy), things would have been so much easier. I don't want you to struggle while pregnant. I want you to have ample support and to have confidence and self value before you are stretched thin with pregnancy and a baby."

Huh?

IF I'd been the person I am now??? I am the person I am now, BECAUSE of my past and what I've made of it/learnt from it. Had I not had my children (either the one who came from my tummy, or the one who came from my sister's belly) I *wouldn't BE the person I am now*. It took me walking through some dark times, to recognize my own value, and my own strength.

IF I were the person I am NOW, I wouldn't have been in the situation I was in THEN. I wouldn't be romancing dysfunction (as much). I wouldn't feel as lacking in options and choices. I wouldn't have been with my husband (who's gone through parallel transformations). We were wrecks. Then. And now, I wouldn't choose to live that way. Because I don't. Because I know I deserve better. But then, it's what I knew. And so I decided to stay with it, and go through with this thing called Motherhood.

"God gives us what we can handle". I call shenanigans. I've been given MORE than I can handle a multitude of times. I mean, a LOT more. I *learnt* (painfully, messy, messy, messy) how to handle it. But it was out of necessity.

DAYS before I found out I was pregnant, I was having a conversation with a girlfriend. "I'm not ready for children. Thank goodness I am not pregnant. I'm a mess. I would have an abortion. I could NEVER bring a child into this mess."

Oops. I used the word never. Fastest way to find out how grey life is? Use a dualistic word like Never, or Always.

Hypothetical situations are funny. They suppose that our future selves are the same self that we bring to the table today.

Same thing with regret. If only I knew THEN what I know NOW. If only I'd done X,Y,Z. Yah. 'Xept then I wouldn't BE me NOW. Even my bad choices gave me deeply valuable lessons. It led me to the present. And I like who I am these days.

I am who I am. And I change every day.

I don't know exactly how I'll become MORE me as time progresses and shapes me.

So I don't know. If I found out right now (3:07pm Thursday afternoon), I'd keep the pregnancy. I'd be scared, spread too thin, and excited (I think!). Same situation two years down the road? Who the heck knows.

;-)

I have been pregnant 3 times in my life, none of them planned. I have 2 children which were both born after I got married. After the youngest, I ensured that birth control was high on the list of priorities for about 8 years, then eventually when I could see that I would never be able to change my husband's mind about having more kids, I agreed to him getting a vasectomy. If, for some crazy reason I did end up pregnant, I would have the baby though it may be a marriage ending decision for me as I'm well aware of my husband's viewpoint on more kids now. With that being said, I did have an abortion (after a birth control malfunction) when I was 20 years old & totally unprepared to become a mother. After that, I told my husband, boyfriend at the time, I was never going through that again. I meant it that day & I still mean it today. I don't necessarily regret the decision as I do believe it was the best one for me at the time, but I will forever be sad that it happened at all, ESPECIALLY now that I do have kids.

I would have the baby. Abortion would not even be an option.

In my opinion, if you're "stable" then there's no reason to abort. For me, an abortion is an option when keeping the baby is in NO way good for anyone (though I personally couldn't do it, I'm pro-choice). In the situation you're hypothesising (a word? lol), an abortion would be like birth control.

We've got 3 and are done. BUT, if another baby were to come along (hubby's snipped) then we would raise it and love it just like we do our 3 planned babies.

Wow I don't think I hve ever seen so many response! LOL

Personally... I would keep the baby. I loved being pregnant and nursing my children and all the joy they can bring. I would be scared as hell tho!

I am pro choice BTW

My dad was an ooops 18 years later. If they'd aborted him, I wouldn't be here raising my own three wonderful kids. I agree with 8kidsdad when he said you never know who/what you may have 'given up' when you make such a permanent decision.