Very Touchy Subject....

It's a public board... people can post however they wish.. please don't instruct people as to how they should or shouldn't respond. If you don't like a response and or don't agree, then don't read the post..

Are there medical reason you cannot go through the pregnancy? If not, how about adoption? There are so many families that cannot have babies that would feel so blessed!

many years ago I had an abortion, and I don't regret it one bit. I have children now and still think at the time I did the smartest thing possible. I don't think about the abortion all the time or on the anniversary etc. Once my step-daughter told me about her friend wanting to have an abortion instead of adoption and asked what I thought and I said the girl that's pg is the only one who knows the correct choice/answer to that.

Hi Momma-
This is a hard one. I am not pro choice, however I am not judgmental either. Please consider this for just a moment before moving on -- I know you say you don't want another child, and I know a number of people, close friends included, that have had abortions. I have never known one to fully be happy with their decision, even when they couldn't be a mother at that time or take on another child. The one's that had an abortion for all the right reasons still have regrets years and years later about the unknown child. THIS IS NOT a guilt trip for you, I promise. It's just that I have seen what women go through (pro-choice, et al) after having the procedure done. They are never the same. I want you to really consider the cost to yourself both physically and mentally before you go down to the clinic. Not your finances, not your family -- YOU. How will this affect your mental health, your physical health, and your ability to have another child later on IF you want it.
This decision, however you make it, is fully your choice 100%, and if you and your husband have agreed to this, that's 100% your decision.
Either way, you need to see a doctor. If you don't want to go to your regular family doctor, go to a planned parenthood facility.
-E. M

P.S. I wanted to add for all the people on the site today that a momma should be supported at all times, regardless of whether or not you agree with her decision. We cannot help others by being rude or angry, but only through love and a willingness to share our hopes and beliefs with others. Our convictions are a part of us, and our passion will only be shared if we do not run people over with it. Please mama's, be kind with your answers, regardless of your beliefs. The greatest way to win someone over is to love them and help them do what's best for themselves. Your care for them will show them THEY are your focus and they are what matters.

I had an abortion years ago and within minutes regretted it and have ever since. Based on what we now know about pregnancy, by the time a clinic is willing to do the procedure, the fetus has a heartbeat, can feel pain and has ears, 10 little finger and 10 little toes. He or she is your child - just much much smaller one. All the DNA he'll ever have is there. The color of his eyes & his hair, his personality, whether he's funny or serious, his mathematical or musical skill, it's all there in his DNA already.

Take a deep breath and think about this. I always think of that year - right about this time 16 years ago that I decided not to have that child I wonder what she / he would have been like. I still cry for that little one. I know it would be really tough but I can tell you from experience that those unplanned children really do turn out to be the biggest blessing in your life.

Best of luck - I'm praying for you whatever you decide.

I understand your need for help, but I wanted to remind you that, of course, you are going to get responses about adoption and not aborting. You are on a website filled with moms and women who are trying desperately to be moms (whether for the first time or subsequent times). Many of the women on here would be thrilled to be in your position (myself included), so please don't be angry if you get the "why don't you put the baby up for adoption" line...you have been blessed, work with that blessing. (And, not to be rude, but if you truly are done having children, maybe a permanent form of birth control would be best.)

Did you just find out? If I were you, I would wait just a few weeks, since you have the time. This suggestion has nothing to do with any personal or otherwise feelings about abortion. I ONLY recommend this, becuase my sister was in the exact same position, as you. She decided to get an abortion right after they found out. A few weeks later, she severely regretted it. They ended up trying for another child and having one after much difficulty, but she still regrets it. In a few weeks you might still come to the same conclusion. No harm done, you still have the time for that decision in a few weeks, too. I also suggest this, becuase it is not just a NOW decision. It is a FOREVER decision. You will think of this forever, whatever decision you make. You will wonder "what if" no matter what decision you make. Wait just a while. While you may think you are 100% confident, in this decision now, it might not remain that way in a short time. Think about it, wait just a while, and move forward. If you come to the same conclusion you are now, the "what ifs" won't be as hard in the future.

This is completely your choice and I won't bombard you with my personal opinion; however, please be sure that you don't make the decision to quickly. Also, be sure that even if you are positive that this is what you both want that you seek counseling both before and after because you will need it. Although it is your decision, I think a lot of women would not make this choice if they knew how they would feel afterwards....be sure.

As Jen C said, why can't people just answer her question and stop with their OPINIONS on what she should do? It's no one else's business.

C. - I can't help answer your question because I don't live near you but best wishes. I'm sure Planned Parenthood can help though.

You can either call planned parenthood or your regular OB/GYN. Many doctors don't advertise abortion services, but will perform them, especially if you are still in the range and opt for a non-sugical abortion.
One thing to consider is that, if your mind is made up, it's better to get it over with sooner rather than later. Within the first 6 to 8 weeks you may still choose a non-surgical (drug induced) abortion and the earlier you end the pregnancy, the less taxing it will be on your body.

No matter what kind of comments you get, remember that fortunately this is your choice to make not their's and you only have to answer to yourself about this decision.
Some counseling would probably be a good idea for both yourself and your hubby.
Good luck!

C.,
I hope your procedure goes well and that your recovery is speedy. I am glad you found the information you were looking for.

It is ridiculous that people can not stick to answering (or not answering) a simple question. It is akin to asking about football camps and instead receiving people's advice or opinions about the risks involved in the game. If your question was "I am pregnant and wondering what my options are..." it would be warranted and relevant. It was not. Asking for specific answers to a specific question is very valid...regardless of the readers personal feelings or if they are pro or anti choice.

Call your OBGYN, and also call a therapist to talk this over first. Just take a week or so to consider everything. Think of the right now, but also think of the future. This is a little person growing inside of you, whether you are pro-life or pro-choice, it is a little person. Your mental and physical health is just as important, so consider how you will feel about this post-abortion.

And of course adoption is the best answer here if you do not want another baby. We just got home from Ukraine with our 3yr old daughter who has CP, just got home Friday. We have two birth children who we had difficulty conceiving, and now we have completed our family with the adoption of our sweet little girl. There are so many loving couples out there, and you can choose who would raise your child.

But please consider your mental and physical health before you have an abortion.

Yes, Planned Parenthood would be my suggestion, but first I would call your OB's office. There are some doctors that will do the procedure and I might want it done by someone who knows me and my medical history.

Wow -you're probably going to get a bunch of personal nightmare responses, but I hope not. I applaud you for knowing what you want, what you don't want and how serious bringing an unwanted child into the world is! My suggestion is to google or look up Planned Parenthood closest to you. They can provide you with a comprehensive list of clinics in your area. Do NOT fall for any of the "Pregnant? Need Help?" ads you see. They're all pro-life religious groups who get you in and use all sorts of false propaganda to try and sway you. Planned Parenthood is the way to go! Good luck! Also -if there is a Feminist Women's Health Center near you -call them. I don't know where all they are -there's one here in Atlanta -and they're very good for a variety of issues.

****See what I mean? Just to let you know -I know a number of women who have had abortions years ago -and are now past the point of having children or now have children they wanted. Not one of them regrets the abortion. It really depends on the individual.

Have you considered adoption? I can't have any more children & would love to adopt one day. Maybe you could bless a family with the child they can't have.

God bless!

I am prolife. So i wont comment there. I just wanted to ask you why your husband hasnt been snipped. If you two are that adament against anymore? I am not saying this mean. Just sad that this had to happen.

I just wanted to say that I second the adoption possibility. There have been some amazing women on this board who have done this and shared their experiences, tough but doable. I am very concerned about your welfare post abortion as you have children already and know what it is to be a mama. I understand being done, but how do you feel about possibly carrying to term and giving an infertile couple the gift of a lifetime, the chance to have what we already had so easily, kids! I think it would be good to think on that. I wish you well in your decision making. Would you guys consider something more permanent in bc as you are so certain your family is complete? Take care~J.

:( I hope you think long and hard about this before you make a decision. I have a good friend that had an abortion almost 10 years ago and she still has a hard time dealing with her decision and wonders all the time what the child would have been like. I'm sending hugs your way.

Planned Parenthood or your Ob/Gyn should be able to direct you or able to do a non surgical abortion depending how far along you are.

You can search the Planned Parenthood website for more information as what the procedures are available.

I have been hesitant to respond to your post as it IS a "Very touchy subject..." I'm not going to comment on anything, but just have a question. Why would you ask this here if you didn't want to get others opinions and thoughts? Google and other search engines are very valuable tools. I actually just typed in "where to get an abortion" and it pulled up plenty of links to directories that would then link you to offices in your area. I even went to far to click on one and then picked FL. There were plenty of medical groups that came up. I seriously just can't comprehend why you would post this here unless you just wanted either confirmation that you are doing the "right" thing, or needed someone to talk you out of it, or that this is just a joke.

Call Planned Parenthood.

It's interesting to me that you posted this question on a public forum when you could have easily found a place on your own. Is it a cry for help? Do you want others to say it's okay? You could have called your OB or just googled 'abortion, Ft. Lauderdale' and found a clinic. Food for thought...if you're willing to go through a painful and invasive abortion because you don't want any more children, perhaps you should consider a more permanent means of birth control (getting your tubes tied or hubby needs a vasectomy).

It may be a good idea to check with your ob/gyn as he or she knows your health history, especially since you've already given birth. They, too, can terminate a pregnancy if you so desire.

The answer you are looking for should be under the heading "Family Planning" in the yellow pages.

This is a very hard decision and I respect your decision. I am totally pro-choice. I think it is good that both of you agree on this procedure. Just want to make you aware of one thing: the burden of aborting a pregnancy, especially since you don't 'have to have' this abortion. Take it from someone who knows, that weight is heavy and does not go away... it's a burden I don't wish on anyone. I may not regret my decision, although I regret I had to make the decision, I still feel the pain of terminating the pregnancy. Don't discount going to counseling to deal with this loss.

As far as where to go, just make sure it is a reputable place that you are comfortable going to.

Can you talk to your OB? Its possible that they perform abortions.

And I wish you the best of luck as you move through a very difficult time.

Aww I hope everything works out for you and that you dont get "hate mail". You probably already considered adoption like M.M. said so I won't suggest it. I was adopted so that's usually my first comment! Anyways, I'll pray for you, I know either way this is a hard decision. Planned Parenthood or you can always try google. I'm here if you need to talk :]

Contact the Planned Parenthood office in your area -- they will likely have referrals for all options available to you. http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

You might also talk to them about cheaper long term birth control, like an IUD. (I know a previous post you said you didn't have insurance.)

I'm sorry your family has to make this hard choice. I know you're going to get a lot of advice you don't want or need to hear. I respect that only you and your family can know what to do here. I can't imagine it's an easy choice that you made lightly.

www.plannedparenthood.org/health-center/findCenter.asp -- clinic locator for Florida. While you are in this process, they will ask you to review your options -- please take a moment to step out of your headspace and do this.

I'm totally for Pro Choice, but there are many long-term health and depression problems to consider with either avenue.

Reviewing your 5-10 year "goals" also will make you a more educated decision-maker, ensuring the best decision for you, sure in the reasons for your choice and your well-being.

Luck, love and light!

Call your local Planned Parenthood first and get a referral. I would also contact your OBGYN. I'm not sure how this works, but they may be able to help you as well. I imagine that your doctor would rather have you see a reputable clinician than risk complications. If your doctor is affiliated in any way with a church (even if their offices are located on the grounds of a Catholic hospital) they will not be able to help you. My best friend encountered this several years ago when pre-natal testing revealed that their baby would die within hours of being born due to a genetic condition. Her doctor was heartbroken b/c he delivered the news and then couldn't provide her with option.

I would suggest also speaking with your doctor about another birth control option.

You will get a ton of "don't do it" responses (and it's my first reaction too), but if you decide to terminate your pregnancy, please be prepared for your emotional reaction and know that they are ALL OK and NORMAL- from regret, to sadness, anger, relief. Support eachother b/c this isn't going to be easy, even if it's what you want.

I hope that you are secure in your decision and have really thought it through. You will carry this life and death decision for the rest of your life. If you are unsure, get some counseling. There ARE other options that don't include death. Have you considered getting sterilized or your husband? Since you say you are done having kids, that could really benefit you in the future. Take care--- M

If you call planned parenthood, make sure you tell them why you're calling and ask for an appointment! When you go there appointments get seen first, otherwise you have the possibility of waiting for awhile. If you don't tell them the reason they might send you to the closeest one, and not all of them are able to do abortions, so yu definately need to tell them so they can send you to the right place. Good luck!

It's obvious you and hubby have taken the time to think this through thoroughly. It's a very difficult choice to make.

Wishing you all the best!

I didn't respond when I first saw this post. You already had several suggestions to contact Planned Parenthood. They are a great organization that provides MANY services to families and women.

But I am responding now with my heart felt wishes that you are able to move forward with peace and to let you know millions of women world-wide support you. Give your husband and sons a big squeeze.

This post touched me when I read it yesterday and I haven't been able to shake it. As another "accidental surprise" baby, and one my parents were less than thrilled to find out about, I just wanted to say that I'm praying for you and your entire family. I wish you all the best.
R.

If you don't want another child, don't have one. In the future, take EXTRA precautions to ensure you don't get pregnant again with an unwanted child. I'm surprised at your age you don't know how to research clinics in your area.

Clarida,

You have 3 boys, as do I. And now you are pregnant with another little blessing. Can you imagine if it's a girl??? If you are anything like me, you would be THRILLED to have a daughter! Of course I wanted a girl, but wouldn't change a thing now that I have my 3 wonderful, beautiful boys. But to think that this can be a girl! I do not want any more children either, but if I were to have an oops, I would have the child. 42 isn't too old to have your 4th child. Your youngest is still really young, so this baby would be close in age with your youngest. I know it's up to you, obviously, but it does break my heart when a married person decides to abort. If you were a teenager, I would support your decision 100%, but it's hard for me to support this since you are married with kids and seem to be established. Please consider having this baby and then getting PERMANENTLY fixed (either you or your husband) so this doesn't happen again.

I agree with Bug B. Wait a few weeks if you have just found out you want to make sure that your decision is not based on emotions and hormones but a well thought out decision. Hubby thought the exact same thing with baby number 2 at first but here we are with baby number 2 now 3 yrs old and could not be happier with our 2 boys. I very very very very happy that we did not go with our first decision and that we waited and thought it out.
Please if you do have one seek counseling afterward. My best friend had one 5 years ago and every time she sees a pregnant woman it brings her to tears.

C.,

despite what many might write, MANY of us have been in this position, as married women. when we often hear about unwanted pregnancy, it's usually regarding unmarried, teen women. yet, what this implies is that ALL PREGNANCIES that occur during marriage are WANTED. as you know, this is NOT TRUE.

the fact that you and your husband were using contraception, is an indication, to me that this pregnancy was not what you want. hence, the decision about how you two handle this, is completely up to you.

i think it's best that you two are on the same page--and not fighting over the morality/guilt, et al. of abortion.

quite honestly, my husband and i had a conversation about what would happen (despite using bcontrol) if i became pregnant again. we are both almost 40 and have 3 beautiful healthy children (2 ours biologically and 1 son from my previous relationship). abortion was an option we'd consider.

also, like other moms have stated, you might wish to talk about some long term bc. i find that bc pills, rings, patches, depo, et al. that i have to remember DO NOT work well for me, because i'm so busy. i have an IUC (mirena), and i actually really like it.

i wish you well.

I just want to say if you don't want this child please consider having it and putting it up for adoption. There are many people who would love to have a child and can't. This is a great gift you could be giving to someone. Also you might want to consider getting your tubes tied.

Best of luck C.. Sending healing thoughts your way...

I am guessing that you are asking this question because you are not 100% set with your decision that you are sure on. Otherwise, you would just go do it. I'm not sure I know anyone who was 100% sure about having an abortion and then went on to ask any questions about it. I am pro-life and called an abortion clinic when I was 19 and found out I was pregnant. I got so far as pushing the last number and hung up. It wasn't within me to go any further than that, but that's me. I love my daughter to death and though it was not the right time, I definitely made the right choice for me. You may be making the right choice for you, just make sure you are 100% sure, as some other posters have said. Hopefully you get nothing but support on here, but just be extra sure. This isn't one you can take back.

Talk to your Dr about it. If it's early enough, maybe he/she can help it along to "miscarry"
I am pro choice. Make whatever decision is best for your family. You are still a good person. Take care of the ones you have. You are too old to be having a baby!

I cant help to respond after reading your post and comments, im not pro choice i personaly could never do that but i wanted to tell you your in my prayers i know this must be so very hard i hope you have lots of support to help you thorugh the abortion. I'll be praying.

I personally have not ever had an abortion and I don't *think* I could ever conceive of it. However, I am not one to judge because that is NOT my place. I really wish that you and your husband would reconsider but I know nothing I say can change your decision because at the end of the day it is YOUR decision and no one elses.
I have a friend that loves children and she would make such a good mommy but she can't have children due to a medical condition. You going forward with the pregnancy is a gift that keeps giving to someone. I just wish you and your husband would explore all of your options before making a decision of this magnitude and of importance. In the end if that is what you decided at least you can say you considered all other options first right?
Personally for me I couldn't get an abortion but that is ME. It would also be very hard for me to give up my baby as well but I would be more comfortable with that decision knowing that I could possibly still be "involved" in the child's life at some point....that would be better to me than not ever knowing what they could have been, how much joy they would bring to another family, etc. or knowing that I was responsible for not giving them a chance at life.....that is me though.
I think as long as you are comfortable with your decision and not being pressured by anyone else to do so then it is the right decision. Only you know not anyone else.
I have twin girls that will be 8 in December. It took us 11 months to conceive. I would love to have another child-however I am scared to death of so many things....having twins again, financial hardship because honey we are already there. The way I see it though-God blessed us with two healthy girls and I never thought in a million years I would be able to do this. God thankfully knows more than we do on what we can and cannot handle and sometimes it seems like it is too much but at the end of the day-it's for a reason. I used to ask "why" ME? I think I feel more comfortable knowing that God "chose" me and did so for a reason-I may not know all the answers to it-but one day I will understand and know "why" ME.
If I were to get pregnant again I have enough faith in God that he won't abandon his children-ever! I would be devestated if I got pregnant with twins again-my great great grandmother had three sets so its entirely possible and I'm only getting older but I have to have enough trust in God that he knows what is best for me and my husband. If I have enough faith as a mustard seed then all things are possible. I know I cannot convince you to make one decision over another but I just wanted to say I understand and to point out there are "other" options but we here do not know the entirety of your situation so it is so much easier for us to say "Oh no! Don't do it!" Like I said only you can make that decision-I just hope that it is indeed the correct choice for you because something like this can really be destructive to some for others it isn't. I already know it would be something that would destroy by whole being and spirit and just couldn't do it.

I know you have so many responses and have made up your mind. But, I have a good friend who adopted a child eight years ago whose biological parents didn't want him. His bio parents were married and already had three or four children and didn't feel as if they could afford another. However, they chose not to abort their child and instead gave him up for adoption. He is such a loveable litte boy and has brought much joy to my friend's life. Thank God his bio parents didn't choose abortion. I am pro life and won't say much more.

Hello,Carina.
Do you really write to find a clinic to have an abortion.Maybe you do not feel secure? Could you tell us about your real thoughts and feelings? What do women feel when they do such things? I am very sorry for my questions. Share your feelings please. You are "incognito" here. You are just a woman.
Thank you.