Still Need Help with Potty Training

take the diapers away!!! put him in big boy undies all day EVERYDAY. he will get the hang of it but you keep him in diapers then why should he even try? you do all the work for him. good luck

The first thing you need to do is stop putting him in diapers. You're making it much too easy on him. He knows exactly what he's doing, and it's way to easy for him to just pee and poop in the diaper. We tried training my son in pull-ups which did not work at all. He knew he could go in the pull-up with no problems. We put him in the thick training underwear, and within about a week, he was going on his own and having no accidents. I'm all for rewards, but he also needs to know that there are consequences for peeing/pooping in his pants when he knows better. I know there are times when it's a true accident, but most of the time it's simply because they don't want to stop what they are doing and go to the bathroom. When my son did this, he had to sit on the potty for at least 10-15 minutes, which he did not like at all. Just be firm and consistent. Good Luck!!

I apologize if what I have to say offends you, but I think that the problem with potty training does not lie with your son, but rather with you. I agree with your pediatrician who says that when your son is ready he will become potty trained. Have you considered the possibility (Probability) that this has turned into a battle for control? When you get right down to it, doesn't your son have the right to control when and where he goes to the bathroom? Why are you so hung up on dictating that he do it your way? If anyone needs a psychiatrist, I would suggest that it is you not your three year old

Use the sinking the boats technique. At my center, we start out the boys by getting a few cheerios, putting them in the toilet and ask them if they want to sink the boats. We prompt every 30 minutes and ask if they need to go potty. Prompting is simply a reminder not that they actually have to go. It gets them thinking about whether they have the feeling of needing to go potty. If all else fails. I go into the room and tell them to "get on the potty and go. Your a big boy now and that is what big boys do." I never yell. I never show frustration. I just let them know that I am serious and they are at the age where it is no longer an option. Works every time - at least for me. Our children are usually potty trained never later than 3 yrs so that they can enter the preschool program. There are exceptions of course and we are a center environment training at least 15 -20 kids a year, but I highly recommend consistency and your authority in doing it because eventually it may become an unsantiry issue for you. I wish you the best.

You may have already received the same kind of advice already (I didn't have time to read all the responses), but we recently potty trained our 3 year old like this:

I took off from work for a 4-day stretch. Day 1, we woke up and made a big deal about throwing away the diapers and the diaper genie. We made it clear that they were gone. We then stripped him of his pants and diaper and he went like this for 2 full days. Yes, he had accidents. Yes, it was a mess. But for our son, that was a big deal. We had him help clean up the mess. The potty was never far from him, and eventually he would go on his own. The first couple of days, we pushed liquids - popsicles, he got to pick out his favorite juice, etc. I also fed him lots of salty things - crackers, popcorn, etc.

We went straight to big boy underwear. Only a pull-up at night just for accidents. But we made sure there were no liquids after dinner and he pee peed before bed. He rarely wakes up now with a wet pull-up.

Day 3 - We put clothes on and ventured out for a short shopping trip.

Day 4 - We put clothes on and ventured out for a longer shopping trip that involved going to the potty outside of his comfort zone. It was a struggle, but after several trips to the bathroom, there was success.

After that, we continued to prod him to go to the bathroom, and I'll admit it took a little longer for him to get the pooping thing down. When I knew it was "time" for him to poop, (i.e. usually after breakfast), the clothes and underwear would come off. It just takes them a while to become comfortable and to realize that they can "control" what comes out and make that decision to go in the potty. When he would have a poop accident at home, we would put him in the bathtub and he would have to help wash himself off. Involve him in the process. Most kids don't like to clean up after themselves. It makes them want to go in the potty so that they don't have to do that...

Of course there were rewards all along, and that worked for him, but you may have offered him too many already and the excitement may be gone.

John Rosemond is a good source of advice. You might want to google him and I'm sure he will have some good tips. Good luck! I'm sure you've heard this a million times before, but I can assure you he's not going to go off to highschool in diapers!! Just laugh about it every now and again, relax, and he'll get it in time.
- Adele

Why are you obsessing over this so much? It is really not that big a deal. I think with your worrying and with everything else you've done, you've confused him and you may have given him the idea that using the bathroom is bad. Back off and stop doing anything about potty training. He will eventually get it.

The fact that you and in-laws can't be consistent and stay on the same page only further confuses the child.

Leave it alone and he will be fine. Some kids are just late bloomers in that area. My daughter was 4 before she was potty trained.

Just a question maybe he's watching too much tv? Have you tried keeping him in normal underwear? the wet/ dirty sensation may be to much if done like that. but sometimes it takes longer than you want. training your other child at the same time may actually help. tell your 1 child to be a good big brother and show how its done.. or your son could simply be afraid of the potty

I have always been told they will do it when they are ready. My oldest son was between 4-5 before he actually started going to the potty on his own.He started preschool at that time too. He would wait until he was going potty on him self or after he was done to even let me know. I have a 22 month old son now and I am already working with him but he just doesn't seem interested in even attempting to try yet. Good luck sweetie and maybe if you let him do it in his own timeing(give it a month or so) without proding him he may surprise you and do it alone.

M.,
I truly understand, my oldest (boy) and youngest (girl) were completely potty trained by 2, but my middle child (or my strong willed child) was determined to not make that mark. He wasn't completely potty trained until his 3rd birthday. It was right after his birthday and everything just clicked. I never gave up, I continued using underwear, I didn't even use pullups during the night. I would put a clean shower curtain (you can get them at the dollar store) under his sheet and I would get up half way through the night to make him use the bathroom. The night time was fine, he would have a mistake during the day, because he would get wrapped up into tv or playing also (fortunately, he attended a daycare with an old fashioned daycare provider and she worked with me, instead of using pull ups). It finally kicked in after prayer and consistency (he saw that I was not giving in, and I think that a little ribbing from his siblings (my oldest is 6yrs older than he is and my daughter is 3 yrs younger than he is)also helped the situation. That is when I found out that all kids are not the same, even if they have the same parents.LOL I even have to discipline him differently to get the same results as the other two. Don't give up, calm down, it doesn't reflect on you in a bad way, you are doing your job, now he just has to do his.

Good luck,
A little about me:
I am a 40 year old mother of 3: a 14 yr old son, an 8 yr old son, and a 5yr old daughter. I have been married 17 years (been with my spouse since 7th grade, so a total of 27 years together). I also work full time.

Take 7 days off and train them both, the only problem is that the younger one might not be ready. To me, I would stop what you are doing completely for 3 mo. You have confused him, and when you disciplined, it probably pushed things back. Consistency and praise are the 2 key words. I don't know one person who is not potty trained except poor people who are medically incapable. I can almost guarantee, that if you train both for a week, they will have it down, but they have to be ready physically and emotionally.

You answered your own question. The inconsistency and pressuring too hard have made him confused and willful. This is 90% about you being ready and much less about him being ready.

Back off for a while. Say nothing to him about going potty for a week or two.

Read, "No Cry Potty Solution".

Hold a family meeting and get everyone on the same system.

Come up with a big reward for after he's trained. Make a chart with stickers. My 2 year old get's a Skittle everytime but my friends nearly 4 year old was instantly potty trained when he was told he couldn't start school otherwise.

Be consistent from house to house, place to place, day to day.

Increase the timer from 30 minutes to 1 hour and 30 minutes.

Don't say "go potty", say things like, "let's get a sticker!" and lead the way. Back off he if says no and think of a better treat.

You'll know you're serious when you stop putting him in diapers and get out the floor cleaner and couch cover.

John Rosemond just had a recent article about this. Try going to www.rosemond.com and searching this topic. John is a great source of parenting skills. Wonderful guy! Personally met him and his techniques work!

Hi M.,
I have a 3 year old little boy and we have been completely potty trained for 6 mos or so. I have to say that the drive must be there on his part for this to be a success. I would say NO more diapers except for at night. This means no pull-ups during the day, either. Get him some cute underwear, and go with that. If he goes on himself (which he probably will at first), he will learn very quickly that it isn't a pleasant experience. A few times of this happening, and this should be catalyst enough for him to start going for the toilet.
Secondly, relax!! Stressing out is not helping the situation. Trust me- it is bothering you a whole lot more than it's bothering him, and I really don't think you are at a crisis level where a psychologist needs to be brought in. Boys esp do things in their own time...Once he gets the hang of going every time, it moves quickly from there.
Thirdly, make potty time fun. For example- My son really loves Diego, and when he would go #2 in the toilet, we would say "Look at the anaconda in the toilet!". He thought that was hilarious. The next time, he would run in and say "Mommy, I left a scarlet macaw (or pigmy marmaset, tapir, etc) in the toilet" and just laugh and laugh. Just get on his level with ideas for the potty, and be creative! It doesn't matter if it sounds silly- as long as it works!
Another mom on here had the best advice when we were potty training that really peaked my son's interest. Explain where to poo goes when it goes down the drain. My son thought that is was fascinating to know the course that his poo took on the way to the "poo factory"- flush, out the little hole, down the pipe, under the house, under the yard, to the BIG hole, down the BIG pipe under the street, all the way to the poo factory. We would flush, the run outside and "follow" the poo out to the street. He thought this was so awesome and it really got him on board.
Anyway, I hope this helps give you some ideas. Take care!

If the 22 month old is wanting to potty train then let him. Don't try to embaress the older one. Don't compare them! The older one may want to use the potty when he sees his younger brother doing it. He also may not. My younger brother did the same thing. My mom finally told him if he did not want to use the toilet then he could clean himself up. (he was 4.5 at that point) Since he did not to touch the poop he started using the toilet. I think the main thing is to find something that works for each child. It may not be the same. If your boys go to a preschool they may have a rule about being potty trained by a certain age. Good Luck and God Bless!

I really feel your frustration, and can totally empathize. The 22 month old is more than ready to start the potty.. start working them together. Make it a game almost, big brother teaching little brother. It sounds as if some is just for attention. Maybe a little jealous of little brother?? Acting out for attention comes in many forms. When you are working with him to potty, that is dedicated time, so he may be procratinating for the attention. Working them together makes it team work, and may come very easy for the younger one, while encouraging the older one to be a great influence. Good luck and God Bless.

OK -
M., I feel your pain. I have to tell you that I have the SAME problem with my 5 YEAR OLD! We have been working on this for a long time and here is where I am at this point. We tried the rewards - all different types of rewards. It didn't seem to phase him in the least. We have seen a psychiatrist which was a waist of time. When he started kindergarten I was realy concerned that this would be a big problem. At school the teacher has to remind him to potty but for the most part we have not had any issues at school. At home is where he knows he can get away with "mistakes". He has started to tell me when he has to go. My pediatrician did not seem too concerned even at this age. He will do this at his own time, don't use shame tactics, etc., he told me. We sat in the doctor's office when he was getting his flu shot and I was relaying my concerns about the potty problem and also the school wants to test him for ADHD. The doctor (who has raised 3 boys himself) told me to calm down basically. He explained to me that boys don't want to take the time to potty - it is a big inconvenience to stop whatever you are doing to potty. With boys he said, it is not as uncomfortable as it would be for girls if they had soiled underware. Boys basically could care less and I must say my son could care less if he had wet pants on all day. I felt that this reflected badly on me as a mother that I failed to "train" him properly, but after talking to the doctor for almost an hour I felt better about things. He did more for me and my son in one hour than the psychiatrist did in six visits! He also reminded me that kindergarten was to prep our children for school and that his behaviour was totally expected and not unusual. The worst that would happen is that they hold him back to repeat kindergarten again since he is one of the youngest in his class. Emotionally boys are not there like girls are. My son is pretty smart also which is why I was so worried about his progress. I hope this helps in some way with your son. Don't get me wrong, I know the psychiatrist may be good for other issues and ADHD may be an issue with our son in the future, but for now I am going to let him get a little older before any thing is done to him.

Have a wonderful holiday and God Bless your family.

Cindi D.

Is he wearing underwear or pull-ups. This makes a huge difference. I would not allow him to wear pull ups during the day except to go out if you are going to be away from a bathroom area for very long. I will say that consistency is key. You, your husband, and your in-laws need to be on the same page so when one of you can't be there the others are right behind you making sure he stays on a potty training schedule. He is most likely acting the way most boys his age do and that is he's just too busy playing to go to the potty. He needs to be taught that there are consequences for not going to the potty when he is quite able to go. I would limit his drinking during the day to breakfast, lunch, supper, and snack and within an hour of drinking take him to the potty. I would not make him sit for no more the 15 minutes,that's enough. At 3 1/2 there should be consequences for not pottying including taking away toys, books, tv, whatever is dear and near to his heart. By this age he should know how and when he needs to potty. I'm a full-time working mother and have potty trained my oldest one by the age 2 and my youngest one is 20 months old and I'm debating on whether to start now or wait a little longer. I know how hard it is to maintain consistency when you work and you rely on someone else to enforce and keep up the potty training. I know this sounds harsh but my sister had a hard time potty training her youngest. At 3 years old he still wasn't trained even though he knew how and when to potty. He would get too busy playing to stop and go pee or poop. So one day she had had enough and my mom told her to make him clean himself and his mess. He had a hard time cleaning himself but when he did a poop she made him wash the underwear in the toilet and he did not like it at all. From that point on he knew that if he didn't go potty, he would have to do the clean up. He started going and only occasionally had accidents. I thougt it was pretty harsh but hey, I'm a firm believer in doing what works. It worked for my sisiter but it may not work for you. Good luck.

U ca try this way like did... was when my son was 2 years so i used to put him on potty every half hour on potty then i made it 45 minutes then 1hour... so was trained like that...

Just a couple of thoughts from a mom who had struggles with potty training. Your son reminds me of mine-who was very difficult to potty train. I tried and tried--but he took a long time to "get it". It was not willful or trying to get the upper hand he just didn't care and didn't get it. Also, the other thing is...does he really need to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes? If he does that too long, he will shrink his bladder, and will then have to go that often always. (That is a problem in school!!) Do you have to go pee that often? How much does he drink? Maybe he doesn't want to go that often because he doesn't need to. It is a long very frustrating process--and sooner or later he will get it--but will probably not really care if his younger brother gets trained before him. It will eventually become something he cares about, and then it will work. Just a few random thoughts.