I am not sure what to do so I am asking for help. I just found out that my high schooler has been taking money from his seven year old brother for many weeks now. I noticed that he has a lot of packs of gum and candy in his room and I asked him about it and he said he used his money. I have put all of his money in the bank so I wasn't sure where he got more. Just thought that my husband might have given him some. So now my problem is the lying and taking his brothers money. We believe up to $50 over the past few weeks. I am livid and need advice.
Thank you everyone.
Wow, stealing from his own family members.
What does he prize? X-box? Some other gaming system? I'd say it's time to sell it and give ALL the money to his brother, not just $50.
This is one thing I'd give an immediate and harsh punishment for.
To me there are probably issues going on with your son besides the stealing of money that need to be addressed. Is he suddenly running around with a different crowd at school...either a group of kids from a wealthier section of town that he feels the need to "keep up with the Jones'" or a group that are into trouble and he is trying to "be one of the gang"? Or have there been other changes in the family lately that could have him thrown off balance? Marital trouble between you and your husband....have you all just recently moved...financial issues with a job??
Of course you must make him pay the consequences of his action. He needs to immediately apologize to his brother and repay the money that he stole. ( Make a generous estimate of how much he took..if you THINK it might be $50...make him repay $75 just to cover it all..etc).
But the most important thing you need to do is communicate with him...let him know that even though you really dislike the fact that he stole...it is his ACTIONS that you don't like...you still love HIM!! You are disappointed in his actions but HE is still your son and you love him just as much as you ever did.
I think sometimes we make the mistake of looking at our teenage children as "little adults"...they are almost adult SIZED but they are NOT adults...the are still growing and learning...and their hormones are making them CRAZY!!! Find out WHY he did this...that will help you see where his head is...and start to figure out how he is thinking...and give you an idea of how to go about addressing this with him.
Good luck to you...I know from past experience that being a mother of teenagers is NOT an easy job!!!
I think you need to hold a 'family meeting' and talk about the problem. If your son admits to taking the money, tell him he first needs to tell you all WHY. Maybe in his mind, since his brother is just a little kid, he told himself he didn't 'need' the money or wouldn't miss it? (not making excuses, just saying maybe that is where his head was).
I would make him apologize to his brother and to the family. I would make him pay back the money and not allow him to buy anything for a month or two. If he does buy something, you confiscate it. If he complains about you looking in his room, explain that your family is built on trust and by stealing from his brother and lying, he has broken the family trust and lost the privilege of privacy until he can show that he is really sorry and can be trusted again.
Don't yell- make it very clear how disappointed you are and that there are real, concrete consequences to these actions BECAUSE you love him and know that this is NOT his 'best' behavior and that he can be so much better. Make it clear that there is forgiveness and a light at the end of the tunnel- but only after the apology, the consequences and the re-earning trust. Good luck.
How much money do you give a seven year old? I would sit them both down and confront you older child. It won't be comfortable, but it might save your children from facing a day in court and detention behind bars in future. If you younger one admires, protects, or is afraid of his older brother, it's time to get all the family troubles out in the open. Yes, there should be some serious consequences for your older child. Hopefully, your younger one will understand that he should be able to come to you and dad at any time with anything.
One question I have is why do you put ALL your older one's in the bank? Doesn't he need some money of his own?
Blessings.
I do agree with the other posters that he should be made to pay the money back. But I have a couple questions for you. Why do you put the higher schoolers money in the bank and not the seven year olds? How does the seven year old have that much money? Is it possible that he asking his brother to borrow the money?
Your high schooler must have things that are important to him...there have to be consequences as well as learning that this isn't right. Integrity and honesty are so important and the next several years will be filled with opportunities where he needs to make the right choices. He has to have it in his brain that it is wrong (not just because he got caught)...you shouldn't have to hide little brother's piggy bank. He stole and lied, not acceptable for our family. Calm down and have a meeting to stress unacceptable behavior and consequences. Sounds like he needs a job!! Good luck!!
It sounds like a family meeting is in order where feelings can be aired, and possibly counselling for your older son. There's more to this than the money, I suspect.
You really need to find out why he is doing this and nip it in the bud. My brother did this for years from us, mostly younger sisters, but he also stole wedding gift $ from my wallet. So he'd been doing this for YEARS. I must confess that my parents, particularly my dad, did very little to punish and stop this behavior. There are many other factors at work here, but unfortunately he is now almost 53 years old and still does not understand the meaning of personal responsibility.
My other thought is this. You say that you put all of the older brother's $ in the bank, yet he is able to take $50 or so from his brother. Why does the younger one have so much sitting around. Are there differing standards here? Just wondering. Good luck. D.
Or maybe take the money in his piggy bank and put in his brother's bank.
Then hiding his brother's piggy bank so he can't do it again.
Have him withdraw the money from his bank account (the amount he stole plus add $50 so it will be $100 and will hurt then immediately put into his brother's bank acount. Have him w/you at the bank to do this.
I would be livid too and I agree you need to have your older son pay back your younger son. But I have a child tht is socially awkward and we have similar problems. I'm wondering if your oldest is feeling more pressures to fit in in high school and these little things help, to have gum or candy to share. Once payback and apology is done, are there ways your older son can earn additional money? Is he old enough for a part time job on weekends? Maybe he needs to learn how to budget? There may be more going on than meets the eye. It was wrong for him to do, but being a teenager in high school is tough too. Problem is when you ask why you'll get the typical teen response "I dunno". Good luck, being a parent is never easy.
