My 5 Year Old Son Stole

My 2 oldest boys have each stolen once on 2 separate occasions. I noticed when we got to the car. I marched them back into the store and I had them hand it to the person behind the counter and apologize. It's never happened again. Good luck!

At 5, he doesn't have any concept of theiving and what it really means. Keep talking about the wrongful doing. Now that he knows that it's against the rules, if it happens again, punish him and make him bring the item back, etc. I think you did enough for now. :)

What Grandma should have done was take your son back into the store and make HIM return the sunglasses to the manager and tell him that he took them from the store and he's very sorry.

Even at five, if he is held accountable and made to correct what he did, he will learn that it is not ok to just take things.

Definitely take this seriously. He may not be able to understand the whole concept of stealing, but you can be sure he knew that those weren't his to take. I did something like that at his age and did not get caught. It still haunts me to this day even though the store has been out of business for a long time. I developed a habit of stealing and it became a big problem for me in elementary school. My brother also tried this at 5 and was caught by the store security. My mother didn't know where he had gone because the security guard took him into an office. I was 4 years older and his getting caught made a big impact on me. I don't know if it stopped me from stealing, but I still remember it.
Anyway, I agree that Grandma should have had him march in there to return the glasses, but maybe the fact that he was busted by his own grandmother will make an impact. Watch for the next time and really make it a big deal.

I agree that grandma should have made your son go back inside and return them.

When my 10 year old stole some candy from the store we took her back to the store and made her return it and then apologize. Because of her age (and history, she was adopted at 9 from Russia and had some behavioral problems like this) we also took a trip to the police station, where a police officer had a nice talk with her. He wasn't mean or scary, but he was imposing and that had somewhat of an impression on her.

Deal with it firmly if it continues, because it can develop into a habit that will be hard to break.

I would take him back to the store and have him apologize to the manager.

If you do a little internet research on "the pathology of shoplifting" you will find that it is not a natural trait but one that develops later in life in response to childhood trauma.

Almost every child wants to steal something or will steal something when they are young. It is best not to make a big deal about it at first.

However, if he does it one more time you should tell him the adult-based consequences: not being able to ever go to that store again, as well as being picked up by the police.

You might also tell him that all stores have people who look like shoppers that watch people to make sure they don't steal, and tell on them if they do.

A fear of the consequences will stop any child from stealing who has not yet entered the age where it becomes an obsession or a disease.

The best way to teach a child on something like this is to explain why it's wrong and then have them be the one to apologize. In addressing it, you might give an example, "how would you feel if someone came and took your toy? That wouldn't be very nice for someone to do, would it?"

It sounds like you've addressed it, but if this happens again, I'd bring your child in with whatever was taken and have him give it to the cashier and say they are sorry for taking something that they did not pay for. If you have the opportunity to call and inform the store ahead of time that you're doing this, you may want to do so to ensure that the cashier responds appropriately (e.g. "that was not a good thing to do, but I accept your apology, and thank you for bringing it back. That was very honest of you").

Next time make your son return them directly to the clerk and apologize for taken them. Then he needs to be punished. (No tv for two weeks, no video games, no friends over, etc.) He needs to be held accountable for his actions. If he is not punished he will start to believe that he can get away with it.

Like most people who posted, I feel that Grandma should have taken him back into the store and made him give them back.
When our oldest son was 5 he took a pack of gum from a local grocery store. We marched him back into the store, told the clerk what had happened, made our son pay for the gum (our money) and THEN he had to give back the gum to the clerk and then say he was sorry.
Not more than two weeks ago he (30 years old now) brought this up to us and said that he remembers this and how he never wanted to steal in his teen years because if his parents made a 5 year old do it what would they make a teenager do. Scared straight maybe.....

Hi S.
I think at this point thats all you can do. If he does it again than I would definatly get the store involved because you have to make a huge impact on them when there are young so hopefully they will not do it when they get older. Good Luck :)T.

Hey S.!

I don't know if that is enough, every kid is different. Hopefully it will be, but if it isn't ... I will tell you what my Mom did to me about this very thing. It was very successful.

When I was about this same age, my Mom was at a meeting in some sort of a municipal building (after hours). One of my friends was with me (her Mom was at the meeting too). Anyway, we were snooping in some desks, came across an open bag of potato chips and helped ourselves to some. You can imagine our Mothers horror when they caught us red-handed. That night there was a long talk about stealing. The next morning my Mom took me to a store, we bought a big bag of chips and went right over to the office. I had to apologize to the lady for what I had done, and give her the chips. The lady was crying, I was crying and my Mom was crying. The lady said I didn't need to do that. Mom said "Yes, she does". Now, this may sound rather harsh, but I will tell you --- I lived through it, it was a good life lesson and I never stole anything again. Plus it gives me a good story to tell.

Hope this helps!
D.

PS.I think I would have a talk with Grandma. I realize the situation was embarrassing, but what kind of a lesson was she teaching by slinking back in and leaving it on the counter with no one around. I think it is important to teach kids to be accountable for their actions. Everyone makes mistakes --- that is how we grow and learn. Shame on Grandma.

S.,

One time, after leaving ACE Hardware, I realized my 5 year old had stolen a piece of candy. I took her in, made her stand in line, and I explained what she had done (I couldn't get her to do the talking). I then purchased the piece of candy (because she had been holding it in her hand), took it to the car, and gave it to her sister. She had swiped things like that a couple of times before, but she hasn't since then.

If you wanted to, you could take your son back to the store and ask to speak to the manager or security person. Then, have your son explain what he did and apologize for it. It would have been more effective if that would have happened at the time, but if it has been less than a week, I think it's okay to do it now.

T.

Probaly not enough. It's to late to really do anything about this particular situation but the next time this happens (hopefully it won't) teach him a hard lesson and bring him back in and talk to a Mgr. or security person and embarass your son.

The best way I know to curb this age-typical behavior in little kids is to make them go back in, hand the item to a clerk and admit that they took it, then apologize and ask for forgiveness. People are amazingly forgiving, your child will be suitable embarrassed, and that, hopefully, will be the end of it. Keep calm, tell him you love him, but that his behavior was totally inappropriate and that you trust him never to do such a thing again. This helps set up the expectation that he will do the right thing in the future. Since Grandma didn't allow him the opportunity to apologize and feel the weight of his transgression, I would take him back to the store, request a visit with the manager and have him apologize in person. It's after the fact, but going back in to finish the job is better than letting him think that he got away with something, or that quietly returning the item with no one knowing is sufficient. It isn't. Admitting guilt and asking for forgiveness are necessary to set the standard for future behavior and clear the guilt he carries. Hiding what happened denies it - and make it easier for him to deceive others again.

SAHM of seven.

My boss had one of her twin girls just do that. I liked what she did...it made her daughter understand the consequence. She contacted the store, spoke to the store mananger and informed them that her daughter had stole something. My boss wanted to talk to the manager first to make sure this person would be nice to her daughter. But also to have the manager not play the "it's okay" role. She wanted the manager to be more like, you shouldn't have done this but it was very big of you to return it.

My boss then brought her daughter back to the store, asked for this particular person and it went from there.

I liked how she handled it. She made her daughter return the item, so her daughter understood what she did. When a parent just returns it for their child, what does the child learn. This is punishment in itself. I know my boss did not do any further discipline, as this was enough.

When my son was 3, he and his 3 year old cousin each stole a little ink stamper from Michaels craft store. My sister and I didn't know it for days until I was cleaning his room and found it. I asked him and he admitted it saying he asked me for it and I said no and he wanted it so bad. The "funny" part was he never got to use it because then I would have found out he took it. So my sister and I packed up the two boys and drove the half hour drive back to the store and made them walk up to the lady at the counter and hand them over and say they were sorry........it almost broke my heart to see my little boy so scared and embarrassed.....but he never did anything like that again!

Our 5 year old son stole a key chain from K-Mart and we caught it as we were leaving. Without our son knowing it we spoke to them at the K'Mart service desk about it. We bought him back into the store and had the people at the service desk give him a good "talking to". They weren't mean but were matter of fact. He's now 14 years old, still remembers it and hasn't stole a thing sense. Just what we did.
Happy Parenting,
S.
MAMAsource business owner

When I was about your son's age I stole some red licorice during a visit to a grocery store. When my mother saw it when we got to the car, she immediately took ME back to the store to return it and apologize. That was a very powerful lesson. Although it may be too late now, consider having your son return to the store and admit what he did to the manager. And perhaps grandma should be asked to have him return the item in the future and admit what he did to someone at the store. Grandma's avoidance of the consequences for him so that he did not have to take personal responsibility could have more serious long-term impact than the original act.

My 4 y/o stole a $1 item from JoAnns a while back. I had HIM return the item and explain that he didn't pay for it and that he realized that it wasn't the right way to get it. the person he gave it to was an older lady who knew that I was just trying to teach him a lesson and thus also called of a manager for him to also explain that he won't take anything again unless he has the money to pay for it first. We went to our Chuch's free sale and he was very careful to ask if he had to pay for the toy he wanted. And when we use coupons to get stuff free he asks if we paid for it.

H.