My son, who is 7, and husband had their first tribe meeting for Adventure Guides. If you're not familiar with Guides, it's like scouting but all activities are with a parent and child. So a tribe is several fathers and their sons. My son knew the boy where the get together was and the kids all played together. My son came home with a small toy and said the boy had given it to him. He seemed sheepish so I suspected he took it. I told him if he wanted to tell me anything else about it and if it was in fact, not a gift, I would appreciate his being honest.
He quickly fessed up and in fact stole it. We talked about stealing and how it was wrong and we would not allow it. I told my son we would have him return it to the family. What would some of you do, considering he stole it but was honest and told me the truth? Is returning it enough of a punishment? This happened right before bedtime, so we discussed returning it right before he went to bed.
A couple years ago, he took a very small ball from a fair that we had not paid for and he was not allowed to keep it or play with it.
Anything like this happened with your kids?
My husband called the dad and arranged for my son to return it tonight. They were very gracious and my son apologized. Hopefully lesson learned! Thanks!
He was honest with you, so I would let it go this time once he returns the item, but if it happens again more needs to be done.
Many young kids steal at some point. My son stole a decorative rock from a store once. He knew it was wrong because he waited until we were several blocks away before removing it from his pocket and playing with it, thinking we would be too far away to go back. We turned right around and walked all the way back.
Kids do this all the time. It doesn't mean he's a bad kid or you're a bad parent. Have him return the toy and apologize. If it's a first time offense, that may be punishment enough, but let him know that if he ever does this again, there will be more severe consequences.
Sometimes when they see something they want, they have trouble controlling their impulses. It's good that he was honest with you and confessed, rather than continuing with a lie. Let him know that while you are disappointed by his action, that you are proud of his honesty, and that if he ever makes a mistake, if he is honest with you, you will help him to correct his mistake.
Have him return it and apologize face to face...and let that be the lesson.
I think the embarrassment of returning it in person and apologizing will be punishment enough right now. I remember when I was about his age, I stole a plastic Strawberry Shortcake ring from a dime store and my mom made me go back and hand it to the manager and apologize. I was so embarrassed, I learned my lesson!!!
If it were my home that the toy was taken from and a child came to me, returned the toy and apologized, I would definitely have compassion. Kids are in a process of learning right from wrong.
It sounds like you are doing a great job of discussing this with him and following through with consequences.
This is a natural consequence. Having to go admit what he did and return it will be painful for him, but make him do it.
My brother stole a candy bar from a store when he was 4. My mom had the police come and take him back to the store (we were on a small Naval base annex and knew the police well). He never stole anything else ever.
Just return the toy and apologize that your son took it.
He obviously knew it was wrong. I would only discipline if he did it again...because now he officially knows better.
Oh, yes. It happened at least once per kid at my house. At one point or another, the child ended up with somebody else's toy. There were explanations of anything from "Oh, he gave it to me, I think," to "I have *no* idea how it got in my pocket."
Always, it came out that the taking was a toddler-like impulse thing - "I liked it, so I kept it."
Sigh. For all the teaching parents do, sometimes it's making the bad decision - on impulse - that teaches the best lessons.
You asked your son to be honest, and he was. That's good. Thank him for that; you want to encourage his being honest and up front about such things, because he'll make more mistakes as he grows up. He needs to know you're for him even when you're against his action.
Take him over to his friend's house today (call first to make sure they're home). Let him 'fess up, give the toy back, and ask forgiveness in person. He could ask his friend if there's anything else he can do for him.
After you're in the car again, ask your son if he thinks there should be any other consequence. It sounds as if he has a sensitive heart right now; he might come up with something you might agree with (be careful that he isn't too hard on himself out of drama - he doesn't need to give all his toys away or anything like that). Or you might decide that isn't necessary to do.
Then declare an end to this little adventure - it's over and it will not be rehashed.
Will it happen again? I don't know. But an experience like this can often be a better teacher than a hundred lectures from Mama.
I would not punish him. I think returning it and apologizing is enough. Have him write a note apologizing and saying why it was wrong to take it. Since you did have a big talk and he should understand now that stealing is wrong, let him know that there will be a consequence next time.
Praise him for his honesty and let him know that, when he is honest with you, you will not be angry. It might not keep him from having a consequence, but you won't yell/be mad if he tells the truth.
you're a good mom! well-handled!
i think i'd add something to just returning it, but you absolutely don't want to go so big that he loses his excellent habit of being honest with you. maybe write a letter of apology to his friend and the parents? a weekend without tv. something like that.
stealing is a Big Deal in this house, and 'fessing up would not be enough alone. but most kids DO try it at some point, and you've got a good handle on this. i suspect your son is going to grow up to be an honest, ethical person.
khairete
S.
Yes return and apologize.
My opinion is: he will be so embarrassed by having to return the toy and look the parents in the eye and apologize, that will be punishment enough.
This actually happened to ME! When I was young, I took a quarter during a Brownie meeting. My mom found the quarter, asked me about it, and I too, acted "guilty" so she knew I had taken it. And it was also at bedtime so nothing was done that night. The next morning, however, she walked me to my Brownie leader's house and made me ring the bell. When the leader answered her door, I had to hand the quarter back to her, tell her I had taken it, and apologize to her. Honestly, it was so stressful for me I never took anything else in my life. When I get too much change back at a store, I'll even return it! I think making him handle the return of the toy (probably to the boy's father, since it's "scarier"), and having to apologize for his actions, is punishment enough. Hopefully it will have the same effect on him as it did on me when I was young! Good luck!
Know that as horrifying as it is to a mother, this is a typical kid thing and he's not destined to a life of crime.
Take him to return it and apologize in person. It has to be face-to-face, no notes. Be there for it, but he has to do the work and the speaking. This should be punishment enough if he is remorseful.
If he wasn't, then you'd have a different situation on your hands.
I think having him hand it back and say sorry was enough.
Had he lied to you, that would have been a different story. My guess is that he will be embarrassed enough in having to return it and apologize that he will not do it again.
Sometimes, the natural consequence is far more instructive than a punishment. When we remove something from where it was supposed to be, the natural response is to return it and apologize. The end result is that he will be upset *with himself* for doing this. If you add on to this consequence, it becomes a punishment and it may overshadow his feelings of contrition, so he becomes mad at YOU for the extra penalty. Not the same thing.
That said, if it happens again, then loss of privileges is in order. Maybe no tv/media--whatever his 'currency' activity is--- for a week.
I would have him return it in person, with a written apology.
If it happens again, I would ground him from the next friend event he wanted to attend.
No, returning is not enough. My son took a toy from the kid care at the Y - he sucked at being sneaky about it. He returned it. We talked about if someone took something of his and how he would feel.
We then took away tv time, ipad time for the night, and we WERE going to get snow cones, but we said we couldn't because he stole something. We basically took things away that he liked until he cried and FELT that what he did was bad.
It worked. Take everything he usually gets to do because it's fun away today when he gets back from school, and tell him why. This is how the kid would feel if he went to play with the toy that was stolen and it wasn't there because your child took it. He needs to feel why it's bad.
