Staying Home on Christmas

Well I started this once and it just disappeared. Sorry if this shows up twice.

My husband and I have been married 21 years and have a 19 + 15 year old. We made the decision before we had kids that we would be home at Christmas and have not regretted it. We did make exceptions here and there but for the most part stuck to it. I do NOT think you are being selfish at all.
What is funny is because of my family's jobs (all of us worked in healthcare or hotels) we hadn't celebrated Christmas ON Christmas in years. But when I got married and then pregnant all of a sudden it was "tradition". We made new traditions and you will too.

In good health,

Lori

I love spending Christmas with family. We travel to my dads house. Its a huge "party". I come from a large family. It is so fun. Crazy but fun. My mom died 10 yrs ago and Im glad I made these "sacrifices" My husbands mom also died. So I feel that it maybe a hassle but NO REGRETS later. You never know when something tragic could happen. Its only a couple of days of craziness but I think it is all worth it.

It is wonderful to spend time with immediate family and traditions observed, but I also want my sons to know the meaning of extended family, roots and that those relationships are important as well. My parents and my husband's parents are both in their late 70's. Who knows how long they have in this life. The holidays are special to all of them. This is the first year we won't be with my folks and it is hard for me as well as the boys. Of my sisters, I was the one that went to the family reunions, the gatherings and have tried to instill that those family members are valuable as many do not have those relationships. (Can you tell my husband and I love history?!) When we were growing up, we couldn't wait to go to Grandma's. The one thing I have always tried to remember is what ever we teach our kids, they will in turn do to us. One of my sisters is finding that out. Now her son and his family do not come home as much, gather at family functions, because it was not deemed important when they were growing up. I have told my neices, be careful on how you treat your parents, your children will treat you the same way. Okay, I agree with time at home but balance is the key word - all relationships are important. We spend Christmas morning with our immediate family, then decide who and where and when around the other days. Enough said and I hope you all have many blessings and great holidays! S. R.

Hi S.,

When I was young all four of my grandparents were alive. They were older and not able to drive the hour and a half to come to our house. It did happen a couple of times but that's it. I looked forward to going to be with the family. Mainly because my parents looked forward to being with family. The attitude of our parents tends to sway ours. If you could imagine for a moment being in your 60's, 70's, 80's, and living that life. It may be a life of not much at all. Maybe your not really able to do a whole lot. And everyone you know is talking about "what's going to happen over the holidays" - "are the kids coming in" etc... and then you have to explain why you are not important enough for your kids to want to spend one of the remaining Christmas's that you have in life - with you.
Now turn it around: How exciting to get your home ready for your kids and Grand kids to gather around at your house and brighten up one of those dreary, lonely days in your life.
I think to switch houses if you'd like it would be good. And you don't have to do it on Christmas day but I wouldn't want to teach my children that they should leave me out on Christmas's to come. I may be a widow...how sad would that be?

Besides - over the river and through the woods to Grandmothers house we go...

God Bless

not to be the downer, but i feel christmas is about family, not playing with new toys. it's our job to teach our children that, by example. and i feel as the younger generation it is my responsibility to take my family to see my mom and grandma. i would also be humiliated if my spouse stayed at home with the kids and sent me off to visit my family on my own, for christmas. maybe i'm crazy, but i have never heard of people, lucky enough to have family nearby, choosing to stay at home on christmas. i hope that you make alternate plans to see your family (and his family is your family now, you married them as well) as close to christmas day as possible, i can see where it would be hurtful to them if you chose not to. another idea, since christmas is on a friday this year, is to do all your visiting on christmas and christmas eve, and spend all day saturday or sunday in bed vegging out. just a thought.

I never understood why I had to pack up a baby and all of the gear she required, destroy her nap/eating schedule and exhaust my husband and myself just so mil-grandma would be happy. Who's really the selfish one here?

Thankfully, my mom insisted that we start our own traditions and has never put any pressure on my to be at her house over the holidays.

Hang in your jammies, drink hot chocolate and watch your kiddos play with their new toys. Enjoy these moments because they are young for such a short time. If anyone makes you feel bad about it, then realize that THEY are the selfish ones.

Have a wonderful holiday and do what is best for your family. They come first, no matter what anyone else says!

the whole point of Christmas is to give, not receive. And "giving" to yourself is not the same. Christmas should be a day when you give your heart and soul & expect nothing in return.....not even recognition for your efforts. Think about what God gave us....& you should feel humbled.

That said, in today's world of splintered families, it is a blessing to have a core family...a blessing to be wanted... & a blessing to have the income/wherewithall to be able to have a home (that's not foreclosed) & gifts for your loved ones. There are many, many families out there who would love to have what you are so willing to toss aside.

Part of functioning within a family includes sacrifice, biting your tongue, & feeling at peace over choices. Sometimes it takes a lot to do this, but in the end...when we are faced with "dust-to-dust"...will we regret our choices to not be a part of the family picture?

I, too, run an inhome daycare. I also have 2 children. I fully-embrace those times when I have my home & my children ALL to myself. BUT !! Our whole focus, as a family, is to perpetuate an appreciation of our multi-generational family....to embrace the differences, to honor those before us. I have wonderfully fond memories of many family parties, nights of card games, & bbqs...enjoyed with cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, & 4! great-grandparents. That's HOW you become & stay a family.

If you don't appreciate what you have...then neither will your children. When you are on the receiving end of this, how will you feel?

OK, I am going to take a middle of the road response here. Why not alternate where you celebrate Christmas? It is important for young families to set their own traditions and make their own holiday memories. As a Grandma I can tell you that we don't suddenly quit enjoying Christmas and other holidays just because our children are grown and gone. There is nothing that I love more than celebrating Christmas, or any other special day with my grown children and my precious grandchildren. Sometimes it happens at our house, sometimes it happens at their homes.
Christmas is not just about having the day off and playing with new toys. AND Christmas doesnt have to be celebrated on December 25th!!! Why not pick another day, a Saturday or Sunday close to Christmas and suggest that all of the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc get together at one central home and celebrate together? You will be making wonderful memories for yourself and for your children and the grandparents will love the chance to spend time with you and your children.
Don't look at all of this as a "duty"...this is family, be positive, and be inclusive, tell them that you want to begin some new traditions just for your extended family. I bet they will embrace this new idea!!!
Merry Christmas and God Bless
R. Ann

Staying hm is fine but remember Grandparents like to see the grandkids on Christmas. I'm all for not dragging the kids from house to house- We did that when my kids were little, but now that we are Grandparents of 5 boys which all live within 15 min of us and we see them often we would be crushed if we didn't see them sometime over Christmas. You might want to visit one side of the family Christmas Eve day or Christmas Eve for an hour and maybe the other side of the family Christmas night for an hour. You could also invite the Grandparents to your home (you set the time)for them to see the kids. You don't have to do the dinner thing just have the kids give their gift to the Grandparents and say Merry Christmas-We love you.

The problem nowdays, are attitudes like Suzi and Jennifer's response. It's the "all about me" mentallity that SO many people have. Christmas is a time to spend with your family, whether you feel like it or not. Don't expect people to "come see you", if they want. If you can't make sacrifices one day out of the year, then that says alot about you as a person. Also, I don't understand letting kids make the decision on an important day like this. Of course any kid is going to want to stay home and play with their new toys, what kid wouldn't? So, the my kids don't want to, explanation is only teaching kids to be selfish. Just what we need, is another generation of selfish people.

My parents would drag us to our grandparents' house on Christmas Eve & then again on Christmas Day! I hated being dragged away from my new toys & most of the time didn't like any of the food they had for dinner. In the beginning when I only had one & my grandparents were still alive we did alot of visiting but I tried to get most of it in on Xmas Eve, didn't always work though. My father's family was the least understanding when we didn't come back up on Xmas day. Now we don't go anywhere on Xmas Day unless the kids are wanting to. I just tell people it's alot for them to take in in one day (even though mine are getting older)& they want to play with their new stuff, try on their new clothes, charge everything, put batteries in everything, & quite frankly I'm exhausted too. If they can't understand it's a lot of hustle & bustle to shove into a small amount of time..oh well! we don't have alot of "traditions" that we do on Xmas, but have just turned it into more of a whatever the kids feel like day. I've tried the big breakfast or the big dinner & they usually weren't in the mood for all of that & it just made another mess for me, so I gave that up. Sorry, I wasn't more help, but I am definitely with you on the staying home thing!

Christmas is about CHRIST - the birth of our Lord and Savior! Not about you, not about me. It's about spending the day reflecting on the Christmas Story and how to glorify His name. The tradition I most love is reading about the First Christmas in Matthew and Luke. Whatever you do, whoever you see, wherever you are - remember that and all will be well. Blessings to you in this Advent Season.

Light the Advent candle one
Now the waiting has begun.....

Candle, candle burning bright
Shining in the cold winter night
Candle, candle burning bright
Fill our hearts with Christmas light.

S.-

I come from a Military family where we only saw extended family a few times a year so we were always home on Christmas Eve/Day just as a family. We always made homemade pizza (including dough) on Christmas Eve, then opened one present, then went to Church. On Christmas morning, dad made a huge breakfast and we had to eat before opening any presents or looking under the tree!

Now that my husband and I live within 10 minutes of both of our families, we spend Christmas Eve with his family, Christmas morning at home and Christmas afternoon with my family. It works out perfectly because we do not need to share the holiday since his family celebrates the night before and mine celebrates on the day of!! His family still has three kids under 18 at home so their Christmas is a big to-do with tons of presents (9 kids in his family) and at my parents house, I have a 16 year old sister and she waits to open her presents until we get there.

My sister-in-law asked me the same question you were asking and I told her that we will forever spend Christmas Eve with his family and Christmas afternoon/evening with mine because that is one reason we wanted to live close to family - so we could spend the holidays together!

As my kids get older, we may push back the time we go over there so they can play with their toys that they get from us and Santa. However, every other year, my brother, sister in law and niece and nephew come for Christmas from Colorado and that is their kids only Christmas and as long as they want to wait for us for the kids to open presents, we'll probably go over there around 11am.

If you and your husband want to stay home, then that is your right. But don't get mad/upset at his family because they just want to spend the holiday in your company. Why not stay home but plan 2 hours to visit with family? Or why not invite everyone to your house (with a rule that you have to wear pajamas?). What about having your Christmas with them another day or on Christmas Eve instead?

Can you have people over to your house? Invite everyone to come over in the late afternoon/evening. There's no reason YOU have to be the one to travel every year. And you're absolutely entitled to some family time. If you don't establish this now, you'll be stuck every year going from house to house.

We live far from family and we stay home on Christmas because my husband is a pastor. (He can't get away!) As much as possible, we stay in our pj's or in very comfy clothes, sing Christmas carols, spend some time in the snow outside, etc. If we lived close to family, I would probably invite people over if they so chose. My family has to run enough the way it is, so we don't want to have to do any more unless necessary.

I can't do it this year because I have to go to Iowa and back on Christmas. We don't have a choice this year for various reasons. Most of the time though, I am right with you! Christmas is a day of rest, relaxation, family, and anything you want it to be. If they want to come and see you, let them come. But tell them what hours they are allowed and that it's not turning into an all day thing.

updated response....

My dad always said, "The road runs in 2 directions". There are always people in the world that seem to think that it's up to everyone else to do all the running. I can't speak for or against anyone else and what they choose to do with Christmas. Personally, I only get 2 freaking days off per year and I'll be danged if I should spend them on the road. You know what??? Thanks for being rude enough to remind me that I am important too! I was going to go to Iowa and show off my new grandson. But now I think I'll just stay home. My family has NEVER came to see me in all the years I've lived in Missouri. The only family that matters to me lives right here. If they want to see us, they know right where we are.

So that there wasn't tons of traveling done every holiday me and my sisters just go to one half of the family each year. So one year we all see each other and the next we spend it with our husbands family. It is great because we are on the same schedule so we can all see each other and not feel like we are missing something. Some of the husbands family has adopted this too. Most of my husbands family is far away and with our jobs we can't go see them on the holiday so on their year we spend it at home.

Good Morning,
We began this same tradition just last year as we moved into our new home. My MIL felt I was taking Christmas from her, but I noted to her our Christmas woth her side of the family didnt always fall on the 25th anyway due to my husbands sisters who either lived out of town or went out of town. PLUS, I was making memories for MY kids and starting tradition for my family, it wasnt about her anylonger. My mom loves that I do this. Now we have a Christmas Brunch at our home, we invite both sides of that family, they can come if they want to or not, but it's theit choice the invite was open. Now there is no reason for anyone to be alone on Christmas, they can come to our home to visit instead. Our kids can play with their new toys and enjoy the day with the family.........ALSO one big thing, I do absolutly NO GIFT EXCHANGES with either side of the family so no one feels they are imposing on others moments, so we schedule the gift exchanges for seperate fammily gatherings. Good Luck and enjoy your christmas. You also must remember do not sacrifce your holidays for someone else, think of your kids and what you want to pass to them and not give up this chance for someone's else who just cannot understand.

Hi S., we do not budge from our house on Christmas day. We do have it a little easier in that only my mother's half of the family lives in the area so we do go to my Gransma's on Christmas Eve. But I have told my dad's family and my husbands family that we will not be traveling on Christmas. Mother-in-law grumbled a little but we don't get along anyway. And I know that my dad's family misses seeing us since we use to go there every other Christmas before my kids were born. But I hated to open presents then pack them up to go somewhere else (I use to spend Christmas day with my best friends family). And when I was a kid we would travel at Christmas and hated it. So my hubby and I said that we're not going to do it. Christmas will be at home and we have a wonderful day with just the 4 of us. If anyone wants to come see us they are welcome, but we do not go anywhere. If you want to stay home make it your tradtion and set it in stone. See if there is another day you could get together with them, Christmas Eve or the weekend after Christmas. Worry about your little family of 4 right now. Good luck and God bless!!

Before we had kids we went from house to house. But after our kids were born my husband and I decided it was important that the kids get to stay home with there toys and enjoy Christmas. We visit on the 26th.

Just because it's a holiday doesn't mean you have to make it to see everyone as you once did before the kiddos.I have 3 kiddos and they get tired cranky hungry & so do I.It would be so much easier to stay home & have them come over for a visit.But it won't happen.Things have gotten so crazy now that it has to be spread out xmas eve is my parents for lunch & gifts my husbands grandparents is dinner & gifts my inlaws is inbetween these 2 with nothing to eat but junk & gifts christmas day back to inlaws for lunch my moms & dads family side dinner & gifts.Before it was spread out we would have dinner at my husbands grandparents in the evening we would go around 7 then my parents house after 9 @ nite wouldn't get home till almost midnite I had to put an end to that after a few yrs.Don't feel quilty you have a family now and need to make your own traditions.Happy Holidays