Staying Connected During Deployments

My husband served in the navy for five years. He was a CT so we did not have as many separtions as most Navy couples, but we did have a few. One silly thing I did once was spray my perfume on a letter I sent to him, I thought it would be funny, but he loved it.

I think the biggest thing is allowing them to be involved in your everyday life so don't feel left out and they can imagine themselves home. How about taking a friend to your next OB appointment and having them record the heartbeat or take pictures of the doctor measureing your belly. You could post a video on u-tube for him to watch and email him the pictures so he doesn't miss out on all the neat new things that come along with your first baby. Send him pictures of any neat new things you buy, like the crib, etc. Or better yet, email him photos of choices so he can be involved in the selection.

When the baby is born send him another video once per week and lots of photos. It will be something for him to expect and look forward to during the week.

My brother is also in the navy and works on subs. They surface once per week to get emails, and photos take up a lot of "bandwidth" so posting on a site like myspace or photobucket may make it easier for him to view than if they were attached to an email. Also, Walmart and Kodak both offer free online photo albums that are completely private.

I am trying to figure out what kind of a vessel your husband is on that he can only check email once a week and call only in port. I was in for 20 years and on air craft carriers and had access to a computer everyday and could make a call everyday as well if I wanted. I flew over to a destroyer and a cruiser and the sailors there had the same access. Now the guys that worked the flight deck and in engineering couldn't be on throughout the day but could get on at least once a day. My husband was fast attack subs and they had no access to either back when he served but they do now on a limited timeframe. But there are no fast attacks here and if he is on a trident then they typically don't get port visits unless broken but they are only out for 70 days or so not months and months.
To answer your question, when I was deployed I loved getting pictures of the kids and a few of my husband. I was really into taking care of the yard and my husband would take pictures of my flower beds and send them. Snack food and microwavebale food were a hit too and magazines and books. I didn't really eat in the galley much if I could help it. Anyway, I was on an allowance so I wouldn't cut into the bill budget and if he sent me things like shampoo, deodorant, lotion, etc then I didn't have to spend my money that I was saving for port visits which was nice too. On the carier, we got mail almost daily and we also got it for all the ships with us and would helicopter it over the them almost every day as well. If you have any questions about anything navy related feel free to email me and I will do my best to answer. I retired in Oct 2007 but it hasn't changed that much since then and I still have friends serving. I have been the one to go and the one to stay and I have to tell you for me it was easier to go (until I had kids). Oh and if your kid is born while he is gone, he will be one of the first off when they come home which is nice. Just continue to do what you are doing and keep talking and writing true feelings, communications is key to the survival of the relationship. He is not really changing while away and remembers you the way you were when he left so keeping him informed will make him feel more attached. It is like moving away from home and then returning after years and everyone grew up and you remember them little.

Does he have the opportunity to Web Cam while is is away. My cousin does his with her husband but he is not specifically in the Navy so I don't know if this is an option or not. Worth looking in to. Then you can see him and talk to him live on the occasion. I hope you are able to get some helpful information that will make his deployment go well!

Give a big thanks to your husband for me! And thank you for being a supportive wife to him! And congrats on the new baby to be!

It sounds like you have received some wonderful advice so far. I second the notion of recorded stories, etc... My hubby would read us (me and my belly) stories at bedtime. Within seconds of my son being born, he recognized his father's voice. Daddy can be a part of bedtime every day, for both of you that way. I am also a firm believer in the hand written love letter. E-mail can get your hopes up for instant gratification, where a pen pal relationship is a little gift every time filled with anticipation and excitment. Kinda like a hot date. Letters can be so much more meaningful, doused with perfume, covered in kisses, and littered with baby prints.

Take lots of pictures. Make sure you are in some of them. Don't become an invisible mommy in the background. Talk about him daily to your baby. Get connected with other military moms, or just other moms in the area. The first year can be hard. The first 6wks can be harder. There is a great new moms group though Providence Medical Center. It was a lifesaver! Anyway, I congratulate you on your new family, your strength, and your lasting love.

When I was across country from my sweetheart, we would go on long distance dates. We would both go to the same movie on the same day, or I would go out to eat and order something that I knew he liked off the menu. Little things like that helped us feel together even though we weren't. What would you do if you were together? Do it. Don't think about it too much, and don't feel sorry for yourself for not doing it. Just keep on keeping on, and you will find ways to honor each other and with luck and love, and a little help from above, your love will coninue to grow!

Lucy,

In the first 8 yrs of our marriage, my husband was Navy. I understand your plight. One of the ways we stayed connected during our separations was to write notes. Daily activities as you would discuss over the dinner table, naughty notes to keep the anticipation of reunion alive, and news of friends and family were all a part of our communications. Once, I surprised him with a new photo sent that I had taken at a Glamour Shots studio...to save costs, have a friend help with a digital camera and a good printer!! (he still carries that photo).

I have saved all our letters and cards over the years, and the ones I am most attached to are the ones that were exchanged during our times apart.

PS, also surprise him with a new gift of an ipod or such loaded with favorite music...

good luck and God Bless,
T.

Lucy,

It has been many moons since I was in this position but my suggestion would be to go back to writing letters. They are ever so much more personal than email anyway and I think they did the trick back when that was the only way to communicate with the men who went off to war (think WWI and WWII). You can develop a certain amount of intimacy with the written letter that you just can't get even over the phone. You could both commit to writing every day or if his job won't allow every day then every few days? Think about how you will be able to save those letters (or at least the appropriate ones ;) ) for your children to read. It is a great legacy and wonderful way to document history!

Good luck to you both!

Deployments can be so hard. It takes a special kind of woman to be a Military wife, we sacrifice so much. I don't have much new as far as you and your hubby, mail, pictures, ect... But one thing I do for my kids is recordings. My husband will record himself reading stories, or singing a lullaby, or just talking to the kids, and that way they still get to here his voice everyday while he is gone.

I purchased a gum by the foot package removed the gum and then typed up in small print a note for each day. Taped them all together and put them in place of the gum. That way he could pull out that days note and tear it off like tape. I estimated when he would be crossing the international dateline, or when he would be in port. Some times it would only read "dream of me tonight" or "hugs". When my hubbie got home I looked in his datafiler and found he had taped each note to the coresponding day. Also set a time and place and have a date. What I mean is at 9pm tonight look out on the big dipper and think of me I'll be thinking of you. Then compare notes on what you thought about. Even though you are in different time zone if you each stop and think it helps.
On the bright side your husband will be one of the first ones off the ship when they get home....

Back in the days when we only had audio tapes, my long distance friend and I sent tapes to each other. It was much easier to tell about the daily seemingly insignificant incidents that we wouldn't have put in writing as well as express feelings. We also got to hear each other's voice. I think that you can record on cd now. Does he have access to a DVD player. It may be possible to convert photos to DVD.

If he gets snail mail more often than he's able to access e-mail, you could write to him in between the e-mails. Same for him. He could write to you.

I think keeping a daily journal, wording it as if you were writing it to him, might help you feel close.

We are also a military family that has gone through alot of deployments. Currently my husband is away and won't be back until August. My husband also missed the birth and first 4 surgeries of our four year daughter. He also missed the first 11 months of our 2 year olds life. I TOTALLY know how you feel. It is hard staying together, but if you truly love each other you can overcome anything. One thing you can do is each of you keep a journal, addressed to the other, then when you are together you can exchange them. You can also buy a book( two copies) and send him one and you keep the other and then when you talk you can discuss the book and feel connected again. Just hang in there. I know that it is not easy!!! My husband and I will celebrate our 15 wedding anniversary in May. It has not been a piece of cake. Military life is hard on the spouses too. This last time when my husband came home from Iraq, we were the only couple out of his platoon of 11 married guys that were not getting a divorce. There is alot of things that you can do to make him feel special. When my husband had his last birthday in Iraq I mailed him 33 birthday cards. Feel free to e-mail or call if you want to talk or if you need any more ideas. I am an army wife, mother of 4 kids, one who has had 9 surgeries. My cell is; ###-###-####, and my e-mail address is: ____@____.com in there!!! S.

I can honestly say I feel your pain. My husband has been in the Navy for 11 years (we've been together for 6 of those years) and he's in until retirement. Unfortunately, a huge part of being a military family is learning to put your relationship on hold. I've lost track of how many deployments there have been, but all of them are equally as trying on our family and our relationship as a couple. You have to hold onto your love for him and just keep going until you can be together again. It's hard, but you're what keeps him going, even if he can't write or talk to you. His family is why he's out there on that ship and we have to console ourselves with the knowledge that as much as we're thinking about them, they're thinking about us.

My husband doesn't get to email much, either. So I relish the few I get when he finds the time. Some of the things I do to help keep him connected to the family are pretty much the same things you're already doing. Lots of emails updating him on what's going on at home (with me and our 3 kids) even if I don't get replies, sending care packages with his favorite treats, love notes, pictures; sometimes slightly naughty :) and little gifts to make life on the ship easier. Beyond that I don't know what else we can do.

They say parting makes the heart grow fonder, but 6 months is excessive :) Take care of yourself and congratulations (my 7 month old was born while daddy was out to sea, so I can empathize on that level, too).

Come to think of it, our husbands might be on the same ship.

Lucy,
It sounds like lots of people have similar advice: writing letters, sending packages, taking lots of video and pictures, writing in journals that you can swap later, keep pictures of him close by and talk about him often. All good things. I have a few other suggestions. Maybe you could send him a "control release" package. With different things wrapped or messages for him, that his is to open one a day. So he always has something to think about you on that day. Or maybe send him a photo album of pictures of just you and him. You could write a love journal for him, of things that you love about him, or that you love to do with him, so he can read it often. One thing that I think can also help, is to pray for each other every day. Just taking that time to think about him and ask God to watch out for him, can help so much.

I wish you luck, and thanks for your family's sacrifice.

Hugs, J.

I don't think I can offer anything more than what you already do. Keep up that stuff! It sounds really good. I just wanted to thank you for you and your husband's commitment to this country, and to thank you for the sacrifices you both make! I wish you luck and blessings for your baby! Thanks again, and I hope other moms have some great ideas for you!

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I'm in the same boat! The Dr is actually talking about inducing my labor the day after he leaves, and won't move it up even two days so he can be here! One thing that has help my husband and I is that he leaves little gifts (usually cards, candy, dates to send flowers) with one of the other wives on the boat and every so often I get something. I send him off with a large envelope of cards and letters and pictures that he can open while he's out (usually enough for two a week, though he never gets to them all and always has a few left over for in-port duty days and things).

Hope these suggestions help a little. The other thing I can tell you is to find someone in your area who knows what you're going through (another wife from the boat?) and get together every week or so just to talk and hang out!