Spacing Children Out...

My older boys are now 8 and 10. They are 8 days from being two years apart. They truly are each others best friend. When I was pregnant the second time, I made it fun for the oldest. Told him that it was his baby too and that he'd have lots of fun teaching him all the things he needed to do. They're now inseperable.

We now have a 2 1/2 month old as well.....they think he's the most awesome lil guy ever.

A.,
I sense the reason for the devastation in your friend's case is that she had twins, which is entirely different than having one baby.

I belong to the Centerville chapter of MOMS Club (an international organization for stay-at-home mothers). You may want to look into this yourself. Great network of moms and a great opportunity to socialize your kids, too. Anyway, most of the moms with 2 children had baby #2 when the first was 2 or 3. It is a nice spread.

My two are great at 2 yrs apart. I can, however, see the benefit of having them 3 yrs apart because you have a shot at having one potty trained and you likely have one talking at 3 also. Neither was the case with my first, but we all did great. Too far apart puts them at completely different stages of development and managing toys and such gets more challenging (what is great for a 4 yr old is a choking hazzard for a 1 yr old).

I recall being very nervous about having my second, particularly as it related to my first, a boy just like in your case. I absolutely adore my son and didn't want him adversely affected by #2. I tell people that I think God plans those first months with the siblings in mind (baby sleeps much of the time and can't move around to disrupt the siblings toys and such). The development of the second gives you time to integrate them slowly. Does that make sense at all?

In short, whenever you are ready, go for it.
My best,
S. :)

Hello A.. We have a 11 y/o, 7 y/o, 4 y/o, and six month. Each one reacted diff to having a new sibling. My 4 y/o couldn't wait for the baby to be born (she was 3) she went with me to the Dr appts, helped pick out clothes for the baby and did everything to prepare for the baby that I did. Personally, I think that makes a diff b/c she was included in every aspect of the baby joining the family (she was very mad that she couldn't watch the baby be born) :) Also, when I was still pregnant I helped her adjust to not getting all of mom's time and making her wait when she needed something, I'd say "oaky, I will be there as soon as commerical comes on" or something like that so that when the baby came home she wouldn't get mad at the baby since mom couldn't go running to help her. Best Wishes.

I have two children, a nearly 8 yr old girl and a 14 yr old boy. Also I have three step-children, 20 year old twins and another 18 months younger. I can tell you from my experience, having MY two so far spaced out was a MISTAKE. The two of them are on each other's nerves all the time. It has been this way pretty much since my daughter was born. The age difference is just too great. On the other hand, my husband's children are extremely close. (They are also all boys). They played together all the time when they were young, they do everything together and look out for each other, they have mutual friends and, being only just over a year in age difference, went to high-school together. In living with these kids for the last five years, I am wishing my two were closer in age. Maybe then, they would better relate to each other and be friends like my stepsons instead of just siblings.

3 is really the best time to have another baby. I am having twins and my son is almost 3. I am trying to get him involved with me with the babies and he is doing very well no one thought my son would be ok with use having 2 more babies but he likes it and he get to go to a class to learn to help mommy with the babies That is going to be the best you can do for the child is get them "Involved".

Every kid is differant and will react differant, I have a freind who's daughter did the same depresion thing when her twin brother and sister were born, and she was almost 6 at the time. My two are just a little over 2 years apart and are best friends, I love having them so close together (but the first year was hard), my son had issues for a total of 5 days, then he fell in love with her. My brother is 4 years younger than me, my husband's brother is 4 years younger than him, we both knew we wanted our closer together than that, 4 years was akward, we never were very close untill we were adults. Good luck in finding what is best for you and your family.

I have 3 children, and each of them are almost exactlly 4 yrs. apart.... They were great w/ the whole thing..... But, I explained to them as soon as I found out I was pregnant, and got them involved in the whole process (allowed them to help as much as they wanted too).....
Now, they do tend to get a little irritated w/ the youngest who is 19 mos., because she wants sooo much to be with them and do everything they do, and My son who is 9 (the oldest) get irritated the most w/ my middle child sho is 5 (girl)... But, it's because he's hitting that age where he needs more space, and he's use to having my parents all to himself (and they are now taking the others more often)....
Not, because they didn't care about the others, but because my mother was too afraid she wouldn't know if/when my daughter's were having an asthma attach, or what to do.... But, now my 5 yr. old can tell her...
But, it's really up to you as to how far apart you want to have your children.... Do you want to take the time between, or have them closer and get the diaper phase over at once (as some would say).... LOL
I don't regret my choice at all, it gaves time to spend with each of them in different phase....... Because, each child is different!!!!!!

I think that the reason her child had a hard time was because she had twins and that can be hard because it takes a lot to have 1 newborn let alone 2. You have to make your baby feel like it is a big deal to him and involve him in the pregancy and helping with the baby when it is born. My children are 20 months apart. In my opionon having them close was the best thing for them and me. (It was an accident but it worked out great) My son and daughter are so close that they play very well together. I think the reason is they are so close. When they are further apart the less they have in common and that can be hard. Plu a 3 year old is going through a lot of changes as it is and then to have a newborn added to the picture is hard on them. I believe that 2 years in more that enough time between them. So go for it and good luck

My first 2 are about 20 months apart and I never had any problema out of my daughter when her little brother came along. The problem I see is know that they are older and so close in age they just fight a lot like siblings do. They are 7 and 5 now and I also have a 14 month old. My son was 4 when she came along and my daughter was 5 (almost6). Again my daughter had NO problems and I must say she is very helpful and LOVES her baby sister more than I could have ever hoped for. My son on the other hand tended to get a little jealous at times, but I do believe a lot of it was because he also wanted to help out, but there were just some things he wasn't ready to do. He couldn't carry the baby and my daughter could and it made him mad and sad. I guess if you really want to avoid the devastation or depression thing then you either have to have them really close (when they are too young to understand) or much further apart (when they are too old to care). Like I said though I think it depends on the child themselves and there is no way for you to know how your son would react. I know many people who have had kids in between mine and they didn't have problems. It seems to me that your friend just happens to have a child who did have issues, but that doesn't mean your son will.

From my experience with my four children and from being a daycare owner is that the best time to have another child is before your last one turns 2 or after they turn 4, I have found it quite difficult going through the terrible twos while pregnant or with a newborn. It all depends on how your son does with other children and how you can handle more than one child. I think the reason people say those ages is because between 2 and 4 there is alot of things your child goes through like, potty training, preschool and so on and it is difficult to go through that to begin with, but to have a newborn or an infant too makes it more for mom to deal with,

I too had twins right after my son turned three. It wasn't easy at first (he was king of the castle too!). He mostly just ignored me for the month after I brought the babies home and he did do a little bit of regression with the potty training like the other response. What I did to curb this is I made every Wednesday my son's "day with Mommy". I had a friend or my mother come over and sit with the twins for a few hours while I took my son to the park, the library, or to the grocery store with me. This helped IMMENSLY because he knew that he had his very own day with me. As the babies got older I gave him little "tasks" to help me out (like get a diaper, help bath one of the babies, or help Mommy make a bottle). I think this helped him think he was a good brother and helper. I'm not saying that we didn't have our days - we did and still do! BUT, the twins are 18 months now and my son gets along with them great, most of the time, and between me and my husband we still take him alone with us to the grocery store or the library etc. without the twins (it's easier that way anyway).
Hope this helps!
~B.

Hi A.,

I currently have one child and I have been debating this same topic about when to have another. I have decided to start trying again when my daugther is almost 2 1/2. I have a friend who just had another baby while her daughter was 2 and she said it was terrible. She had a hard time being pregnant and having a newborn while her daughter was 2. She said that her 2 yr old was potty trained and that she regressed to going to the bathroom everywhere again and had to be re-trained and that she had behavioral issues after the new baby was born. My husband is one of three kids that are all 6 years apart. My mother-in-law says she should never have had them that far apart because they have nothing in common with each other and do not get along very well now. It seems like the advice that I have received says that having another baby when yours is about 3 or 4 is the best time.