Spacing Children

I have both as my first 2 are 22 months apart, and the 2nd and 3rd are 35 months apart. Both work fine and have their advantages and disadvantages. In general I found the 2 year gap easier (and neither of the first 2 were easy babies). It was tiring that first year, but they were easier to group for naps, diaper changes, etc. (And I actually preferred changing 2 diapers to changing 1 and making countless bathroom trips for potty training.) My middle daughter plays with both the older and younger, but is probably a little closer to the older (2 year gap) sister. Either way will work out fine, so don't worry too much about it. Good luck!

Well, my kids are 6 weeks shy of 3 years apart. They are now 20 months and 4.5 years. There is some rivalry but it is getting better now that they can play together a bit more. My son who is older can be very demanding of my attention at times, my daughter is more easy going.

We were aiming for 3 to 3.5 years apart and got pregnant on the first try (not expected at 37). I have a younger sister who was born the week I started Kindergarten--not a great age split. It took me years to adjust because I remember a lot before my sister was born (and I was the spoiled first child and grandchild). My husband has a brother 16 months older and there was a lot of competition between them growing up. I personally think 3 to 3.5 years is a nice split. Some like a closer spacing. Really, anything in the 2-4 year range is going to be a lot of work when you have a new baby and another child at home. Just plan ahead and line up whatever help you can for the first few months.

My advice would be to space them 2 years apart. My sons are this and they are pretty much interested in the same things now at 6 and 8 and make really good playmates for eachother. I see friends who have kids spaced farther apart and the kids are in different places developmentally and really don't play with eachother.

I think it is worth it to deal with the difficulty in the beginning because the payoff later will be huge,

B.,
Do whatever you want. Stop caring about what other people say and do what is best for your family. I don't mean to be ignorant really I just think you can listen to others stories but you can take peoples personal stories and apply them to your life. Every family is different, my 3 are roughly 19 and 21 moths apart I love having them all big girls and now I am considering adopting a baby. This may not be good for someone else but it's my family and I am happy with the decisions I made.

Mine are 4 1/2, 2 1/2 and 1. They love each other no end, and having them play together makes my life easier than having only one did. We never bought into the theory for one minute that the siblings would have difficulty with each but rather that they would love each other. No jealous antics would have been allowed, and none were tried. The older ones had their own special attention for being big brother and sister.

There is no difference between 33 and 34. I had mine at 35, 37 and 39.
Things are much easier now that my daughter is 4 1/2 than when she was three, because she's more mature at helping, so that may be one argument to wait 3 years. However, the sooner you're past the pregnancy and recovery the better, so there's the alternative. Whatever you do, you'll be happy. Good luck!

I went through the same thoughts as you are. I knew I wanted two children, but had such terrible morning sickness and a rough start that I wasn't sure if and when I wanted to go through it again. Needless to say we decided to go for number two and it took a lot longer to get pregnant the second time around. We tried for nearly 8 months, so be prepared for that as well. I'm currently pregnant with baby number two, due in October and our son just turned three a few weeks ago. Just remember that you can plan all you want, but that might not be what ends up happening. We've come to the realization that this was perfect timing for us even though it wasn't what we had planned initially. Our son in out of diapers and has started preschool. We'll only have to buy diapers for one baby, and I'll have some alone time with each child. Good luck.

My wife and I had 8 kids. The first three are 14 and 16 months apart. The closer my kids are together the better they played together, the more they did together at all ages than my kids that were further apart in age.

One child is the hardest to raise. Three are easier than 1 and 5 are much easier than three. If you have three they will pay together very well and if one gets mad and doesn't want to play, the other two will play and the mad one will get over his mad much quicker. My three oldest helped each other with home work, often played on the same sports teams and played in the band together. They did Boy Scouts together and went camping, fishing and other scout activities together. Each one helped the others get their eagle scout and helped do the eagle progect and merit badges.

I would have all my kids as close as the first three if I could have.

Good luck to you and yours.

My kids are 4 years apart... it is GREAT!
I was, older than you, when I had my 1st and 2nd child.
We got pregnant naturally.
It was fine, my pregnancies were fine, my kids were born fine.

I was glad, that my kids are 4 years apart... my eldest child, was then more 'mature' to handle having another baby in the home and she was at the age that when I was pregnant, I could explain things to her in age-appropriate ways to her... and explain that baby will cry/wake/I have to nurse it.... when baby came home. So, although we didn't purposely plan our kids 4 years apart... it just happened that way. But I am glad for the spacing. And my kids are very close and are like 2 peas in a pod. They adore each other.

good luck,
Susan

My boys are 18 months apart. Not planned. I'm not gonna lie. It was harrrrd the first 2 years. It's still hard, but the worst is having 2 diapers to change at 2 different times, sometimes one after the other. Trying to time naps so that the baby sleeps and the big one sleeps is very difficult and stressful. The sleepless nights with baby and play filled days with older kid are hard and exhausting.
I don't really remember how it was when I brought home #2. Honestly, it's all kind of a blur. I remember bringing him to bed with us and laughing because I would never have done that with #1. There are actually a lot of things that I do/did with #2 that you wouldn't have seen with my firstborn.
But. That being said, it gets easier as time goes by. The boys are best friends and love each other like twins. I will be able to go back to work sooner than if they were spaced more. They will both (God willing) move out at about the same time in the future, leaving my DH and I with time together.

If you want to have another one, just go for it. Remember, ultimately we are not in control of these things any way, God is. Sometimes it can take 6 months or a year to conceive anyway. Or sometimes there are surprises that we could not have anticipated and it's still OK.

I think it is really up to you. You may not have the morning sickness with the second, and the sleepless nights will come no matter what. I have two, 2 years apart. I had actually planned to have them 2.5 years or so apart, but I wouldn't change it. I was pregnant when my son became a bit more independent. If I had waited a bit longer, I might have not wanted to go back to the baby phase again, as it was getting so easy to pick up and go somewhere spur of the moment. I like that they are close enough to be friends, but far enough that they can still have their separate interests. My son loves his sister and I think that some of the upset of adding her would have been amplified if he was 3 instead of 2. He will remember less of his one on one time, and just always remember life with sister. If I have another, I think I would do the same spacing....just got to talk my husband into it. :)

My sis and I are 18 months apart, and my kids are two years almost to the day. I actually think 2 years is perfect, but that is just my opinion.

In my opinion the longer you wait to space out your first from your second the more your first child gets used to being an only child and a lot harder the transition when it comes time to sharing toys/attention and so on.

My siblings and I are all 2 years apart and I always liked that. Of course I am the youngest and 4 years different younger than my sister. We have a brother in the middle. Growing up I was much closer to my brother. My sister always made me feel like I was a nuisance to her and she had much better things to do with her time. However now as adults we are very close and mostly because we both have children around the same ages.

But back to my girls they are 2 years and 2 days apart. During pregnancy it didn't really effect my relationship with my oldest. However, there were nights where I was just extremely exhausted and my husband was very good at helping me out. After birth, my daughter didn't really have anything to do with my daughter. It didn't really change her lifestyle however I don't know if it was the age or what but she seemed to get more adventurous, I thought because she knew I was busy with the baby. All this being said, she was never mean to her sister. And, yes that first year it was pretty tough balancing things out, but then I couldn't wait to get out of that baby stage with my oldest too. After my youngest turned a year is when I really saw the bond grow between my daughters. And now that they are 5 and 3 I am so happy I had them when I did. They have more common interests and are able to play good with each other.

But regardless of what you choose, in the end it will work itself out and you will love each and every one of your children just the same.

Well this really depends on your family. That being said I have two children -1st @ 33, and 2nd @ 37-they are exactly 3 years and one month apart. My first was a really difficult high maintenance baby and I would have gone crazy if I had another any sooner. My second is the exact opposite- so easy, mellow, amazing how easy he is.
I had no problem getting pregnant with either of them without any fertility help.
They are now 4 years and 11 months; my husband would like another (I'm on the fence about it) and we have decided to revisit the idea of no birth control in another 6 months.
I personally would like them to be at least 2.5 years apart if we decide to have another one.
My daughter loves being a big sister and showing her big brother about the world. The hardest part was the first 6 months when her brother was "boring" (in her words) and on the eat-sleep-poop-repeat cycle.

i have a 2 year old and me and my husband are trying right now to conceive (which i dont think it will take long since im 21 and it only took 2 months with my daughter) But we decided to space our children about 3 years apart. So we could give our first child all the attenchen she needed and she would be potty trained and not having 2 kids in diapers, more understanding of having a sibling , and she's at this age were she loves to play with her cousins so having a sibling would be awesome for her so she can have someone to play with. Most important it wont be as stressful of having two kids so close. Me and my sister are 3yrs apart and we have such a good relationship and thats what i want for my daughter. I hope this helps....

My boys are 22 months apart and my husband and I are still very happy (they are now 6 and 8 years old) with our decision. The boys play togehter all the time and are not so far apart in age that their skill levels are so different that they can't ride bikes, play with Legos, etc. together. Babies are a lot of work, no matter how far apart siblings are. One thing that was easier with my older son being 22 months old when his brother was born, was that he didn't know what I was doing when I was breast feeding, so no akward questions, no stories being relayed back to pre-school, etc. It was dificult dividing time between both boys when they were very young, but it is much easier now because they can play together and I can get something done - like typing this comment! Keep in mind that just because you want your children to be a certain number of years apart, there's no guarentee that you will get pregnant as easily, or with the same difficulty, as you did the second time as you did the first time. Pregnancy does become more risky for both you and your child as you get older, so if you wait to start trying until 34 years old, you may conceive at 35 years old and automically have a high risk pregnancy. Not exactly fun to consider, but it is reality. Good luck with your decision.

I have 3 kids and they are all 2 1/2 yrs apart , like Joanna F said , you can only do what is right for you and your family , and if you are not 100% certain that now is the right time to start trying then it probably isn't. The age gaps of mine was planned and for us it has been good , the youngest is now 26 months and easy when it comes to going out for the day with what you need to take with you and for travel. It's only a matter of months now aswell for diapers which I am looking forward to!. Don't assume that because you had sickness with the first that you will again , I had none in my first 2 and the 3rd I had all day every day sickness until 16 weeks.

I guess what I am trying to say is , there is not a perfect age gap , what works for 1 family won't work for another , I wanted my kids closer together , and others like bigger age gaps , just do what feels right for you and your husband. Yes your son may have some jealousy issues , but he will get over it , and if he is 3 rather than 2 it doesn't mean he won't act out.

My plan has always been o have them three years apart. Have the older one potty trained and in a bed and more independent so that I could focus my time on the little one who would need me more.
That being said, God's plan was that I have them 2.5 years apart (not that big a difference) but I have managed to get the older one in a bed, and need to work on potty training. I have been having a hard time nearing the end of my pregnancy now being able to carry her when she would like, so I don't know if the 6 months would have made that much of a difference (other than she would have been heavier, LOL).
I don't think there is a perfect time, and we know that the best layed out plans don't always work out according to ours, sometimes things just happen:)

Good luck!

Mine are 3 yrs apart to the week. It is great! They play together well, interspersed with healthy doses of sibling rivalry and are very very close. Right now my daughter is 8 and my son is 5. I was a bit older as I had my first at 36 and the 2nd at 39. My first was not a difficult baby but I, like you, could not jump back into having another so quickly, I had a lot of morning sickness too, etc.
It was pretty hard for me as a mom to adapt to subdividing my 1st baby's attention for the 2nd child who brought with him instant guilt because I now couldn't give him all my attn that I gave the first. That lasted a good year. But now I couldn't think of life without two of them...it is great to see how much they play together, relate so well to each other and what a great gift they are to each other. My husband and his younger brother are 4 yrs apart and I have a younger sister 2 yrs below me so we kind of averaged that age difference with ours....also, it is good for school age so they are far enough apart that they are having a special time of thier own with their classwork and special events, and their out of school activities. I think 3 years is great! Oh yes, my daughter willingly potty trained right before the baby was born so I was only diapering one, and it helped her so I could talk about what a big girl she was, can she get me a baby diaper for the baby so she felt special to help out and it actually reinforced the potty training!

My children are seven years, and then five years apart! I know it sounds like alot, but time went by quick, and I felt similar to you - I didn't want to be over worked. I wanted time to baby the baby and it was easier when the older child could do some things for themselves. Both times the big sister took to the new baby fine - and even spaced apart they get along great.

B. R each pregnancy is different you might not have any morning sickness with this one. I have three childred the first two are 27 months apart the 2nd and 3rd are 24 months to the day. They get along wonderfully sometimes they hang out together they have a few common friends not many. I really enjoy the fact that they get along so well for the most part. I must admit they do have their moments and it can get a little shakey at times and when they were young they fought more then they do now. So I have to say either way could work very well. Good Luck J.

My kids are two years apart and I love it. They are the best of friends. It was hard for the first few weeks but then my daughter got used to having a baby brother and loved helping all the time. The nice thing was that while I was pregnant my daughter was too little to understand why mommy was tired and not feeling well. She had no clue what was going on. Also, I was able to nap with her everyday, which helped tremendously. I think 2 or 3 years apart is fine either way. I just wanted mine close. Good luck figuring it out.

I am nearing the end of my pregnancy with number 2. When he is born, my daughter will be 3.5. We will see how it all goes, but I can already say that the fact that my daughter is potty trained and can dress herself for the most part is a HUGE help for when #2 comes. Things will be difficult enough with two to tend to, but in my opinion, if my daughter were younger, I would be here at the end of my pregnancy lifting her into her highchair for every meal, lifting her into the car (I still do this just a little sometimes, but she can usually climb in herself), picking up her toys every evening (she old enough to do this herself now, I'm absolutely blessed!), bending and stretching to change her diaper if she was not trained, oh the list goes on... my point is, the difference between a 2 year old and a 3 year old is a BIG one, so all I can say is, wait until your son is 3 before having another child, you will find it quite a bit easier I think.

I will tell you about our family...I am 2 yrs younger than my only sister and we are uber close! My hubby is 2 yrs older than his only brother and they are uber close! My 3 kids are 2 yrs apart and so far, so good...but they are only 6,4 and 2 :) My 2 SS's are 3 yrs apart and they are kinda close...they fought A LOT at about 9 and 6 thru 14 and 11 yrs old...it was terrible! I also noticed that my oldest SS seriously took advantage of his lil' brother because of the age difference...always talking him into things that usually left the littlest getting the shaft, so to speak. My 2 nephews are 4 yrs apart and they do not get along at all...way too much of an age difference...they never really played together, only for a short time when they were really small...now that they are 15 and 11...they have nothing in common and get on each others' nerves!

So I say, bite the bullet and have them 2 yrs apart:) I had serious morning sickness with all 3 of my kids...literally puking all the way till the end and even in the delivery room with 2 of them....yes it sucked but you get thru it!

I was doing the same thing in deciding to space my children. My SIL, who has 4 children with the first 2 two years apart and the second two both have three years between them. She told me the two years apart was harder and three years apart was perfect. Things didn't happen as quikc as I'd like and my two are now just 2 months shy of 4 years apart. I LOVE it, my son is so independent and although I worried that since he was an only for 4 years, we'd have jealousy but we really haven't experienced that yet. They are also different sexes and I think that makes a difference. I think I'd rather have a boy and a girl four years apart then two boys or two girls, b/c I do think they may have different interests at different times of their life. I figure girls and boys already have different interests, so the 4 year gap shouldn't be a big deal. And I love that my daughter has a big brother! If I do have more I will probably do it much sooner, only b/c of my age..but if age wasn't a factor I think I'd do closer to the 3 year spacing. Good luck!

Hi B., Spacing children is like playing russian rulett....somehow you're never gonna win. We have three girls. The first two are 2 yrs & one week apart in age. They are very close and even share a few friends. Our third is 3yrs & 3 weeks from the second. WOW what a difference! Sure the older two were a big help (getting stuff & picking up behind themselves) when she was a baby, but since she got old enough to have her own opinions, thoughts and feelings (right after the cute toddler stage) the age difference has really be apparent and caused some fighting....which is calming down a bit now that she is 13...but that 5 yr gap between oldest and youngest is still huge! She has spent years being a "tag-along" while her sisters do things that she was "too little" to do. Now that she is branching out she resents that they don't want to "go with" her or watch her concerts etc. If I had it all to do again, I might have had her eariler or even had a 4th closer to her age. The transition from 1 to 2 is hard, but the transition from 2 to 3 children is worse (cause your outnumbered! LOL). Remember to take time out from the baby each day to spend one on one with your oldest and you will keep the jelously thing down to a manageable level. Little ones all want your undivided attention and they have to learn to adjust no matter how old/young they are. That's what life is...learning to swing with changes! :-)

Remember that each pregnancy is totally different, as is each infant. Chances are that your next time around will be a breeze! FYI the older you are, the chances of having a harder pregnancy change as well. You should consult your doctor about that. Good luck & best wishes.

I was planning on having my children two years apart, but didnt happen. I just had my second son two months ago putting them at almost exactly four years apart. Now thinking about it I couldnt imagine having them at two years apart. At the two year mark your first is still potty training, or beginning potty training, very clingy and needy and having a newbie puts alot more on you, which obviously you know! Three or four years is very ideal. My four year old loves helping! Having a child that likes having their own space and being independent ( what they think is independent) is great. Good luck to you on whatever you decide, it'll be great either way!

My boys are exactly two years apart (birthdays are a day apart)...it wasn't planned exactly, just happened that way. I'll admit it was tough the first six months or so....I nursed for the first year and in the beginning I was nursing 8-12 times a day and had a very active two year old on my hands so it was tricky! But now, they are 3 and 1 and absolutely adore each other and are a blast together. Babies are tough when you have another little one to worry about and don't think one year (2 vs. 3) makes much of a difference. Good luck!