Son Is Completely Uninterested in Sports

No it's not a problem. Sports are great but so is art, music, science, reading, cooking, carpentry, playing outside, daydreaming and about a million other things.

Sports is not at all important to me. I only required my kids to do swim lessons (safety) and music, and as long as they were physically active it was fine. They've tried soccer, martial arts and basketball, but are more interested in choir, band, theatre and piano. This is fine with me because I would really rather watch theatre, band or choir than any sort of sports. Theatre, band and choir all teach teamwork.

I agree about swimming. That's a safety issue. My only concern is that kids need other like minded kids. My son calls it his "tribe". It doesn't have to be sports, it can be Scouts, music, band, choir, some group where he shares common interests. He's young so maybe not now but by Junior High.

I can't stand this sort of pressure that parents put on other parents. I got the same thing, and I was told in no uncertain terms by certain parents that I needed to have a color-coded schedule to keep my son's soccer separate from his taekwondo and so forth.

Guess what? I didn't. My son wasn't that interested, but he was physically active in many other ways. He was always the kid organizing the neighborhood kids for frisbee and tag or bike riding or nature walks. He did a brief season now and then of soccer or basketball through the town recreation program, but nothing stuck. So what? He discovered track in high school and really devoted himself to it, flourishing as a runner and as a team captain/leader (see the "organizing" part above!).

Let me suggest that exactly .0001% of the kids in your town are going to go into professional sports or even get college scholarships for athletics! It's complete BS that a 7 or 9 year old will be "way behind" because he didn't make himself miserable at 5 or 6 standing around a field with zero interest in what's going on. And it's possible that your child is picking up on the competition aspect, and he wants no part of it. Kudos to him.

He's in kindergarten. Let him be a kid, and as long as he does something for physical activity, great. In fact, I think kids who make their own fun turn out to be more creative and better at critical thinking. It can be tough to find a few kids to do stuff with if the whole neighborhood is over scheduled 5 days a week, but you can be creative with rides/play dates (where he will get plenty of social time) and tons of independent play. He can also go to the library story programs, help get a few kids together to collect food for the food pantry, maybe join Cub Scouts or a kids' chorus, or get a family membership to a local children's museum where he will connect with other kids, even if it's just for a one-shot deal. My kid loved museums, always found kids on the beach to work collectively on a sand castle or big bucket of hermit crabs, dug for critters in the woods, and hunted frogs at the local pond. Go for it!

You can stand up to these parents and just say, "Sorry, that's not how we're spending our time" or "Sorry, I don't agree that it's necessary for all kids."

Not every kid is interested.
Also - he's pretty young for team sports.
Wait till he's about 8 or 9 before you have him try a sport.
He might like it - or he might not.
It's not the end of the world if he doesn't.
Our son also doesn't care for team sports.
That didn't stop him from becoming a 4th don taekwondo black belt.
He can break 4 blocks of wood at once - it makes great kindling for our backyard bonfires.

It doesn't matter what other kids and their parents do.
Contrary to popular opinion - your kids activities should not be a competition between parents.

I knew a kid who quit taekwondo to compete in skate boarding.
We live near the ocean and some kids learn to surf.
There's a whole world out there and a bazillion things to try - and SO MANY OF THEM have nothing to do with being on a team.
Maybe he might like something that won't give him a concussion before he's out of high school.
I worked with a guy who played football in college - he wouldn't let his son play at all - he said it just wasn't a healthy sport and he didn't want his kid putting up with the pressure and injuries.
Just chill on this and enjoy your kid.

No, it's not. What is the problem is that some people treat it like it *is* a problem.

My son is nine and he couldn't care less about sports.
We have given him ample opportunities to experience different sports activities. Signed up up for a week of soccer in the summer-- he hated it. Signed him up for a tumbling class-- wanted to do his own thing. We did 6 months of judo (boy, we tried!) but he was so checked out and disinterested, it wasn't fair to the other players. He was relieved when we let him stop.

Kiddo does like to play outdoors, but if you gave him any choice of activity, it wouldn't involve a ball, more likely a tree. He LOVES climbing trees, so we had him go to a bouldering gym for a while to practice his climbing safely. He did is for a while, got tired of the gym for a bit, and now is in our cherry tree every chance he gets. He bikes or scooters with friends, we go for daily walks. He's just got other, equally engaging, interests. Boy Scouts is a great one for teamwork and following directions, by the way.

There was a problem with his not caring for sports when his old PE teacher retired. She was fantastic with group games where the kids all spent lots of time moving (instead of team sports where you are all standing around, like kickball or softball, waiting and waiting).... the new teacher is a young guy, really into soccer and typical sports (instead of individual) and my son hated it. Not every kid is cut out for it or finds it fun. Now, when we walk by his old school, there are signs all over the playground detailing the rules for *every* game in their area... instead of letting the kids develop their social and creative skills by making up new versions of the game or letting the kids work it out, this is supposed to make all the kids have less squabbles about the games. The adults are working hard to take the fun out of recess there.

So, not liking sports is only a problem if the adults make it one. :)

nope.
My kids LOVE soccer and play all the time. Some parents may be shocked that my kids aren't into music, drama, art...you get the idea.
Our kids have their own ideas, it's what makes them amazing.
Your kid does NOT need to play soccer or baseball to be social, that's just crazy. Kids that don't want to play a sport and vocalize that and then have a parent sign them up are in for a power struggle. Not fun.
Let your boy be who he is.

Mine didn't like team sports at age 5. We tried, and took them out.

My competitive hockey player kid - started years later than most. Didn't affect him in the least.

At that age, we did swim lessons and skating lessons here. And they did scouting or guiding for little ones.

We exposed our kids to stuff. I found you could pull kids up to about 3 weeks in. There was no pressure.

Sometimes our kids asked to be in stuff. One wanted to play clarinet. Hated it half way through the year. Had insisted he would enjoy it.

It's hard to know. I wouldn't worry about it at 5 years. It should be whatever is fun for him. It's a place for them to meet friends who share similar interests.

My nephew was not into sports at all. He was a smaller guy and really didn't like most of the typical things like football, basketball, soccer, etc. and he was never really good at most of those anyway. He never did sports in school. He did enjoy things like chess and now that he's grown up, he loves to bike ride and travels continuously. The only thing I can think of that they miss is the opportunity to bond with others on a team, but there are other ways to do that. There are clubs (like chess club) too.
As long as he gets exercise, playing sports isn't a requirement in life! My nephew just did a 2 year term in the Peace Corps and has turned out to be a great person who has helped others enormously.

First, there are lots of kids that do not try sports until they are 7 or 8. Most kids don't quite have the motor skills to succeed in sports until that age. It's great if they try and love it sooner, but many, many will not feel successful until they are a little older.

Second, your son really doesn't understand what you are asking him when you say, "Do you want to try soccer?" Sign him up and let him give it a try. Even if he doesn't love it, it will be good for him to have that experience. Having him try a sport will give you an idea of other sports he might enjoy.

My parents signed me up for things when I was younger. They never asked me if I wanted to do it. I played softball for 10 years (my favorite), soccer and tennis for 1 year each and was on the swim team for 2 years. I was also in Girl Scouts all through high school.m

I'm so glad my parents had me try things. It gave me a chance to see what I might like, and it helped me to be open to trying new things.

If he's not into sports, don't push it. Just because many young kids play sports, doesn't mean they all do, and certainly doesn't mean they all have to. My son is very active in sports but has a few friends that don't do any at all, or that tried it for one season and never went back. It is too much time and money invested on your part if he's not into it.

If you're worried about teamwork or the social aspect, there are a lot of other ways to get that depending on his interests. He could be in a play or take art classes. He could take a group music class. You could bring him to the park after school to play with other kids, or invite friends over to your house.

He may also prefer an individual sport, such as martial arts or tennis. But again, no big deal if he doesn't.

If he wants to try soccer in a couple of years, it won't be too late. Some sports are harder to pick up later than others, but soccer is not as hard.

Ask him what he wants to do. Find out his interests and then find ways to get him more involved in those. As long as he is happy and has friends at school, then he's well socialized. I wouldn't worry about that.

I insisted that my kid learn to swim for the same reason as you. It's a survival skill.
I did not insist that she play a sport.
As for social aspects of team sports, kids can learn that in lots of other ways. My kid was a theatre kid. That was what SHE wanted to do. Performing in a play teaches the same social and team-player skills as sports.
Let him pursue his own passions, and tell the jaw-droppers to mind their own business.

I feel so bad for your family...you won't get to run around like chickens with your head cut-off, you won't get to sit and watch games in the freezing cold, you won't get to deal with overzealous parents, you won't have to constantly tell your son to suck it up and play when he's crying that he doesn't want to....
I hope you know I was kidding! My 3 boys aren't into sports and I couldn't care less. My youngest played U4 soccer and all 3 played Upward Basketball for 3 years. They are 6, 8, and 11. And, yes, at this point it's too late to "start" playing. I personally don't like how the fun was taken out of sports where I live. There are very few teams (except Upward) that let you play just for "fun". If you suck at whatever sport by age 8, then nobody wants you on the team. A lot of teams in our area travel by age 8. I'm glad I'm not schlepping my 8 year old 45 minutes away on a school night for a game. Last year, a friend's 8 year old daughter played soft ball. Her games didn't START until 8pm. 8pm?!?!?!? My 8 year old is in bed by then! Another friend's son is the pitcher for a little league baseball team. He's 11 and has had 2 shoulder surgeries already because of the wear and tear on his shoulder.
There are plenty of opportunities for your son to be a part of something to be social and a good team player. He can do band, 4H, student government, boy scouts, community service, etc. I would definitely encourage your son to find his niche, but don't feel bad if it's not sports.
If you and your kids love sports, great! If not, great! Do what you want to do:)

I don't think so. We like to say that our son comes from a long line of equipment managers!

Our city has lots of options for kids, and if DS expressed an interest in something and said he wanted to take a class, I would tell him that he had to finish the class. He sampled fencing, acting, gaming/robotics, chess and improv.

What "stuck" was chess and improv. He's found his "tribe" there...kids who love strategy and kids who love comedy. Chess is not a "team" activity, but writing sketch comedy definitely is.

I think you learn sportsmanship and getting along as a team as much at home as on a playing field.

Chiming in from an east cost city, but - I would say, sports are NOT a "must do", for boys or for anyone! Maybe there is some social/cultural thing about boys and sports participation in your town?

As some posts below describe, all of the skills that are learned through team sports can be learned in other ways. And "signing your son up" for team sports seems a bit silly when he is so uninterested. Yes, you are the parent, but, there are many paths that will give him team-sports-type experiences.

Not at all! I'm surprised you allowed yourself to be sucked into asking this question just b/c a few people had a diverse reaction to your answer. Neither of my kids played sports and they are 2 of the most intelligent, compassionate & chivalrous people I know. I can't say that for some of their friends who played sports though... Stay confident in yourself & your family's choices. You know what's best for your family!

ETA the idea that sports are required for college is nonsense. Well rounded doesn't just mean athletics. My SD got into some very competitive schools and has never in her life played a team sport, nor was she musical. She is trained in MMA but because that's outside of school it doesn't show up on a transcript so it doesn't "count." However, her transcript was filled with the clubs and activities that she enjoyed - Green Team, science team, math team, Amnesty International, robotics team, etc. Colleges would rather see a passionate student who charted his or her own course than a cookie-cutter kid who played a sport just to check the "athletics" box.

Original: No problem at all. Organized sports at this age are great for some kids and totally overwhelming and boring for others.

My 18 year old played t-ball in the spring of Kindergarten because it was really low key and he liked the hat and t-shirt. The following fall, he played his one and only season of soccer and hated it. Then dabbled in instructional baseball and intro-level basketball. Wasn't good at or interested either. He did nothing in 3rd grade and finally at the end of 4th grade, decided to try lacrosse, which lasted 3 seasons.

The summer after 4th grade, at age 10, he suddenly decided that he wanted to play hockey. If you listen to collective wisdom "no one" starts hockey at 10 as it's "too late" and "everyone else started when they were 3," etc. Well he asked and asked and asked so we borrowed equipment and put him in one series after another of 8-week classes. After more than a year of this it became obvious that he wanted to play for real so he joined his first team in 6th grade, played through high school and still plays now. Lots of kids don't find sports that they like until they are later in elementary school or middle school. I know a lot of kids who tried new sports in high school or college - there is always time and room to learn.

So...if he becomes interested in sports later, then great! There is a lot to learn from team sports - committing to the schedule, going to practices even when they're boring and playing hard in games even when you're losing (or it's hot or cold or raining or whatever), team work, being coachable, learning new skills, improving your game, managing your emotions, etc. However, he can learn those things in contexts other than team sports, like scouting, academic clubs/teams, drama, ensemble music (playing in an orchestra or band or being in a musical), etc.

Don't worry about this and don't listen to the naysayers.

Back when I was a kid, pretty much the only organized sport available to younger kids was Little League in the summer and that was it. Kids didn't start organized sports until at least Junior High. Apart from that, they organized their own games, whether it be baseball, basketball, football or whatever and had tons of fun because it was just kids and no strict rules. Seeing how crazy the organized sports have become and how they affect younger and younger kids, it makes me very nostalgic for those loose, sloppy early '70s.

My son is just about to turn 10 and continues to show little interest in organized sports, even though he's a big kid with some athletic talent. He plays sports in gym or with his friends and occasionally we'll do a sports day camp when he doesn't have school. I was insistent about swim lessons because he was afraid of water and we have an in-ground pool. Now that he can swim well, we've let those lessons slide too. I hope by the time he hits Junior High he'll find a sport he enjoys and joins a team because I do think athletics and learning team spirit are very important. However, since I have no illusions that he's going to be some sort of sports star, I don't feel it's critical that he join a team now - particularly if it's just going to make him hate the sport. So many kids we know who started sports young have already dropped out and have zero interest because they were burned out on it or were injured. I'd rather my son find his own sport that he enjoys later than be pushed into one now. I did cross-country, volleyball and skiing in high school - all my own choice - and enjoyed all three immensely.

Not having an interest in team sports is not a problem or a flaw. It isn't even unusual; half of the kids are not in a sport and don't want to be.

Neither one of my sons were interested in playing on a team, although they did enjoy martial arts for several years. The dojo and it's members had won a lot of competitions, but mine chose to not compete.

The 'shocked' sports parents are just like the 'shocked' musical parents who will tell you that you need to get your son started on an instrument, stat. There is no reason to force a kid to do these things. Lessons in teamwork or advancement in mental skills can be acquired by other means, but sometimes parents see their own path as the only option.

Your son is his own person with his own interests. Encourage him to explore what he likes and he will find his place among others who share them.

He's not interested in sports. Good that you don't force him. HE doesn't need to be in sports. To force him would be detrimental to his sense of well being and gives him the message that he has to do what other kids do. Forcing him to do samething that is not neccesary for his well being sets all YOU up for neccesary stress. YOU want him to be successful in what he does. Encourage his interests; not the interests of some other children.

of course it's not. don't let other parents' shock alter your own sensible parenting philosophy.
why is it EVER 'too late' to start something? i mean, it's not likely he's going to end up on the NFL or an olympic soccer team, right? so what if he decides to put off playing baseball until college, or in an adult league, or never?
i never liked team sports. i did track and rode horses.
saying it's a social thing is wack. it's not like your son never sees any other kids outside of a sports practice, is it?
i've been shocked by parents saying they never read bedtime stories to their kids, and yet the kids seem to grow up unscathed.
i think that declining to force your kid to do something he's not interested in demonstrates thoughtful parenting.
khairete
S.

My son hated the idea of team sports. He didn't like the pressure of letting a whole group of people down if he didn't play well.

And well honestly he was not made for typical sports. We put him in swimming for safety but he never wanted to join a swim team. We put him in martial arts also for safety and he is currently working on his second degree black belt at 12. There was no choice on martial arts personal safety is important. He plays the violin, he didn't really want to but we told him until he picked a different instrument he would play that one and he doesn't hate it and isn't half bad. He is also taking Spanish...we live in Texas. He needs to be bilingual.

I got the whole team sport thing from other parents as well. We are in Texas after all, home of the Friday Night Lights. And they were right if he wanted to play organized sports by middle school which he started this year he would have to have started at 3 or 4 years old. The other boys are quite good at football, soccer, baseball etc. My son can program in java script and design single use servers.

They help him out in PE and he fixes their Minecraft games and computer issues. He is very social...just not into sports. I am pretty sure he will end up okay.

My son also was not interested in sports but I made him try different things. I basically coerced him into doing it...or bribed him. I would give him a choice of 3 sports and let him pick which one sounds best...or something else if he had any other ideas. He would put up a stink before it was time to go and complain and say he didn't want to do it. Over the years I have made him do swim classes, gymnastics, a dance class once when he was 4, soccer (for 2 years!), ski team (which he liked because he likes skiing and didn't have to do race days), tennis (which he also liked but again would not compete) and ice skating lessons. He is almost 13 years old now and I don't make him do sports anymore. He tells us he hates team sports. He likes to go bike riding with friends. He likes to go to the skate park. He likes to ski. But he refuses to do any sports. Honestly, while your son is little I think you should make him do one physical activity just to get him doing something. It does not have to be a normal team sport. It can be lessons with a friend...something that is fun and not stressful. I (like you) have noticed that there is a huge push to have boys in sports and it is perfectly ok to be a non sporty boy. Good luck! Added: they are still so little in Kindergarten. They don't really understand or know what doing a sport means and how it could be fun. that is why I had my son try different things starting at about age 4.

Oh my God. He is in Kindergarten. Seriously?

My son, is 12. Does not play a sport, doesn't like to be on a team, but plays with friends. He however is a Boy Scout , and is very active outside and there is no pressure . It was his choice. I let him decide.

Not a problem at all. The current emphasis on little kids in competitive sports is just silly. As long as he is physically active and learns to swim all will be fine.

My son (he's 28 now) didn't like team sports. There was a year when he played Little League, maybe around age 8, mostly because his two cousins were crazy about Little League and wanted him to play. He did one season, enjoyed it ok, but then his cousins moved on to a much more competitive traveling league and he didn't continue with any sort of team sport.

His interests lay elsewhere, and he had plenty of socialization. His love is music and audio technology. He learned to be a good team player and to take instruction by joining various music groups (school choirs, school bands, his own middle-school made-up bands with a few pals, private music lessons). He graduated from a very strict college and works as an in-demand audio engineer.

Sports are not the only path to learning, to developing into a cooperative team member (team in the general sense, such as a musical team, an office team, a law enforcement team, a team of educators), to becoming a physically fit person, or to have a supportive social network.

As long as your son is able to accept instruction and correction from appropriate people (teachers, adults in charge of activities, authorities like park rangers or law enforcement officers or crossing guards), is able to get out and ride a bike or walk to a friend's house or run with his dog, has friends, and is developing into a responsible and trustworthy and polite young man, you're doing a great job.

Sure, there are people who think if a child isn't in dance class by age 2, in t ball by age 3, and on a team by age 4, they're doomed for failure. There are people who put their 18 month old child in an academically-oriented school so they'll be "ahead" by pre-k. They have their applications in for prestigious schools before the birth certificate is signed. That's their prerogative. It's not mandatory.

Don't be apologetic. Just say that your son's interests lie elsewhere and team sports just aren't his focus or interest. Ignore the eye-rolling.

And yeah, don't let up on the swim classes. He doesn't need to become Michael Phelps, he just needs to master enough to be safe in the water.

It is not a problem. Don't let other parents influence decisions made for your child. Swim classes are a good idea. If you force your sin to do a sport,he will resent you for it.

As silly as it seems participating in sports at a young age is part of the consideration for getting into a good college, 13 years from now. Kids now days need a resume to get into a good college. This should include sports, playing a musical instrument, community service, and good grades. He may not want to be in a team sport but he may like Martial Arts.

Even if he doesn't ever get involved in any sport he will do fine in life. He may enjoy dance instead of sports.
To me it's better if he is happy that taking part of a sport he hates.

B.,

Your son rules the roost. Wow.

I had my boys signed up for different sports. Baseball stuck with my oldest. My youngest tried it and didn't like it.

Have him TRY different things. He won't know if he doesn't like it until he actually tries it.

Team sports are good for many things:
* good behavior
* how to win graciously
* how to lose with dignity
* how to get along with others you might not like (a life skill)
and much more.

Tell your son he will TRY sports. He won't know if he doesn't like it until he tries it. And I would seriously NOT take any flack from him over this. Attitude is everything and if he's convinced it will suck. It will. As long as you cave when he doesn't want something? He will rule the roost.

GOod luck!

In truth by 7 or 8 they're pretty much done with soccer and into football or basketball or baseball. There just aren't many kids still playing soccer unless they're on traveling teams. Which means they were really good and earned their right on that team.

He might not ever like sports. Why is that important to everyone? He could be an artist or writer or musician later in life and still never want to play sports.

See if he wants to do piano when he is reading really well. He has to understand the way a page works and be able to move from line to line almost effortless before he will have an easier time with music lessons.

What about dance? There are a lot of boys in tap or ballet or even hip hop. There are just so many other choices. Take him to games and events so that he can see sports in action.

As for people asking you about sports, it's not a personal deficit that he's not doing any.

Okay, so he doesn't like sports. Does he like boy scouts? Horseback riding? Musical instruments? Something? I think as long as a child is in SOMETHING then it's all good. Swimming - yes!

Get him interested in something...but it doesn't have to be what is normal.

The comment about it being important for college is spot on. Colleges don't want to see a straight A student with nothing else going on in life. So get your son interested in joining something in the next year or so and roll with it. But no, it doesn't HAVE to be sports.

However, I know where we live the kids who aren't involved in sports are kind of left out - because 95% of the kids do them here.

Just lost a huge answer - try i9 sports, they are non-competitive - but you learn the skills for the sport. Here is the website: https://www.i9sports.com/