My 8 year old son has been begging for years to do martial arts. We finally put him in it about 6 weeks ago. It is a sacrifice for us as we are on a budget and do not have much money for extras. However, I do want him to do something productive and that he enjoys and can do well at. Well, he has his first test on Thurs and his teacher suggested he practice a little this week. So tonight after his shower we "practiced" My husband did tae kwon do as a kid and knows what he will be testing on, so he tried to help him. Well, my son does not want to practice. He didn't say that but he played dumb and didn't even try to do his moves correctly. He acted like he had no idea what we were talking about whenever we tried to say anything about what he needed to do. He has been in class twice a week for the last 6 weeks and I know he is not dumb. Why would he act like this? I do not want to pull him out of martial arts for several reasons. I want him to get better at discipline and self control and he can get so uptight sometimes. Like when he does homework, if the instructions say he has to use a specific type of crayon, he will refuse to do it. But he will say he has to do it, but that he can't because he doesn't have the right crayon. If he doesn't think he can do something exactly right and if it is not easy for him, then he does not want to do it. I want him to get past that and just do the best he can at things. Sometimes I think he is a perfectionist but other times he just seems lazy. I am a perfectionist and when I do things, I want to do them perfect. I used to be a gymnast and that worked well for me. I do not want to make him feel like everything he does has to be perfect but I do want him to do his best. So how would you moms handle this situation? I ended up telling him that it was his choice to practice or not, but that if did not practice he would have to go play quietly in his room, no video games or anything like that. He said he didn't know. Finally he decided he didn't want to practice. He is in his room playing now, and I want him to make his own decisions, but I also know he will be upset if he watches the other kids get stripes on their belts and he doesn't. I don't want to be one of those moms who force their kid to practice and put to much stress on them, but it also kills me to see him not even try. I don't want to make this something we fight about. So moms, how do I leave the ball in his court and also teach him what he needs to know? To me this goes deeper than just sports because I see this same attitude in other aspects of life too. I see myself in him, but I also see his dad (my ex) in him too. The combination is confusing me !
I would start here: ask him if he enjoys learning martial arts. It doesn't seem so. Learning martial arts is an expensive and lengthy endeavor, so don't bother if his heart isn't in it. Instead, invest in something he enjoys doing. Almost any sport or serious hobby requires the participant to practice discipline, self-control and commitment.
Don't overthink this. Let your son keep doing it for another month or two, and if he refuses to practice, when his teacher says he's supposed to practice, then just pull him out.
Kids are either passionate about something or they aren't. There's no use wasting your money and making it a battle. He's probably discovering he's not as excited about martial arts as he thought he was.
And since money is tight -- don't waste it. Just try another sport.
My kids have been in martial arts since age 4 and age 6.(almost 3 yrs)......if they don't practice and do well then they don't test......6wks into sound early to me anyway.
I would just let him go with it......if he doesn't practice and doesn't do well, then he might not get his strip. He's 8 and can make that choice. Maybe he doesn't want to do it.
he's not proceeding, because he is afraid of failure. He has to learn to push past this....if he's ever going to succeed in life.
It's up to you to decide if he'll respond better to positive reinforcement or punishment.
Right now, I am working on KG prep with a 4yo. She knows her stuff, but pretends not to. After allowing her some leeway, I finally told her that if she wanted to go to school next year....then she had to learn to listen to my words - because this year I am her teacher. I also told her that if she didn't listen, then "they" would not let her go to KG next year. I explained the KG screening & how she would have to do whatever the teacher asked her to do. I also
She was shocked that I was ending the "game"...which is what she thought the whole learning process was. When I explained to her that she had to cooperate to continue, she did a complete turnaround! We've been fine & dandy since.....
I know there's a huge difference between this 4yo & your son, but I truly believe that allowing him to quit is not the answer. You've seen this attitude in other aspects of his life....& if you want him to succeed, he has to learn to push past his fears & insecurities. Only he can do this, but you can help. As I said before, find the method that works best to motivate him & push him!
He definitely has to want to practice and do well on his own for him to succeed in any sport/class. You and I sound the same with being the perfectionist .. I hate to see something half way done or when you know someone could do better and they just don't care to add that extra effort. Taekwondo forms change and he may just have to practice in front of a mirror on his own rather than having one of you help him or like you said, he won't advance to the next belt or level. I/we never pushed our children in any sport and they've been involved in several, including Taekwondo. Once it became more for me than them, I didn't make them take it because of the financial obligations involved. Those two same children are now doing wonderfully in college as a pre-med major and one is a high school cheerleader. We (funny .. it's really more me than their dad) have always been really serious about discipline but also really serious about having fun with the family. The two combined have worked wonderful for us. I hope it works out for him/your family.
