I recently switched my two children from a public school to a charter school. To make a long story short, my daughter loves the school and doesn't want to go back. My 7 year old was sick with a sinus infection so he was not able to start right away. He started there this past week. His first day he came home, he said he hated it there but could not give a good reason why. It took us a year to get into this school, so I didn't want to give up on it after one day. I told him he needed to stick with it until summer and then we would talk.
His new teacher told me by email that he had a good day and was friendly.
A few days went by and I could not get him to talk about school.. All he said was that it was "good." I figured he was finally adjusting. No bad notes came home.
Then on Friday, I got a call from the school saying to get there immediately. My son was having a horrible fit in the cafeteria and they had to restrain him. I was in a full blown panic. I got there and the principal was holding him. She said he just flipped out. The kids had to be cleared from the room and she had to hold him down because he was in such a rage. He was calm when I got there. I asked him why he was so upset and he said he forgot his ice cream money and they wouldn't let him buy it. I couldn't believe his reaction. I had seen this behavior from him when he was younger. He had terrible allergies, blood sugar, constipation, and reflux as a baby/toddler and he would act out like this at home. It would be very scary.
He was diagnosed with a developmental delay in preschool and lost the label when he stared Kindergarten. He had made so much progress. The public school evaluated him before the IEP ended and they found nothing wrong with him. His teachers in Kindergarten and 1st grade told me he was friendly, nice to other, kind, affectionate, extremely bright. He only had one meltdown in Kindergarten where he got under a desk and screamed but the teacher and principal handles it by removing him from the room and he continued on with his day after with no issues. He has no issues in 1st grade.
We have a meeting with the principal next week and they don't want him back until we talk. I told him that he has no behavioral issues in years at school and this is not an ongoing problem. I am concerned that he is very sressed at this school. I am not sure they are going to let him come back after what he pulled. I also heard that he hurt two kids and a teacher. Any thoughts on how I should handle this? I have got so much anxiety about this and I didn't sleep at all last night. Like I said, he is usually a good kid, but he just snapped.
Hi, some of you mentioned reaction to meds. I forgot about this completely, he has always been sensitive to meds. He was taking albuterol last week. I read that online that it can cause aggression, shakiness, elevated heart rate. Not sure if that was still running through his system. When he was a toddler he was on prevacid and zyrtec and he lost eye contact, was falling down alot, running in the street, just acting crazy. He has gone nutty after taking benadryll. Screams at night, falls out of bed.
I don't know if that school is going to believe a reaction to meds andr just think he's crazy. Worse that happens is that he will go back to the public school, which is an "A" school with caring teachers and staff who use rules that he feels safe following.
Thank you for the sound advice. I've been stressing about the meeting coming up all weekend-what they are going to say, what I'm going to say. I feel like he had some kind of panic attack that had building up inside possibly caused by meds, but not sure. I think albuterol makes my husband shaky, so it's possible it did the same to my son, although it was out of his system for a few days.
The principal wrote in an email later what she heard happened during that day. He grabbed kids too hard, made rude comments in one class, hurt a teacher during his episode. Ever since this day, he's been hugging and kissing me and being very sweet. He's told me he loves me over and over. He's been listening and behaving at home.
I have the feeling that they don't want him back unless they are willing to see that he does NOT act this way on a regular basis. He does crave routine and rules and this school is much more about changes and more freedoms. Maybe that's unsettling to him. If this incident happened at the public school, a team of a few administrators would have taken him out of the cafeteria and isolated him. There would have been a behavioral specialist involved and maybe the guidance counselor. He would not have a humiliating experience and I probably wouldn't have been called down to the school. I would have gotten notified but that's about it. I not saying what he did was right or normal. It was very terrifying experience. Maybe they are not willing to risk this happening again and they don't have the resources to deal with it.
I will talk to his doctor and have him looked at.
I agree the other kids have rights too and maybe the damage is already done. if he goes back he may be shunned by teachers and kids. They will already have an opinion of him and he will never have a chance to make any friends. He is very lonely and I am afraid that this is not going to work unless they have extremely forgiving souls and are willing to work with him.
It's only been a week at the new school. It sounds like he doesn't like the change. That doesn't mean he won't adjust. If they will let him back in, I think you should stick with it till the end of the semester.
I'm just addressing the part about the school. I have no insight into his behavior.
was he on meds for the sinus infect i'v had kids on steroids for asthma flip out.
you sort of snuck the part about him hurting others into the end part. that is the most troubling part to me.
also in my experience charterss don't have the full complement of services available so if he is having some behavior prob the might not have enough rescources to help.
I would be trying to get to the bottom of why he had this outburst. What is going on at the school? What is going on with him? Is he being picked on? Feels lost? Not understanding the material? Frustrated? Even though you were on a wait list for a year, it may not be the right school for both of your kids. Many families make different school choices for different kids.
Did you move him mid-year? Is he not as able as your DD to make changes and this change (being the new kid and being sick) has been overwhelming for him? I think you need to meet with his teacher, with the principal, and with the school counselor, to start. If he has no IEP now, maybe it was premature to drop it and you will need to fight for a new one. You may also need to consider if there is more going on than just a stubborn or angry child. Have you had him evaluated for any psychological concerns? That might be a question to ask his pediatrician - how do you start that process?
Did he hurt the kids and a teacher during this incident in the lunchroom or at a different time?
ETA: I also agree that it may be a matter of resources. They have a year long waiting list. They don't NEED your son's enrollment. And some private schools don't even have a full time nurse, let alone a special ed department, a school counselor, etc. One school I toured recently has a PT psychologist as well as a counselor. But that is a big public school. You may also want to go back to his old school and talk with them about what he was doing there, if there were any problems they didn't tell you about, and how they handle things like this. Maybe that's where he really needs to be.
He may have "lost the label", but that doesn't mean the issues are gone. He didn't "pull" anything, he snapped - and it's not a normal thing for a kid to "snap".
He was COMFORTABLE and knew what to expect at the old school. His entire life has shifted, and he doesn't have the ability to deal with the changes. Please have him re-evaluated. It's very common to remove supports when a kid who needs them appears "better", but they are "better" BECAUSE they have the supports. The underlying issues are still there, they are just managed well. That's not the case in the new school.
Make sure it's not a medical/medication issue. Have him re-evaluated and get the supports put back in place if he needs them. If it's possible for him to be in the school that he was in before, and if that's the best place, do that.
Sorry to hear about this. All of the things you mention are worth giving additional attention to before eliminating them.
He may be having a medication reaction. We've seen it happen before.
He may need a reevaluation. I have a number of students who were dismissed from special education in the primary grades return to it later.
This school may not be a good fit for him even if it is great from your daughter. Charters typically have fewer resources for meeting the needs of students receiving special education services, especially emotional and behaviorial needs.
The most troubling part of this post to ME is that your son injured two other students and a teacher AND he had to be restrained presumably so as not to harm others or himself while he was upset. That's not typical for his age and grade. That's pretty serious there, Mom.
As a mother to a child with some developmental disabilities and delays, I see some serious warning signs and red flags all throughout your post. If you simply switched him from a school that he was already happy and doing well in to a new one, it sounds as if there was little attention paid to helping him transition.
He had behavioral problems in the past EVEN IF he didn't have them for one school year while in school. That doesn't mean they're gone. Therefore you can't promise the school that it's not an ongoing problem.
Children don't "just snap." Whatever is going on with him has been building. He would have been showing signs of it.
He was on medication? Could be an allergic reaction. But he could also be having social issues at school. He could be having trouble expressing and explaining to you why he dislikes this school or the emotions he's feelings because he doesn't know how.
You can't rely on just a school's evaluation for an IEP. You HAVE TO get your own private specialist to perform one too because that way if it's needed then you get a diagnosis/diagnoses. Plus the one from your specialist legally takes precedent if it shows as being more serious than the one the school does. And if there IS a diagnosis, then that will legally entitle him to an IEP no matter what the school's evaluations say. Period, full stop. Read up on the Americans with Disabilities Act and IDEA.
He is entitled to an equal opportunity for a quality education. But you do need to realize that the quality education may very well be back in the other school no matter how long you waited to get into the magnate. If you shrugged him off and moved him without his wanting to go, and if you shrugged him off when he told you how he felt after starting in the new school, I can't say I'm all that surprised at his reaction.
You need to get him some help, ASAP. The part of him hurting others is problematic. The fact that they will not let him, means things must have been really bad. I think a psychiatric exam is warranted. You can do it through school or privately. You put the part of him hurting others at the end, like it was insignificant. Get to the bottom of things now because the bigger he gets, the harder it will be to restrain him.
If he has had a melt-down, then hurt two kids and a teacher within the course of one week, this is not a "snap". This is a problem. I'm not saying that your son isn't a good kid- but he needs help.
A trip to the pediatrician would be a good first step, and then I would recommend that you go back to your public school and have him re-evaluated.
I'm sure this must be very concerning and stressful for you and I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this, but the other kids have rights, too. They deserve a school where they won't get hurt.
Early intervention is always best, so the sooner you get him help, the sooner he can learn strategies to manage his behavior.
Good luck to you. Please keep us posted.
Wow, your son HURT two other kids and a teacher due to his outburst. Sorry, but if I was the parent of one of the kids that was hurt, I would be screaming just as loudly that your son should NOT be allowed back in the school. Parents have an expectation that their children are safe when they send them to school.
If this is a private school, they probably have the right to kick anyone out at any time. Obviously, you need to work through the issues that your son has. Go into the meeting with the Principal with an open mind. They might have resources available to work with your son, but they also might not be equipped as a private school to deal with those issues.
Either way, he cannot go to school and hurt other kids...period.
Albuterol can absolutely cause this type of reaction. My oldest had this type of reaction at age 3 due to albuterol. It is a steroid and really can mess with kids. If you tell your doctor his reaction, they will make a note to not give them this again unless there is no other choice. Most schools are aware of this type of reaction. You will probably have to show a doctors note to them proving he was on the meds though. I would also talk to the doctor about his reactions to benedryl. They need to be aware of this kind of thing. But I do tend to think your son may be better off in the public school. If it is a good school, they will have more resources to help him if he needs the help.
You write, "I heard he hurt two kids and a teacher." You "heard"? Were you told this in a meeting with the principal? Or in writing? How? Or was it from another parent passing some rumor on, second-hand? I would think the school would already have had a sit-down formal meeting with you yet it sounds like they've given you little real information other than that they don't want him back until you meet with the principal.OK, I can see how if this incident was Friday they can't meet you until next week but...I hope this meeting is first thing Monday because if it's any later I would demand to be seen right away.
Frankly, mom, get the name of a good lawyer who has dealt with the school system before, because I suspect the school, fearing lawsuits from teachers or other kids' parents, is gearing up its options, which could include suspension or beyond. When you go into that meeting, believe me, the principal already will have been talking this weekend to the teacher and possibly the school board's lawyer, so you need to be prepared for that fact. You need to know whether your son actually did hurt anyone and if so -- if anyone is planning action against the school or your family.
It is true that albuterol can have terrible effects on some kids. You need to call whoever prescribed that FIRST thing Monday and get your son a thorough physical ASAP and a formal letter from the doctor if the doctor believes this was even partly caused by the albuterol. I don't know if albuterol stays in the system in a way that could have caused this if he was already done taking it -- that is why you need the doctor involved.
Is this a public charter school or a private charter school? If it's private you have less recourse. If it's public, part of the local public system as many charters are in some cities, then you probably have a bit more recourse.
Do not go into a meeting with the principal on your own. Take your husband or significant other--this is absolutely an "I need emergency time off work NOW" meeting. You need other ears there and other eyes. Also, strongly request that the school counselor be present.
Take notes during this meeting! And go in with a written list of your questions -- don't depend on remembering what you want to ask, because you may get upset or flustered and end up with the principal just talking AT you and telling you what will happen, rather than being able to engage and ask your own questions and be sure that if they quote any rules and regulations to you about discipline, suspension, whatever, that you ask to have those rules in writing before you leave the meeting.
I am NOT saying that you should see the school and principal as enemies here. In fact if you can let them see clearly that your attitude is "My son had a huge issue, and we need to work together for his best interest and the safety of others" then that is far better than charging in angry and/or upset. But preparation will help you be calmer and be a better advocate for your son.
Your son sounds as if he is hyper-sensitive to even the basic over-the-counter medications. He also is likely very stressed by the change in schools and hid it very, very well until this incident. The most important thing is his health, both physical and mental, so be sure to give that priority and see his doctor ASAP. If the answer is moving him back to what sounds like a very good public school, give that serious consideration.
a real public school may be what he will end up needing. i know you waited a year to get into charter school, but unfortunately they won't be equipped to deal with behavioral issues. go to the per., and have the per start an evaluation process for him, that way you will be prepared for the meeting or any other meetings you will end up having due to issues that may arise in the future. he had a meltdown. he is young. other than the fact that he ended up hurting other kids, which you didn't give much info about, this would not be a major issue. but if he was a threat to the well-being of peers, then i can see why the school doesn't want him back. don't lose sleep over this. instead, become proactive. get to the bottom of what may have caused it.
ps steroids can cause change in behavior. if he is taking singular, that is also known to cause angry outbursts (change in personality) in kids.
My first thought is, how does your son feel about returning to this school since the situation? Is he embarrassed? If he is, I would probably not want to force him to go back.
Yes, meds can absolutely cause him to react. Check your meds on the website. www.askapatient.com. One of the meds my daughter used via the nebulizer paul-something or another, caused her to be very depressed. She would just cry out of no where.
If it is not the medication and he has that much anxiety over going to that school, I would probably talk to him about making changes, as sometimes we have no choice and consider returning him to his home school. It runs a fine line between an unnecessary change and letting kids get their way.
Tough situation.
oof. that's tough. it does sound as if the albuterol was the main culprit, so be prepared to present evidence that he was on it, and a statement from your pediatrician that it's a likely cause.
that doesn't mean the school has to sail serenely on. if students and a teacher were injured, that's very serious business. i'm sure the parents of the kids who got hurt are watching the proceedings like a hawk.
i sure hope this was a one-time anomaly that fades into odd-family-stories status. you sound like a great mom who is doing all the right things.
but i'd be prepared for the necessity to move him. that was a really egregious breach of behavioral norms.
khairete
S.
Albuterol is not a steroid. It's a beta agonist. Not saying it can't have bad side effects, but if you want to say medication is the culprit, get the correct facts about the meds first so you don't lose credibility. Get a drug info sheet from your doctor to present.
1. Albuterol, steroids and medicine in an inhaler can indeed cause these reactions. Work with the doctor on finding an alternative.
2. Have you systematically checked his blood sugar? Not just at the doctor's office, but at home. Diabetes can also cause this behavior.
3. Move him back to his old school, but make sure that you have really worked on this health issue. The public school can't throw him out...
4. I'm sorry to say this, but once a child acts like this and feels all these feelings, even if caused by medication, it really affects them. At that point, it becomes behavioral and he will need help.
Good luck~
