Some Days It Just Seems So Hard - How Do You Do It?

All moms feel what you are feeling, usually around the 7 month mark, I might add ;-) Many of us have the hotel fantasy. But it does get better!

and YES, you just have to get them on a schedule and deal with it for a while. But it's a short while, I promise, and then you can go out to dinner and stay out to 8! Imagine! 8, or maybe even 9!

Hang in there.

I worked full time and was a single mom.
Exhaustion is part of the package when they're little. It does get better and easier as they get older.
Control is an illusion, and I found that it was easier to adjust my schedule the baby's as much as possible rather than trying to force her to adjust to mine.

Working full time with little babies is probably one of the hardest things anyone can ever do. It is every bit as exhausting as you are describing. You will get through it, though. Others can give you specific advice.

I certainly remember those days and cringe. And I had my 2nd so soon too. Boy was I bitterly unhappy at times. My husband was always off working too even though I was the main breadwinner. Now I say if I got through it, anyone can. I love to sleep. Probably my favorite thing. And I'm so cranky and emotional without it. So I did nap on weekends. I even went to my car at work sometimes to try and nap during lunch. I found out other moms here did it too! Can you take a random vacation day from work and rest up while baby is at daycare or with your nanny? Or take a sick day? Weekends we often split duty so one took care of baby or babies and the other rested. For my husband, it was more impt to go to the gym. I also know people who hire a sitter on weekends. I couldnt do that but you could consider it. And don't worry about being anal about the schedule for a while. Lots of people are. It's not permanent. None of this is permanent. And slowly you will adjust to your life not being your own anymore. Weekends aren't about doing whatever you want anymore. Remind yourself that tons of people go through it and it's not forever. What helped me was to read books on motherhood. ie: Confessions of a Slacker Mom. I forget the others but it's nice to read funny stories or just stories about other women dealing with this. It also will remind you that babies aren't glass and you can let things go and it'll all work out. Hang in there. It will get better.

Oh I so know where you are right now!
When my son was 1.5 yrs old I had a check up with my Dr.
I was telling her how I was tired all the time and I could never seem to get it all done.
So she jokingly said "You need to get more organized" and I almost bit her head off.
I gave her a blow by blow description of a typical day for me in 15 min increments from 4am to 10pm at night and then asked her "How the heck can I get MORE Organized!?!?! I've got every minute of the day planned out already!".
I was caught up in trying to be super Mom and just could NOT see it!
It is a form of depression.
So she put me on Zoloft for 6 months.
In a few weeks, it felt like the hair on the back of my neck could stop standing on end all the time.
I could sleep better and relax and I didn't feel 'on duty' all the time and I got better at deciding which chores were important and which were not and I let the unimportant things go.
I think it's a good idea for you to get a check up and speak with your doctor.
Sometimes we get caught up in a brain chemical feedback loop and even though we KNOW we should step back from the edge a bit - you just can't do it without a little help.

Ahhhh...that wonderful fantasy of sneaking off to a hotel room all by yourself for about 48 hours of straight sleep and a few hot meals alone!!

I still have that fantasy and my kids are 8 and 5...

It will and does get better...once you get some really good sleep, you will feel like a new person.

It seems like just yesterday I was in your shoes...and now both my kids are in school...and I kinda miss the way they used to need me all the time. I say kinda because the memory of the total exhaustion hasn't faded yet!!

Sending you a huge hug!!!

Just as everyone else is saying - bit by bit it will get easier. Just think how much easier it is now compared to when your little one was only weeks old. I definitely felt like "What have I done?" during those first few weeks. I felt a little more in control after 5 months, then a little bit more in control by 1 year, and on and on as each milestone was passed. Personally, I believe scheduling is very important when your child is an infant and even throughout the toddler years. Some people don't feel that way, but it definitely helped me keep my sanity. I think it really helped my son too.

I'm a single mom of a 6-year old and I've raised him mostly by myself from day one. It's definitely very rough during the early years and I've heard that from both married and single SAHMS, WAHMS and working-outside-the-home moms. You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. Best to just take one day at a time, as they say. It will get better.

You have to realize that you can not do it all all by yourself. Figure out what is important to you like clean clothes, tidy (not perfect) house, baby in bed by x time.

Break down your schedules into manageable chunks and do them. Know that there are going to be things that will not get done until baby is older and stop sweating the small stuff.

Find a time on Sat or Sun for a nap to recharge you. Find a time to be "me" time even if it is a bath for 30 minutes.

As a first time mom, you want to do it all and be the best. But you have to do what you can do within your parameters and no one else's. What you do may be way more than another person does especially since you do work with a new little one. I did also but I was not nursing this one and it took a bit to build a routine that was manageable. So don't give up just change it up.

Remember no one will remember what happened when baby was 7 months old but they will remember what happened when he/she was 17 years old.

Good luck to you. Just do what you can and it wll fall into place and for goodness sakes stop beating up yourself and trying to compare you to others.

the other S.

PS Before you know it baby will be out of the house as time does fly by.

This, too, shall pass. When you are in the midst of it, you think it will last forever. That you will always be that tired and that it will never end. Then one day you wake up and your child is 16 and wants your car keys. No joke.

You work full time and have a baby. That's exhausting. There is no way around it. Oh, and you are nursing, too. whew!

If you can afford help, get it. Even if it seems like a luxury to spend the extra $$. Get someone to clean your house, a teen to help with the baby a couple evenings a week so you and hubby can go work out. The extra few hours you gain will be worth a million. And it won't be forever. So do it now when it will make a difference in how you feel. And so you can enjoy your little one while she is still little.

Not what you want to hear, but that sounds normal to me. It is a grind. It is mind-numbingly exhausting. I have worked FT while raising all 4 of our kids. I was single with my first and that whole first year or two was a fog. I used to nap in my car on the way to and from work for 15 minutes. Like you, I continued to breastfeed while working, which adds another layer of tired. I was actually crazy enough to cloth diaper my kids - I figured if I was already sleep-deprived, what's another few minutes a day of diaper laundry? Ugh.

Yes it passes, and yes it gets better.

Cut yourself some slack, do what you need to do and let it be enough. The first year is really just survival mode. Then if you're really smart, once you feel like you know what you're doing, you'll have another (and perhaps another, and another) and do it all over again. It's easier when they get older. You're still busy and the logistics of your day will get exponentially more complicated once they're in school, but it's a different kind of tired.

Sounds like you are doing everything right, but need to mix it up a bit. I have older kids, 9 and 7 and I have been feeling like it's never ending Groundhog's day here too lately. So, I'm trying to fight it and set up a coffee with friends or visit with family on the weekend. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I also do my best to work in some pampering. I worked out and showered yesterday before I had to rush off to hockey practice for example...even though I really didn't have the time.

It's not something that gets better in some ways, you just have to set priorities. I'm constantly trying to balance work and home. For example, I haven't read the snail mail in a week and a half. There just isn't enough time in the day for everything as much as we all try to get it done. If you let go of the need to control and conquer it all, you'll feel so much better.

Your schedule honestly sounds pretty typical of anyone with young kids. We still need to be home by 7-ish in order to do the bedtime routine. Once or twice a year we're out until 10pm when we attend an annual party or ballgame, but other than that, we're home by 7 or 7:30. After we pick them up from school, I always think I'll have some time to get things done outside of helping the kids with their stuff, but I never do. They take up all of my time outside of dinner prep. I have grand illusions that I'll sit with my laptop and work while they work on homework, or I'll catch up on the mail or something magical like that. Nope, they need me. That's the way it is until 8pm bedtime.

So, while the exhaustion part gets much better as they get older, the need for routines and contant motion of parenting doesn't change. When I have those feelings of being overwhelmed, I try to slow down and realize it will pass. On the flip side, some days I feel like I can do anything!

First of all KUDOS for doing this while working. I don't work, but I've been through the 7-month-old- stage three times with three kids, and my days weren't long enough and I was EXHAUSTED even with no job! You're doing AWESOMELY, but I just wanted to comment on one specific:

Don't worry that you are being anal about the routine RIGHT NOW. Embrace it and pat yourself on the back. I'm the least anal person on the planet who was bound and determined not to become that child-centered robo-mom... but at this age of infancy, your life IS MUCH EASIER if you keep a schedule. The long sleepless nights and upheaval are NOT WORTH IT for keeping out later and trying to do spontaneous things you "used to do". You will be able to do those things again one day, don't worry.

Once I just accepted the fact that the kids needed those naps, bedtimes, and feedings to have long peaceful nights, I was able to survive. The good news is: It's TEMPORARY. When your baby gets a little older, you can relax a lot on things and the world won't come crashing down. You're still in the hectic zone. For me once the kids were about one year old, everything got more natural and manageable. Sure new challenges came as they got more independent and capable, but the schedule got to relax....each new challenge makes you stronger :) HANG IN THERE!

Embrace the schedule, stick to it, delegate specific duties to husband/mom in a way that doesn't make more work for yourself (sometimes it IS EASIER to just do it yourself). Just do what you need to do and don't feel bad! When the schedule goes awry sometimes, don't beat yourself up. This will all be very different in a few months.

Breathe. 50,000 years human being have been having babies. I'm sure you'll do fine and your baby will do fine.

These are first time jitters. If you can force yourself to take a day off - please do so. It won't magically rejuvenate you or make the sun shine any brighter.

But it will show you that DD will survive just fine with a babysitter - even if it's grandma and just for 2 hours during her nap.

That's what all of us with multiples have learned - you can't control it all. So relax, pick the important stuff and breathe through the rest - secure in the knowledge that none of us are perfect, and those that appear so are liars. :)
_______________________
If anyone is wondering - she is married. See - well, the only paragraph - "eat supper (hubby helps),"

Yep--that sounds about right.
It IS Groundhog Day!
But once in awhile the planets align and you see a little glimpse of why you do what you do.
Don't forget your date nights! Get a sitter and GO somewhere with your husband every few weeks.

Oh--the schedule thing? Sometimes you have to be a teensy bit flexible, but I think everyone is happier when the baby is on schedule!

Oh, yes, JM, been there, done that. It IS totally groundhog day for maybe 18 months or so. You're totally in the thick of it at 7 months. Schedules are great and they are needed. For you and for baby.

When I went back to work full-time, our daughter wouldn't take a bottle from my MIL during the day so I became the human milk factory from 5:30 p.m. til the next morning. We shared a family bed to make this work. And my husband and I tag-teamed it. After I nursed during the middle of the night, he'd get up and change baby's diaper (she would immediately poop afterward). Then I'd get up and do it all over again the next day. You don't get a lot of sleep, you're right.

Like you, we also committed to being home for her naps on weekends, and we ended our various daily activities by 5 or 6, as well, because she had a very early bedtime. I wasn't willing for either of us to pay the price if we extended the evening beyond her bedtime. I know a lot of parents are more carefree about this, but I'm anal just like you. And I was (and still am), very set on everyone receiving the right amount of sleep and quality sleep.

Flash forward, we have an excellent little sleeper and she's pretty darned healthy, too.

So just hang in there. Do get some "me" hours on weekends when you can by having your husband, family or great friends taking care of baby when it's feasible. Although I must admit, I didn't do much of this, either, because I felt that since I worked full-time, I didn't want to miss even a moment of my child's life on weekends. :) So I'm kind of just giving lip service on that one, personally, haha.

Anyway, as the saying goes, this, too, shall pass. Good luck, hang in there, you're doing it all and it sounds like you're doing a great job. HUGS

Having very little ones is especially hard. I had to laugh at your post because there is nothing like having a child to "relinquish your need for control". You realize there is just some things you can't do anything about. You HAVE to go with the flow. It is tiring. The crockpot becomes your friend. Nap when they do. Make your chores an "adventure" as you tote the little one room to room and talk about what you're doing. Most chores take twice as long, there are days you don't get out of your jammies and you have to realize some things need to slide. Enjoy your little one...it really does get easier!

Well, this is parenthood.

I have 2 kids. That are now 6 and 10.
And you know what? This is still how it is. As a Mom, with kids.
It just is.
It is a lifestyle... change.
And yes, there are TONS AND TONS of things to do, daily... no matter if a Mom is a SAHM or works.
Me?
I am a SAHM, but I work part-time. It is no easier than any other Mom.
Everyday, I am busy. Even while the kids are at school.
And it is busy, day and night.

But for me, I can handle not much sleep.
And for me, it is not about "control."
Sure, Moms have "schedules." But it is not set in stone.
With kids, that is just the way it is.
Every second, is up for grabs and for adjustment in timing.
ALL day.

Part of handling it all, is realizing, not all things can be controlled.
Especially once you have kids.

Babies grow fast so that's good that the sleeping has gotten batter!
With baby #5 we didn't even know the baby was there! I would nurse baby as needed and baby slept in a corner gated off from the current siblings for safety. Now, while I don't work I do spend all day doing housework and household management. I know it sounds weird but it's a full-time job and I can't keep up. My little ones are at 3 different schools so I spend a lot of time driving. They don't "have" to go to these preschools but it's best for all of us.
But I can't keep up super well. Dishes, laundry, dinner. We go to the gym a lot. It's really hard and if I did work some things would be more difficult (fatigue, housework) but we wouldn't be home to mess up the house as much.

I have 3 girls, 16, 8 and 15 months. My husband works out of town so we only have him on weekends. So, it's just me M-F - meaning, I also work full-time,I have to get oldest from hockey practice or game, I have to get kids to piano lessons, grocery shop, etc - I try to not have to do this on weekends so I can spend more time with hubby.

I am by nature not a planner - I have learned to be. I'm probaby the opposite of you, I've learned to keep a schedule for the baby. I have no energy at night - so I clean in the am. I get up an hour before the kids need to be up - I jump on the treadmill (confession - I sleep in my workout clothes and drink 1 large glass of water before bedtime so I HAVE to go potty and wouldn't you know it, my tennis shoes are sitting right there in the bathroom), I do the dishes, make lunches and wake kids and we do our day.

I plan meals and prep what I can so dinners are fast and easy. I used to cook elaborate, wonderful meals - not any more. I buy ground beef or turkey and brown it and freeze 1 pound in freezer bags, I cook chicken in crockpot and shred and freeze in size I need. I save "nice" dinners for weekends when i have more time. Chili, soups, casseroles are super easy when the meat is already cooked and ready to go. I use crockpot a lot and we have left over night once a week.I porton out leftover in individual containers and I find it helps with consumption - we use these a lot of lunches (in thermos for school). I also have containers of frozen meals that I use for quick lunches.

After dinner, we get the dishes to the sink and that's usually it. I do them in the am. Baby goes to bed at 7, 8 year old at 8 - so by the time I get kids ready for bed, clothes picked out for next day, reading done, back packs together . . . I'm exhausted and I'm in bed myself 9, sometimes with a good book for a bit. Which seems early, but I'm up early and I do need my sleep - i don't function on little sleep. Once your baby starts sleeping through the night, you'll feel much better. Which by 7 months she should be, I never nursed her in the night at 7 months - but I do give her a paci (my bad mom confession) and I used to have to put it back in for her, and she'd go right back to sleep.

I'm pretty sure I was equally as anal as you about schedules with my first. With my second in the picture, I am way more laid back and flexible. I do try to keep a constant bedtime, but the in-between is not so rigid. As long as the routine is the same, dinner, play, bath, bed, it doesn't have to be on a strict schedule. It's the routine that's important.
First, the sleep thing for us working moms is just a way of life for a while. Just know it won't be this way forever. I think I went to bed on an average night at around 10 PM. Eventually, things will improve and you will get a little more me-time. But while the baby is waking up at night, just resign yourself to very little else. Again, this period is temporary, so try not to get discouraged. I know I was a walking zombie for both my kids' first year.
Can you arrange your schedule so that you go into work earlier and get home earlier? I adjusted my schedule when I had my kids. My son went to bed at 7 PM, so there was no way I could keep my existing work schedule and be home without feeling rushed and anxious. Hopefully, you have a compassionate boss that will be willing to work with you some during this time.
Hope this helps some.

You need sleep! I know I am not telling you anything new, I just want you to put it on your priority list. Babies are master tyrants!
7 mth old probably doesn't need to get up twice a night. Work on that part of the sleep equation. Does she eat well? Find a sleep method you like and stick with it. Let dad take a couple nights in the week to feed in the night. It is critical that you get more sleep.

I was "that" mom. I knew if H tried to get baby back to sleep, then it wouldn't work and we would be up all night and likely more nights. And I wouldn't sleep when he was crying with daddy, anyway. But I wish I would have given Dad more responsibilities. It would have taken the pressure off of me and made me a happier mom.

Hang in there! It DOES get better! Unfortunately, life is like that with a baby that age. We're on baby #2 now and you finally see the silver lining when they're about 1 yr old. She'll finally sleep through the night. I combat the exhaustion by working from home on Fridays, I outsource chores (we have a housekeeping service, and I'm trying to get them to do the laundry now), I only cook on Sunday and Wed., Fri is take-out/pizza night. All other nights are left-overs. Lots of times, mid-week, after the baby is in bed I prepare ingredients for the crock-pot, and just set it up and turn it on the next morning. That way I come home and dinner is ready. The house is messier than I'd like, but at least it'll be clean and picked up on Mondays when the cleaners come! I also have a toy bin in every room to keep the toys under control. Yes, you have to be strict about schedules right now, babies thrive on that. Thing will get much easier in a few months. As for the waking up at night, try the Ferber book on sleep training, and she's old enough now that you could also put her in bed with you to nurse her back to sleep, that way you're not losing that much sleep.
Good luck!
L.

You created this schedule. Create another schedule that works better. Not all parents revolve around their kids schedule. i adamantly refuse to. My kids went to bed consistently during the week, but if we wanted to go out to dinner or stay later someplace on the weekend we did. If I wanted to stay out and run errands my kids napped later. I have 2 who have very different temperaments so I know some kids rather their crib or something. You and your husband shouldn't feel stuck to a schedule all 7 days of the week.
Also, you are nursing. Hopefully you've started to allow yourself to offer bottles so your husband can feed at night (including 2A feedings!). We also learned if we gave our daughter a few extra ounces before bed she slept through the night.
You must take care yourself. Allow yourself to get your husband to pick-up subway or something so you can exercise. You deserve that and it will make your days be better.
You're not along. Glad you reached out!

What is you husband doing? You say he is 'helping'. You are working full time so he should be pulling half of the cooking, cleaning, shopping and Planning. Being responsible for all the organization with you allocating areas where he can help is not sharing. If you are working ft, I assume you are pumping? If so, DH should be doing 1/2 the night time feelings. We split them - he did any wake ups before 3 am (my deepest sleep) and I did any after that.

I found it much better for my son to adapt to our schedule - we put him in his crib when we went to bed. Otherwise he slept where we were. The child could (and still can) sleep anywhere - car, stroller, floor, being carried, restaurant etc. his schedule was basically sleep, wake screaming due to extreme starvation, eat, Change diaper, play and repeat from about 8 am until 11 pm. He went to daycare full days (9-6) three days a week from 9 weeks of age. I see no reason in the world to get him on a schedule that will make him and you way less flexible.

What you're going through is totally normal (doesn't make it any less hard, of course). And it's totally temporary, too. Hang in there - it DOES get better, I promise!

Yes, this is jus what you have to do. Exhaustion: I drink a cup of coffee in the morning if I think I need it. I sleep when I can. When I do feel just exhausted, I tag my husband into the ring and zonk out. I'm usually good after a couple of hours or so. I don't really relinquish the need for control. I'm the mama, and he's my firstborn, so I have to find my own way. I knew early on that I couldn't get my feet under me if I always had somebody looking over my shoulder. That's how I learn. When I can't do it myself, I leave notes. I talked with my mother and husband about what was important to me on this journey and asked that they honor those things. We all agree that a baby playing in or near the toilet is not a given. His food does not get microwaved. I give him or approve of his first EVERYTHING.

Regarding schedules, the only one that I stuck to was work. Everything else was optional and depended on how our day was flowing. I still don't have a perfect formula with the naps, but they are soooo necessary. Sometimes we have to either stay home or leave during or immediately following an event. That's just what it is.

I'm kinda anal, too. I had to ask my relatives to come over earlier so we would have time to get him down for the night. Your household is adjusting to a new person. Other people will tell you that you should make the rules and fit baby into your gameplan. I don't do it that way. His needs in this adjustment phase are just as important as ours, so while we incorporate him into what we're used to doing, we also change our routine accordingly.

I think that many of us can relate to not desiring to get out, but at this point, it would be a good idea, even if you just step out to enjoy the sunshine for 10 miutes. If you are used to being more social and value getting "pretty", then you should put it on your calendar for once a month. You will feel better and more energized for it. If you need to sleep for a couple of hours, pick the best two between feedings and let your mother have full responsibility for the baby. Mine is two years old, now, and I still feel like it all falls on me, if I want it done "right". It helps that my relatives (mainly husband and mother) know me and that I give clear instructions about what he eats and...whatever is important to me. I fix his bag and let his father dress him (pre-approved wardrobe), and I send him off. One of my main issues right now is that his nanny doesn't always make sure that his clothes match the way that I would want them to. I relax a bit on this, since they are just at home. I absolutely hate for two-piece outfits to be separated. I have told her that they are only to be worn together. (I can't stand for one to be stained or washed out while the other still looks brand new.)

My typical day at that age--
6:15am - last feeding before work
7:30am - at work
9am, Noon, 3pm - pump
In between pumps - pay personal bills, tend to personal business because my brain didn't really work at home.
5pm - arrive home (Baby stays there all day.)
5:15pm through 6am - nursing on demand

I don't recall how much cooking I was doing, but it happened mostly on the weekends with leftovers for the week. It took me probably longer than most to get my rhythm down, and it's still not perfect. I still nurse on demand from the time I get home to the time I leave in the mornings, but he's not demanding it so much these days. I feed him his dinner at 6:30, and that prompts me to have something prepared for my husband and me.

As others have said I do feel your pain. It does get better. Your daughter is about to start consolidating her sleep which for us was a huge improvement in quantity and quality of sleep for the whole family. The most important thing you can do for yourself is to make getting more sleep a priority everything else is not. I'm a strong proponent of BFing. I BF mine until she was 3. Didn't plan to just worked out that way. We made it through by co-sleeping which minimized my waking periods when she wanted to nurse. I also think it minimized how long the baby was awake too. Have hubby share the feeding by giving her a bottle at times that will give you more sleep. Mine would do the early morning, especially on weekends so I could sleep in. I also really made a conscious determination that I can't do everything I use to and I needed to carve out time in the evenings to be with my daughter. Given that the house keeping fell way down on the priority list. It's way messier than I like but so be it. We order out dinner usually once a week and we got house cleaning service every other week (love them!). I spend some weekends just cooking and putting meals in the freezer to save time during the week. Perhaps you can take one night a week and let hubby take care of things and get to bed an hour or two earlier. Also, find the time to get out and walk. You can do this with baby and the fresh air does wonders for your mood and your body. Hang in there. It really does get better :)