So Deeply Embarrassed!!!!

Yup. Small, quiet barber shop. Big fella gets out of barber chair and my 3-year old son yells "Mom, that man has a huge baby in his belly!"

Man pretended not hear and walked out. I wanted to die.

All you can do is explain it's not nice to talk about appearances, but it's really hard for kids to get what's insulting or not for a while until they are a little older, and stuff is bound to happen. :(

Oh, and the best was we were behind some college kids at an ice cream stand, and my son was eye level with all the girls' butts in Daisy Dukes, and the one right in front of him had white daisy dukes. My son put his little finger up almost to her "goods" to point and said, "Mom! Look how SHORT her shorts ARE!!! They are so short! I can almost see her bottom!!!" Since it was a crowded setting, I ignored him at first, but he just kept getting louder about the REALLY SHORT SHORTS so I had to poke him and shush him etc....

At least you could tell it was a woman, there have been times I woudln't be able to answer my kid because i just wouldn't know.

Hah, my son has long hair.
He had a sub in one of his classes last year (10th grade)
He had his head down on the desk with his hair covering his face.
The sub said "Young lady, pay attention"
My son said he just looked up and smiled at the sub.

This was not the first time he was mistaken for a girl. LOL

I would not worry about it - though I would have been embarrassed also - but kids say the darnedest things and just don't have any sensors between their brains and their mouths.

Erika, I actually think you did the right thing by not answering your child in front of the lady. You say that you are ashamed to admit that you froze, but really, you did the lady a favor by ignoring your child's question.

You did fine too by talking about it after you left. We have to teach our children the art of tact. It takes a long time. My goodness, a lot of adults don't have it - some because they aren't taught, and some because they don't want to use it. (Usually prefaced by or excused by them saying they don't sugar coat, which CAN mean that they just want to be rude.)

Four year olds aren't rude, but they can be painfully honest. Just keep working on teaching tact and remembering to ask mommy after the person leaves, etc.

Dawn

When my son was two he saw an old woman with an eye patch at the grocery store and said "mommy, that lady looks like a pirate." I was embarassed that he was commenting and just said "shh". So he said again, louder "but she looks like a pirate." And again I "shh". Each time I shushed him he got louder, and I was mortified. If I had just said the first time "Yes, she has an eye patch like pirates wear" it probably would have ended right there and then. In your case you could just say "some ladies wear their hair short."

Oh gosh welcome to life with little boys, and girls too for that matter. I have had a few cringe-worthy moments myself. :P

I disagree with the advice to have your child ask a person directly. I was taught that it is generally rude to comment on a person's appearance unless it is clearly a compliment and even that can get dicey.

My sister is visibly handicapped and gets stopped with questions constantly. She is patient with small children, of course, but it does get old. Not everyone wants to go into his/her life story every day.

I try to teach my sons about filtering . . . it takes a few years for some kids to get this (and a few never do).

Don't feel badly - you didn't mean for it to happen. It's a teachable moment.

My daughter will be 4 next month. About 2 weeks ago we were at walmart in the check out line and my daughter shouts very loud "that man has a HUGE butt!" as she is pointing to the man in the line next to us. I wanted to crawl under the cart. I told her 'we don't say those things out loud. That could make him sad and we don't ever want to make anyone sad'. When we got out to the car I tried to talk to her more about it. It's hard because they are so young and they don't understand that they are doing anything wrong by pointing out what they observe. This is how they learn right from wrong. They point out what they observe, and then we guide them as to what is appropiate to say out loud. It's a long process. Some adults still don't have it down lol.

I completely empathize with you. My son used to do this a lot. He has gotten better, but only because I have told him over and over again that if he must ask questions like that, he needs to ask me privately and quietly. Jeez.

The most embarrassing time he did this was the time that we were in Hobby Lobby looking for supplies for my daughter's school project. A woman was walking down the aisle and made some sort of friendly comment. I responded, and my then four year old son turned to me and very loudly said, "Why does that woman not have any teeth?" It was one of those moments were I froze with complete and utter humiliation for a moment. I did not know what to do or say, so I walked down the aisle into the next aisle and pretended that I did not know that kid (we were with another mother and her daughter getting supplies too, so I didn't completely leave him on his own). To this day I don't know why I did that, but it didn't work because he started running down the aisles yelling "Mommy, Mommy, where are you?" I finally let him find me, but we left the store pretty quickly after that.

This stuff happens...I've heard kids ask why someone is so fat...etc. Another kid asked a man why he was in a wheelchair (he then explained that he had been in a car accident years ago)

My dd once said about this girl...why do you have blue hair? (she had a blue streak in it)
I just said, oh it's pretty!

Anyway, talk with your kid about the situation when you are alone and go over that you NEVER talk about other people unless you are home alone.

Kids that age don't know when something is an insult. They just say as they see it.

I always tell my daughter just because you think something doesnt mean you have to say it outloud.

I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!!!!!!!

I work at a dance studio/gymnastics business in their clothing store. I pay for my grand kids classes this way so I am there a lot of hours during the week.

There was this gorgeous young man on one of the cheer squads that our owner trains with and he was, just wow, makes even an old woman's heart sigh.

Blond hair, blue eyes, black eyebrows, long dark eyelashes, built, high cheek bones, tanned, those classic looks that will follow him through his entire life.

My grand daughter would just stare and stare at him. She finally asked me one day if he was a boy or a girl. He was wearing mascara so it was a bit confusing to her....

I asked her if he had boobs and she said no, I said probably a boy then BUT if you can't tell you just treat them like a person, with respect and kindness.

Something similar happened to me, and I didn't even know the answer.

What I said was, "I don't know. I don't care. And it doesn't matter." It turned out to be the best answer in the long-run that I could have given!

Kids have no filters and anyone who has kids (or has ever been around them) knows this. My daughter is almost eight and still blurts out things that make me want to cringe. The tactic that works best with my daughter is to try and turn things around and relate them to her. When she told a neighbor that she "had a lot of junk" in her garage, I asked my daughter how she would feel if the neighbor came to her room and told her she "had a lot of junk." When she realizes that something would make her feel bad, she then understands why it's not appropriate. I felt bad when the neighbor had to tell me that she was preparing for a garage sale and wasn't a hoarder!

Hi mama!!! We have a 4 year old boy and 2 year old girl so believe me this happens daily!!!! Our son once called said mama look at that fat lady... I bent down and said ya know every one comes in different shapes and sizes but we r all beautiful!! So he thinks about it and says Oh well she was elephants size!!! haha!!! What r ya gonna do they are little and not being rude so next time just say oh our waitress is a beautiful girl lets tell her thank you for doing a good job!! Never ever feel ashamed!! xxoo Oh p.s. get this my husband bought our son a freddy Kruger action figure, so my mom comes over and says ewwwww who is that scary guy?? Well Grandma he says just becuase someone looks different then you doesnt mean anything we are all BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Well, kids do say the darndest things.
I've seen enough androgynous people to be thinking the same thing myself but at least I don't say anything out loud within earshot.
I'll ask my husband later "what WAS that?" and we'll decide based on hair (beard stubble if any), hips, jaw line, Adam's apple and boobs, but sometimes there are just no clues to go on.

In church there was a 6 yo butch little girl sitting next to us. My 4 year old kept calling her a boy as they played together. I just kept telling her that it was a girl. My daughter couldn't get it through her head and for clarification kept saying, "why is that boy a girl?"

Women who allow themselves to be overweight and choose to wear short hair, to the extent that they can be mistaken for men-probably don't care. It is, however, important to teach your child not to point out others' physical appearance.

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you think you're ready and then they pop out with something like this lol....one time we were at a restaurant and the waiter had sort of a hooked nose, and my son asked WHY DOES HIS NOSE LOOK LIKE THAT MOMMY!? at the top of his lungs.

i hope you said, "i'm sorry MA'AM, he's only 4...." or at least indicated YOU knew she was a woman...lol.

not sure there's an easy answer for that one, it would still be awkward! but we've all been there..! (but for the record, although you say she was clearly a woman - there are some women who dress and present themselves pretty a-sexually, and in those cases i would be less embarrassed. i'd probably just simply state, that's a lady honey, some ladies like to wear short hair.)

Children are curious and innocent and it is only because of our "wise intelligence" that we (adults) are embarrassed by what children say. Relax! I slipped up when the "guy" who pierced my daughter's ears looked like a lady and I accidentally said, "Let her do the other ear." It happens. I would have answered your son matter-of-factly. No big deal, and no reason to be ashamed.

You have to remember that 4 year old's don't see or comprehend what adults do. So, typically kids think short hair is for boys, long hair for girls, and that's all they are thinking- That's what I would have focused on explaining, I've had to do the same for my 4 yr old, in both situations (a guy w/ long hair and woman w/ short). But at least you knew it was a woman, because sometimes even for adults, it can be hard to decide! And, well, that's a conversation for when he's MUCH older! Lol...

I would have advised the child to ask the little person themselves.

As for the woman/man....sheesh....I probably would have looked the woman right in the eye and said she's a woman and her name is "NAMETAG" and maybe she prefers short hair like alot of women.

And then I would have explained privately why asking something so basic as gender (even when it is confusing) would be considered rude by some.

But I would definetely have sent my son to ask the little person (or person in wheelchair, or particularly tall person, etc etc)

I was a manager of a movie theatre for a few years and we had a female usher who I sware was like Pat from SNL you could not tell if she was M/F. Well on busy Saturday night I hear a little girl yell at the top of her lungs "A man just went into the ladies room" the little girl comes running over to me freaked out. So I quickly went into the ladies room and it was our usher. I about died, I went over to the mom and told her she was one of our female ushers (the mom never saw her go into the restroom). The little girl was confused a bit but the mother hushed her up and went to their movie.

My daughter used to do that all the time! Since she was about 2 and a half she would ask boy or girl? I would just quietly tell her "No, that's not nice". Eventually I had to tell her that she can ask all the questions she wants, once we are in the car alone together.

She did say it loud enough that the lady gave me a look as if to answer my child.

So embarrassing.