What Would You Do? - Arlington,TX

I think that you handled it as appropriately as you could, given the situation. You sounded quite polite to me, actually. Its not like you blew up at her and made a scene. She should not have been behaving like that, and if she wasn't going to listen to her partner then maybe it was best that she heard it from a stranger.

I would have done the same and you seemed perfectly nice about it. People really need to think about what they are saying whether there are children around or not. As a mother of two, that kind of language doesn't fly and what are we showing children as adults?

I think you handled it perfectly. It's one thing to complain about the food, etc., but when you start using cuss words and there are children around, that's uncalled for! I have done the same thing when I have my children with me as far as saying "there are children here." The only other thing I may have done was ask to be moved away from her if it was that bad, but not without saying something to her first. Good for you! People need to know that the world does not revolve around them and what they say/do within earshot of others effects those people too!

I think you handled it well. It is funny how some people think children don't know how to behave in restaurants, but often it is adults who act much worse than children.

I think you did just the right thing. Obviously she knew her behavior was out of line as did her husband:)

I would have spoken to the manager and asked him/her to talk to the other patron because their language was offensive. If the patron didn't stop, the manager then could ask them to leave or move their table. And maybe you would have gotten a free dessert or something for your trouble. :D

I wouldn't have said something directly to the offending person because you just never know these days how someone will react. And honestly, corrections coming from someone in authority (ie the manager) are easier to take then some random person.

Good for you.....it's one thing for people to talk like that at a bar where children shouldn't be but at a restaurant is unacceptable

You were MUCH more diplomatic than I would have been. I would have said "well, thanks to your foul language, we have to leave with our kids, so we'll be sending the bill to YOUR table for the food we didn't get to eat." Then I would have made sure that the manager knew why we were leaving without paying and who was responsible for the bill.

i agree with talking to restaurant staff. they don't want unruly patrons causing problems and chasing off customers. if it is a family restaurant they don't want someone in there scaring little kids. was she drunk? just a thought. i figure i am in someone's "house", let them deal with it, it should be their responsibility.

Hello Teresa,

I believe strongly in speaking-up when my kids/the kids in my care are effected by someone else.

A few years ago I took my charges, 8, 7 & 5 years, (I was a Nanny), to an outdoor movie in a park in our downtown area. It was very crowded, (wall to wall people), when a homeless man sat next to us. No problem, he just sat down, but then he took out a cigarette. I asked him nicely not to smoke next to the kids. He smiled & took out his lighter.

I next told him with a strong voice, "DO NOT SMOKE NEXT TO MY KIDS!" He went away.

I could see the kids were scared and worried, that was all I needed to know to stand up for them, because our kids cannot stand-up for themselves.

R. Magby

I would have done the same thing you did! It's one thing to cuss under your breath, but to be so vocal about it, even if children are not present, is just RUDE. Sounds like there were more children in the area than the 6 at the one table and your daughter.

I was at a park with just my 2 year old and one other mother of another 2 year old a few weeks ago. Some teenagers showed up and some girls were cursing saying, "F you" and such. The boys there took it upon themselves to get on to the girls saying, "Hello! There are kids here!" And I said, "THANK YOU!" The girls gave me a dirty look but got it and quit. We left shortly thereafter. Some people are so insensitive about kids and it makes me so upset, but I have to be the main one providing the example for my kids and I think it's good to stand up for what you believe, but equally important to retreat when you need to for your kids. Maybe beyond saying what you said to the lady, maybe saying, "It sounds like that lady may be having a bad day. Maybe we should pray for her." or something to that effect. That way, you're showing your child that you are the bigger person.

I don't see anything UN-diplomatic about what you did. You didn't tell her to shut up, to leave, you didn't insult her. What else were you supposed to do? I suppose you could have said, Could you watch your language please? but how is what you said any worse than that? And complaining to the restaurant often doesn't get you anywhere because it is a really fine line for management to be able to tell a customer to knock it off. Their hands are kind of tied, but other customers' are not. I think you handled it just fine. It's not like you were in a bar hoping someone would watch their language. They left and didnt cause a scene, so no harm done.

I think your comment was perfect. You made a statement of fact, perhaps loudly and/or angrily, but that was what the situation called for.

You didn't insult the woman, you didn't whine or complain, you didn't make under-the-breath snide comments. You just stated that children were present, and left it up to her to act on that information. I hope you don't feel guilty for her leaving – it seems a reasonable enough thing for her to do, under the circumstances.

Props to you, Teresa!

I think you did a great job and I would have done the exact same thing (and am confident that my husband would have too).

Way to stand up for your daughter!

The only thing that I can think of would have been to ask your waiter to send the manager over to your table, tell HIM how offensive the woman is being and let HIM( or her) handle it!!! Of course that would have probably been even more embarrassing for the poor woman's husband!!! I am really surprised that the management didn't handle it before you had to say anything...it is their responsibility to provide a pleasant dining experience for everyone and from the prices, it must have been a really nice place to eat!!
I think you handled it really well...and I would also have a discussion with your daughter about what could have caused this lady to act like this ( bad day..etc) and how she could have handled things differently. Turn it into a teachable moment for your child!

.

Omg! I definately would of said something! I think I would of been worse! It's really sad when you go out as a family and have to see people with no class what so ever! That would make me very upset the fact that she was curssing and my children can hear her, I mean how rude! But then again the manager of the restraunt should of came out and done something about it a.s.a.p. And I also would of complained to the owner-manager because there is no reason that you should have to see or hear trashy talk like that, I mean again I think I would of went off and said something too for the fact that your kid's were present. I think you handeled it well so don't worry about it and hopefully you don't have that experience again.

Dear Teresa:

Except make it a Soup or Salad restaurant, sounds like a dinner I've been at a few years ago! The foul mouthed mom at my dinner also cussed out her young child, husband and waitress. I didn't speak to this mom because she was across the restaurant (although she could be be heard throughout the restaurant and outside!) and I thought she'd punch me out if I did! (She was EXTREMELY angry about everything!)

I spoke to my young daughter about the lady's language being unacceptable and how impolite she was. We also wrote a nice note on the check for the waitress (we had the same waitress) and my daughter put a smiley face on it. After the waitress saw our note on the check, she came by our table to thank us.

My daughter learned how NOT to treat a waitress that day, what language she should never use, and how to brighten someone's day. Sometimes a bad situation can be a good teaching moment!

L. F., mom of a 14-year-old daughter

Different from what others said, I would have walked my daughter to the bathroom. You can't control what others do but you can control what you do. A child seeing a possible confrintation from their mother and another woman would not be anymore healthy for them. Don't get me wrong you handled it just fine, I just would have handled it differently, and it looks like than everyone else. Of course my youngest is 21.

I'm a mom who curses quite regularly....but I DO watch my mouth VERY carefully around little ones (or just families in general). Even though I curse, I would still correct someone ELSE in a public setting. You absolutely handled it correctly. You could also have approached the waitress or management and asked them to confront her and demand that she tone it WAY down.

Great job, Mom! You handled the situation graciously, but firmly, demonstrating for your daughter that the behavior of that woman was NOT acceptable. I'm glad they left; yes, they were in a restaurant, which is a PUBLIC place. Only other thing I could add would be to have asked the manager to handle it if they didn't leave. I would hope he would ask them to leave.

You did the right thing and should make no apologies. That type of behavior in a public place, especially with children present, is unacceptable. I don't understand what your husband thinks you should have done differently -- and if he feels that way, then why didn't he speak up? Bravo to you!

You did great!

I use situations like that as opportunities to teach my kids about how our actions affect others.

P.

After the fist F Bomb I would have said something to her! I think you handled it just fine. BTW, people have been asked to leave a restaurant for using language like that.

I think you did fine. You were really diplomatic. I usually just do the overly loud, "Wow! I can't believe she's using language like that in a family restaurant." Yes, passive-aggressive, but usually effective.

I think it was appropriate to show your daughter that when presented with an offensive situation, you can act to protect yourself and those you care about. However, since this wasn't something happening in your own home, I might have shown my daughter how to take action by informing the manager that the couple should be asked to leave. If that wasn't possible, you could've asked to be moved to another table and/or be given a free meal since they did not provide an environment for you to enjoy your meal in.

This is after all THEIR place of business and you could potentially hurt their sales if you drive their clients away. Granted, if it were my business I wouldn't want those kind of rude clients but that's not my call to make.

They put you in an embarrassing situation. Even with no child, you shouldn't have to have your evening effected negatively by someone else's lack of anger management and ill manners. The TV show, "What Would You Do?", looks at this kind of thing and how many people speak up or not in cases wehre most people wnat someone to stop something. Any other people around you were probably cheering you. Your husband may have been embarrassed that you spoke up and he didn't. My first attempt might have been to write a note, ask your waiter to take it to the manager on duty, and ask them to move you. Next time those people come in, if they do, they'll probably seat them far away from others. They might discount your meal ticket too fearing that you might not come back if they don't stop your discomfort right away. Course, the most courageous and direct approach is the one you took. I applaud you. YOu did it with as much reserve as anyone could muster.

No advice from me. But, boy, I feel so sorry for her husband and kids! They have to live with her negativity everyday. They must've been so embarassed. And sorry your night was ruined. Traildust is usually so much fun. Have you had the campfire desert? They bring chocolate fondue and stuff to dip in it. Make your own smores. Super fun.

You did what your mommy instincts suggested. How they took it was up to them. They might have acknowledged that and said "Oh maam I'm sorry", but in the angry state of mind she was in she also probably was selfish and could care less. Unfortunately, you have no control over people on the outside world and what they say - it really IS a public place, so one other thing if you thought about it, would have been to place your hands over your child's ears, move to another table, or leave (just for the sake of not wanting your kids exposed to whatever else she might have done). Lucky for you, she left, so I would just teach my child now that those words they heard are NOT acceptable and try to detox them and hope they don't use it anywhere else...then that's when you would really worry about the damage done. For now, you did great!

I didn't read any of your answers so please excuse me if I repeat what someone else said. I'd say you have the patience of Job, I wouldn't have tolerated it for as long as you did. To me dining should be a nice experience, personally I can not afford to eat there, so it would be a luxury for me. I would want everything to be "perfect", as in no crying children and no complaining adults. Maybe next time have the waiter quiet them down, or better yet MOVE them so maybe they will stop that behavior. Sadly though, can you imagine what she is like at home?? yikes!

I think you handled it right! I would have done the same thing. I don't think I would have let her get more than 2 curse words in. Your daughter was obviously scared.

Maybe she was drunk??

The same think - you handled it well. Some men hate confrontation and that is probably why your man had the reaction he did. In retrospect you could have calmly approached the table but with her personality and the way she was acting it probably would have had little to no impact.

I think you handled it very well, but because this woman sounds nuts, you may have taken a bit of a risk. Something else you could have done was asked to speak to the manager of the restaurant and asked that s/he speak to the couple. If the woman refused to calm down or leave at that point, you could request to be moved to another table.

You did the right thing...you spoke up to protect your daughter!
The only other way I might have handled it would be to call for the manager and report her to the managment and let them deal with it. Either way, I still think you did the best thing for your daughter.

I think you handled it perfectly and there is nothing better you could have done. The only other option would be having some restaurant staff say something to her, but I don't know how effective that would have been. If she was loud enough that a full table over you could every word she said, then she was certainly loud enough for the staff to hear, and they did not take to opportunity to point out to her that she was disturbing other customers prior to you taking matters into your own hands. You were polite and nice, and reminding her that children were nearby was very appropriate.

LOL, it seems like both you and your husband played your roles to a Tee! Bravo for speaking up.

BRAVO! You handled it great! Thank you for your courage.

I think you did the right thing!

you totally did the right thing. It is a family restaurant and if she wants to behave that way with her family - then she can do it with food from the to go line in the privacy of her own home. do not feel bad about the way you handled it...way to go mom!

People like that REALLY upset me! I would have taken the passive/aggressive route and said to my daughter quite loudly so that woman could clearly hear me: "Sweetie, I know that lady's disgusting language is making you feel really uncomfortable. It's making me uncomfortable, too. That's exactly why we teach you manners so that when you're an adult, you won't EVER behave in such a rude and obnoxious way. It's really too bad that our lovely dinner is being ruined, isnt' it?" I would not have said anything directly to the lady, but she would definitely have gotten the message. I REALLY hate people like that!

The only thing I would have done differently is sent my children to the slide to play before I commented to the woman. But my children are older and are able to go to the slide by themselves. She definatly needed to be put in check. Good job!

I think you were fine in your response. My husband probably would of thought I overacted also. He will get over it.
I don't think you overacted at all that woman did. It sounded like you were polite and you didn't start trouble. Unfortuntately the other woman didn't care. She was only thinking of herself. She is probably not a joy to be with and probably spreads a bit of vinegar every where she goes.
Make it a learning experience with your daughter. Obviously your daughter felt uncomfortable. Ask your daughter why she would not act like the lady acted. Why its important to be polite.
I turn those experience into learning experiences for my kids.

YOU DID GREAT!!!

I would have also told the waiter that if they didn't make her leave we would have.

I would have done the SAME THING!! Good for you for standing up for your daughter!!

Everyone has the right to free speech. The problem is, that not everyone has common sense. SO, this woman should have every right to say BS and drop the F-bomb when she is at home, or in the presence of only adults, etc. When she is in a public restaurant, she should watch her tongue. Maybe your husband doesn't like ANY type of a scene, because he gets embarassed, but he should count himself lucky he's not married to me. I would have politely, but very clearly, communicated my issues with that woman.

Don't feel bad - feel good that you stood up for your child and yourself.

More diplomatically? This other lady was the one who was being extremely rude, not you! Good for you for setting boundaries. She should not have been behaving this way in a public place.