JFF: Embarrassing Things Your Kids Say in PUBLIC

The most recent incident:

We were at the mall shoe shopping. There was a man there who had two prosthetic legs (the metal ones) who was practicing walking. My two year old pointed to him and yelled "ROBOT!!!" He took it well.

When my oldest daughter was young she used to call all Bras - boobies. So one day while walking by the lingerie aisle at a store she says loudly "OOOOO mom look at all the boobies!"

Another time we were going down a grocery aisle where Noxzema was (My husband uses it on his face often) Same daughter said "Mom stop the cart!!! There is daddy's make up!" Bet people were wondering what she was talking about and why her dad wears make up. LOL!

Oh and this one just happened the other day by my youngest. My husband was bending over to start the girls bath and my youngest goes, "Dad you have a FAT butt" He says, Thanks! She follows up knowing it must have not been a good compliment with "But its a beautiful fat butt"

She also just told me last night while I was folding laundry "Mommy, you have BEAUTIFULLLL BIG underwear" LOL

My son has always known who his dad is, but for some reason he went through a stage at about 2 1/2 where he would ask random men, "Are you my Daddy?"

when emmy was 1 she had a huge vocab- and like the lady said below its dangerous for a kid that little to have one. she was insanely curious what all body parts were called and asked what her privates were so i told her, and she wouldn't stop telling everyone. She would walk up to people in the mall and say Hey did you know thats my vagina (pointing)--so we're out at the store and she bends- head between the legs and says vagina where are you!!!!!!!! and keeps yelling it..I am half laughing half super embarassed and then I got so embarassed and wanted to prevent her from using that word again, so I was so brilliant and I told her it was her privates and when she said well where did V go, I J. pointed up. That was a day full of yelling it and pointing everyone telling them her Vagina went on the roof. UGh I finally confessed to fibbing because the outcome was worse!

oh and when potty training every time I waked out of a public bathroom with her shed announce "Mommy peed on the potty" and jump up and down and clap...Yes I had many adults clap for M. too...Ya know what- it's not so fun to go potty anymore---no applause lol

When she was 2 on the swings she asked another 2 year old their name and then told them hers and then proceeded to ask if they knew where babies came from and they said no (their parents jaw dropped) as she proceeded to describe and pretend to go in labor and have a baby. OOOPS I bet they didn't think their kid would learn that on the playground at 2

My favorite was when she was 2 she used to think it was funny the way certain people walked and she would walk behind them imitating them- gosh that was funny. I'd correct her and then hide and giggle

one time when my daughter just turned three we were out shopping and i had to go the bathroom so as soon as i sat down my daughter said mommy i love your vagina, i was so embarressed and you could hear other people laughing

Well my daughter can not pronounce my parents last name correctly. It's Pratt so she calls them Grandma and Pawpaw Crack. Nothing like your toddler skipping down the aisle in target singing, "I Love Grandma and Pawpaw Crack." Fantastic.

I did have a conversation with a little girl at Panera the other day that was great and totally humiliated her dad. Mind you I go there to write, so I was alone.

"What's your name?"
"J., what's yours?"
"Hannah, I like your sunglasses."
"Thanks, I like your shoes. How old are you?"
"Six, do you have a boyfriend?"
"Not since I got married."
"Oh, that's too bad because I think my dad needs a girlfriend and you are pretty"
Dad chimes in "HANNAH!" then looks at me and grumbles, "Sorry."
When I stop laughing I tell him that is ok. Could've fried and egg on his face, I think he was glad when they called me up. Lol

Oh, yes. When my oldest was about 18 months old, she could speak very clearly and had a large vocabulary - sort of a dangerous skill set for a child that age. Anyway, one time we were in the grocery store and there was a man shopping near us who was wearing a bad and very obvious toupee. My daughter, clear as day, piped up, "Look, mama! That man has a monkey on his head!" (And then started making monkey noises...) I was so embarrassed I just picked her up and left the store!

Same kid, we were shopping in Target when she was about 2, and passed a very large woman in one of the aisles. My daughter says very loudly, "Mama, that woman is FAT!" Ohhhhhh noooooooo...

Of course, this same child is now 9 and just about dies of embarrassment when we tell these stories. Thankfully she has learned some manners in the past 7 years!

Ughhhh, when my son was about 3-4 (he's now 5) he would say things in the checkout line and I wanted to drop my stuff and run.......

-" Mom, that man has a REALLY BIG BELLY" (and the man was standing right in front of us)
-"Excuse me sir, excuse me sir" (and it was a GIRL... I would say quietly "that's not a boy, it's a girl... then he would say really loud "NO MOM, that's a boy".....
ALWAYS happened while we were in the checkout line...

My friends little girl ran all the way down the church isle during a silent moment loudly exclaiming "mommy, mommy! guess what, I had toilet paper stuck in my butt, but daddy picked it out!"

All my family has terrible stories of their children commenting about fat people. One pointed to a 300 lbs lady at the fair and said "Here's a corn- fed one for you grandpa!"

For this very reason, as my 4 year-old has started to notice overweight people, I have taught her some code language so she won't hurt anyones feelings.

I work with a very heavy-set lady at church. While we were walking into church this past Sunday, my 4 year old saw her walking away and laughed and said, "Hey Mom! Look at that big FAT person!" OH MY GOSH!!! She must have sensed my tone b/c she looked at me terrified when quickly told her how very rude it is to say that! I don't think the lady heard any of this (Thank you God!!).

We went to my husband's grandmother's funeral a couple of weeks ago. At the wake, a Catholic priest came in to say prayers with the family. In the middle of a crowd of 15 people, in the middle of a prayer, my 4 year old farts and then loudly annouced, "Mom! Hey Mom! I farted!" *facepalm*

I was very pregnant (probably 7-8 months along at the time) I went shopping with my 2 1/2 year old son. As we're walking down the aisle he asks, 'Mommy, does that lady have a baby in her belly?'. I about died because, no - she did NOT have a baby in her belly!!!

This one isn't really funny, but if I could have crawled under the floor, I would have! My dad died on the 29th of March, and when we were over at his house picking up some stuff from my step-mom (whom I'm not real fond of, but that's a whole different story) about a week after his passing, we were getting ready to leave and he asked Cheryl if she killed his pappaw.

I about passed out from embarassment!

Not what she says as much as what she does...
Speaking of breasts, My 5 yr old girl is obsessed with my breasts. As soon as she sees me she runs over and puts her hands straight up in the air, so her hug ends up being her groping my breats. i freeeeaking hate it! I feel so violated! lol It's very embarassing. She likes to pop me on the butt too - very embarassing.

My son once said - "look at that old grammpa over there". It was a guy with a grey beard standing about 2 feet away from us.

We were at a restaurant a few weeks ago when my two year old stands up in the booth, hoists up his shirt, and proudly exclaims, "BOOBIES!!"

Apparently, my other two kids thought it was funny when they taught him to do that.

My own daughter used to look at the womens shoes under the stall when she or I used the restroom...and REMEMBER them, and of course comment on what she remembered as we were out shopping in that store afterwards.

"Momma, that red shoe buckle lady was the one who made a stinky, I know it was her"

"Momma, I think that spikey black shoe lady was the one who didn't wash her hands and just put that ugly orange lip stuff on!"

No volume control. Really? Shoot me now! She never forgot a shoe. Craptastic.

I hear doozies from kids all the time since I do home childcare. Most recently, a 4 year old girl, as I am helping her wash her hands. Had nothing to do with anything at all, as part of our chattery conversation right after breakfast at 7:30 in the morning. "My mommy has a hairy front-butt". Thanks kiddo, just the info tidbit I needed to start my day!

When my daughter was 4 we were shopping at Target. There was this man waiting at the checkouts and he had a beard and a ponytail. We were near the isles so we could see him. Here's what my daughter says:
"Mommy, why does that lady have a beard?"
I didn't know who she was talking about. "I don't know!"
"She has a ponytail and a beard! Boys don't have ponytails, but girl's don't have beards!"
She then pauses and really loudly says "OH! IT'S A BOY!"

The guy turns and sees her and just laughs and I was embarrassed.

She's embarrassed me plenty of times in the bathroom.

My son and I went to the gas station and a Sikh gentlemen pumped our gas. My son stuck his fat head out the window and said, "Are you genie? Do I get wishes?" Ahhh! Thank goodness the guy really didn't get what my son was talking, about but it was still embarrassing.

When my daughter was much smaller (she is 13 now) when I would take her into a public bathroom, it would never fail for her to say "Mom, are you pooping?" or "Mom, did you fart?" LOL!!! I would always tell her to whisper and NO, I did not! hehehe!

I'm sure there were many other humiliating moments, but that one always comes to mind right away!

Just thought of another! When we were camping once, my husband and son went to take a shower (son was probably 3) and while in there, my son started to sing a song that went "Stand up, Stand up..." Can't remember the rest...it's a dance/rap song...but how funny...in the shower! YIKES!

Mine too is a nipple story. One day as I was buckling all my kids into the car at a very busy Target parking lot on a Saturday, my 3yo says to me, "hey mom, you likes your nipples?". My other two kids started laughing and as I backed my butt out of the car, a man was standing there waiting to get into his car, he totally heard because he made the comment, "kids say the darndest things, don't they?".

my 2 yr old started yelling Santa at a fat guy at H&R block, sometimes she will start screaming daddy at random men although she has mostly outgrown that now. This was not in public but still funny... my dd has a new baby brother and I was bathing them both together when she noticed his private area- she said hes got a little rabbit down there. Hilarious!

Our 3 year old son didn't SAY anything bad during the following incidents, but...

We walked passed a disabled gentleman in a wheelchair who was eating. Our son turns to me and asks, "Why does that man eat like.." and then mimicks EXACTLY the man's head tilt and shaky fork-holding hand. Oh gosh, I nearly died! I gave him a nice long lecture in the car :-)

Same week, no lie...
On the way to the bank a man with two full leg braces is slowly walking towards us. Our son stares, points, says "Why is he doing.." Then shakes his hips and copies the man's waddle. Oh geez...thanks kid.
We had another mother/son chat in the car after the bank errand...

P.S. Our son has a speech disorder so I count on most people not being able to understand him. But the gesturing, well...impossible to hide.

My son yelled very loudly that his baby sister had 2 butts....use your imagination lol! That night he got the talk about differences between boys and girls

My daughter comes up to my breasts and I'm petite myself and not well endowed at all. She is 8 years old and in the check out line comes up to me and says "look I come up to your little boobies mommy, when are you going to get your big ones like her?" - pointing at the checker. Needless to say I smiled and was embarrassed but just stated that just as any other body part people are different. I did apologize to the cashier and luckily she was a sport about it and told her "your mom is right everyone is different." My daughter has some odd interest in the size of my breasts and she feels "bad" because I don't get to have big pretty ones. *shaking my head*

WE were at a party a couple of weekends ago for my 8 yr olds friends birthday. We were sitting eating and my 3 yr old points and says look at that boy in a dress. Loudly and twice. I tried to pretend i didnt understand her. lol The little girl had very short hair. WHen no one was around i explained to her that it was her sisters friend and she was a grirl with short hair. she looked so confused. lol
My firstborn has really curly hair and when we took her for her first hair cut she looked at her hair on the ground and said look mommy its your hair from down there. Pointing at my hoo-ha. Yeah i was bright red with embarrasment.

Ive shared this one before but it was a while back so I will re share :)
soooo.......
My baby was about 3-4 and we went to the store to get a few things and I had the worst yeast infection on earth and had been miserable so I was going to get some vagisil as well. I had been resting a lot because it was so painful so I hadn't been playing with her or holding her that day. She had learned the proper anatomy names for the "girls and boys" parts. So in the store, in line with a million people everywhere I go to pick her up since it was crowded and she screamed, " no mama don't pick me up! Your vagina hurts! " I know its part of life for women but I was mortified and my lil gal was serious! Thanks kid!
( and yes, damn near everybody turned to see who had the burning vagina!)