Slumber Party for 6 Year Old + Worried Mom = Dilemma

I think 6 is too young for a sleepover. I agree--the girls will be super tired after pizza and circus. Don't be afraid to say no:)

You could just say you have plans in the morning, early. I would never leave my dd in a situation I wasnt 100% comfortable with. I think thats way too much stimulation for kids that young.

I'd say you're looking for problems before there are any problems.

If she needs to come home the mom can call you. If she does fine then she does fine.

Without reading others' comments...

I'd be the mom who took my kid right home from the circus. A circus which starts at 7 likely won't end until at least 9. (I've taken a child this age to the circus before and we left early... they were tired. I am not sure you will have this option with the group.)

It may be, too, that the mom who is hosting has NO idea what she's getting into. If I hadn't really spent time with the dad, either, I don't know how I would feel about the overnight piece.

What you could do, though, is offer a small treat for going home, like a special breakfast the next morning. At six, I agree that she may not know how to deal with being in a different house without you-- and she may not know how to deal with those feelings or to ask for help.

FWIW-- My son is nearly 6 and has only spent the night with adults who we know very, very well; they have not been social sleepovers. I didn't do those until 8 or 9, and then stayed up way too late, etc.:)

(Okay, I did peek at other answers and really agree with Marie Chantel's post. Being the mom is hard, but it's good to listen to that little voice inside ourselves. Not to be scary, but I was molested at a sleepover when I was 8, by my friend's uncle. All that to say, if you don't feel 100% sure, don't do it. I'm not a 'stranger danger' mom by any means, but I'm cautious about my son being in the keeping of adults I don't really know besides his teachers.)

Hmmmm-I guess I am the only one that thinks you may be reading into this way too much.

I guess I don't understand why you can't just let the night come and see how everything goes.

And your point C is a little scary to me. You know you never really know people-even when they seem like the nicest people in the world. How would you feel if he said the same thing about you? You make it seem like everyone is judged a pervert until you "know" them.

I think this situation has a lot of room for growth (for both of you).

Sorry-I'm sure you liked the other two responses better :)

I'm with you. My soon to be 11 yr old has not been on a sleepover other than at Grandma's. I don't see the point in them at all. They do very little sleeping and it makes for tired and cranky kids, and tired and cranky adults who are staying up to supervise (you'd hope so anyway).

I think 6 is generally a little young for a sleepover, especially one that's done after a full night and not at a close family member's house. Generally sleepovers don't involve a large, long, late outing before it, either. I wouldn't make her sleep over if she or you are not comfy with it. And no, I probably wouldn't let her sleep over in this scenario.

A. They'll be excited and having a blast. And they'll probably giggle well into the night before dozing off. Don't you remember sleepovers?

B. She might, but there will be other girls in the same boat to comfort her.

C. Seriously? How would you feel if all the girls were staying at YOUR house and some mom said that about your husband? Acted like he could be a predator? Most dads are just....dads. They love their daughters and would never, ever hurt a little girl or boy. They don't deserve to be the focus of anyone's suspicion just because they are men. 1/2 of all parental units are men. Chill out, hon.

Both of my kids slept over with friends and family starting at about age 4-5. Yes, you are overreacting. They are going to have a wonderful time, have plenty of supervision, and IF she is too scared to stay overnight....someone will call you. But don't set her up for failure by telling her "you can come home if you get scared." Tell her she'll have a great time and that you're PROUD of her for going to her first sleep over!

I never let my kids go to a sleepover. My youngest used to beg to go home and get in his own bed after a 12 hour drive to grandparents' houses, LOL! He would have had a really hard time with a sleepover when it was apparent to him that I wasn't coming to get him.

As far as my older son is concerned, he couldn't handle staying up til all hours. He had melt-downs, and I knew better than to let him do that. I learned the hard way that I had to limit our evenings even as a family because of it. I just made it a overall rule that my kids just didn't go to sleepovers, ever. I'm not the only mom who had that rule, and I didn't make apologies for it. The thing is, once you start, THEN it's picking and choosing who you allow your daughter to visit, and that's when things get hard, both for her friends, and for her.

I don't know if this helps, but there it is...

Dawn

I, too, am in the overprotective club. Your concerns are valid, but not enough reason to say no to the sleepover. This is assuming your daughter wants to go, if she says she doesn't want to, problem solved. But assuming she'd like to try it, I say let her. You can always tell her that if she is upset and doesn't want to stay all night, she can call you. And work that out with cookie mom, that if your daughter wakes her up in the middle of the night to call you, you would like her to do so. I always did this, because some moms feel like they are doing you a favor by trying to solve the problems themselves so the kid doesn't bother you- but I wanted them to know it wasn't a bother, I prefer my kid to call me if she needs me.

As for the dad- it would be different if it was just your girl and no mom around. 6 girls plus mom home? I wouldn't worry (not that you should worry anyway, but the creep factor goes way down here). If you do have a bad feeling about him, then say no. But if you are just worried because you don't know him, that's understandable but still, not a reason to say no.

I understand your concerns, but if your daughter wants to go, there is no reason (that I see) to say no. If you are going to say no every time there is a chance that girls might be mean, your daughter will never attend a sleepover! At this age, the girls would have no problem telling the mom who can work out problems.

6 is young for a sleep over, especially if you aren't comfortable with it.

As for the dad, since this is an activity being hosted by the girl scout troop, then you have a right to confirm that the dad has a clear background check with your local Girl Scout Council. Not saying that it's a guarantee, but all parents must have the background check if they are volunteering with the troop.

Our six-year-old daughter has done a couple of sleepovers with no problems, aside from staying up normal than usual because they were talking so much.

I would let her give it a try. Sounds like a fun time! We're doing a sleepover for our daughter's 7th birthday.

ETA: I'm raising my eyebrows at all the concerns that dads are pedophiles! Yikes. I'm feeling the opposite of a helicopter parent right now because I just don't look at my daughter's friends' parents as criminals.

I don't think it's a big deal to let her spend the night. Make a point, if possible, of sitting near the husband during the circus so that you can chat and get to know him a little better.

As for being mean to each other, is this a common problem that you've experienced with this group of girls? If not, don't worry about it - no reason to think they will be mean if they haven't been in the past. If they are, just have a chat with your daughter in advance about how to act in that type of situation. I don't really think it will be a problem though. Most likely they will go home and get ready for bed pretty quickly since it will be late. I think at age 6 though, staying up a little later than usual for a special thing like the circus won't affect them that much. My son is almost 6 and can easily go to a baseball or hockey game and come home in a great mood, bursting with energy at 9:30 p.m. A circus isn't that long, you'll probably be out around 8:30 - 9:00 at the latest.

Have a talk with her in advance about staying there alone. Give her the choice and, if she wants to stay, don't talk about it so much that you make her think there is a reason to be scared. Can you have a play date at the girl's house sometime before the big night so she feels more comfortable there? have her ask when she arrives where the bathroom is so she knows where to go if she wakes up in the night.

Don't overthink it. The more nervous you are, the more nervous you'll make your daughter.

I say let her stay and sleep over with her friends. She is old enough for you to explain to her that you will go home. If she decides she does not want to go, ok. This is something very important. Kind of like a growing experience. Just because you do not know the Dad, does not mean he is some perverted monster. Most mothers do not know the Dads well because they are at work all day. So let her have fun with her friends. Worse case scenario, you have to go get her. You are not over reacting just over thinking. Life was simple 35 years ago. Oh a sleepover. What fun. Yeah we knew they would be tired. So what. And if they ate too much junk food. So what. They are only kids once!

Six is a little young, but why not give her the chance? She may do great and have a blast. I assume it's not a school night so being tired the next day shouldn't be a problem.
If she needs you she can call you to pick her up, right?
Also, I'm not sure why you're worried about "the dad" you DO realize that kids are usually molested/abused by family members or trusted family friends, right? Statistically speaking she's better off with a stranger than she is with grandpa or Uncle Bob.
Of course if she doesn't want to go then don't make her go, but at the same time don't hold her back because of YOUR fears.

Women have a lovely way of not following their intuition. You need to drive home after the circus. If your child is upset she will be ok. That’s why they have a mom. So you can make those kinds of decisions. My daughter’s (she’s 7) troop had a sleep over and I thought she is too young. She was mad, but got over it. I just could not picture her sleeping at another location that I was not familiar with. My mom’s house is the extent of her sleepovers. Other than that, my child needs to be in her bed – point blank.

The Dad: Again, follow your gut. Not saying he is a pedophile, but you sure as heck don’t want to find out that he is! You don’t know this man. That’s how those things start. He’s not going to come out and say – “I like little girls”. You don’t know if he’s a creeper or wants to help one of them change into their PJ’s. You just never know.

I would say no way!

You are over reacting! Believe me, you will NOT know if a person is a pedophile even if you spent every evening with him and his family and went on family vacations together, etc. They don't advertise!

Let her go. Since you are going to the circus with them, if she has any problems with the sleepover part, she can come home with you. But please don't project your concerns onto her and don't give her a big list of things to watch out for with the dad. I can just see you now putting all kinds of horrid ideas into her head. Please don't do that. Keep your unfounded fears to yourself!

I think concern B is the only legitimate concern. How did your daughter do sleeping at grandma's house? How does she feel about going for a sleepover? If she doesn't want to do it then I wouldn't force her to do it until she is ready. I think your concerns about A and C are non-issues and you are just being a little paranoid. If the girls are mean, then they are mean. They could be mean anytime and are no more likely to be mean at a sleepover than they are any other time. You can't always be there to protect her from mean girls, but the host mom will likely step in. So what if you don't really know the dad. Dads don't tend to be terribly involved with slumber parties anyway, and the mom will be there and lots of other girls. My boys were much younger when they started going on sleepovers, but they never had any troubles sleeping away from home.

All of your concerns aside... My kids were not ready for a sleepover at 6 years old. And after a circus and pizza with friends my kids would be fried, but then mine are in bed asleep by 8pm. How does your daughter feel about it?

If I were you, I'd see if she can do an "almost" sleepover, where she stays until 9 or s and then comes home to sleep.

I wouldn't do the sleepover. I am pretty sure my daughter (almost 6) would love the idea of it but would be more than happy to return to her own house with me by the time the circus is done.

Maybe play it by ear?

If you are not comfortable, you are not comfortable. Say no and leave it at that, you do not have to give a reason. Just say we will love to join you at the circus, but unfortunately "Missy" won't be able to spend the night. If pressed just say she can not attend. No further explanation is needed. Go with what makes you comfortable. She will NOT suffer social because you keep her out of this!!!!

You are the only one that can make this decision and there is NO wrong answer, IMO.

Only you know your child and know if she will be scared or not.

I personally would not worry about the girls being mean to each other just b/c they are tired...unless of course you have already seen some of that behavior?

I get your concern about not knowing the Dad. I am over protective of my kids in sleep over situations and they have only had a couple each (9 & 7) and it wasn't until I had known the parents for a good looooong while before I felt comfortable.

She is 6, she will get over being the only one not sleeping over, I promise...especially since she still gets to do the pizza and the circus!

If she wants to go, let her.

1) Your child does not have to sleep over.
2) You can pick her up or take her home, after the circus.
3) The circus starts at 7:00pm, probably goes on for 1-2 hours. Plus after there is a delay too per getting the kids rounded up and back to the car and settled in the car, then drive home etc. So that is an added 1/2 to the timing.
So, by the time they actually get home to the sleep over house, they have to again... settle down, probably maybe have a snack, get themselves to brush teeth etc, and make their sleep spots, and chat and get rounded up again because a bunch of girls at a sleep over can be like a bunch of loose marbles... you gotta round them up again and get them focused and settled down... to then actually LIE down, and sleep. So that again... will take, time. Added time into the whole night time timing of events.
4) You are going along to attend the circus too. So good. You can then take your daughter home after that, if need be.
ie: she may very well be real tired.....
5) DO NOT be concerned about, just being like the others or doing like the others and "having to" have your daughter sleep over, if it is not in her best interest or if SHE herself... is not prone to it or is tired and wants to go home. You go by YOUR child's cues... bottom-line.
6) So what if some think 6 years old is old enough for a sleep over. So what if some think it is too young. You go according to YOUR child's cues.... and how YOU know her. And as HER Mom.

7) NOT all little girls, are "mean" when tired. My daughter and her friends are not. But yes, some kids get FUSSY... when overtired and it is late or too late at night, than they are used to, or if the bedtime is later than their usual routine.
8) YES some kids get scared at night and want Mommy. So what. She is only 6 years old. Its OKAY. So again, you go according to YOUR child's cues. AND by YOUR instincts and radar.
And sure, you do not know... the Dad. Fine. That is something that some Moms think about too. Me too... some Husbands of a woman, can be icky or creepy or you just for some reason do not trust them or are not comfortable with them/him. Fine. That is your right.
9) WHENEVER there is a sleep over, ASK the Host.... about the night... where the kids will be sleeping etc. and about the supervision.
I... have had sleepovers for my daughter, when she became 8. WE felt she was old enough then. BUT it was at our, house. AND I told the Moms... of the children, that they can call anytime, anytime. THEY can stop over ANYtime as well. I will tell them if anything happens and even if their child misses them and wants to call them. I... will ALSO be sleeping nearby on a sofa where I can hear them and eyeball them. That is what I do, as a "Host" of girls sleeping over. AND I tell them, if my Husband will also be helping etc. But they KNOW my Husband. I am very... freely available with information to the other parents and I clearly.... say.... what will be going on that night and what I will be doing as well. AND I tell the parents they are WELCOME to come INTO my home, and I show them around and WHERE the girls will, be sleeping etc. So that, they are comfortable about it, too.
10) IF you are not comfortable with it or your radar is tweaking you... again, you go according to your child's and your, cues.
11) I also have a son that is 6. We do NOT send him on sleepovers yet. NOR do we have his little buddies sleep over either. He is too young. That is us. AND because, I KNOW my son. Very well.
12) I, do not even send my kids on sleep overs to their Aunty's house. Why? Because, I know how she is... and how my kids are. And their Aunty does not have... the flexibility or patience needed, with kids. And because, I KNOW my kids. No matter what age they are.

13) You need to talk/chat with your daughter about this. Of course she doesn't know how it will be.... tell her she will not be sleeping near you or with you, this is at a house she's never been too before. And hopefully the girls are girls she gets along with and they are decent in attitude, etc.
You speak to your child... ABOUT it, the night, the events. Together. And then... you can see and gauge your child.... per how she reacts of per the questions she asks you or per any "apprehensions" she has, about it all.

14) DO NOT, just think you have to keep up with the Jones' and just do what the others are doing, just to do it and follow along. I don't do that... per any functions/[parties my kids get invited to. I do... what I feel is best and per the cues of my children and per the schedule/timing of the night's events. AND I chat WITH my kids about it.
I do NOT concern myself with my kids being an "outcast" per whatever event. I... teach them to be THEMSELVES and to listen to their gut. And they do. And I do, too. Therefore, they trust me, and they trust themselves. They are not followers just to follow. They listen to their gut and know how to gauge, themselves. I taught them this since they were 2 years old. Because ALL throughout school... they will encounter things like this.

No, you are not over-reacting. My mom never let us spend the night when she didn't know both parents well, and certainly not at age 6. At that age our sleepovers were limited to our aunt and uncle's and grandparents' homes.

My 6 yr old is constantly asking for sleep-overs. He's not ready. We're not ready.

Is there anything specific that makes you feel uneasy about the dad? (Red flag.) I would worry too that 6 is a little too young for such a long day, in addition to a sleep-over. Have you asked your daughter what she would do if she wakes up and is scared? Would she be allowed to call you? Could you pick her up in the middle of the night? I wouldn't worry so much about her being an outcast because of one night, yet. Better safe than sorry. Personally I'd wait until she's older. But if she's confident that it's what she wants to do, and you trust the parents, maybe she'd be just fine. Good luck!

6 is too young for a sleepover. Especially a sleepover happening right after your little girl will most likely be staying out way past her bedtime and be overly tired before it even begins. You are making the right call on this. I'm betting more than one of the other moms probably feels the same way and just haven't had the courage to say anything. You may find after announcing you'll bed taking your daughter home after the circus, there will be others doing the same. Stand up for what you believe and have fun at the circus! :)

You know your child best. If you don't feel she'll have a good time I would plan to bring her home after the circus. Pizza and the circus will be fun for her, maybe you could do some fun stuff like a DIY mani and pedi once you get home, have a movie playing and eat some ice cream.

Don't make it a big deal, just be matter of fact, and don't worry that she might be the only one not sleeping over. 6 is young for a sleepover, especially if a child has only stayed at grandma's a few times. Make it girl's night at home instead.

I think you're right in being uncomfortable about your 6 year old sleeping over at someone else's house. Yes, she may be very excited about the "idea" of it, but I think when it comes down to it, she'd rather go home to her own bed. She's still able to be involved in all the fun stuff. I'd just plan to bring her home after the circus. Good luck with your decision.

I have an almost 6 year old too and we had that discussion that she was too young to have a sleep over (honestly I don't know how long I can pull that one) but I am a "too worried" mom too, I would not let my child sleepover at another home other than my parents (which in 6 years she has done once)...how do the other moms feel? They are all totally comfortable?

You could always let her go back to the house and let her change into PJ's there and hang out for an hour and then pick her up. I did not let my kids sleep over until they were about 8 or 9, and even then only 1 on 1 with a known girl friend whose house she had been at many times. With that I still would get the occasional "come get me call" at 2 AM. Groups sleep overs did not work for my kids, since with a large group no one actually gets any sleep. I just prefer my kids in their own beds so they can get rest. So we did half sleep overs: they brought PJs and sleeping bags, but I would pick them up at midnight or so.

i had a sleepover for my daughters 6th birthday and a bunch of 6 year olds slept over..most being cousins who had already slept over but 2 who had only met M. one time.

I promised to call if anyone was upset in the middle of the night and wanted to go home IF the parents wanted M. to. One kid was upset and wanted to go home and did. none of the girls said anything but that they missed her. its an age where if someone gets upset that they sypathize and remember when they felt sad or scared...in another year or two it may be diferent but as long as the mom is good in reminding kids to think abo9ut how they felt at one time or another the kids will all be sweet

I say let her go and ask they call you or text when she falls asleep so you dont worry all night and ask that they call if something goes wrong
OR ask if you can stay over too. i wouldve let aparent stay over to help and have fun and talk
ETA

As for C this isnt a gender issue, there should be open communication with your daughter from 3 on up about good touch bad touch and how she shoudl talk to you if anything happens no matter what the person says, you can't worry their little lives away you J. have to arm them with tools to handle a sittuation...Also most times its a relative who does something to the kid not a dad from a one time sleepover...you're stressing over nothing

I have recently faced this decision with my daughter who is 8. She was invited to a New Year's Eve sleep over. We were concerned because the mom is single and we didn't know if she was having other people over for perhaps an "adult" party too or even if she just had 1 person over we were concerned it may be a boyfriend. We let our daughter go to the party but picked her up at 10:00. She did fine. Wasn't super thrilled about going home early but that's life. We aren't here to be our kids best friends ....we are here to be parents. If you have doubt then that's all that matters.

As for the pedophile thing...you are absolutely right that you never know. Most likely he isn't but hey I would still worry if I didn't know them very well. You can teach your kid about bad touch etc but if they don't have a cell phone to call you how can they get help?

I bet the other moms going with the group to the circus have the exact same concerns that you have. They probably also want the chance to see how their daughter is handling the late night event before they decide to allow the sleepover. I wouldn't be surprised if several of the girls go home with their moms, so your concern about your daughter being the only one not sleeping over may end up being a non issue.

You know your child better than anyone, so if you don't think she's ready for a sleepover, then she's not ready. However, I think there's nothing wrong with letting her try it if she really wants to do it. Of your 3 concerns, only #2 would actively concern me also. I wouldn't worry at all about the girls being mean (unless you've seen a pattern of that kind of behavior with this group). I would probably worry a little about not knowing the dad. But how well do you know the mom? Can you trust that she wouldn't volunteer to be a cookie mom or invite a group of girls over if there was something to worry about with her husband? This is a sleepover with a large group of girls and the mom will be in charge; it's about as safe as you're ever going to get in a non-family sleepover situation.

Whatever you choose, I hope you and your daughter have a great time!

I would not be comfortable with a sleepover at 6. Sorry, that's too young in my opinion. For what it's worth, I think the sleepover is "overkill". Pizza and the circus is a great treat for Kindergarten aged kids- sleepover late at night is just asking for tears.

Talk to Cookie Mom and see what she is planning when they get home. If they are going to have an ice cream sundae bar before bed (or some other activity), then go back to the house, do the activity and then pack her up to go home. If they are going back to the house to go to sleep, then take your little one home from the circus.

If Cookie Mom asks, tell her the truth. You know your daughter and when she gets overtired she can get emotional and you want the night to end on a positive note. Tell her in advance (call her a few days ahead of time) so that there is no need for discussion at the event and so she can plan "who is driving who" accordingly.

Follow your gut! We're all on different walks of life. You have to do what's right for you. Not to say that this won't change, but, to date, my daughter is not allowed to sleepover at a friend's house. She's 7 and I'm just not ready for it. Don't feel bad. The parents will/should understand. Besides, do u want to befriend someone who wouldn't?

Nope. I wouldn't let my 6yo sleep over. We've kind of done away with sleep overs for our kids anyway. Too many bad things can happen when kids are up late with friends. I'd let them do it here, but I'm not willing to sacrifice my sleep to watch over a bunch of kids. We now do "late-overs" when friends can come over and stay late (11pm-ish) and then they all go home to their own beds. It works for us.

My son was too young for sleep overs until he was about 9 yrs old.
And the only place he's slept over night is the lock down over nights at taekwondo.
He was still in pullups at night till he was 7 1/2.
And he loved his bedtime routine - his own bed with me near by was what he wanted and nothing else would do.
How about you discuss this with the host Mom (that your daughter's never had an over night before) and if it would be ok if she stayed till 'bed time' (11-ish maybe?) and then you can come bring her home.
Or, you tell your daughter she can try it out, but she can call you anytime she wants to come home and you'll go get her.
She might surprise you - and stay the whole night.
My son at that age would never do it.

My son is 6, he has not attended a sleep over but spends nights with his grandma and grandpa. He has been sleeping over their house since he was 3 weeks old. This is different then a sleepover. If you know the family and are comfortable then I would say let your daugther stay over night but if you are uncomfortable then have her come home with you to sleep. My son is going to overnight camp this summer but I know the camp director and executive director. I worked under the directors when I was a younger at a resident camp. My son would not be going ot overnight camp this young but since I know the staff and trust them, it makes a huge difference.

I remember being a kid and going to sleepovers. Often times we stayed up ALL NIGHT LONG! Of course we were overtired, that was part of the fun!!!

All that being said, six is pretty young. If she gets scared and wants to come home, she or the parents can call you to pick her up. I don't know your daughter, so I cannot decide what she can/can't handle. You have to make that decision.

No...but if she really wants to,let her know if she gets scared, they can call you and you will come pick her up (no matter what time) Before hand, I would remind her that it's already going to be a late night event, so if she wants to come home with you from circus, it's OK.

I think your daughter will be safe in the house, but I have to say that it is a concern that the girls will be overtired and wound up.

My daughter is 11 and has done her share of sleepovers and I have to say that nothing good has EVER come of them. Every sleepover party has been full of drama--girls fighting, prank calling, pulling pranks on each other, etc.

I used to be FOR sleepovers because I remember how fun they were, and now I'm against them because I can't take the next-day drama and my daughter moping around the house because she's so overtired.

We allow one friend to sleep over, or for her to sleep over at one friend's house. We do not allow sleepover parties because my daughter makes bad decisions.

Go with your gut. I'm sure your daughter will be SAFE at the house, but I can't promise a drama-free night!!

Kindergarten would be too young for me. We didn't allow sleepovers until 2nd grade when I felt they would make good choices and be able to stand up for themselves (or call me) if anything questionable came up. Talk to the cookie mom ahead of time, let her know your daughter isn't old enough to sleep over, and head home after the circus. She might be disappointed that day, but she'll get over it and there will be plenty of opportunities for sleepovers when she's older.