Sleepless Nights!! - Alto,MI

Decide on what you want the outcome to be. It sounds like your goal is to get her to sleep through the night in her own room, so stop doing things that will complicate this goal. Be consistant in requiring her to stay in her own room. Consider providing a night light if you haven't already. My son is 3 and I noticed that he consistantly started waking at around 3 AM at around the age of your daughter. He was afraid of wetting the bed. We began to take him to the potty and then get him settled back in bed. We did not go into the room again even if he continued to cry after returning to bed (frustrated because he didn't get to sleep with mom...)and he quieted down once he realized he wasn't going to get his way. The more nights we were consistant, the less he fussed about it. He still wakes at around 3 sometimes, but we still do the same things.

Be consistant.

With Love,
A.

You could start by trying to put a makeshift bed in your room, like a comforter on the floor with some blankets and pillows. This will give her the comfort of knowing that you are near, but not fully in your bed. Some kids just like the comfort and it's always much easier to let them sleep with us!
I have a 5 year that still will sneak into our room when she is scared.
Good luck!

My daughter is 4 (soon to be 5) and wakes up every night. Because of some other systems she was showing we went to an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor and he did a sleep study. We found out that her tonsils and adenoids were enlarged therefore she was having difficulty breathing and would wake up. During the sleep study they monitor your child the entire night and you can stay over with her as well at Children's hospital. We used Dr. Collins at Dayton Head & Neck on Clyo Road. Hope this info helps and you find relief. I know after November when my daughter has her tonsils and adenoids removed I will!

How many hours/what hours would you like her to sleep through? Like 7p-7a? Or 11p-7a? If you can choose some hours that you'd like her to sleep through (and it'd be good to take into account her natural sleep/wake rhythms), then you can be consistent about enforcing them in a gentle, gradual way.

Consider too that she might have a physical reason to wake - perhaps to pee, or she could be thirsty/hungry, etc. - do you, as an adult, not drink or get hungry in the time you want her to sleep? I only ask this because I think sometimes that we expect more of our kids than we'd be willing to agree to as adults.

Her waking could be due to one or a combo of:
* adjusting to having a new baby in the house
* thirsty or hungry (growth spurts can be vicious!)
* full bladder is causing her to wake up (if you take her to the potty, let a trickle of water run in the sink, or make a "sssss" sound, she may just pee for you and go right back to sleep)
* some other physical discomfort (teething - 2nd yr molars maybe?, or oncoming illness)
* emotional need - needing to know that her mom is close by, still around given that there's a new baby vying for attention (plus, 18 months old is still very, very young - still very much a baby!)

I suggest trying a variety of things to see what works - here are just 2 ideas:
* plan to wake just before the time she typically does (you mentioned that she sleeps for "about 5 hours" before waking for you?) and sleep walk her to the bathroom, support her on the potty and give her an opportunity to pee
* put a small sleeping bag in your room and allow her to sleep in your room for those last few hours in the morning (so she's not in bed with you, but she's secure knowing you're right nearby, in her line of vision)

I can only imagine how busy & tired you must be with a young infant and a young toddler! Mine are just under 3 yrs apart (my youngest is now 7 mos old) and we are still absolutely exhausted and trying to get a handle on parenting 2 kids at once - the nighttime sleep is the least of it for us (at least they're both asleep simultaneously for stretches of time!). A tip from a friend of mine who had her babies 15 months apart - she read a book on raising twins called "Mothering Multiples" by Karen Gromada:
http://www.amazon.com/Mothering-Multiples-Breastfeeding-C...

Even though it's targeted towards moms of multiples, my friend said she found the book to be really helpful in juggling two kids under 2 yrs old. Hope this helps, and that you can find more sleep together as a family!

I am reading a book called the No-Cry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley. The book is about helping babies sleep through the nigth from ages 0-24 months. It may be a good book to read for your situation.

I had the same type of problem with my three year old boy. He was always a good sleeper. He always went to bed easily after a few books and rocking. Then when he was about 2 he decided to start getting up. Crawling out of his crib. It was horrible. So my husband and I kept taking turns bringing him back to his bed. Everytime he got up we would put him back in his bed. No talking to him. It was hardest not getting frusturated with him. We had to let him cry it out. Eventually he knew he wasn't going to win so he finally stayed in his bed and fell asleep. This happened for about 3 days and each day it was less times getting up. I read this book called Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. It helped alot. Hopefully it is just a phase and she will start sleeping again. Good luck.
Chris V

I really think that first she needs to learn to go to sleep on her own. When she wakes in the night it's natural for her to want you since you were there when she went to sleep. Stop laying there until she falls asleep. You could be close or even check on her when you first start. It's going to be hard after 18 months of this. But you need to teach her to fall asleep on her own - hopefully she is obedient and will stay in the bed. Be consistent even though it is exhausting. Good luck!!

I sympathize with you for your sleeplessness. At this juncture, with a 3 month old baby in the house getting all the attention, why bother trying to make the little girl (who is really still a baby, too) sleep all alone? Will she sleep if you have a little bed next to your bed? Trundle beds used to serve a realistic purpose. She won't want to be in your room forever. Really. I suggest doing what it takes to get a good night's sleep for yourself, and deal with separate rooms later--much later. Check out Dr. Sears' attachment parenting book.
Best wishes!

I unfortunately have no good advise as we were in the same predicament with our 2 kids. My husband travels alot for work, too, so I eventually ended up giving up the fight out of pure exhaustion and let my older child sleep with me. My piece of advise is to work on it now. My daughter will be turning 4 soon and she only stays in her bed for about 3 hours a night. I wish we had sucked it up and nipped it in the bud. I wake up with many back aches from having to sleep with my daughter pushed up next to me all night. BEST OF LUCK!!

Hey there. I read your comment asking how to get your little girl to sleep and it sounds like you already know the answer, "We know we should let her work it out." I agree, it will be hard for the first few nights, possibly a week but the trick is going to be in continuing the same routine over and over again with plenty of prep time for her, which isn't always easy with a three month old as well. She will need to cry it out too and that is extremely challenging but you need to stay strong. If she is in a room where she will wake up the baby is there any way that you could put the baby down after she goes down or figure something else out temporarily? Remember the more you go in there to comfort her the more she is being reinforced to cry. It will probably sound like she is being tortured but remember her real needs are being met and she is safe and in a good environment, she will be okay. The other thing too is that sometimes when you move a child after they have fallen asleep they feel "tricked" and confused when they wake up somewhere else. This can add to their aggitation when they wake up. I understand that getting into this routine with her will totally suck at first but in the long run it will give you more rest and time with your husband creating a happier mom. I hope this helps without sounding like I know everything because that certainly isn't the case. I have a five year old and live in Ada too. I hope this helps! Good luck!

Hi S.! Let me start by saying that you absolutely have your hands full!!!! With the 18th month old, they seem to be creatures of habit. . . .let them do something once (like sleep with mom and dad), they are going to "expect" to do just that! You will have to be prepared to go through the process of letting her cry it out and fall back to sleep. If she's sleeping when you get her in there with you, she's still tired. BUT, with having a 3 month old, I'm sure you are lacking sleep and it's much easier to take her in with you! Good luck!!!!

She is probably going through an adjustment to the new sibling. I would let her sleep in bed with you for the entire night. That way she will feel more secure and move into her bed in her own time. At 18 months, she is still very much a baby. I don't believe in making babies and children cry it out. It has been shown through research not to be healthy for their developing brains. Anyway, I don't understand why we try to train our children to sleep alone when people will most likely sleep beside someone the majority of our lives. When your 3 month old gets older, maybe you could transition them into a bed together.

S.,
I would wait to conquer this problem until you are really ready. Maybe you should wait until you have the 3 month old sleeping through the night - or at least a few good nights of sleep under your belt.

I am no expert, but I think the answer is - that you have to let her cry or do whatever - until she figures out that you are not going to come and let her get into your bed. I wish there were an easier answer - or some magical formula to follow. I think they have to figure it out on their own.
One thing you should absolutely NOT do - is make her cry for 2 hours and then give up the fight and let her come in your room - if you do, you will have taught her that if she cries for 2 hours - THEN you will come get her - the next time, she will cry for 2 1/2 hours if necessary. It will only escalate the problem.
The first few nights can be REALLY hard, depending on how much will-power and energy your child has. You also will need to listen to make sure she does not hurt herself. If it makes you feel more comfortable (as it did me) I would sometimes go in and rub my son's back. BUT I would NOT bring him to bed with me and in the end - this sometimes just prolonged the crying.
LOL. It is not easy. But if you want to have the bed to yourself - the sooner you take this problem on, the better. For me, the crying lasted about 1 1/2 weeks. Then, all of a sudden, my son just accepted his big boy bed - and slept through the night. Now, I think he actually prefers to be in there alone when he is trying to go to sleep.

C.

Dear S., I went through the same thing. But, I was a single mom and let my child sleep with me. When I set up her room she wasn't having it. I tried sleeping with her and sneaking out after she fell asleep. Na she woke up and would crawl in my bed.
I remarried and my husband said no way!!!! He took her shopping and bought new bedding (she picked out) didn't work, He bought her a teddy bear to sleep with. (didn't work) and I was getting so upset. I finally put the crib back up that she never slept in and put her in it at night. I started reading a story to her while she was in the crib and each time she called me I would go running to her. I would comfort her but did not pick her up. I told her I loved her but she was a big girl and needed her own bed just like mommy was a big girl and needed her own bed. It took about 2 weeks and our house was in tourmoil, my husband was ready to leave and I was so shaken I couldn't sleep. after the 2 weeks she started accepting the routine and we were able to enjoy bedtime again.

I also have a friend that put up a gate and just lets her son not 2 yet, stay up in his room until he drops if it is in the closet, on the bed, on the TV she doesn't care but he goes to his room at the same time every night.
You need to be consistant whatever you choose to do. Good luck

If you keep laying down with her until she falls asleep she'll NEVER sleep on her own! You've set up her schedule for her. She knows you're supposed to lay with her for her to go to sleep. The only thing you need to change is YOUR habit. Don't lay with her...it may take a couple of nights and a bit of crying, but she WILL adjust. Good luck!