Sleep Training with Separation Anxiety - I Need a Solution!

First - Arrange to get some catch up sleep yourself, because you can't do much well when exhausted. Have your parents put her in the stroller and take her and the other kids for a nice long walk, park outing, car ride, trip to the mall, whatever, for a 2-3 hour spell. for a couple of consecutive days. They can handle the kids for 2-3 hours, the kids can handle being without you for 2-3 hours. You will be better able to handle them after getting the rest.
Second- Rest while the kids are out. Close your eyes, draw the shades, put on a sleep mask, get some rest.
Third - Get your hands on the Dr. Ferber sleep training book. Read it, and implement the steps. Commit to trying it for 7 days, but it will only take 3-4. Consistency is key.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Hi--
First, I always nursed my kids to sleep and when they were ready they went to sleep without it. There is no should or should not--- there is only what works and what doesn't work. I, too, am an attachment parenting kind of Mom.

Next, with my oldest we tried sleep training for one day--that's it, one day. I was always against it, but my husband pushed and we tried it. I was a miserable mess and so was my son. And for a couple weeks after that he was scared to go to sleep. So from my experience, yes, sleep training can make the separation anxiety worse. I, too, had a super sensitive child who wouldn't let anyone else hold him.

That said, check out the books by the baby whisperer. She has information that teaches them to sleep without them crying. That might work.

In my situation her stuff did not work because my son was waking up due to severe food allergies. I mention this so you can determine if that might be what is happening. Symptoms of that could include some or all of the following: Dark and or puffy circles under the eyes, any type of rash (including eczema), persistent post-nasal drip, trouble sleeping (because allergic reactions cause the body to release adrenaline), constipation (defined by not going at least once a day) or diarrhea, or some combination of the two, a persistent cough, and lots of comfort nursing (to help their tummy feel better). If you notice any of these symptoms I can help you with what your next steps would be. For us, I finally brought him into bed with us (he started in a co-sleeper as well) and that helped a lot.

Good luck!
J.

sleep training doesn't just mean crying it out, try a sleep routine that will help signal your baby that it's bedtime. start with nursing, then bath, then 2 stories and 2 songs or kisses or whatever. she will be ready for bed and will fall asleep w/o nursing being the last thing. This really helped our baby sleep through the night.

Sleep training will encourage some independence from her. She needs to learn how to self soothe. And it's not about you needing more sleep (people tend to look at sleep training like it's a selfish thing on the parent's part). It's about HER needing more sleep to thrive and develop. Her brain needs uninterrupted sleep in order to develop properly.

So whatever method you decide on, now is the time.
You don't have to abondon her overnight. You might feel like you are, but please try to remind yourself that it's really to help her.

Sleep issues are just tough and usually no easy answer. Have you tried introducing a lovey for security? It might take a couple week and helps if you have it close to you when nursing, so it start to smell like you. It might take her bit to become attached to it.

She is probably adjusting to not having paci at night which is huge if she used them to get to sleep. It might take some time, which is awful for you.

Have you tried giving her ibuprofen? I am assuming. I only mention as my second daughter was a horrible teether and it really affected her. My first daughter not so much. We gave younger daughter a lot more ibuprofen as it seemed to help, much better than Tylenol.

Finally, the baby whisperer book worked well for us with daughter number one. We did a pick up put down method for sleep and it was hard for one weekend and then done. We did about 9 month old when we couldnt take it anymore. For second daughter we used The Sleep Lady book which took a lot longer, but was more gentle method. Not one method works for every kid.

I think she's in a growth spurt and was hungry. She may also be hurting from the teething and want to nurse. I would look at it as a phase and just try to work through it. I nursed my DD to sleep for quite a while longer than "they" say to, and she's fine. She goes to bed on her own really well and I think that she just needed the TLC at that time. Frankly, it was better for us if I went to DD than if I let her cry and disturb our teen who needed to catch a bus at 6:30 AM.

As for the separation, try having DH be with the kids while you are GONE and let them work it out. Teach him how to wear her like you do. I think it will all work out. DD preferred me, but when she was in daycare, they figured out what worked for them.

I still think it sounds like allergies even though you had her tested, the separation anxiety especially. My son had that as an infant until I removed dairy from my diet (that was a foreshadowing of things to come for him in the way of allergy issues). RAST tests have plenty of false negatives. In an infant that small, most of those tests are inconclusive anyway. I would try to remove dairy from your diet for awhile, followed by gluten if dairy doesn't do the trick. Good luck.

Oh girl I hear you! My daughter is 9 months yesterday and she is the same way. No body can hold her but me and sometimes her dad, when I walk into another room she cries and tries to crawl after me and cries whenever I leave her with anyone else. We also have a 4 year old so can't stay home all day to nap train her....tried that for 2 1/2 months and made us all miserable.

She rarely naps and if she does is not for very long. At night she goes to sleep around 8 and will sleep fine until 12 than is up every 1-2 hours screaming for me and wants to comfort nurse (she will eat, but needs to use me as pacifier until she is asleep again....she hates bottles and pacifiers and won't take them we tried for several months) She had colic also as an infant and problems nursing and also would scream anytime I put her down so I also held her a lot and carried her around in the front pack for many hours which my lactation specialist said I should do for it seemed like I had a really needy baby. We also tried cutting things out of my diet and hers, and still wakes up with bad gas. Sounds like maybe you have had a similar experience and that is way we are in the situation we are in now, but I can't change the past.

Anyways she had her appt with her Dr yesterday and we talked about this. He said until I get her to bed differently the night time wakings isn't going to change. We read books, than nurse till she is asleep and than put her down. He suggested put her to sleep, read the book than put her down (I know weird) than nurse and read book when starting to fall asleep, than when tired read book (always the same book) than when just read the book at bedtime and put her down. Not sure how it works but at this point we need to try something. Otherwise when he suggested that when I finally reach my point where we don't want to nurse her every hr in the night that I put her down and yes let her cry....even if it is for 5 hours (which she can cry for 2 hrs is the longest I let her do it). He said that when I do go in there when she cries and than nurse her I am sending her the message that if she cries long enough I will come in, encouraging her to cry. If I am not comfortable with her crying than don't ever let her cry for very long before I comfort her maybe 5 mins or so. But I have to choose which one to do and stick with it. As for now I can't let her cry and will do the book and know one day it won't be like this....It is not easy and I feel for ya. Maybe someone else has some better advice that will work for you. I read the book healthy child healthy sleep and for months we tried that approach also.