Sleep Problems with My 4 Month Old

See what dad can do. Maybe he has better luck. But really, for a 4 month old, it's normal. It's the older they get that you begin to be able to put them down. If she isn't sleeping when YOU want now, it's an indication that they aren't ready to be on a strict sleeping schedule. You and hubby are on board for more holding her. She doesn't know any different. So go by her signals. It's all part of parenting.

sry to hear your problem but i feel for you our son has done the same thing since he has come home from the hospital. he only takes two naps a day maybe three sometimes, for only 20 to an half an hour long. we are lucky if he sleeps 2 hrs at night. I work full time during the day and my husband also works. Our son is now going on 7 months. If i can help in any way just get back with us.

T. and family

I agree with a lot of the other moms. My 2 boys were the same but I loved holding them (except when I was too tired to think) so I co-slept with them until around 1 1/2 years old or so. My oldest loved the swing and he would sleep in there or being held by me for his whole nap (hour +) but if I laid him down he woke right up. My youngest did NOT like the swing at all so I wore him and played with big brother while he napped on me. It killed my back but worked and now they both sleep in their own big boy beds all night long at ages 2 1/2 and 4 1/2.

Try laying down with your baby and taking a nap together. If she fusses all you have to do is reach out your hand and do the same thing you already do and then you can both drift off to sleep again.

Good luck and enjoy this together time.

HI K.-

I read through a lot of the other responses and I think you have been given quite a bit of good advice. I am just going to add a bit of my experience to what has already been said. My youngest (of three) was a lot like your little one. I realized that I just had a cat napper. She took lots of short naps - she seemed to sleep all of the time, but only for short periods. Reflux could be a possibility, but it wasn't in our case - it was just her personality. It gradually got better. Around 5 months, she started to develop a normal nap routine, and now at 15 months she is a great sleeper. I just put her down for bed or nap and she may fuss for a minute but quickly drifts off on her own. I don't believe that such a young baby should cry it out either. I think you should do whatever works to get you both the sleep you need. I co-slept with all of my kids. I cuddled all of them, and I would nurse and rock them to sleep. I loved that part of the baby phase, and I feel that if it is something that both you and you baby find comfort in, it can't be a bad thing to do! When my daughters were older, then I would start working more at getting the to self-soothe. When they are still so little, I think it is more important that they learn to trust you and can expect you to be there when they need you. I think she just craves the closeness and I say just pick her up and snuggle her if that is what works! It will get better, I promise you!

Babies' sleep habits change like the wind. At 4 months, I wouldn't expect her to sleep much longer than 4 or 5 hours at a time, especially since she is breastfed. HOORAY for breastfeeding!
She may need that sucking to help her relax before sleeping. Some babies need more sucking than others, maybe a pacifier would help, as long as she isn't really hungry and just needs to suck. My #3 would wake up as soon as I put her in bed. I put a heating pad under her sheet. I would turn it on, nurse her til she was asleep, TURN IT OFF and put her in bed. It worked great. I think she was hitting the cold sheets and waking up. I don't believe in the crying it out thing either. Babies cry for a reason and at that age she isn't trying to manipulate you. I think she just wants her mom and some sucking comfort and maybe a warm cozy bed. Good luck, this will pass.

Dear K.-
It is really tough to make your way through a baby that is not sleeping. I admire your commitment to not making your daughter cry it out.

My daughter also has had a lot of trouble sleeping. I often wear her in an ergo (a kind of baby carrier) where she can sleep upright and close to mommy and I can be hands free. I often cook with her on my back.

Hyland's makes a line of homeopathic tablets for infants. We often use the colic tablets for our daughter (who has a lot of trouble with digestion). They also have a calming tablet meant to help infants relax and sleep. You can get them at any health food store but even the CVS by us carries some of their line. Unlike medicine, they don't have any side effects. Of course, talk to your doctor about them if you are concerned.

I hope this is helpful. Best of luck to you. You are doing a really good job being a gentle and loving mother in touch circumstances.

I know that a lot of people will disagree with me but I believe your sweet daughter is saying she wants to be held and nursed A LOT. This will get better as she gets older. She's growing and has no idea how to settle herself down! She's still very small, as you said. Do you have a sling? It can help a lot during the day. Some babies like a swing for naps - some don't. Worth a try. Some cultures "wear" their babies most of the time till they're 9 months old - as long as they were inside you. They need more touch and frequency of nursing than our modern culture wants to do, but they're small for such a short time! No matter what, I wouldn't try the cruel crying-it-out technique! Can you imagine how lonely, frightened and abandoned she'd feel? Nothing good can come of this!

Hang in there. Before you know it, you'll be going to her high school graduation. Enjoy these precious days!

Hi K..

I'm sure many people will balk at what I'm going to say and they will tell you to just let your daughter tough it out and cry. However, I am of a very different mind set. I truly believe EVERY child is different. Some kids are very independent from the start ... very 'low need' children. They can soothe themselves to sleep, they can lay in their playpens or swings for hours and never hear a peep. Others, like my daughter are 'high need' kids. (Dr. Sears on www.askdrsears.com talks about this type of child.) They WANT to be held, rocked, nursed, comforted ... ALOT. Matter of fact, they NEED it.

Some kids have a real hard time transitioning into the real world. In addition, I believe in my daughters case she was SO interested in everything around her she had a hard time settling down. She was never one to just lay by herself and look at her mobile and play. Nope. If she was awake she HAD to be engaged with someone.

Now at 17.5 months she is so active and curious and just loves to play and explore. It's wonderful! She loves to read and go to the hands on museum ... she always wants to learn.

But... back to your issue. So, it just may be that your daughter is one who just needs to be close to you.

Now, my daughter DID like to be swaddled and she was swaddled in some form or another for about 6 months. By the end just her legs were wrapped and her arms were out ... but she was wrapped for a long time. Now, you mentioned your daughter doesn't like to be swaddled... I"m not questioning you in any way, but I was just wondering how long you've tried it. Some kids will fight it at first. But, after a few minutes they realize the coziness of it and they settle down. However, if after 5 or 8 minutes your daughter is still fighting it then, I would agree, swaddling is not for her.

Have you tried a co-sleeper?? That worked so well for us. I could put my hand out and rest it on my daughters tummy and we both fell asleep wonderfully. She felt me near and felt that security she longed for.

In addition, I 'wore' her alot. I used a sling and carried her around most of the day. She took naps well and got the sleep she needed and had that closeness she so craved.

Also, keep in mind growth spurts, new emerging skills and such can disrupt kids. 4-6 months can be a time of big transition.

I will say, it DOES get better. Just remember every kid is different. Your baby might not sleep 8 hours in the night by 6 months. She might wake up alot. I am not a fan of CIO. My thought was 'I don't like to fall asleep crying, WHY would my daughter.' In addition, babies are not born with the KNOWLEDGE of how to soothe themselves. We have to teach them. We have to teach them the skills they need to soothe themselves. That being said, now we do let our daughter cry for a bit if she won't go to bed. She's old enough now to understand we are still there even if she can't see us and she is old enough to understand WE are the parents and SHE is the child.

I know a mom who embraced CIO from the get go. Her twins are 14 months old. They started CIO very early. Recently her daughter had the flu. This mom went in one morning to get her daughter up and she was COVERED in puke. The baby NEVER cried out for help when she got sick. In my opinion, this is one result of CIO. If you do it too early then babies learn that their parents will NOT help them...they learn they have to sort themselves out. This is not what we want to teach them. We need to reassure them we WILL help them.

I would encourage you to try different things. Try wearing your baby, try a co-sleeper, listen to your daughter... she's trying to tell you that what is happening isn't working for her. If you listen to your daughter and find something that works with HER temperment (instead of trying to fit her into a temperment that someone else thinks is right) then you both will be happier.

You're doing a great job mom. The first year can be tough.... particularly if you have a high-need child. Trust me... I know. But these active inquisitive kids are so great. They love and embrace life and take you right along with them!

Feel free to message me with any questions or if you just want to talk.

Good luck!

OH! One more thing ... I found at that age with my daughter I had to really pay attention to her natural 'cycles'. She had a 2 - 3 hour wake cycle. If I missed the window of opportunity for naps then things went wrong ... REALLY wrong. BUT, if I really paid attention to her signals, and put her down for a nap when she first started telling me she was sleepy ... then things went much much smoother. It was like if I missed her signals then she was over stimulated or something and just couldn't settle down.

You aren't going to scar your child for life if you rock her to sleep. I rocked my daughter to sleep for a very long time. Now, I can put her in her bed sleepy and she falls asleep on her own. Do what works for you and your kids.

Hi Kristine,

I had the same problem with my son until I started swaddling him. I know you said that she hates it, but how many times have you tried it? She may resist it at first, but she should grow to enjoy it. If my son ever gets to the point where he is crying because he's so tired, I usually swaddle him and he falls asleep right away. Also, have you ever tried a sound machine? Before we got ours, I would use the vaccum and that worked wonders as well. My son will be 5 months next week and I still swaddle him and use the sound machine. While he can fall asleep without the noise, it does help him sleep longer.

Another question I have is if you are breast feeding. Unfortunately breast fed babies don't sleep as long because breast milk doesn't keep them as full as formula. If you are breastfeeding, I would suggest pumping and adding a little bit of cereal to her milk. If you are doing formula, I would do the same thing. Our babies are at that age where they eat alot more. I have started giving my son a meal of cereal and fruit or veggies for dinner then nursing him until he falls asleep and it works wonders!

Hope this helps :)

I think 4 months old is too small to let her cry it out anyway. The first year is very exhausting as you know. As long as she has had enough to eat, is dry etc. I think she probably is simply growing and changing and she will find her rymthm. My niece is having the same problem and her daughter is about 6 months old. Good luck and maybe a kind relative will come over and let you get some sleep.

Well, I first want to say that I totally sympathize. My 10 month old used to be the same way, and I thought for sure I was doing something wrong. I've since changed my way of thinking. If my daughter wants to be held or rocked to sleep, I don't see a problem with it. I stopped trying to fight it and we're honestly much happier for it. Now that she's older she is able to sleep for longer periods of time without being held or nursing, but I really attribute that to a combination of her age and knowing that her needs will be met consistently.

That said, with an older child in the house I can understand how things can get a bit hectic. Here are some things I've tried that have worked:

- lie a heating pad in her crib while you're rocking her and getting her to her "happy place". Once she'd ready to be put down (floppy limbs, deep breathing pattern), remove the heating pad and set her in the warm spot. Think about it: when you're tired and sleeping on the couch, isn't it super uncomfortable to crawl into the cold bed? It's a jolt, and it takes a while to get comfortable again. The heating pad can help with that.

- use a Boppy to cradle her while she's in the crib. She is probably accustomed to being cradled in your arms, and the process of lying her down without that is probably not helping her stay asleep. This method usually isn't recommended for younger babies, but I would say it'd be okay if your baby can roll over. Obviously you should use caution. I tried this method when my daughter was about 6 months old and she slept for over an hour and a half, which was HUGE, as she'd only ever slept for 30 mins at a time before that!

Good luck!

K.
My daughter was the same, but then I realized she liked sleeping on her tummy. Or course, everyone says that's a big no-no, but hey I wanted my child to sleep and that was what she liked. I actually would put her on a Boppy pillow on her tummy. I first put her on her tummy for naps, that way I could keep a good eye on her. She did really well, so then I started doing it at night. She also had alot of gas, so I think it was helping her because it would put a little bit more pressure on her tummy. She has been sleeping through the night since about 4 months and she's 10 months now. Good luck.

S.

First of all let me say. This will pass. You will make and your baby will eventually sleep! I understand how you feel. I have a a two year old and a six month old. My six month old had severe reflux and slept an hour at a time. I know you are exhausted and feel like you don't know what to do. First, I would say rule out any physical issues. Is the baby teething, Is the baby sick, maybe reflux is an issue. Talk to your pediatrician and mention her sleep issues. If all physical things are ruled out I would say make sure her needs met. Feed her if she is hungry, change her diaper, but when all else fails do what you can for her and you to sleep. My baby slept in her swing four months straight. I was so exhausted one night and my husband finally said, she is going in the swing. You need sleep and she needs sleep. She slept with the swing swinging for four months all night long and she is fine. She does sleep in her bed now and last night for the first time she slept 10 1/2 hours. It will not be easy, but you will make it. In the mean time do what you need to do to get some sleep. And if that means she sleeps in her car seat, or the swing or even next to you that does not mean you are a bad mom. It just means you are normal!

There may be a possibility she has reflux. Ask your Dr. about it.

Hi K. - I can totally relate. My daughter (now 27 months) and my son (now 9 months) were both the exact same way. I had no problem getting them to fall asleep in their crib but they would wake up after 20 minutes (almost on the dot) and cry, cry, cry! With my daughter, I would usually pick her up and end up holding her for her whole nap. I did this until she was 6 months. That's when I couldn't take it any longer and I felt more comfortable to let her cry it out. So when she woke after 20 minutes I would just leave her in her crib and let her cry. It was awful. I did it for 1 week - letting her cry for an hour. At that point I would go in b/c I couldn't take it anymore and she showed no signs of stopping. She would get so upset she would vomit. So I gave up after that. I ended up just getting her up right when she first woke and trying to keep her up until her next nap period. She was exhausted for awhile but eventually, she kinda just grew into her naps (probably around 8 months). My son was the same way but with him, I didn't worry about it so much b/c I knew I didn't want to go through the cry it out phase and I knew he would eventually grow into his naps. Around 8 months, he did. Now he sleeps an hour in the morning, 1-2 in the afternoon and a cat nap in the late afternoon. So, I wouldn't try to force the sleeping as much as getting her up when she wakes and keeping her up. I would also recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". That helped me a lot. Hang in there and just keep reminding yourself that she will get good at napping. You're not going to have a 2 year old who takes 20 minute naps. I think some babies just have to grow into their naps and it takes some longer than others. Good luck and be patient! If you have the luxury of holding her one day, then do it. Pretty soon she won't be a baby anymore.

In addition to the heating pad, I would also put something you've worn in with her. Babies are comforted by "the scent of Mommy". The two things your daughter is getting from you when she sleeps on you is heat and your scent. Combine the two in the crib.

hey there the three time you want her to go down for a nap why don't you try nursing her a little at least on one side a little top off might be all she need to get that good nap my 5 girls slept better with a full belly good luck and keep up with the brest feading

If she will fall asleep and stay asleep when you rock her then I would do that! She will only let you cuddle and rock her for a short time. Enjoy it instead of fighting it!