SIL, What Would You Do? Sorry the Post Is So Long...

It's very unfortunate that SIL will not allow the girls to play together and form a close relationship that exists between cousins, however it's her decission to make. As for DD, just offer her the support she needs.

I'm with you, it's unfortunate that the girls will not be able to play together, but it's better than dealing with a toxic person. I say let it be! I've had my share of in law drama and I totally feel for you. I am also done with them! I will be cordial and respectful but am not going out of my way for any of them!

Hang in there, hopefully it will get better but at least you don't have to deal with it!

Well, since your SIL has decided that the kids can't play together there isn't anything to do. You said she's a liar and a trouble-maker whom you've sworn off so just leave it at that. I mean it's sad for the kids, but not worth the headache of having this SIL in your life.

Well, you won't allow your daughter around your sister-in-law by herself and it looks like your sister-in-law has decided not to let her daughter around you either.
It's sad for little kids who adore each other to learn sooner or later that not all adults can do the same. There doesn't have to be right or wrong or blame assigned...sometimes that's just the way it is.
I wouldn't tell your daughter "the relationship is over and you can't play with your cousin anymore". That's just too final for a 6 year old child to wrap their head around.
I would acknowledge how much she cares for her cousin, but summers are quite busy for families and her cousin doesn't always have a lot of time with her mom. They got to go places together and have fun and they might have other plans as well.
I would just try to keep the issue of the drama out of it. Little kids don't understand that stuff. And, your feelings for your sister-in-law or her lifestyle aren't a child's business either.
I would say as little as possible. Don't give any false hopes, but never say never either.

Best wishes.

I would tell her that things aren't going to work out anymore, and engage her in something else to fill the void. She will be able to recover from this, but your situation and relationship with SIL won't. I think time and space is a good thing for all in this situation. You don't need the drama, chaos, or to be in the middle. It seems like the SIL has some issues she needs to focus on, and it's best to stay away and out of it.

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oh my word - the drama just in your post.....

whether your daughter loves to play with her or not - the fact remains that you and your SIL do not have the same morals or values...so instead of subjecting yourself and your daughter to her antics - just say NO THANK YOU if she wants to play...

explain to your daughter that while it's great that she has a cousin to play with - the timing is just not right and we'll find someone else to have a play date with....

I would steer clear of the family - as long as the father is supporting her and her drama it will not stop.......don't let your family, especially your daughter, get dragged into this...stop the insanity.

It is sad that your SIL has created such a discomfort for you. It's ok for you to decide who you want your daughter to be around. You have to decide who is a good role model, who respects you, how they treat others...and if it is an environment that you don't want your daughter to be exposed to, you have every right to limit, or take her completely away from it. Your FIL says she won't change until she's ready, well he should realize that she won't change if he is going to keep enabling her bad habits. If he quits supporting her bad habits, then she will be forced to make some changes in her life to support herself. But let that be their problem. Don't expose yourself to that or subject your daughter to her lies and disrespect. I am a direct person, and sometimes I get myself into trouble being who I am, but that's me and if I were in your position I would frankly tell her how I feel and that my daughter will not be around her until she makes some major positive changes in her life. Especially with her lies.
I hope it does get better in time. It makes for a tense family environment especially on the holidays. But don't think you are obligated in any way to subject or expose your daughter to anyone whom you don't feel comfortable with. Your first and foremost concern is your daughter and if they don't like it, let it be their problem. You're a good mom for wanting a better environment for your little girl. ;-D

I think that you should do what YOU feel is best & right. Just b/c she's your SIL doesn't mean that you hafta be nice to her or condone how she behaves. I have a SIL that is WAY melodramatic on EVERY little thing so we too hafta avoid OUR SIL (hubby's sister) b/c of that. Sad to say, most of their family is like that as is mine so even though you may have to avoid her & explain to your daughter why it is she can't be around anymore, sometimes it's best to do things like that to have peace of mind. Good luck!

In my opinion, I think that you should cut the ties sooner rather than later. I have an aunt that has played a toxic role in my life since I was an adolescent, really since I was a child (now 29). I just recently pulled back from the relationship. Like you I say hi at family functions and have sent her a thankyou card for a gift she sent to my 7 month old, but I am trying to maintain a healthy distance. I occasionally feel remorse that my DD will not get to know her Great Aunt but then I think about how much negativity she has brought into my life and how I wish my parents would have removed her from my life when I was a child. I would have been upset and confused for a while but much happier over the long haul. You don't want this person speaking ill of you or your hushband or being a negative influence on her life. UGH, it's a hard personal decision to make. Good luck to you.

i would find a new friend for my daughter to play with. the saying the apple dose not fall far from the tree rings true. if that is the tree then i would not want my kids around those bad apples. i know i could be wrong and hope the little girl dose not follow in her mothers footsteps and i have seen when kids turn out much better than there parents. but i do not see any reason to try to force the friendship between the two.

I'd continue to have playdates thru the Dad - since he seems to be the more stable parent and personality in his child's life.

My husband has a similar type of brother. We will not allow our son (who is to be born in a few days) to call him "uncle." He will not be allowed around our son alone, and will only see him at large family gatherings. Should this brother have children (we suspect he had probably fathered a few and may not know about it), we are not encouraging any relationships to start to form. If I were in your shoes, I would just explain to your daughter that her cousin is busy/unavailable. After a while, she will get over it. Support your daughter through it, and be thankful for the BS that has been cut out of your life.

Drama, Drama, Drama.... She's just doing this to piss you off. It's another game. Don't play into it. Hopefully she will need a brake from her daughter and call you for a playdate... aka she needs a babysitter

sorry for your daughter :(

Wow - for a minute, I thought you were describing my SIL. DH's sister is very similar except she's married. She has an 18 year old daughter who is a self-professed goth, athiest, in her own world, doesn't care to talk to anyone, wouldn't give you the time of day kind of kid. Lovely to be around. She also has a son who is exactly my daughter's age. We live less than 15 minutes apart. We have taken my SIL's son to amusement parks, museums, on picnics, to carnivals, to the beach many times over the years because we feel badly for him that nobody pays much attention to him and my SIL never seems to leave the house (I think she has a drinking problem among other things including an inability to tell the truth). There is always drama and we just don't want to be around it. It would never occur to her to pick up the phone and say hi to her brother (my husband). She won't even return a call from him. The only time she calls is if she needs something - ugh. Very frustrating. It would be so nice to have someone to hang out with - or maybe be invited over to swim once a summer. Nope. Doesn't happen. My husband has actually told my sister that she's the sister he always wished for. So sad. The truth is you can't change anyone. We just try to go about our lives and we try not to focus on it - easier said than done.

I too would go through Dad. He seems to be the parent with his daughter's interests at heart. Wait until DD goes back to Dad's and give him a call. The SIL has no say in who he allows his daughter to play with on his time. I would tell your DD that everyone is busy and that cousin needs to hang with her Mommy for some Mom/Daughter time.