Sibling Fighting - Landrum,SC

Totally normal, unfortunately! I have a brother 3 years older than me. We fought ALL the time (and also spent a lot of time playing together nicely.) He is my best friend, he was my "Man of Honor" in my wedding, and we talk to each other all the time for advice or help. My kids are also 3 years apart, and they can be best of friends and 5 minutes later the opposite!

"Mom! Jason's Breathing on Me" and "Siblings without Rivalry" are two great books - easy to read and full of solid information.

i have 3 girls. adults now 28/25/20. when little and growing up they argued all the time or fought. i never allowed them to hit or say a bad word to each other. it was constant to the point where i was having doubts about my parenting skills. so i asked a fond member of my church about her perfect children and to my surprise her answer was 'they fight all the time'.

with my adult children now, they tell me that i always corrected the wrong one, lol. the loudest which is the one i heard would get in trouble, but it was the quiet one that was the instigator. so be aware of that.

my girls get along great as adults, always helping each other out. you cant always treat each child the same in regards to decipline. some are more hard headed while the other is fragile headed. the feed back is on that is you'll be accused of favoritism. but only you kno each child mind set. my youngest is bi-polar so of course i dicipline her differentely than my older two.

back in the day, my husband said, if one got in trouble all would get a spankin'. lol its a non stopping battle, just continue, like a broken record, to have them stop.

This is totally normal. You're doing great. Everyone will survive this (including you!). Good luck.

Sibling rivalry, competition, arguements, etc. have and will always exist. As a mother to twin girls and also having a sister myself four years older than me -oh yes the arguing takes to a whole new level when it is a sibling.
I remember my sister and I fighting so much and once we took out knives to each other but of course neither one of us actually had the guts or heart to hurt the other one in that way. (my mom wasn't at home when we did this-and after we came to our senses we swore not to tattle on each other because we knew it was serious and we could have gotten in big time trouble) We hit, spit, whatever we could-looking back we were quite insane children but I have heard stories from others that top even mine.
My dad's brother threw a fishing line at him once and the hook caught his back and tore the skin right off-his brother begged my father not to tell "daddy" because he knew my Grandfather would have beat him to a pulp for doing that-I don't know if he ever did or not but my Grandfather was old school and he put the beat down on my dad and his brother but that was a different time too.
All you can do is remain consistant in letting her know when she hits her brother that is unacceptable behavior and to use her words rather than resorting to hitting. She is quite young and is still trying to learn how to express her feelings but they don't know how at this age so it ends up resorting to tantrums, throwing things, hitting, biting, etc. Just stay consistant in letting her know its not acceptable and even take certain privelages away from her to let her know her actions have consequences. Look one of my daughters broke her arm. I wasn't in the room for two seconds and the next thing I know I hear a wail from the next room and what was done was done. I didn't know how it happened or anything and no one was telling and the stories were different. The one that broke her arm blamed it on her sister the one that didn't said her sister jumped off the couch and broke it. Finally the truth prevailed and I found out that the one who broke her arm was trying to jump off the couch and touch the ceiling fan (which was impossible but sometimes kids can just be plain dumb quite honestly-dumb mistakes) However the other one was yelling at her sister to get down off of the couch ( because she knew mom had told them over and over that couches were made to sit on-I didn't hear the commotion because I was washing dishes or folding laundry I can't remember now) but when her sister ignored her request she took matters into her own hands and pushed her off. They were both in the wrong and we still talk about it to this day and when the blame game starts I tell them that they BOTH were at fault. I feel guilty as a mom because I felt like it was all my fault because I should have been paying more attention but I can't possibly keep an eye on them every single second of the day either. Accidents happen-just know each one is going to get hurt hopefully it won't be too bad to end up in the ER on a friday night but you are not alone and sometimes sibling fights are the worst-speaking from experience-lol! They will learn to appreciate each other later in life. Although I have cousins as adults they still have punch out drag out fights because they are both still so competitive with one another. Makes me appreciate who my sister really is and the type of relationship we have now as adults. There is no jeoulousy there or competition anymore plus we are adults...at some point you grow up and if you can't get over your sibling for whatever reasons you need to be adult enough to let it slide off your back because they are blood and besides fighting never solves anything anyways it only creates more anger and more resentment and bitterness. Do unto others as you would have done unto you is always my famous quote to my girls.
Oh and one last thing seperation makes the heart grow fonder- have one of them spend a night away with an aunt, uncle, grandma if you can and try to spend some one on one time with each-I think that works wonders for a few days. My children always seem to play nicer when seperated for a night or two at Grandma's. My mother and I switch them up. One weekend she will have one and I take the other and we will do something special or just simply snuggle on the couch together and watch t.v. then the next weekend vice a versa. I have actually had one of my daughters ask if we can just snuggle on the couch together-she really likes it and so do I.

My kids are 6yrs apart (4yr son and almost 10yr daughter) and they both fight and bicker with each other. Not to the point where they throw things but tattling, my son will annoy her on purpose, etc. Drives me nuts non the less!! So I think it just comes with the territory of siblings.

What you could do is help your daughter with her feeling words. Mad, sad angry. I noticed when I worked with my son when he would go into a tizzy if I gave him a word to use for how he felt, he would try to use the word the next time he felt that way. He has told me before that he is mad or angry with me and I'm fine with that because he expressed himself properly instead of throwing a fit. And I think it helps kids understand that it's ok to be mad or angry with someone like a parent or sibling.

Other than that, you sound like you are doing everything you can to try to create some harmony between the two of them. I'm sure you do, but some alone one on one time might help too since they have to share mommy all the time too.

Good luck
S.

i have a 12 year and twin 8 year old girls as hard as it is sibling rivalry always takes place my lot fight like cat an dog on regular basis i always fought with my older brother to .....personally i think what your doing is just fine and sometimes you just have to accept they wont always get on my son was the model big brother when they were first born till they started moving and touching his things trying to get him to understand they were too young to understand was very hard ....seems odd but respect your oldest child belongings etc dont let the little one touch precious things of theirs if they get broken the begin to resnt the little one more but on the same token try and get the oldest to allow them to play with some of there things together and sit with them and supervise when you can it helps promote sharing and good friendship i think mine do have days where they all play lovely together and i praise them lots when they do so maybe try that aswell esp the older one if she sees that being good gets a positive result she will be less likely to recieve a negative result from being mean ...........not sure if any of that helps you

regards S.

Several young families I know have had fantastic results with the book Siblings Without Rivalry – they eagerly recommend it to other young families when new babies come along.

I haven't read that one myself, but am more than pleased with the results I get with my grandson (4.5yo) using the techniques in another book by the same authors, Faber and Mazlish, called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk.

I don't know if this helps...My mom told me that when my brother started 4 year old preschool, that's when my little sister (26 months apart) was no longer so cute to him. There are still some issues between all three of us (I'm 9 & 11 years older than them). Issues mostly with favoritism and different parenting. So I don't know if it's age or new friends, but it sounds normal.