Shower for 2Nd Baby If They Are Twins?

My good friend had a shower for her 2nd child - same gender, but born in different seasons and she was feeling overwhelmed by how much she needed. Everyone there cared about her and wanted the best for her. We all had a great time, she got a lot of stuff she genuinely needed for the new baby, it was fine. I think you are ok having the 2nd shower, especially with family and close friends who want nothing but the best for you.

My DD was almost 3 when my twin boys were born. I didn't have another shower. I did however, register at babiesrus and if anyone asked what I needed for the babies, I told them I had a registry. My thought is you get a shower for the first baby, that's it. If someone wants to get you a gift that's one thing but to make family and friends feel obligated by having a shower, that's another. Good luck!
Jenny

If I have a second child I will not have a shower unless someone is insistent on hosting one for me. Personally, it would feel self-indulgent if *I* were the one initiating it, especially in this economy.

Just my two cents; I know other people feel that every baby is special and that every baby needs their own party, and I kinda understand that too. I would just feel weird having a full-blown shower for a second baby.

If someone really wants to throw you a shower and you feel ok with it, then let them. I'm sure you'd get presents after they're born even without a shower and there's not much you NEED to buy before they're born except some big ticket items, like cribs, car seats, that you'd probably wouldn't get at a shower anyways. So you could always wait until after they're born to buy what you'll still need. Of course I'm one of those people who felt bad even having a baby shower for my first child, because I felt like I didn't NEED people to buy us anything. I'm having my second next month (opposite gender, two years apart) and I'm actually surprised at all the things we needed to buy, but our view is, if you want to have kids, you need to be able to shoulder the financial burden yourself.

If your friends and family want to throw you a shower, what's wrong with that? No one is obligated to come, nor obligated to buy you any gifts. It is their expression of love and excitement for you and you new bundles of joy. Who says you have to follow "rules" when it comes to these types of things? Congratulations and follow your instincts.

I'm on the not appropriate train for this one. I personally don't think it's ever appropriate to have a second baby shower. I don't think it makes a difference that it's twins the second time around. I wouldn't even allow a friend to "insist" on throwing me one. I would tell my friend that I didn't think it was appropriate to ask for more gifts.
I'm just sitting here thinking about it and the only things you really need extras of are probably 1) crib 2) car seats 3) strollers. I can't really think of anything else... and anyone who has a second single baby within 18 months after the first pretty much has to buy all this stuff also and they don't get a shower either.
It doesn't have to be that expensive to buy it all yourself -- I have kids that are 15 months apart and then 18 months apart -- so I needed extra everything at some point - I got just about everything I needed used from craig's list or garage sales so it wasn't too expensive. I was surprised about what good shape all the used stuff was in. Except car seats. I wouldn't cut corners there, I would buy new. I also took a lot of freebies from friends who didn't need things anymore. You will probably get a bunch of people asking if you want anything they weren't using anymore if you have friends that are "done" - I know I sure did. You will definitely get a ton of clothes for your babies when they are born so I wouldn't worry about that.
Congrats on your twins! Twins are so exciting! But sorry...no shower!

I agree with others-it is not up to you but up to your friends and family if they want to throw you a shower. You don't "shower" yourself. Best of luck with your wee ones.

While it is so wonderful for you to be having twins, I personally think it is really wrong to expect everyone else to buy extra gifts because you're having twins. I'm sorry, it just doesn't feel right to expect everyone to buy TWO more gifts after they already bought you a shower gift just a few years ago. Likely, they will give you TWO gifts after your babies are born. Also, it is unfair to all of the other babies in your family if you get special treatment because yours happened to come at the same time. If you are strapped financially, you can ask friends and family that are willing, to lend you some of their used baby gear so that you won't have to buy all new stuff. That's just my two cents.

I personally would not have a second shower this close together. I know when I had my second I felt so guilty when my family threw a baby shower for us... and my 2 kids are 17 YEARS apart! lol I actually did hear one comment at the shower about how lucky I am to have a second shower that it is not the proper thing to do... blah blah blah! Thankfully for that person I was not having a hormonal day :)

One of the nice things I have seen friends of mine do is invite everyone over for a get together/BBQ a few weeks after the baby arrived to meet the newest addition/s. I thought this was a nice thing to do and of course we all brought gifts that WE chose ourselves rather than a baby registry.

Many blessings to you and yours!

Hi J.,
I have a 4 year old daughter and had boy/girl twins 3 months ago. I felt exactly like you - 2nd showers are generally not that cool, but in this case it seemed not so bad. Between work, taking care of my kiddo and being pregnant, what I really wanted was social time with my friends. When my best friend asked if I wanted a shower, I said yes but I jsutified it by asking that it be a "green" shower. She just asked people to bring any hand-me-downs from their own kids, or anything thrifted on my behalf (since I was too huge to do a lot of garage sales and shopping). She kept an online wishlist for people to look at to see what I needed. (I actually needed plenty because for my first I used a lot of loaners anyway.)

We had a blast - hanging out, fabric painting "green" totes and onesies for the babies, a famous twin pairing icebreaker, lots of twix, doublemint gum, double bubble, twinings tea, etc in the party favors.

It was a really nice way to celebrate, everyone was excited about twins and wanted the chance to hang out, my daughter got to play with all the children (it was not a women-only thing - partners and children were all there) and be a proud soon-to-be-big-sister. It was just gravy that I got useful things and many people were glad to finally clean out their basements with old kid stuff and know that it would be well used.

I am looking forward to paying it forward and passing this stuff along to another.

have a great rest of your pregnancy and take care!
O.

I don't think it is tacky to have another shower when you are expecting twins. I think everyone understands the expense in having multiples. I had a second shower for my second child because it was 5 years after my first and my sister-in-law did the same for the same reason. I for one can say I enjoy purchasing baby gifts and do not mind attending a second shower, with good reason.

E.

I agree with MR. The only exception I would say was if the twins came many years after your first child, but in your case, it's only a few years. I know every baby is special, but I would feel too uncomfortable, personally, to have another shower. Close family and friends usually bring something like an outfit, when visiting the baby for the first time, anyway. Try resale shops, ebay, etc... if money is an issue. (Many of these items are in great condition.)

Hi J..
Sorry, i vote no too! Your other child is only 21/2. Having another shower would be a bit tacky. Congrats on your twins.

My guess is that you will probably receive gifts even without a shower since you are having twins, and since you won't have many hand-me-downs for your girl. But if you'd like to have a shower, I'd say go for it. Like you said, having twins the second time around (particularly boy/girl twins) kind of bends the general rule that you don't have baby showers after the birth of your first child. I think most people would understand and approve the shower. One of my friends had a baby shower for her second child because there was an eight year age difference between her second and first, and nobody thought it was inappropriate. Good luck and god bless - I have two-year-old twin boys, and they always make life entertaining!

If someone wants to give you a shower then let them. PPL love to buy gifts for babies and if someone wants to do this for you, by all means let them enjoy putting it together. If friends/family don't agree then they don't have to attend...they can do their own thing.
My family didn't agree with having a shower before my second baby b/c they said that they didn't want to buy something incase I had a girl b/c they wanted to buy girl stuff (I already had a boy and we didn't know what we were having). So, I simply told them not to come. They prefered to do a shower or get together after the baby was born so they knew what to buy. Ok, fine with me....but you know what they did after she was born?? I am sure you can figure it out.
My point is that if someone wants to throw you a shower before hand let them. If someone would prefer to do a get together after the babies are born let them. But if they say they are going to do something after the babies are born they need to follow thru with it. Several PPL were disappointed that nothing was done for me afterwards b/c they had planned on it and then it never happened. And in either case you should never throw your own shower....that is just tacky.

Congrats!!!

I just had a baby shower for my boy/girl twins who are my third and fourth child. This is my first boy.

May I take the opportunity to recommend the book Juggling Twins-it is very helpful! In the book she recommends a diaper shower-I currently go through 10-14 a day.

Before reading the book (wish I had it when pregnant) I told my friend who wanted to do the shower that there was no need, but she wanted to do it and celebrate the babies, so I said all I needed were diapers and dinners. We had a wonderful time and I'm stocked up on diapers (with a few meals in the freezer).

Good luck.

S. (7 1/2, 3 1/2, 2 1/2 month old twins)

I have to vote no on this. Just because their twins doesn't mean you get another shower. A second shower just sends a message to everyone saying, "we want everyone to buy stuff for our baby(s) because we don't want to spend the money." A little tacky don't you say. Congrats on the twins.

I had a second baby shower at my friend's insistance since we had moved states and they were not around for the first baby...I don't see anything wrong with it if your friends want to get together to celebrate the second baby(s). Have fun and enjoy the attention!

Dear J.,

Congratulations on your pregnancy with the twins! Regarding your question, I was always under the assumption that the proper etiquette is 1 shower & 1 only regardless of sexes or multiple births---but nowadays I see a lot of rules per say being bent, & truly if someone wants to throw you a twin shower, let them---if people dont want or feel they should come to a second shower, let them decline. The other suggestion I have , is have your very closest people (friend/family) do something more private, not a full fledged shower...they are going to give you gifts for the beautiful blessings you are nurturing right now anyway, so I am sure they would have fun--make it more personal, you may even like it better that way. A manicure pedicure party???Sounds a little different, but I am pregnant too & just had a mani-pedi & can I tell you, I want one every month (2) before I deliver in April....they do those parties before weddings! & this way your guests get some relaxation too!! They might even be able to have wine/champagne--thats what I would do, what a great way to spend quality time before the babies arrival with your closest people!

Do not feel bad, you can have a 2nd Baby shower, your just suppose to keep it small & simple, like a tea party or a lunch with 10 people or so. I have been to them and I have gave one. Now these days, people do it and I think "Parent Magzine" said it was OK. GOOD LUCK!

Its so funny that people get all riled up with tradition. My sister-in-law has five years between her sons so when she became pregnant with the second, I felt the need to give her a shower. So many people commented on how "usually you only get one". I didn't care. I wanted it to be special for her especially since a lot changed over fiver years! I didn't make it a huge deal. I didn't have her register anywhere. I invited immediate family only and got all kinds of good stuff for her. We had a fun with it! Do what YOU want! :)

I just wanted to add, that we had our twin girls 4 yrs after our first, and we got SO much stuff without having another shower ( outfits, diapers, bouncy seats). We got an extra crib from my SIL, and that was really the only extra we needed except for a carseat.

It is so easy to get extra stuff from friends, garage sales, etc.

Good luck with the twins, they are a joy.

I would say, don't expect one but if someone wants to throw one for you what's the harm? I would just suggest making it small and not registering again. Maybe give a list of very needed items (crib, double stroller, diapers).
I'm throwing a "sprinkle" for my friend who has a 3 year old and is expecting twins this spring. However, it's very small - just the close girlfriends and we are all going in on a big ticket item. She needs another crib and with 16 of us going in on it, it won't cost more than $25 per person. Plus it's a good excuse for all of us to get together with the mom-to-be before she is too busy juggling twins and an active 3 year old!

I don't see what's wrong with having a shower. My girlfriend had one when she was prego with number 2 because she was having a boy and it was the first boy born in a family of many many girls. Nobody thought it was odd.

Yeah, you're not planning on throwing the shower for yourself, right?! If a friend or relative hosts a shower for you with the intention of getting the one extra things you'll need, like a car seat, high chair, crib bedding, possibly girl clothes, etc. then I think it's perfectly appropriate. I wouldn't go crazy registering for non-essentials, though. But I am pretty traditional. Congratulations and good luck to you!

Yikes, people get mean!!! I was actually thinking as I read your post if someone offered to do it, why not? It sounds like that's your case. Our first was a girl and of course, I had a shower. When our son was coming along it never occured to me to that a shower would be considered, but my sisters-in-law insisted and we had a small get togther and it was really nice.

Don't worry about what other people say - in this day and age especially, we should be supporting each other as women and mothers regarless of our differences. How the heck would we learn from each other here if we just all agreed on everything, right? Congratulations on your beautiful babies coming along and have a blast at your shower!

I don't think there's ever anything wrong with showering an expectant mother with gifts and love. Even if it's her 5th baby, she still deserves a little celebration for the new arrival. And with twins, it should be double the celebration.

J. - I'd like to advise you if you have not already done so to contact your local Mothers of Twins Club if you have not already done so. They will be a great support group for those unique problems connected with multiples. You can find one at www.iomotc.org. I have triplets and joined our club my kids were two and it was the best thing I ever did. I also have an older child that is included in all children's activities and we have all made great friends. As far as the shower, whatever you and your family are comfortable with. Our church had one for us and we received gift card for formula and diapers which was very helpful. Good luck.

Someone can throw you a "sprinkle"! It's very common to do nowadays. Its much smaller than your typical baby shower...no big expensive gifts. Though I am sure most people - especially family and friends - will buy gifts for your twins anyway.

wow J., i dont blame you for feeling upset with that Erika response.... that was pretty harsh and out of line. Dont feel bad for asking this, her response was not normal and not what the majority of people would think of any of this... "old school" like i said before... she should respond to these questions for opinions after she's had her coffee and a nap i think. YIKES i had never heard of a SPRINKLE before but that sounds like such a good idea... i say you go for it and if someone wants to be the pooper who isnt up for it... well goodie for them. may they have four babies and no shower! HA HA take care.. and blow the lame responses off... let em roll. We should all be here to support, not be witchy. Enjoy!!! :o)

well congratulations. i dont think a 2nd shower is that awful... but someone else has to do it for you and if people are offended or think it is in bad taste, then i guess they can stay home! i had a 6 yr old daughter and was expecting a surprise last year... my sister threw me a shower but it was small and only my closest friends who were ALL for the idea attended and it was wonderful. i think she even worded the invitation something like "let's help her stock up on basics" which i didnt know at the time but everyone was so up for it and it was just at her house and she made a great dinner.. so it was just like a girls' party and i was lucky enough to get so many diapers and gift cards and bath items... i didnt have to buy my own for many months. i remember when she told me she had planned it, i was like YOU WHAT? i felt like a 2nd shower was so not okay.... but i think that is pretty old school thinking. People from work were asking if i was having a shower, people in the neighborhood, I think its more common now-a-days. And like with any party, people arent obligated to attend... but I think with twins... your close family and friends will be thrilled to be part of it for you. Everyone knows times are tough so I dont think most people will be upset by this... and the ones who are... who cares. Good luck!

I have to agree with most everyone else who commented. If you already had a shower not long ago it would be inappropriate to have another one. When people come to visit they most always bring the new baby a gift, I think that should be enough. You can't expect the same people to come to another shower and buy you large items again. That just would not be right. I would go to the second hand store that sells baby items (sorry I can;t think of the name of it, but it's in Downers Grove) and buy all my own large items and then just welcome any outfits, etc that people visiting may bring.

It doesn't go by gender. You definately should not give yourself a shower. Besides, you'de be shorting yourself the pleasure of buying for a little girl. If a family member wants to give you a shower that's another thing...only older people would probably object (they could turn down the invite).

I think its not appropriate to have a 2nd shower no matter who throws it. That puts pressure on friends/family to buy you a gift. When your twins are born, they will give a gift if they want. But a shower invite makes them feel obligated and i dont think that is very nice.

I think every baby deserves a warm welcome. Are you requesting a baby shower??? If so, shame on you. However...if your family and friends are offering you a shower I think it is a wonderful idea. I have seen baby showers for 2nd, 3rd and even 6th babies! When my friend was expecting her 3rd child her youngest was 10yrs old and baby items were long gone from her home and life. The baby was a surprise for her and her husband and the acceptance by the family and friends helped them both financially and emotionally. Her older children wanted to help plan and prepare for the baby and this gave them an outlet.
I wish you and your babies well and hope your family and friends are supportive.

I think it's appropriate if someone is kind enough to have one for you. Especially if you are having twins, you'll need lots of extras,even if everyone came and brought a box of diapers or wipes!!! I agree a baby(-ies) are always a reason to celebrate.

J.~
I did not read all the other Mom's responses since it sounded like they were nasty. My oldest was 14mths when I got PG with twins and 22 mths when they were born. My very close friends had a "big sister" shower for me (it was a double shower since another friend was PG with twins as well). It was all about my oldest & then they all did gift cards for us to use to buy anything extra I might need/want for the twins.

I think if someone would like to host a shower for you to welcome your new little babies then great! Every baby is special gift and there is nothing wrong with wanting to celebrate their upcoming arrival.

Good luck & welcome to the twin world...it's a crazy (but fun) ride!

Jen

PS: Why is a baby shower for 2nd/3rd tacky but not gifts for a 2nd/3rd wedding....seriously.....

I agree with you on not having the shower. However, you can have a little get-together after the babies arrive to show off your baby such as a "The babies are Here Party". Most people who come will probably bring a gift. They love seeing new babies and generally want to give the baby something. I know every little bit helps, especially in these hard times.

Hi J.,

It's really not up to you if there is a second shower unless you are 100% against it. To shower or not is really up to your family and friends as they would be the ones hosting the event.
I would advise against the second shower unless you have a friend or family member who just insists on it. Most of the people in your life will want to help you celebrate the two new lives you are bringing into the world and will bring/send gifts anyway.

You've already gotten a gazillion responses but just to add to the pot...we are doing a shower for a friend that is having twins and already has a child. We felt so overwhelmed hearing about the things she needed to buy. We are keeping it very simple and asked her to put together a list of things that she needs so that she doesn't end up with alot of cute but unnecessary items since that is the point of the shower.

I don't see any reason you can't have another shower-although I agree someone else should have it for you. Especially having twins. This kind of makes people want to celebrate even more. I knew a woman that had a baby almost every 18 months or so (4 kids) and she had a shower for each one, and then returned the items she didn't need. Yes, she did keep clothes and equipment since she and her hubby planned to have their kids close together. She even registered for the big stuff each time. THAT was tacky.

Just to throw my opinion in, I would have to agree with a lot of the posts. As a guest, I wouldn't appreciate being invited to another shower for twins. And, if I was a good friend, I would feel "obligated" to go. I would rather purchase something for the babies once they are born and not something off of a list. You will get gifts after they are born as well don't forget. I feel as though it's a bit tacky to have another shower just because one is the opposite sex and they are twins. Many people have another that is the opposite sex.

Congratulations to you on your expected two bundles of joy!

As long as you are not asking or throwing it yourself I think it's okay. If someone offers to throw you one I would mention your hesitation, but if they say they really want to do it - let them. I've noticed that some people, especially over 40, seem very opposed - but then they don't have to come,do they?

Sorry...I'm with everyone else. No shower even though you are having twins. Your very close friends & family will send presents to celebrate the births. Good luck!

I think that it is tacky to have a second shower if you just had one only a few years ago. However, I agree with one other posting. If some one really wants to throw you one, suggest to have a green shower, where people bring you used baby clothes/items. This way people are not obligated to spend money when they just did only 3 years ago.

Hey J.

Go for it! I have a 2 1/2 year old girl and am expecting a boy in May. My friends at work are throwing a shower for me. I just signed up for neccessites and a couple blankets. I felt a little weird at first, but there is no end to the little things you need that add up. Plus with twins you will need two sets of sheets and blankets, double the diapers and bottles, etc. If anyone finds it silly that you are having another shower then they can stay home...

By the way, good sticking up for yourself in the follow-up,this is no place for such judgemental comments.

Congrats and good luck!

C.

If your close family and friends want to put on a small get together, that's fine, but I would not expect it. Sometimes, it is less tacky if, say, you had your kids 5 or more years apart and they are differnt gender, but even then is probally asking too much. When I had my second son, 18 months ago, I recieved so many gifts, I was not expecting! But, my oldest is 6 years old. My MIL was going to give me a small shower if I was having a girl, because we only have one neice out of 9 newphews! Anyway, congrats on your twins!

My son was 3 1/2 when my twin girls were born. I wish I would of had a 2nd shower to help pay for the second crib, swing, bouncy seat, etc. Also, since I had a boy before I had to buy clothes for girls. Fortunately, many friends and relatives sent clothes. Unfortunately, they were all size 6 - 9 months and they just couldn't possibly wear all of it.

I totally agree with a second shower and I think friends/relatives shouldn't be offended by being invited to a second shower for multiples. It is better than having to buy a gift for a second wedding!

Good luck with the twins!

I think that it is totally acceptable! People love to get together and celebrate! For the child of the same gender you could have a diaper shower and for the other one a more traditional type. Really, celebrating the new lives is what is fun and important and people really DO want to help out; the shower is an easy way for everyone!!

The responses that I have always heard is "It is tacky to have a second shower". I tend to agree with this. I don't think the rules change because you are having twins (atleast in this area, I've heard it's different in the south). You just had a shower 2 years ago, so you "should" still have everything you need for a baby as far as the gear is concerned.

Family and friends should not be expected to buy you more things because you are having another child(ren). The responsibility is yours now, to buy these extra things. It is also extremely tacky to throw a shower for yourself.

If someone offers to throw a shower for you, that is a different story. You can accept their offer if you want. Although I wouldn't make a huge registry, asking for large ticket items (unless a big group would like to go in on one thing, like a second crib). If someone offers to throw a shower, think about doing a "freezer meal" shower or a "book" shower. In these types of showers, no one is expected to bring a big expense gift since most of these people have already given you gifts for your first child.

These are my feelings on this issue, but this all depends on your family and what they would like to do for you.

For what it is worth, I am having my second child four years after my first. I still have all of my baby gear, but will have to replace some things due to age (like the infant carrier). We are planning to use our tax refund to buy any large or expensive ticket items.

Good luck and Congrats on your two new arrivals.

My sister had a baby "Sprinkler" party with her second child. I thought it was a great idea. They were the same gender but the second was MUCH bigger and totally different season. She didn't expect a ton of gifts so she made it more of a come and welcome the baby sprinkler party. It was a great idea and everyone had so much fun. I will also say that she was all alone halfway around the country with her first so this was a way for my family to give her the shower we could not with her first.

Are you throwing your own baby shower? You just had a baby less than 3 years ago. If there was a substantial age difference, I would say that it wouldn't be an issue. Those who are close to you will bestow gifts on your newborns. Especially with this economy - having another one just a few years apart is just like asking for more gifts. And it really doesn't matter if you are having twins or not. If you knew you were having just one child - a girl, would that justify having another shower? People were very generous with you just a short time ago. I would follow your own hunch-I would have a hard time bending these rules.

I'm about to have my second child(only 3 1/2 years apart) but a close friend insisted on having a shower for me since it was the opposite sex (and knowing the difficulty we had to conceive him). I was very hesitant because I never really agreed with second showers but I'm keeping it small(10 people)and now looking forward to it especially since it will be small and i can have some "girl" time. I didn't register she just wrote down some of the items she thought i'd need. If someone is asking to host one for you i say go for it.

I agree with several of the previous posts that i think it is somewhat tacky to have a shower the 2nd (3rd or 4th, etc.) time. If a friend or family member insists on a shower, then I would request that it be something small.