Dear T.-
Just wanted to try to send some warm thoughts and a little advice that worked for us for a time. I am on the other side of this situation, being married to the dad and the mom won't let us see the 15 yo dd. She wants to abide by the part of the decree that says, pay the support, which we have always done and even try to add in more than the amount when we can. However, what we did at one point was to get family counseling. I went, alone, my husband went, alone, daughter, went alone and then the ex just refused to go. But then we all went once a month together. It seemed to help with everyone being able to talk seperately, but then the counselor was able to come together w/all of us, without infringing on daughters trust, and help us all work things out. It not only helped us understand what was going on with her, but helped her understand what was going on in the family as a whole (we had just had our first baby, which was a very happy, but rocky time for us, her and the ex). You might start out w/your daughter and then maybe suggest to the dad that he could participate also. Has she tried to write him a letter w/o you being involved? I know that sometimes emotions(anger) tend to get in the way when we believe that our children are being wronged. And, SHE is being wronged. I am so thankful that my husband does take care of his daughter, as I would have it no other way. I hope all works out for you, but especially for her. I am from a divorced family and I thank God that while, my mom, was the one who walked out on us, I have been able to move past all of the hurt and resentment that I had. Let you daughter know that what she tells the counselor, is just between her and the couselor. It seemed to help our 15 yr old to know that it was ok to have those feelings and it taught her to trust someone that would not betray her. It is not so easy to talk to mom about everything. She may also be reluctent to talk to you about all of the issues because she may have seen you upset about the situation in the past, and rightfully so, and just may not want to see you upset again-Hang in there!