Should I Tell My 9 Year Olds About Santa ?

HI M.,
I would not tell them. Watch the movie The Polar Express - you can discuss the movie and tell them that some kids and adults don't believe (in case they hear it at school) but as long as they believe there will always be a Santa. I remamber when my Mom told me and she did so because I was questioning a lot about it and she did not want me to spoil it for my younger brother. I was crushed - cried and cried. Because of that I decided that the better way to go is that it is true if you believe.
J.

M.,

I just went through this two weeks ago with my ten year old. (How Santa came up at school in August, I don't know!) He said he had a question and he wanted me to promise to tell the truth. Apparently some kids in the the class were saying that parents were Santa. He and one other boy were the only ones saying Santa was real. Since he is 10, I decided I should tell him the truth. He was upset at first a cried some, but once I explained that Santa was a real person (a very long time ago), he felt better. I told him that he will still find himself getting excited about Santa, and that I even get excited and have trouble falling asleep on Christmas Eve. My parents put out gifts from Santa until I was married. It is not something you have to give up just because the "secret" is out.

I will tell you my own personal experience that will help you make your decision about Santa. I was in the 5th grade when I went to school with my new coat that Santa had given me that year. A group of kids commented on how much they liked it and wanted to know where I got it from. I replied, "Santa." They laughed at me, ridiculed me and teased me to no end because I still believed in Santa. Of course, I confronted my parents when I got home and they came clean with the truth. I felt very betrayed by the lie, humiliated and embarrassed.

With this story told, I think you should make the decision based on how your children would respond to finding out from someone else that it's make believe. Will they be devastated or just laugh about it?

Because of my experience, I never played up Santa in a big way with my own children. I tell them that Santa is a magical spirit that lives in your heart. They still make believe that Santa brings the gifts, so it's all good. They can keep the "magical spirit" in their hearts forever.

I ended up telling my daughter when she was 9 b/c truth is, kids today are cruel and would have made fun of her. But it is whatever you think. Good luck!

When I was growing up, my parents told me that as long as I believed, he would bring presents... so finally, when I was 18, Santa stopped coming to our house :) My friend at work tells her kids that it's more an idea -- that she even believes in "Santa" because it's the spirit of giving... her kids are 14 and 17. I think once they ask you about it, then it's a good time to talk about it, but to turn it into something like my friend did, and make it less about presents and more about the spirit of giving. Good luck!

I would have to say that it is all personal choice. My daughter & step daughter are 13 & 15, I have a 6yr old and 9 month old. We still have the traditional Santa Clause routine. We leave out Hot Chocolate, crackers, cookies, and carrots. (So Santa can feed the reindeer too, dont want them left out!) I never told my kids that there wasnt a Santa. I kinda figure the older ones figured it out. Since they were 7 & 8.5 when my oldest boy was born, I had my doubts. My mother on the other hand went and told my daughter that there wasnt a Santa! I was livid! Then she went on to tell a story about how Santa is God and vice versa. Santa is giving and so is God. ( I am not quite as religious as my mom mind you) But she went on to tell how Santa gives more than just physical presents and so on. I dont know if my daughter understood or not, I was pretty upset, I did not plan on telling her or having the discussion until she asked. However I can say, she never has asked, I know she knows what is what, But we still go along with The Santa and his reindeer tradition. But I believe it is all up to you. Do what you think is right. I know that kids can be cruel, but in my experience, its not quite as bad as it used to be. None of my kids have ever came home upset that someone told them somethings not real. You are the mom and whatever you do WILL be the right thing!

In our family, when that time comes, we tell them that the real meaning of Santa is the magic of keeping the surprise for the young children and now that they know, they are part of Santa. That means that it is their job to keep the secret for all who choose to believe. My brother, sister and I and our families have always spent Christmas Eve at my parents' house, so all the kids got up together. Once each child knew, they were allowed to stay up and help put out the presents -- of course, after they went to bed, the "grown ups" might put out a few extra gifts. I have to only "believers" now, and their cousins would never breathe a word!

My kids are much younger, so I have not had to deal with this yet, but I know that the day will come that I will tell them the same story that my mom told me.

My mom was in a big family, number 9 out of 10, and one year when she was about 6, her dad had a stroke. She remembers that her mom and dad told her that sometimes santa could not make it to all the houses, but that did not mean that he did not care about her, or that she was not a good girl. She told them don't worry Santa won't forget. That night after she went to bed her parents and older siblings worked very hard to "make" something for the younger ones, when there was a knock on the door. It was 4 men from the area bearing gifts. They brought ham, sugar, potatoes, bread, candy, clothes, and of course they brought toys for all the kids. She said that it was the best Christmas ever. She said that when she was my age and asked her parents if Santa was real they told her the story and told her to decide for herself. She told me that she still believes in Santa and all that he stands for.

I know it must sound sappy, but I am like my mom, I still believe in Santa. Now I know that there may not be an actual man in a red suit and sleigh flying all over the world to deliver the gifts, however he lives on in each of us.

I hope that my children will alway believe in the legend, and the things that it has taught us about being nice to one another, and showing compassion and care for others.

I don't know that this helps, however it is something that has really stuck with me.

Good Luck,
T.

I THINK KIDS SHOULD BELIEVE AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. THERE ARE CHANCES THAT OTHER KIDS WILL TELL YOUR KIDS THAT SANTA IS NOT REAL, BUT I SOMETIMES BELIEVE THAT THATS THEIR WAY OF FINDING OUT ALL WHO BELIEVES IN SANTA. IF YOU TELL THEM SANTA IS NOT REAL THEN YOU ALSO TAKE AWAY THE EASTER BUNNY, TOOTH FAIRY, AND ALL THE MAGIC THAT GOES WITH THEM. THERES PROBABLY ALREADY A CHANCE THAT YOUR KIDS A WONDERING IF SANTA IS REAL OR NOT, BUT I THINK THATS HALF THE FUN IN IT. HAVING SANTA TO LOOK FORWARD TO IS A BIG PART OF IT TOO. I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS ABOUT 7 AND MY OLDER BROTHER WHO WAS 10 ...WE SPENT XMAS EVE PLANNING ON HOW WE WOULD SEE SANTA WITHOUT HIM SEEING US FIRST...IT WAS SO MUCH FUN BEING WITH MY BIG BROTHER.....SOME MEMORIES NEED TO BE MADE BETWEEN SIBLINGS. MY BROTHER DIED SUDDENLY JUST OVER A WEEK AGO AND THAT ONE LITTLE MEMORY IS SOMETHING I WILL ALWAYS CHERISH. DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS BEST FOR YOUR KIDS, BUT IF I HAD CHILDHOOD TO DO ALL OVER AGAIN, I WOULD HAVE WANTED TO BELIEVE IN SANTA FOR AS LONG AS I COULD. BEST WISHES.

I think you should let them believe as long as possible. Once that magic is gone it's gone forever for both of you. I have had a hard time the past two years with some kids in my now six year olds class telling her there is no such thing as Santa. It makes me sad to think my husband and I may not get to play Santa much longer. I'm sure when the six year old figures it out for real her younger sisters and brother will find out too.
Anyway, you should do what you feel is right. Good luck!

I have been there with my oldest two. We decided to wait until they were ten and then told them that they were to old that Santa only brought gifts to those under ten. To soften the blow we then told them the story of Saint Nicholas and told them that grown up remember him so lovingly that they continued to bring the gifts to the small children. Since they were ten that now they were to help make the holiday special for other children by being santa's elves. They were a little teary but the story did help soothe them. Because remember once this is gone then it's gone forever.

That is a hard one because Santa has become such a big part of Christmas, and I think when children learn that he is not real they may worry they won't get as many gifts or whatnot. But you are right someone at school is going to say something and it would be best to head it off. I would sit them down and explain what Christmas really means, and get their focus off of gifts and getting cool stuff. I would then explain who Santa Claus really was, and have them search on the internet, because he was a real person and he is where the idea came from. Then just talk to them, tell them that Christmas will still be special, but you thought it was time that they understand that giving on Christmas is something that we do because we love people, and really work to instill in their heart that gift of giving. Then I would also maybe have them do one Santa gift to each other. something special that they can save for and give to their twin.

We told our oldest son at 10 1/2, he was sad but excited to help with his younger siblings "Santa" gifts. I agree to make it into something of giving, just last week he told me after the littles went to bed what one of them wanted and how he wanted to wrap it. Although it's sad to tell it is better coming from you and not the mean kids at school. This way you have the upper hand at making it into something special, if you have no younger children adopt a family and let the twins do the shopping and wrapping for that family. Like "Secret Santa"! Good Luck!

My children are 23 and 20, I explained the whole original Chris Kringle story to them after them found out about santa. My son thinks it is a lie now, but at the time he liked the story. He wants to tell his 14 month old twins the truth and not let them have the glory for the time they can. I told him I would be very upset with him.. Good luck.

Hi M.,
I've had the same thoughts for my almost 9 yr old. I know she has been told there is no Santa from other kids. We decided to tell her that what "Santa" does is in us all and that is what/who Santa is. We also have a 5 yr old who firmly believes in Santa. I think it is important to let them put a personality with what Santa is and reflect that in how we act. The kiddos have learned that they receive things they want/need because someone is there to listen to them and is thoughtful of them. I am always talking to the kids about what they can do for other people to help them. My youngest last year saw the Angel Tree and asked if she could be their santa. I of course jumped at the opportunity and it turned out to be her favorite thing for Christmas!
Personally, I think kiddos grow up too quickly. When they release Santa from being a person, they tend to limit using their imagination as well. This is why I feel they need to understand what Santa is. This way, they will conceptulize who Santa is and inherit the traits we value such as giving, listening, being thoughtful of others etc. As far as telling them there is no Santa, I would have to disagree. But, I would also talk to them and show them "what" Santa is. My 8 yr old told her classmates last year that they may not believe in Santa, but that only means they don't believe in themselves. Of course, part of that may not be quite what I meant, but...she understands what Santa is.
When they are ready to let go of the physical Santa, they will do it on their own very well. I wouldn't push the issue with them. It's kind of like pushing potty training when they aren't quite ready.
I hope I've been helpful. Best Wishes,
L.

Unless they come up to you and ask I say no. I believed in Santa until I was 11 and then I only found out because my mom let it slip in front of me because she thought that I just knew. I didnt and I was devastated.

Hey, I have a ten year old daughter and we still do santa. Friends at school and even the teacher herself may have said that there is no santa, because it is a Christian school. But the way it has played out here is that it is, and will always be a magical time and to keep that I believe we need to "Do Santa" Our daughter is smart so she has seen little things that I firmly believe make her see the truth, but she plays with us because it is fun. I was truthfully mad when her best friend told her that there was no santa. My response was that her friend would probably not recieve anything from someone she did not believe in. I do not think she will feel betrayed because I believe she already knows. If you think your child truly believes and do not want to "ruin" the magic, but don't think that they will figure it out on thier own leave a hint, I like it the way it is, I wasn't the bad guy and we still have some mystery and suspense of if he comes. I didn't want her not to believe completely, after her friend said that, so in our fireplace,(where the stockings were) in the sand from candles being there, santa's boot prints were there, and she discovered them. But she has seen me stuff her fathers stocking. See, it's fun and life is hard after childhood. For some during. I say let them have it as long as they want. PS Jesus is the real reason for the season so she gets three gifts like baby Jesus! S.

Tell them that Santa represents the idea of sharing and giving. Little tiny children don't get abstract ideas, so it helps to attach something that they can understand, like a big, jolly guy who brings gifts.

I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but Santa doesn't negate a Christian belief. The history of St. Nicholas is that of a man in Turkey who was raised to be a devout Christian. His wealthy parents died in an epidemic while Nicholas was still young. Obeying Jesus' words to "sell what you own and give the money to the poor," Nicholas used his whole inheritance to assist the needy, the sick, and the suffering.

So, you can tell them that the Santa they see in the stores just represents an idea. But tell them not to spoil other children's beliefs. That is mean, and each family should do as they see fit, when they think the time is right.

I agree with those who have brought up the fact that they will eventually learn about Santa at school. So, I also agree with you that it would be best for them to hear it from you.