What to Say to a 12 Year Old About Being No Santa

I stopped getting gifts from Santa when I announced I didn't believe at age 10. Even though I got the same amuont probably, it felt like less because there just wasn't a Santa gift. I wqas really dissappointed. I was happy when I married my husband and "Santa" gifts reappaered! It is fun at any age to get gifts from Santa- real or not.

Santa is the belief in the magic of Christmas.

I still believe in Santa! :)

BTW: My mom never told me otherwise...

When my 10 year old found out there was no Santa, she had the same worry about not getting presents. I reinterated that she still would.

I explained to her that "santa" still does exist. That it is the spirit of Saint Nicholas living on and a gift that we as parents have to continue his spirit of giving. As parents, we get wonderful gifts and jobs to do.

We participate in Christmas giving (Angel Tree), charity work throughout the year. I talked to her about how that feels to do that and the great feeling she gets from helping others. That on those times, she is like Santa for the recipient. What a gift it is to us who know that we've made someone happy. I told her it's like that as a parent being able to continue the traditions and magical times for children.

I will still - no matter what age my kids are - sign certain gifts from Santa. Buying as Santa for me is different that buying as mom, hard to describe. Everyone of us is Santa at times, let's keep it going!

I am 33 years old and still get SAnta presents every year and still write Santa a letter every year. My parents always said as long as you believe you receive. My sister and I both knew but never wanted to let our parents know because we had so much fun with it. Of course as we got older we would ask for the most off the wall things we could think of just to see if our parents could track it down. It always made Christmas morning nuts at our house. My santa letters are now asking for pots and pans, sheets, etc. but I always get them.

When my son asked me I told him the same thing there will always be a santa as long as you believe and the little monster has started with the strangest gifts he can think of. We always buy him something nice but then get him a pooper scooper or hammock or what ever he comes up with.

It is great entertainment. But we are kind of a weird bunch. Good luck.

Hi R., I had to tell my daughter the "Santa Secret" when she was in the 4th grade for the same reason. She kept asking about Santa being real and kept telling me stories that kids at school had told her. I finally had to tell her the truth so she wouldn't ruin it for her brother who is 5 yr younger than her. I simply told her that her friends were right and that Daddy and I were leaving the Santa presents and that she would continue to receive them as long as she didn't let her brother find out. She wasn't upset at all, she actually said "no wonder he leaves all the cool gifts and you don't have enough money to get us big stuff" LOL! My son will be 10 this year and is going into the 4th grade. He asked a million questions last year and hinted around majorly that he was starting not to believe but I didn't have the heart to confirm it. I suppose I will have the same talk with him this year and will make the same agreement with them both... if they don't let baby cousin (who lives with us) know the secret they will continue to be blessed!

ok, I just skimmed the responses because this is a debate I am going through myself. Mine will be 12yo by Christmas and says and acts as if she believes. I agree, she needs to be told. Kids can be mean...if yours goes to school acting as if they believe then they will get made fun of..BIG TIME, by those they do not.

As for what to say....I had it all planned out before last Christmas and chickened out. I bookmarked a few stories I found online about the history and origin of Santa. I wanted to find as many facts as possible because you never want a preteen to get the feeling you lied to them and it was ok. So when I do talk about it I will reference the history of Santa and why we did it, but really the presents are from mom and dad. I will also tell her she is special now because she is big enough to be a Santa helper to her little brother. Hope it works...I am not sure when in the next 5 months to have this talk.

Good Luck.

Hi R.,

First off, I wish more people really understood the reason for Christmas is the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ!

Second, I would just wait until your daughter approaches you regarding Santa. Take her to a different room and explain it. Maybe do some internet research as to who is Santa and what his real story is about. Then, ask her to "go along" with you all about Santa as not to spoil it for the other ones. It will be a fun way for her to help out with getting the cookies and milk ready and then in the morning still be part of the gifts from Santa.

Good Luck!
T.

OK, I get it. You agree with what most everyone was saying about continuing the spirit of Santa, you just wanted to know some approaches, word-wise, to answer her probable question that will come up soon. I'll take a stab at it:
"11 yo dtr: Is there really a Santa, kids at school are saying there isn't?
R.: "Ah, good question, dtr. (If small children are around) Let's go for a walk or drive so we can do some big people talking."
When in private or if the wee ones are not around at all:
"Dtr., this is exciting. You are right on track with your growing up process. This is called a 'right of passage'; know what that means? Well, it means that you are on your way to being a grownup and this is the one of the transition periods from wee one to mid-grownup. Now you get to move to a higher level of 'Santa work'. As you know, Jesus Christ's birthday is the main reason we celebrate Christmas; however, one nonspiritual practice that has been handed down through the ages is. . . .(history of St. Nick)..... and it is fun and playful when we are wee ones, and then we move UP into the level where we help with the fun for the younger ones. Oh, of course, we on the higher level still get all the same presents and Santa items that we always did. It's just that now we get to participate on 2 levels. You can now help with deciding how to shop and display gifts for the small ones, except for yours, of course. Your dad and I will still do that so you will have surprises. Won't that be fun?? Welcome to a more grown-up way to celebrate one of the aspects of Christmas." Or somthing to that effect. Perhaps you will have your own words to substitute for ones I've used. I just think it only needs to be as complex as that. Good luck, I think you are right; she will ask again, or she may not ask. She may just figure it out.

I wouldn't sweat it. When she asks or makes comments about the reality of Santa, tell her the truth. Then explain that the "Magic" of Santa is fun and that it will continue even when we are old enough to realize the truth. As others have said, include her in helping with the little ones' "magic". And of course, continue the gifts!! The secret about this issue is to MATTER-OF-FACTLY COMMUNICATE with your kids about whatever issue is being asked about. My parents, God rest their wonderful souls, didn't know how to communicate well with children. If the issue was awkward, they said nothing. Many have said learning the Santa secret is "no big deal". Well it was a big deal for me (100 years ago) when I was 8. We were poor when I was a kid and Cristmas didn't include many presents ever, but there was always one thing from Santa and maybe one thing from Mom and Dad. The year I was 8 1/2, there had been a small present under the tree for weeks. On Christmas eve we went to visit my aunt and uncle and my parents let me open my gift before we left: a wallet. The irony of the wallet is that I never had an allowance or money to put in it and few, if any pictures. Be that as it may, I said to my parents, "Maybe Santa will have come when we get back home". They told me he had already come and that was it. I didn't believe them because I had seen that present under the tree for weeks. When we got home I immediately looked under the tree and there was NOTHING! My heart sank and I was very depressed. It took about 3-4 years before I could get up any enthusiasm for Christmas. Oh, I always knew that it was the day we celebrated as Jesus' birthday and I celebrated that enthusiastically through music, reading, etc. But the tree held nothing for me until my only little brother was born when I was 12 1/2 and I began to enjoy participating in the "magic" of Santa for him, and I was given a few dollars to buy gifts and I loved that! I never told my parents how I felt--we didn't talk about feelings. I've had to teach myself to talk about feelings and issues. I determined when I had children that I would talk about whatever presented itself!! And I did! I avoided nothing. My whole issue with Christmas and Santa could have been alleviated if my parents had known how to talk with children. I encourage you to talk when your daughters bring up the subject of Santa or any subject they are concerned wth. By age 12, I'm sure she knows. Be on the lookout for an opportunity to explore the subject; from a TV ad or anything. Explain with enthusiasm that the "magic" is participated in because it is so much fun and that even when we are mature enough to guess the secret of the magic, the presents will continue because it is fun! I think she/they will understand.

Oh you are far from a "jerk!" I bet you might be surprised what they already know and aren't telling you. Have you considered telling both of the older girls? Unless she is a little less mature than most, the 10-year-old probably has some doubts about ole Santa too. Maybe you could make it sort of like an exciting rite of passage--like they have earned being in on the "wonderful secret" that adults have. I would tell them about the story of Saint Nick, and just tell them that for many years parents have kept his tradition alive by playing the role for their children. Stay positive about it (like it is GOOD news), and see how they react. If they are disappointed, you can acknowledge that, give them big hugs and just explain that they are old enough to know and to participate in keeping the tradition alive for the little ones. Tell them how much joy it has brought you over the years. They may not even take it so hard...you never know. I suggest you just don't tell them with a doom and gloom attitude (although I'm sure I will feel the same way!!!). I agree with another respondant that you may be setting them up for ridicule from friends if you don't let them in on it soon. ALso...my sister-in-law just did this, and she decided while she was at it, she'd better the the Easter Bunny out of the way too!!! She did it early, not anywhere close to Christmas, and I think that was a great idea. That way they can get over the "grieving process" by the holiday and enjoy! I know it doesn't see funny right now, but really...how many of us are scarred for life because of how our parents told us about Santa? Good luck! I don't envy your job this year!!

Shocking Santa Secret Revealed: I lived a very sheltered life in the country and didn't find out there wasn't a Santa until I was 14. The way I found out I was coming out of my bedroom Christmas to go to the bathroom when I saw my mom bringing my little brother's tricycle in. I was so broken hearted. I went in my room cried, prayed and told God (he was always my friend) I was the only girl among 7 boys. I said with my eyes filled with tears, God, there is no Santa Clause. I asked him why did my mom and dad lie to me, why didn't she tell me the truth? I knew they were poor and I would have understood why I didn't get the gifts on my list because I knew they didn't have the money to buy them. I was young but very mature for my age and that night an arrow pierced my heart. I'm 53 years old now and the pain from that night remains. It remains because my harsh words to my mom aking her why would Santa give all the good gifts to everybody else and every year when he got to our house he didn't have but a few presents left and they weren't what we told him we wanted. I wanted to write a letter and send it to the North Pole but my mom said that he wouldn't get it. I hated him for what he did to us year after year. Santa killed the "spirit of Christmas" for me and as a child I began to wonder whether or not I would be told later that there was no Jesus born in a manger on Christmas day. I couldn't figure out why my mom and dad would make someone look so great and give him credit for what God did through them. I have four children and because of my pain I saved them from theirs. They were told not to write a letter to Santa as I did for year but think of one gift they wanted (which was all I could afford) and pray and ask Jesus if he would bless them with it so they could open it on his birthday. God is a jealous God. He shares his glory with no one or no thing. Santa Clause is a tale that should be read to children along with other bedtime stories.

Gosh, I just read this request out of curiosity and I just have to say...people can be Mean...for no darn reason. Wow. I liked the response from the lady saying to tell her she has the right to believe whatever she wants to believe. There are several good suggestions here though really. I never admitted either that I didn't believe anymore at home, but my mother knew I didn't. She still put stuff out though and I will do the same for mine. I still like to feel a little wonder even now that I put stuff out for my own kids. Let her always feel the magic even if in her heart she knows the truth.

I don't agree with you. My opinion. Santa is real - although not an actual being. It's in the spirit of giving.
I'm sure you're right in the fact that at almost 12, she knows santa isn't real - however, since you still have younger children, let her have Santa until she comes to you. Believe me, she will eventually. Once Santa is gone, part of your childhood is gone.
And, as long as the most important reason - Jesus being born - for Christmas is shared and celebrated, there's no reason that santa can't be enjoyed by her until she makes that decision to 'come clean' that she 'knows'.
I'm not downing you, but being the oldest of 4, my parents handled it by allowing me to come to them - without the other kids being around - so, I could question & 'confess' that I knew that they were santa clause. I applaud them for allowing me that experience. I was able to enjoy knowing something my brothers and sisters didn't - and it didn't hurt because I'm the one that came to them.
Whatever decision that you make in telling her, I wish you the best. I allowed my kids to come to me and I explained it that 'Santa is not a real person, no. It is in the spirit of giving that he exists in your heart and that you can share that spirit of giving with others.' We all still believe at my house - and my kids are grown. Something always appears 'From Santa' under the tree every year.
I know I sort of babbled, but I do wish you luck.

TOUCHY SUBJECT HUH. I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY. I HAVE ALWAYS TOLD MY GIRLS THAT SANTA IS REAL. HE IS A SPIRIT THAT LIVES IN US. THAT SANTA SPIRIT BRINGS OUT OUR BEST. WE ALSO FEEL THE SAME IN OUR FAMILY THAT THIS IS JESUS' BIRTHDAY AND SANTA JUST HELPS AT CHRISTMAS TO BRING OUT THE SPIRIT. REALLY WE SHOULD 'LIVE CHRISTMAS' THE SEASON TENDS TO BRIGN OUT THE BEST IN EVERYONE. I HAD TO PASTE ONE OF MY FAVORITE EMAILS BELOW. IT REALLY SAYS IT ALL. SO YES, THERE IS A SANTA. HE LIVES IN ALL OF US. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE, THE WONDERFUL SPIRIT DIES. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE STORY BELOW......

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered.
"Even dummies know that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous"
cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so.

It had to be true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" She snorted...."Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun.

"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car. "Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself.

The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused,clutching that ten-Dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for. I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends , my neighbors, the kids at school, and he people who went to my church.

I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs.. Pollock's grade-two class.

Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!

I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm,and he would like that.

"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby."

The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible)in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it. Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk.

Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going" I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma.

Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes.

That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team. I still have the Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95.

May you always have LOVE to share, HEALTH to spare and FRIENDS that care....

And may you always believe in the magic of Santa Claus!

R.,

As Christians my husband and I make sure our children know that Jesus is the reason for the season (and all year round). However, my 7 year old started at age 6 telling the 4 year old that "there is no Santa, it's mommie and daddy". So what we tell them is that Santa is a fairy tale just like Cinderella and the other characters, because he is make believe. We allow them to have the fun belief of Santa, but if you ask them what Christmas really is about they can tell you the truth in a heart beat. Our thought is as long as they know the real deal, it doesn't hurt to play make believe. After all I grew up thinking there was a Santa and it was fun. When I was old enough to know the truth it did not phase me. So after all of that.....I would tell her "Santa is make believe, but let's not tell your sister until she is ready to know the truth. Let's keep the secret for her until she is a big girl like you and then we'll tell her together." Something like that. She will probably relish in the fact that she shares a secret with Mommy.

Let her believe, even if she is just pretending. She probably just likes the magic of it. I think it's a blessing that she still believes, or at least wants to. Actually, I don't think that you need to tell her unless she asks.

Also, why do the Santa presents have to stop if she still doesn't believe? She is still a kid at 11, 12 or even 13, why take that away from her at such a young age? In our family we did "Santa" gifts until we were well into high school and even after that we still got a stocking with some stuff for Christmas morning (we even do stockings for the adults with silly small stuff now). It just makes the day more fun and magical to add the "Santa" factor.

It is possible they still believe, it depends on how sheltered they are. I think its sweet. Around our house "Santa" brings one gift only for the kids. The rest are from us in celebration of Jesus birthday. Even then we only get them 2 gifts a piece. My son knows about Santa and we asked him not tell his sister shes only 6. In fact we let him help us make is magical for her. Its fun and when she is curious enough to ask we will tell her the truth. Even after everyone knows the truth we still allow one gift from Santa. Have fun with it!!

I am so surprised at some of these responses. I know I will get hate mail but I am just floored at some of the responses. GEES... it is a part of Christmas. Yes, you can keep the spirit alive. Yes, you can still be Christian and teach your values.

My daughter is 13 and I know she knows but she will always have something from Santa. It is part of a tradition at our house. I don't have to "tell" her, she knows. I am sure your DD knows as well. Yes, your DD is probably afraid of no Santa gifts. Re-assure her that yes there will be if you plan to do that.

I can't believe some people don't allow their children to have a part of this celebration because they are "lying". If you look closely, I am sure you will find a few little lies here and there that you are guilty of (WE ALL ARE) Who are you to tell your children what to believe, they should be able to form their own opinions. We are not in that type of government.... And, OMG....Patricia, I don't know where to start on that one.

I apologize if I offended anyone, I am sure I will be told off but this is a forum for opinions and as they say.....everyone has one!!

My parents never let us believe there was a santa, and I was always very grateful they did because 1) they have always told us the truth, 2) it saved us from the heartbreak later on of both finding out santa wasn't real and that my parents had perpetrated this myth, 3) I always knew it was my parents who gave us those presents, so I was appreciative to them, not some random person that didn't exist. I plan on doing the same with my 2 sons (emphasizing that he was a real person who really gave gifts--sait nicholas, but died a long time ago, but we keep his memory alive through these traditions). I was grateful because when I was a kid I wanted to believe so badly (especially since all kids movies are based on that idea), but knew deep down that it was just a myth. So I'm always for truth is more important and telling how the story came about and why we do it. It think it's good to have an imagination, but it's also good to be grounded in reality. (and this is coming from someone with a very active imagination--and a love for books). But then again, I may be the only one with this opinion. For what it's worth...

Edit--I really appreciated Patricia's story about being broken hearted at finding out he wasn't real. The same thing happened to my uncle (they were a really poor family too). I think most of the responses of keeping him alive have come from mostly middle class people, contrasted with Patricia's whose background was more desperate (don't jump on me here people--event he poorest American is richer than most of the rest of the world). So really, it's a matter of perspective. If it's a game, it's a game (presents from santa at 30 or 40, which is cute and fun). But for some, it's just a reminder that life isn't really fair and even God doesn't always answer prayers like we'd like him to. It seems like R.'s kids aren't going to suffer terrible consequences either way because Santa is a luxury, not a necessity. The presents will still be there.

When I was about 11, my cousn told me there wasn't a Santa. My then 86 year old great granmother told me as long as you believed there was a Santa there would be one. When I had my son 34 years ago, we didn't have a an extra penny. My son was one week old when Christmas came along . On Christmas morning there was a little red wagon and a Whinny the Pooh bear. And to this day I don't know where it came from because my mom didn't have the extra money either. I know of the true meaning of Christmas and that Jesus should mean so much more than Santa. My mom says you should live your life like everyday is Christmas and give a smile , a kind word, or help out in any way that you can towards anyone. I learned along time ago it wasn't always how big you give but the simple fact that a smile or kind word doesn't cost anything. I am 51 years old and Santa comes to see me to this day. I don't know how sometimes when the money is stretched to the limit.But just like my great grandmother said" As long as you believe there will be a Santa"My grandson is 11 and he say's that his grandma still believes and if grandma say's it , it has to be true.

I guess a little clarity would help here. Does she stop getting gifts if she accepts there is no Santa? Or does she get less gifts?? That in all honesty seems a little odd either way. Even if my kids figure it out, it does not mean they will get anything less at Christmas...heck, I would still say I believed too. So, maybe take that problem off the table, and then see what happens. But really, I would let it go. She will not suffer any long term damage from beliving in Santa for sure:) My sisters oldest son in 11, and last year he sadly figured it out, but one thing she did, was to then involve him in keeping it alive for the younger kids. He got to help think of places to hide presents, help her pick things out at the store etc. He would go on secret missions to try to see what the kids really wanted. That was a great way to encourage him to keep the magic alive! I really enjoyed seeing him in his new grown up role, so maybe you could try something like that if you need to? ~A.~

As a Christian Mom, when the time came to explain to our girls (now 13 and 17) , we used the historic story of Santa, the significance of the tree with Christian faith, and story of Good Samaratin (sp?!)and also started doing angel tree to give back to someone else instead of the focus being on us at Christmas with gifts.

Now we try and take a family trip, and keep gifts to minimums and focus on making experiences they will always remember! One year we took a cruise out of Galveston, etc.

You will do great, and build trust with children at same time!
L. B

You might research on the internet the history and myth of Santa Claus---and explain it to your kids--why we involve him in Christmas anyways (There's lots of info out there http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Claus)
I remember as a kid finding out by catching them that my parents were doing the presents and there was no Santa claus and I just thought it was no big deal, that it made sense to me, but later being confused as to the whole Jesus/Santa thing--why we were taught both when the 2 stories don't really go together. I think it's good for kids to know the truth--when I researched it myself it all made sense.
Years and years ago when many people practiced earth-based/goddess based spirtituality (paganism) and were converted to Christianity...Christianity adopted a whole lot of pagan myths and traditions, such as Santa Claus, Easter & the Easter bunny, etc. It's true!

I still get Santa gifts from my parents and I am 31 years old so you can make it last for as long as you want. When we go to their house for the holidays,(regardless of the "date") Santa still stuffs the stockings, we read the Christmas story to celebrate the real reason for all the gifts, and my kids and husband love it. It's what you make of it--as long as Jesus' birth comes first, there is nothing wrong with keeping santa around!!

I like what my mom did when I got about that age. She asked me to stay up a little later with her and allowed me to help get the "Santa gifts" ready for the other kids. While we were doing it, she told me that although Santa isn't a real person, he is a real idea to encourage the giving spirit of Christmas. We did a secret santa thing every year and took things to a family who needed some extra help financially or who needed emotional/spiritual support, so that idea was already there in my brain without me even realizing it. That was also part of her explanation - that sometimes people can't always provide what they want to for their families, and so sometimes other people can step in and act as "Santa" and help them have a fun Christmas. After that, I always looked forward to being "Santa's helper" on Christmas eve when my mom was doing the Santa gifts.

There isn't a whole lot of magic in this world, so let them believe as long as they want to.
My kids are very analytical and rational, so I don't think they ever believed in it-- esp. my 8 year old. She started questioning "Santa" and even "god" around age 4 and just doesn't believe anything that can't be "proven" to her. But, she sucks it up around Christmastime. Hey, everyone else believes, or says they do, so she has to go along with it! :)
Enjoy it.

R.~ I remember my mom telling me when I asked if there was a santa. She said "do you believe there is a santa?" I told her I was not sure and asked if she did. She told me that I, just as she was free to believe anything I wanted. I did not get a straight answer. BUT I was ok with that one. I know as a parent it is fun to have that excitement in the house as the kiddos are writing their letters and the hard time falling asleep Christmas eve. Wait until they say something to you ~ don't worry... contniue as you are ~ Sometimes with my girls I think it is as much fun for me as it is for them! I too still get Santa gifts!! (I am 33).
I needed to respond to something someone said to you. In my opinion, just because you recognize a 'santa' in you home DOES NOT IN ANY WAY mean you are taking the reason for the season away or downplaying it by any means!
You sound like you really love your children. Kids grow up so fast now-a-days....I would keep what is left of their childhood as long as you can. (santa, Easter Bunny...)
Take care!

I would buy your daughter a copy of the book "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus." I'm 34 years old, and still cherish the copy I got as a young teen. It's actually a letter from the editor of a newspaper to a girl about your daughter's age, written about a hundred years ago, and explains how Santa is real and alive in every loving act that embodies the spirit of Christmas. Santa is a symbol of the most beautiful thing in the world, namely the love God showed us by giving us His Son. I adamantly still believe in Santa Claus, especially as I put toys out for my own daughter on Christmas eve. The book was also made into a TV movie a few years ago, starring the guy who was JohnBoy on the Waltons (I forget his name--LOL!). You might look for that movie to show your kids, too. If I remember correctly, you can show it to ALL your kids, since those who still "believe in Santa Claus" won't be contradicted by what they see. I sincerely believe you can be completely honest with your kids while also preserving the "magic" of Santa Claus!

I agree. If you still beleive, you still receive. We never really discussed the "non-existance" with our mom. We just continued to pretend. We received gifts till we left home.

I vowed never to let on that I knew. My sister spilled the beans when I was 6. Our other sister was 8 and the brother was 4. We were afraid to let mom or dad know. It was always too much fun to sit at the top of the stairs and watch/listen in the shadows and then act surprised (we are ALL 4 great actors and have been in many a production since).

Blessings; I'm sure you will make a wise decision on your discussion.

P. <><

I am a mother of a large family with 10 children. We did Santa for years, until I truly gave my life to Christ and began to believe his word, which is very, very clear that lying is not an option, and will in fact condemn your soul. So I sat my children down and told them that I had not been telling them the truth, and I was sorry for that. But that there is no Santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy, etc. Now I think they really all knew that, and they had been pretending, too. The ONLY THING they were concerned about was if they were still going to get presents. I told them yes, that would not change, but that I wanted them to know their presents came from their dad and I, that there was no Santa flying around bringing them. That was no problem at all! I did tell them that they didn't need to spread that news to other kids who parents choose to tell them this lie, but neither did I want them to lie themselves, just to avoid saying anything where ever they could.
We still joke about it, when they ask for some rediculously expensive thing, I might say, "Guess Santa will have to bring that!" Which is my way of saying that's about the only way they would get something like that, if there were some Santa out there with an unlimited income!!

This would be a wonderful time to teach your 12 year-old the value of money. If, in fact, she still believes in Santa, she should also understand that Santa doesn't give gifts to everyone. Participating in a toy drive or an opportunity to volunteer would be a gentle way to bring this up. It might also teach her an important lesson about what's really valuable in life.

I hated thinking that they didnt believe and they will fake it for our sake- just so you know- lol
Feel her out and if she truly doesnt believe- let her be a part of the Xmas morning surprise- let her pick out a gift from Santa for each of the other kids. This way- if she spoils any surprise- its her own - ha!
She will love to be included and she will love it even more when she still sees a FROM SANTA gift there for her.
I never sat my kids down and told them- they told me and I would just laughand say- you better believe or you wont get any presents-ha - I have a 13 yr sgt and 17 son and I still put from Santa on a few gifts.
But incl her in the "secret" can guarantee your surprise on Xmas even better. I sometimes make a game of it- notes that lead them to their gift- so that they have fun and dont hav to feel geeky about "santa" issue= I leave a trail of notes to get them to their own surprise-
Good luck!

D.
Party Angels Ltd
www.partyangelsus.com

If you're a jerk for not wanting to fake out your 6th grade, God only knows what that makes me. My kids (13, 11, 5, and 2) have NEVER believed in a fat man with a white beard who brought presents.

We've always done the angel tree - where you pick a needy kid and go shopping. That might be something you and your oldest two could do together, and casually mention that they are officially "santa clauses" because they are providing a Christmas for this kid who otherwise wouldn't have one.

That's the only way I've ever explained SC to mine... and the fact that they couldn't debunk all of their friends, because some parents like to pretend with their children.

I have to add - I was raised by my grandparents for most of my childhood, and my grandfather was a Baptist preacher who refused to even talk about Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or the Easter Bunny. If I wanted something, I asked him - and he said it was because he wanted me to know that there is only one real being that I can not (yet) see - my Heavenly Father and his Son... he didn't want me to "find out" about the other stuff and think he had lied to me about the most important thing. He also told me I couldn't tell other kids.

When my dad got his stuff together and he and his new wife started inviting me over for holidays, they would ask me what I wanted Santa to bring me. I told them that there is no Santa, and as a result, I got no gifts. "You have to believe to receive". I've never regretted my stance, and I don't bring my kids to their house for Christmas or Easter because I don't want them lied to.

S.

I came from a large family a lot like you describe. We received gifts from "Santa" until we were eighteen years old. When we got big enough to question if Santa existed, my mom took us aside & explained that Santa may not be a real person that flies all over the world in a single night but that he is the spirit of Christmas...the love, the kindess, etc. She asked that we keep it to ourselves that he was not "real" so that each child could have the joy of enjoying the surprises like we did. It worked wonderfully...and I do the same thing with my children now...it allows everyone to enjoy Santa on their own level!

We always told our children at the appropriate age that Santa will always live in your heart. At ages 25 and 20 (one is in law school and the other will be a Junior in college)they still love us to play Santa Claus.It keeps the traditions going. We wrap most of the presents but a few we keep unwrapped from Santa. They love it and we do, too. Christmas has always been a special time in our home. We want the traditions to continue.

When I was 9 I asked my Dad about Santa and he told me the he is the spirit of Christmas that he personifies all the good qualities you are supposed to abide by year round. Basically he made him out to be Saint Nick that he tried to live his life very much like Jesus by being kid and listening cheering people up and bringing joy ( you get the drift ) It made the transition much easier. You might ask the oldest if she would like to help play Santa with you My oldest always enjoyed it but I also always snuck Santa gifts under the tree for him before he woke up. Santa still brings me gifts and I am 40. Some of my most memorable santa trips came after I knew there was no santa. One year I came home from my Grandparents and all my presents were already out. I guess my parents had a neighbor come or something but I was 16 and I was realy shocked and have never figured it out and Dad won't tell he still says its Santa.
Good luck. I would avoid reading Superfudge by Judy Bloom in the end of the book there is a whole chapter about Santa not being real.

N Anderson

Let them continue to believe! They will figure it out on their own eventually, but that doesn't mean that they won't go along with the story. My parents never told us there was no Santa....and we pretended to believe up until the day we moved out of the house (and continued to get presents as well)!
Actually, my mom's rule was that santa continued to come to you until you were married, so my younger (unmarried) siblings would always make plans to spend the night at mom & dad's over Christmas.....then they'd "argue" about who santa liked best based on what was left for them. ;-)

They both know that Santa is not "real." They aren't being up front with you about it because, they stop getting gifts? That is ridiculous. If I were a kid in your house, I would lie like a cheap rug. I mean, let's be realistic, you are punishing them for not going along with this story. Also, get your emotions out of it. Feeling used? Are you kidding me? You can not raise kids on emotions. Just accept Santa for what he is- a Christmas legend that our society has forced people in to debt with for years. Now, a solution- in our house, mama and daddy bring the BIG presents, to celebrate the birth of our Savior. Santa brings a stocking and one or two modest gifts. The real reason for this holiday is the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Don't let materialism take the spot light. Play along with the older kids, they are probably going along with it for the sake of the little ones, and fear of no gifts.

I agree with Bethany and that is how I handled it with my kids. Of course they all asked at age 5 and I asked them if they really wanted to know. The first thing they asked was if they would continue to receive gifts. I responded "Of course!" and then they each wanted to know the truth, which I answered honestly and added "the spirit of Christmas" celebration speech. We too are christians and our children know that Jesus is the basis of our whole celebration and Santa was the fun added in.

I would be honest with my daughter(s) about there not being a Santa. However, that being said, I would not stop giving gifts. The gifts would come from mom and dad and one special would still from Santa even if your daughter(s) knew that the truth. My two knew who Santa was they still got gifts from Santa. It would be more embarrassing to learn the truth from a school friend and being ridiculed because she/they still believe there is Santa than to learn the honest truth from home. Your daughter(s) can now participant in the Angel Tree or whatever and pick out/up something for someone who really needs a gift within $ reason. There were times that my son complained that sister got "more" gifts than he did. But the actual results were the same amount of money was spent it was that he always wanted something bigger and got less gifts. Now that he has a son he knows the truth. Good luck to you whatever you decide. The other S.

I never lied to my children about Santa-but I always would tell them that the Spirit of Christmas was very real and that's what SAnta is! Its the truth. We always tell our children the truth about things no matter how hard, but in this case we let them discover the Spirit of Christmas was played out byus. We are Christians and they always have been taught Jesus birth is the reason we clebrate and the Gift of life he gave to us-and that we give because He first gave to us. And my son is going to be 24 this year and he still gets a stocking stuffed from Santa! (And together my husband, son and parents do one for me!)

We have a saying in our home "As long as you believe you shall receive" My 14 yr old still believes...

Hi R., with my oldest she starting asking about Santa this past year when she started public school. She is 8. I told her the gift from Jesus is real and everlasting and the greatest gift anyone can recieve, but the gifts from Santa are magic. I told her that when she begins to not believe in Santa the magic is gone and so are the gifts, but I also chose to really explain the importance of Christ everlasting gift. She was happy with this answer. Now whenever she comes home and says so and so said Santa is not real, I remind her that so and so does not get gifts because the magic is gone. Hope that helps, good luck!

I apologize for the crassness but this just isn't that big of a deal! We ALL lived through it and are none worse for it - why would your kids be? Of course kids figure it out, they always do and they don't hate us for lying. Yes, there may be the occasional child who might be devastated but most know & understand. It is dealing the with the oldest that puts it into true perspective regarding the younger children and the 'myth'. Trust yourself, what you are teaching on a daily basis and give your kids more credit! I never mentioned I knew there wasn't a Santa b/c I wanted to continue getting gifts - most of us did that. Christians don't freak out - but Santa has nothing to do with Christ. Both can be incorporated and be just fine. For those that think it is still lying, are you saying that when someone asks how your day is going, do you give them the truth or just say, "I'm fine thanks, how about you?" What's the difference? Christmas is a time for fun & joy and celebration of life with family & friends - don't turn into something else or make more of it that it is...