Should I Leave Her?

I think you need to take the grandparents with you with the understanding that they'll do some serious babysitting when the bigger kids are going to do an activity that would be hard on the little one.

I agree with 2kidmama! Have the grandparents go with you to help with the little one. That way you can do some stuff as a family!

I guess I'm in the minority here but in my mind, a family vacation is a FAMILY vacation. Everyone. I can't imagine leaving one of my kids behind while we all go off to the beach together for a week. My kids wouldn't feel right about that either. Maybe you could look into hiring a sitter when you're there who could stay with your toddler for a few hours here and there while you do outings with the older kids? Or plan on having your husband stay behind for naptime or whatever and give you a break to spend time with the older kids? Is there any way for you to bring another relative along (a grandparent, a niece or nephew) who won't mind baby-sitting your youngest when needed?

I could maybe see leaving a younger child behind if you were doing something intensive with a lot of sight-seeing, etc. (actually I'd just save that kind of vacation for when the kids are older and all able to enjoy it) but a beach is a perfect place for all ages. The adults have to take turns watching her near the water but the same goes for the 10 and 7 year olds, you can get a cabana or tent or umbrella for shade and naps, etc.My kids have been going to the beach since they were babies, so I'd bring her along too.

What about having grandma come too with the understanding that she is the 2 year old's caregiver...takes her swimming (or on an outing) in the morning, back to the house/condo for a nap in the afternoon and wait for the rest of you to get home at dinnertime. What kind of activities are you planning with the older kids? Going to the beach, a hike, or out for a boat ride are things the toddler can do too (carried in hiking backpack). But some outings would mean she stays home or on the beach with an adult (like snorkeling or surfing). By the way, we once went for a 6 day vacation to Mexico and left our 2 year old and older son with grandparents. I felt so awful leaving her, but I had the best vacation. And you know what...she was fine. She did have some crying at bedtime, but she really bonded with grandpa especially! He really spoiled her that week...even went out and bought her a teeny bike with training wheels that she was too young for. It was so cute. If you do decide to leave her she will be just fine. And she will never remember it! My daughter is 8 now and of course has no memory of this week away from her parents. Good luck with your decision! It's a hard one because there is no right or wrong answer here. It'll be fine either way.

We have an age gap also.

We took ours on beach vacations and even camping. Always :)

We have left them for things like ski trips where it just didn't make sense.

I am all about family (like you) and we just made it work.

You get a big beach umbrella and if you have to go take a nap, then one parent goes. It's not a big deal.

Toddlers love the beach. You bring toys and snacks. You don't have to go do special little kid excursions. They come along with you to the big kid activities/things to do. We had done all those little kid stuff with our older kids when they were small. They don't even remember it - our younger kids tagged along with the older kids - and they enjoyed that. It's just about being together.

Honestly - we camp (think bonfires, kids taking off on bikes, going to canteens, etc.) and have brought babies and toddlers .. people do and it's fun.

If you want to spend time with your older kids, hand the toddler to your spouse and throw the frisbee with your kids. The toddler will be so amused with a bucket and little shovel.

However - if you really want it to be an older/family vacation - then know your toddler will be happily taken care of with the grandparents and not remember/know it has missed out on anything. We have left our kids behind before - sometimes it's all about spending one on one (or a few!) quality time with some kids. That's fine too :) Whatever works.

A.,

Welcome to mamapedia!

It would help if you said WHERE you are going on this vacation. Not just "to the beach" but WHERE? why? Because some places have things for young kids to do. If there's nothing for her to do? How do you think she'll feel when she looks at pictures years down the road and sees the family having fun without her? Find out more about where you are going and see what they have for toddlers or even if the resort you are staying has a reputable baby sitting business.

I'm sorry that in 17 years you've never taken a family vacation. that's pretty sad.

So in 10 years when you’re looking at family vacation photos, how are you going to explain to your 12 year old that your whole family went on a trip... oh, but not her...

Is this a blended family? So you haven't taken a family with your combined family, or you've just never taken a vacation? I ask because 17 years is a really long time to go without a vacation. I get that sometimes finances are really tight, but if your kids have never been on vacation then it's time for them to build some good memories.

I wouldn't worry about being stuck in a room or at a pool the whole time. People vacation with toddlers all the time. One parent can always go back to the room with your toddler if necessary. Have you asked your older two kids for their thoughts? Would they be upset if their little sister wasn't there, or relieved? They ultimately don't get to make that decision. But if they're going to feel bad the entire time because she's not there, then it seems like an easy decision.

I'd leave her with grandparents for all the reasons you gave. Hopefully she already spends time with her grandparents and is comfortable with them. You can call her. If grandparents.have a cell phone.you can send pictures of her favorite characters. Perhaps send her pictures of all of you.

Take care of you. A break is important for you and your family.

I have a two yo granddaughter and 4yo and 7yo siblings. I sleep over so my daughter and husband can be away for a couple of days. My daughter says she comes home rejuvenated.

we took our babies to the beach from the gitgo. yeah, you have to make some accommodations for a toddler, but you're an experienced parent at this point, right? surely you've learned a coping technique or two after five kids?

there's no right or wrong answer to this.

if you've really got a 17 year old but have never taken a family vacation, then you're certainly overdue. and you probably have a lot of idealistic hopes that will be dashed if you are already consumed with guilt over the possibility of a toddler occasionally getting hot and tired and needing a break, and focusing on your older kids.

i don't see why both aren't possible. nor why you'd be 'stuck' in your room or the pool and not be able to enjoy your vacation. but if you really think that having a 2 year old means that, then please don't bring her. i'm betting SHE'D have much more fun with her grandparents.

khairete
S.

When we went on vacation with my husband's older kids and our little one, we got a babysitter at the hotel or resort we stayed at. We did morning activities together, then put the little one down for a nap, with either one of us or the sitter staying with him. The sitter gave him dinner and we older ones went out for a "normal" dinner and adult activities. We also went to places that had little day camp options and babysitting programs for younger kids.

Sometimes we took a teen with us whose job was to stay with the toddler when we went out. That way, you can do some all-family activities and also do some that aren't appropriate for the little one. What we did was sent her off to play with our child, and then we left on our own - much easier than a big, dramatic goodbye, which would be even more important if 6 of you are leaving together!

But our son traveled well and did well in new surroundings. I don't know if your daughter is like that, or if she's hard to settle down in a new crib and new room. If she's tough, it's going to be impossible for you to relax.

If you can leave your little one at your home with the grandparents, that's probably easiest because she will have all her stuff and familiar surroundings. If it's any consolation, she's not going to remember this time apart from you. Your 4 older kids are probably always adapting to the toddler's needs and schedule, so having this break would be a real treat for them. If you've never done it before, you don't really know how really liberating and fun this can be.

You have to unload the guilt - you're going to feel guilty for leaving the 2 year old, or guilty for not spending great time with the 17 year old, or guilty for spending money on a vacation you can't personally enjoy. So either way you're going to be miserable! You're entitled to a real vacation too, Mom! So find a creative solution. I don't know if it's feasible to take the grandparents with you - but if you'll feel guilty for leaving them in a hotel with a toddler and so you still aren't spending time with your older kids, don't bother!

You have the option now, given technology, of things like FaceTime and Skype, and the grandparents can even take little videos so you can see how well your little one is doing without talking to her all the time. In my view, kids grow up more resilient when they learn that other people besides Mom can love them and care for them. So this could be a gift you give everyone, you know?

We didn't start doing family vacations till our son was 4 1/2.
It was just an easier age for us and until then we were happy at home or doing day trips on weekends.
I know some parents drag their infants around everywhere but I've seen a lot of miserable babies/toddlers and no one is thrilled at having to listen to all that crying.
With such an age spread - I think it's fine for the 2 yr old to have some grandparents time while you go on vacation with the rest of the family.

We always took our kids on vacation with us, from the time they were infants. It never got in the way of having a good time. Even if the older kids do some different activities during the day everyone is still together for meals and time at the pool and beach. I really don't understand why you think you'd be stuck in your room, other than nap time? This just doesn't make sense to me.

I think a family vacation should be the whole family. And my kids loved the beach when they were toddlers. They would nap right there on a towel underneath an umbrella, so I didn't feel like I was confined to the room or pool while everyone else was at the beach.

I also agree that you should spend quality time with your older kids before they go - but that doesn't need to be at the beach. Be intentional about this - think of things to do with your bigger kids (maybe even just lunch with a different kid each week, one-on-one) and then make it happen.

ETA: Alternatively, I love the idea of bringing grandma (or someone else) along as a babysitter so that you can have the best of both worlds.

we did short trips one night sometimes two untill my youngest was 3. then we did a real vacation to the beach. it was a resort with everything we needed right on the grounds so if she needed a nap it was not a big deal. i could stay with her in the room while my hubby and son went to the pool pr beach or gameroom.
i wouldn't of attempted anything if my child was a napper, but since she dropped all naps at age 2 i could of taken her sooner than age 3.
if yours naps then i say bring grandparents along to sit with her while she naps, if she does not nap then bring her and do it all with her too

We did a vacation when our oldest girls were like 10 and 12 and our youngest daughter was like 2 - we left the 2 yr old home with family. It was just going to be too difficult with the age spread for that vacation to really maximize everyone's fun. Too much running back to the room for naps, early bedtimes to avoid cranky mornings, etc. We did do a vacation the next year that we did bring the 2 (by then she was 3) yr old to, but it was going to be easy for us to split up for naps and we were doing a lot of sightseeing on that trip, which was a breeze with a 3 yr old in a stroller.

You spend nearly every second of the day with your 2 yr old - leaving her for a "special vacation with grandma" isn't the end of the world, and getting a final vacation with the 17 yr old isn't something to sneeze at. We actually took our two 18 yr olds on a vacation separately (just hubby, myself, and them) before they left for college/military and left EVERYONE else at home :)

Good luck!

Beach trips with the age differences can be difficult!
Our 1st one before moving south was really hard. Our youngest was still napping two times a day, he ate sand constantly and got sick to his stomach. I spent the majority of the trip in our hotel room while everyone else was out doing things.
If the Grandparents can come that would be a great option, but if not I would not feel guilty about leaving her. She won't remember this trip anyway, and there are plenty of years for another trip!
Plan a fun family day with her before you leave or when you get back!

I don't think there's a right or wrong decision, and there definitely shouldn't be any guilt, regardless of what you decide.

I guess I would ask myself a few questions:

1. What kind of vacation will this be? There are beach vacations where everyone will be really active (parasailing, snorkeling, boating, etc) and then there are the kind where everyone just wants to relax and snooze in the sun. There are the kind of vacations where the days are packed with going to carnivals/fairs/boardwalks, and the kind where everyone stays close to home and enjoys the free time.

2. Will you be in a hotel, or a beach cottage? If it's a hotel, ask if there's a babysitting service, or maybe hire someone from a professional sitter service sometimes. If it's a cottage, and if there's room, bring a responsible person along like others have suggested, who can sit with the toddler during nap time, take the toddler home early for bed, etc. Just make sure your bring-along person is extremely clear on what his or her responsibilities are - this isn't a vacation for him or her, it's a job.

3. When your oldest graduates, will he or she be going off to college far away, or staying nearby and working or going to a local school? And will this oldest child do family things, or will he/she be seeking entertainment, parties, movies, etc? If it's going to be a real family vacation where even your oldest will eat dinners with the family, and will go along to zoos and pools, then that might sway your decision in favor of your not being the one who's solely responsible for the toddler, or in favor of letting your toddler have a special vacation with Grandma. But if you don't think you'll see your oldest all that often anyway during the vacation, if he or she will be borrowing the car and doing things that teens might find fun, or taking surfing lessons most of the day, then maybe bringing the toddler along won't make that much difference.

4. What do YOU need? Would you love a break from diapers? Do you regularly have time for yourself, or can't you remember the last uninterrupted shower or nap that you had? No matter how much we love our kids, if we're their sole care-giver, and if we are responsible for every meal, bedtime, nap, playtime, then a vacation where you don't have to tell the toddler not to eat the sand, where you don't have to be on constant guard when your toddler is near the water, when you can eat without having your fork in one hand and your toddler's spoon in the other hand, well, that might be nice.

Consider your options and enjoy, whatever you decide.

Nope I'd take the 2 yr old along because a family vacation includes everyone. If you want to spend some special time with the older kids you can plan a couple short trips with 1 or 2 of them during the year.