Summer In-Law "Hell Week"...Help!

I guess I WOULD in fact 'stay home with my attitude'! (Actually, I would not bring a 2 week old baby in a common house to stay with a zillion different relatives, not to mention you may still have PAIN, feeding issues, etc)

I wouldn't blame my MIL for deliberately making my life miserable however. Just sounds like too many things could go wrong, too much work, I'm sorry MIL, I know how it's important to you for everyone to be there, but the timing is just too close to delivery, I'm REALLY dissappointed that me and the kids will not be able to be there, blah blah, blah...

:)

I haven't read the other posts but this sounds like fun to me. My husband's family is huge and we always did family sleepovers during the holidays, roughly 30 adults and kids in his parent's 1,800 square foot house. The adults who arrived earliest (and pregnant/nursing moms) called the beds and the rest of the adults and kids camped out on couches and sleeping bags on the floor. Of course the kids stayed up late, but so what? What fun memories we made. And yes, I did it pregnant and with newborns. Was I uncomfortable? Sure, but I got through it. You must be used to lots of personal space if your little family can't share a bedroom for a week! What about when you go to hotels? And are you saying your kids have never slept on the floor? I really hope you can relax and have a good time, it's only for a week.

Heck I think the kids will have a blast and remember it. If you were in a hotel
you would probably be in one room. So if for one week they are off their
schedule, who cares. It is vacation. As far as the pool, your husband or
another responsible adult if you cannot, needs to be vigilent about watching
the kids. I would hope that there is a fence around the pool. Have fun. Just
go with the flow and it will be fine.

If you are really dreading the trip then just send your husband and your 2 and 4 year olds while you stay home with the baby. Then invite your mom or someone to come stay with you for a few days and help you out if you need it. I'm sure everyone will understand why you're not going.

Three to four weeks after your due date? I second the vote to not go. I've heard that doctors recommend no travel for babies that young, anyway. Why put you and your family through this?

Mabye you could stay home with the new baby, and your husband can go with the 2 older kids?

Sounds like you should stay home by yourself with your new baby and be happy. You are ruining the week even before it happens. What family has never crammed into a small room for a week? You could actually make it fun instead of being spoiled about it. Kids like to sleep on the floor, I'm sure your child is no different, but you are just making it one more thing to gripe about. Your mother in law may be a handful sometimes, but it sounds like to me you are the fuel to her fire. I bet if you stopped whining so much things may change. Try it. (I have been in your shoes with my MIL years ago, and I decided to change my tune about things, and it worked, I LOVE her now)

There's no way I'd be going *anywhere* with a baby that young! If you're ok with it, your husband and the older 2 (or even just the 4 year old) can go. But you definitely don't need that stress so soon after delivery.

Plus, what if you go over your due date? Or have a c-section? Your doctor won't let you travel that soon after surgery.

It can go two ways: a week of hell if you hold onto unrealistic expectations or a nice family time, if a bit "off-schedule"!
That's what happens on vacations, kids stay up later and sleep in a bit--maybe--if you're lucky.
Get a floating pool alarm (if the house doesn't have O. already--did you check?) Hell-tie some tin cans to the door knobs if you have to to make sure NO child gets out the door near the pool....
Keep your kids in your room...2 yo in a pack & play, 4 yo in a sleeping bag & baby in a rented bassinett or crib or moses basket--whatever works.
Truly, I've been there, and the final outcome and trip vibe is largely a matter of attitude.
And you can rent almost ANYTHING you need at the shore--it will be delivered & set up ahead of your arrival--extra crib, cot, highchair, pack & play, beach tents, etc.

I would go but make my own reservations at our own house. Also normally with a child so young I try to sstick closer to home. Remember your going to still be sore.
Also I rarely get a babysitter but if you are determined to go I would bring a sitter with me. Your kids still need consistency. Just politely ignore your mil. Do not be rude that's never a good idea.
My oldest was 1 1/2yrs old we went to Disney with my parents. My mom has good common sense but she wss convinced she was going to get him to nap in the Disney park. With all the noise. He did nap once but just because he was exhausted. I am very close with my parents but my mom also had a tendecey to take over. My mil also liked to take over.. but in other areas. My dad would get annoyed at my mom. My dad discussed it with my mom..finally she backed up a little. My mil was used to being in control and saying whatever she wants to say to anyone. So her two grown sons and her husband would never stand up to her..or at least that I am aware of.

So don't go. With a new baby, who knows if you'll be up to traveling anyway.

I wouldn't want to go.
For me, I would not want to go, with a 3-4 week old Newborn.
I would want to be home... with my newborn, doing what "I" want and with my baby and being able to nurse whenever needed and nap whenever needed. Not being on other people's schedule or activities.
But that is just me.

Infants feed and nap a lot.
You will have to stay with the newborn.
And be on his/her so called 'schedule.'
And, what about germs?
And the noise?

I would just be too tired, too irritated and just wanting to be home with my newborn.

Sorry to stir the pot but I think your MIL is putting you in a really dreadful position...it's a no-win for you unless you enlist the support of your husband or a cool SIL who's willing to share a house close by with you.

You say she tries to spend time with your husband and kids without you. Funny, this setup already has you considering not going.

I would absolutely rent a house close by or a hotel just so she wouldn't get away with it. Then I would go and enjoy a nice week in NC with my family. And don't feel bad about it E.! Just my .02...

On rereading my answer it comes across as blaming your MIL too much. She could just be not thinking. The idea of sending DH alone though would still frighten me b/c of the pool...so I would probably end up going but getting a hotel for everyine's sanity : )

My grandfather died when my youngest (of four) was just less than two months. I drove from southern Texas to northern Ohio in just less than 22 hours (normally it's a 24 hour drive). I had four children, a husband and a dog in the car.

Once we got to Ohio, things were beyond crazy. We couldn't afford a hotel (we were military at the time) so we had to stay with my mom...so did my younger brother. My two little sisters were stilling living there. It was a two bedroom apartment. Ten people and a dog in a two bedroom apartment. My kids were 6, 5, 4 and 2 months. We all slept in one room. I was nursing.

If you want to go and celebrate this wondrous occasion then go and make the best of it. Enjoy every moment to its fullest and stop worrying about the what-ifs. You never know when these two might be taken from this world...and let's face it, to get to 60 years of marriage in this world is amazing!

On the other hand, if you don't want to go...then don't go. Don't stop your husband from going if he so chooses, though.

*hugs*

sounds like you have a perfect reason to stay home, recuperating from childbirth and keeping your newborn healthy and away from germs. Hubby gets to take the two older kids, perfect solution

personally i would get a hotel room or just send him with the 4 yr old and you stay home with the 2 little ones bc that is just too much for a new born and your kids to handle

I have not read all the responses, so maybe you've heard this one already: last summer my brother and his family invited me and my family to a beach house. For various reasons, including the amount of room, we decided that it would actually save family harmony to get our own place. I was worried at first about offending him and his generous offer, but we said (truthfully) that our son doesn't sleep well if he doesn't have his own space, etc. etc., all reality. We didn't want to have a week where we were miserable and our son was cranky. Our solution was Craigslist -- we found a last-minute house rental that was going for much less than the hotels. We spent our day times with each other and retreated to our own place at night. No one was offended and all had a great time. Good luck!

This trip has disaster written all over it. I am with you, I would not want to go at all. In fact, no way would I go. It is ridiculous to expect you all to be in one room. And I personally would not take a baby that young anywhere. I would send your husband and the 4 year old, and stay home with the 2 year old and the baby. Or rent a hotel room nearby. If it makes your MIL mad, oh well. Me personally, I would politely decline and stay home. Good luck.

You have had a lot of responses so I won't make this long, but you are not overreacting. Here was my experience with a similar situation, which was actually was easier that what you are describing:

My little brother was getting married in Mexico and I was in the wedding, and also had a 4 month old baby (so not nearly as young as yours) and it was soooooo hard. My husband and I, our 2 years old son and our baby girl all stayed in a hotel room together and every morning I had to leave the room at 5:00 a.m. so that our baby wouldn't wake up our two year old. Then, when everyone else was having fun, we were battling with two small children. After the week in Mexico, which should have been amazing, all we could say was how excited we were to leave. We made a pact not to go on vacations and spend money on something that isn't fun for our family.

I would bring these concerns up with your husband in the most unemotional tone possible just so that he knows what you are worried about. Much better to discuss it now that wait until you are there, miserable, and dealing with hormones because it isn't going to come out nearly as well stated then.

Good luck with all of it and the rest of your pregnancy.

No, you are not. You are right. Maybe you can stay nearby?? The mere fact of the newborn is reason enough not to go, let alone stay in one room. It's nuts tha tthey would put rpressure on you for this. The pool IS scary.

You could always rent another nearby beach house that has room for your family. It sounds like your MIL is trying to arrange things in a way that will accommodate everyone in a situation where they won't be able to please anyone. The important part of the week will be the celebration of her anniversary and that's what she's focusing on planning with her family, including you, so sleeping arrangements are probably not as high on her list of priorities. And frankly it's not up to your MIL to think of every single detail.

So start saving now and book a nearby beach house for your own family.

If the pool situation worries you then you and your husband will have to be vigilant about it and remind people to close and lock doors. If it ends up that no one else seems to remember then make it your job. That's just how it is.

You're worrying about a lot of things that haven't happened yet, that you're sure of but can't possibly know. That's not good for your pregnancy at all. You're going to have to trust that the week will work out and that you'll all have fun or else you're not going to enjoy the time leading up to it either because you'll be a big ball of stress.

When daughter #3 was 2 weeks old, my husband, two pre-teens and I went back to his hometown for a family celebration (silly me -- thinking babies would be born reasonably close to on time and not over two weeks late). We stayed with relatives -- and it was cramped (girls on the living room floor; husband , newborn & I in a full bed in what was usually the laundry/store room. Yuck.) Yeah, it wasn't ideal. But, we lived. My kids had a blast (well, at least the older 2). My husband really enjoyed hanging with his family we rarely get to see. And I lived. Fun? Nah. Manageable? Yup. How you feel going in to it strongly affects how you feel while in it.

This is one of those "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" moments. Throw your hands up and have fun -- you might as well try to just go with it and take out of it what you can.

Good luck -- and patience.

Sorry, I think you are expecting way too much here.

When I have guests over, I had a family of 6 sharing one bedroom, and that included a newborn too. We had the parents on an air mattress and the young kids slept in sleeping bags or folded up quilts. Tough cookies when you are sharing space. But kids seem to like it, like it's camping. Not everyone can be perfectly accommodated.

Just have fun and deal with it. Try not to get annoyed with every little thing or over think all of the 'what-ifs'. People will expect your baby to cry, don't worry about it if it does, just go and feed him/her. Also, make your husband do his fair share of kid watching, it shouldn't be all on you to keep track of all 3 kids. I'd kick my husband in the balls (well, not really, okay maybe) if he ever bailed on me like that.

The pool would be a concern of mine as well. Make sure there is a very high lock, like at the top of the door and remind everyone constantly to make sure it's locked. Put a bell on the door so it jingles when it's opened or get a pool alarm.

Or, stay home with the baby and let hubby go with the 4 year old.

No way would I put myself through this...I couldn't even let my husband take the older 2 kids and go...just not enough supervision. If you do go at all, I would definitely rent a place nearby or stay in a hotel. Therefore, if the chaos gets to be too much, you always have a place to retreat to... That is such a long way to travel with small children....I am not sure that I would be up to doing it...

Would you consider letting your husband go and taking the 4 yr old and 2 yr old? for you if you go, it wont be a vaction at all. I think you'll be tired, hormonal, stressed, etc. Why not let them go (three sharing one room is better than 5) and you stay home with the baby. You get some rest, get to bond with just the baby, and then the two older kids can have some fun with daddy and grandparents. Just a thought.

6

I do not blame you for not wanting to go... but it does sound like you are being hard on your husbands family in THIS situation.
Just like you can not control or change your due date to accomidate them, it seems unreasonable for you to expect them to accomidatet you and the your family with multiple rooms in a house you are paying for and where multiple families are staying. If they are inviting that many people, and footing the bill, then I would have expected each family to get a room and have to work around it.
When my son was 3 we did a large family trip to shore, all the cousins slept together in a common area, "camp out style". Did the stick to bed times? nope. Was there some crankiness and some arguments, yes.. but they loved it and he can not WAIT to do it again this year (now 5).
Like I said, as I currently have a 6 wk old, I completly get you not wanting to go, but I would talk to husband and look for a solution that does not sound like you are blaming his family or refusing to let him go.
As far as the pool, it sounds like there will be plently of adults to help watch the kids

Take hotel or dont go its too much with a new born

Girl, by all means, stay at home. Geez, you would have just had a baby. I remember the misery and pain I felt 3 weeks postpartum with a 2 year old in tow and I had the luxury of being in my own home.

I think that the strain of managing all the kids, nursing, and attending your own personal postpartum body needs is way too much. Quite frankly, I think it would lead to a huge meltdown by YOU!

Calmly explain your concerns to your husband. Then discuss the "benefits" of him taking the two younger kids on the trip without you. And then enjoy the peace, quiet, and drama-free week you'll have without them.

Good luck :-)

You're not over reacting. It's too much. I think you have a few options. You could send hubby and the two older kids, if you think they would be safe and hubby would use his own good judgement and not be influenced by mom. If you have a 3 week old baby, it's too soon to expose the baby to that many people, you need some rest and a quiet, private space. You could also consider renting a hotel nearby, spending the days and dinner with the family and then retiring to the hotel. But then you'd still have the two kids and newborn in your room, they'll hear the baby cry and wake up when he wakes to eat. I think the best bet is to send hubby with the toddler and preschooler. You could also consider, depending on how far of a trip it is, going for the weekend, just a couple of nights. It's really quite okay not to be expected to do a week of vacation with tons of other people, partying 20 somethings, etc and a newborn baby. Often the older relatives don't realize how exhausting this kind of thing is for families with young children. With a newborn, I would not go. Hubby needs to be realistic - when you are crying hysterically because no one is watching the big kids, they are not sleeping at night, the 2 is cranky because of no nap, the kids are waking at night because baby is crying, the rest of the family is giving you dirty looks because baby keeps them up crying and you're hormonal and someone wiht a cold showed up and is exposing the baby to illness, your husband will be sorry. Avoid that scenario.

Have you asked how many beds and what size they are that will be in the room? Have you talked to your mother in law about your concerns?

We're going to my family's reunion where a lodge is involved and lots of crazy family. Our baby will be a full 3 months old and I have another 3 year old. We will not be staying in a small room in the lodge! My family didn't bat an eyelash! Stay in a hotel or don't go at all and send your husband with one child if he can handle that. Good luck and don't feel bad!

This sounds like a nightmare. Your husband is worried about offending them; he should be more worried about his own wife and children rather than "insulting" people. You shouldn't have to spend a lot of money on a pool alarm, bedding, etc. I would either stay home or insist on a hotel. They are not being considerate of you and your young ones, so no need to care about their feelings.

If your husband is refusing to get a hotel, then just try to make the best of it. I totally understand your frustration, but it is what you make of it. In regards to the sleeping situation, I would pull for a better sleeping arrangement somehow. I totally agree- that will be unsafe and impossible for your children to sleep. That needs to be worked out beforehand for sure.

Anyway, just keep in mind "it's only a week" and just try like hell to make the best of it. That's my advice. Good luck!

Hi There,
It is always tough in these type of situations. I have a similar situation this summer, but not on the same scale. A good family friend of ours is getting married at a resort in Maine. Most of their friends and family have multiple children... and most are not from Maine... and kids are NOT invited. Ofcourse, my parents are invited to the wedding (no babysitting from them)... and we will have 3 kids by then (5, 3 and newborn). I would never leave all 3 with the MIL for the weekend... so, instead we invited her to come with us to babysit/spend the weekend. We are all staying in one "family" room for the weekend... my husband, myself, 2 pre-schoolers, a newborn and my MIL! It was the only option other than getting a very expensive cottage! Anyway, back to your situation... what will obviously happen is that the kids will be miserable and overtired, you will be frustrated and it will be a difficult situation for all if you all have to share a room for a whole week. Maybe you could approach some of the 20 somethings and explain the situation... maybe they would be willing to give up another bedroom and sleep on air mattresses in the common room since they will be the ones to be up late... then you can have room for your 2 and 4 year olds. I bet they will understand the situation better than your MIL! And they would be happy to not have to curb their partying to try to keep your kids asleep! If that is not an option, explain the situation to your MIL, tell her that with a newborn and 2 young kids, you just need more space. Or, you can ask your mother in law if the 2 young kids could sleep in her room so they won't wake up every time the baby gets up. Let her know that if they wake up all night long they will be miserable the whole time and make the trip difficult for everyone.... Maybe that will get a point across and you can convince her to look for other accomodations!

I would say stay home. A new baby is the perfect excuse. If I were you I would ask my hubby to bring the four year old, maybe the two year old as well, and you can stay home with the baby. You can tell your MIL that you just feel that the baby will be to young to go on a trip and be around so many people. Maybe you could add that your pediatrician did not think it was a good idea as well.

What a DISASTER! Stay home, have your mom or someone come to help while he's gone for 2 days. Let hubby take the four year old since you are concerned about the pool, etc. it probably wouldn't be best to have the 2 year old--at least the four year old is less impulsive.

You will have just had a baby. Don't go anywhere.

I read some but not all of the responses but because I am also preggo with #3, due May 9 and have a 3 and 4 yo, I felt I had to chime in! I TOTALLY disagree with everyone who has said to grin and bear it. Sorry, but I wouldn't. And I don't think you should either. You'll be exhausted, sleep deprived in new mommy mode and people should be very considerate to you. You and your husband rent your own place - like one woman suggested - use craigslist or VRBO. I've used these tons of times and found amazing places cheaply. You can rent a 2 bedroom condo type of place very affordably - you'd be amazed. I completely agree with every single one of your concerns and it is not fair to your family to cram in like this. FYI I have never been treated like this by my in-laws or by my family. Feel free to send me a message if you like. Stick up for yourself, you are not OVERREACTING one bit. And by the way, it teaches your kids a good lesson to stick up for themselves in life, and not just grin and bear things that are not fair. Your in-laws suck. Good luck in dealing with this!!

I haven't read all of the responses, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating what others have said...First of all, you will have a newborn. For me, that's reason enough and as good of an excuse not to go as you can get. If you do decide you have to go, you should totally get a hotel room. Why is it out of the question? It's not like they're going out of their way to make things easy or comfortable for you. You'll have more space in a hotel room for the five of you than you would in a bedroom at this house. You could get one close by so that when your two yr-old needs a nap, and you just want some quiet time to rest or nurse the baby in privacy you'll have it. Also, the pool thing scares me too. If there are a bunch of kids around, someone could easily leave a door open. At least if you're at a hotel, you'll know the kids are safe in bed and you can rest easy. I would just say we're staying at a hotel, or we won't be able to come. It sounds like they will have a full house, so it's not like they will be wasting money due to unused space.

Something like this happened to us last summer in Michigan!!!
My in-laws, my husband and his 3 siblings and our 3 kids and 9 cousins---in the large house and the "little lake house" adjacent to the home.
The first plan: every couple got a bedroom and the playroom was to be used for the girls communal bedroom and the office (translation: 2 computers and a big screen TV) was to be used for the boys bedroom.
I'm sorry---is any boy going to sleep in a room w/ 2 computers and a TV???

My husband had to tell his mother that all of us were going to hotel b/c we cannot spend 5 days with totally exhausted and wiped out kids. He said it very matter of factly: "Lots of kids crammed into 2 bedrooms, Mom, will make every one of us tired and irritated after 5 days. We have to have a way to spread that many people out into more space. We will go to a hotel at night and spend all day at the lake with the family."

End of discussion. In the end, his mom decided the hotel idea sounded nice and peaceful and she booked a room for her and my father in law.

So, your husband will have to be the one to say this.
If he is unwilling to do this 1) he needs to read the book "Boundaries" by Dr Henry Cloud
and 2) he and the 4 yr. old go and share a room and you and the 2 little ones stay home.

You are contemplating this with a newborn? Why? Stay home. If your husband really wants to go maybe he could go with the 4 year old if you have someone who can stay with you to help you. If they were planning this for the end of the summer or September maybe it would be worth considering.

I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old and can just manage them with my husband helping when we travel. I tried a trip where we stayed at a friend's beach house for 5 days when I was pregnant and had a 2.5 year old. It was exhausting and chaotic. It took me so long to get him back on a schedule. Naps/bedtimes were only doable if we put him in the car and drove around until he passed out.

Also, what if things don't go as planned with the birth? My babies were full term but at 4 weeks old baby #1 was in the NICU still. At 4 weeks baby #2 had just come home and I was back in the hospital with an infected c-section. Most likely you will have better luck but who knows.

I am wondering how big the bedrooms are?

Having traveling a lot with little ones your 4 year old will think it really neat to sleep on a pallet on the floor. I would actually perferr all in one room, for the reasons you suggest. If any of the little ones wake trying to find you, make it easy.
Also with that many people around the chances are better for them not to get into trouble.
Also you wouldn't feel obligated to always be around. You could sneak away for peace with your new little one.

First of all a word of caution: with this many people it is easy to assume "someone" is watching the kids so make sure to "hand off" the responsibility. Actually, at family gatherings my husband and I never let anyone else really "watch" the kids, since the grandparents will say they are watching and then go in to get a drink "for just a minute". Well, that is all it takes for a child to drown.
Secondly, if I were you, I would find a hotel/motel/rental house for your own family near by and just visit for a few or a lot of hours a day. That way you can stick with the kids nap schedule and bedtimes, everyone will have a bed, and you can escape the "zoo" that comes along with that many people in one place. I must admit that I always hated those large kinds of gatherings before I had kids, and also like to be in control of my kids schedules since I feel they are happiest and easiest when well rested and fed on a schedule. I do think a 4 year old needs a bed or at least a blow up bed.
This might be a more expensive option, but that way you will actually have some family time to yourself. I would discuss it with hubby so that he does not "let" you go to the hotel with all 3 kids while he is free and clear to party. If you need a local to give you some advice, my college roommate lives in the Raleigh/Durham area and recently we flew down there and drove to the outer banks to a house her neighbor owns, so I can ask her for details if you want. Or call a travel agent. Good luck, and congratulations on the new baby. I would take the infant excuse and milk it for all you can to get some help and privacy.

I know it’s an inconvenience but sometimes we all have to put up with this stuff for family. It is a nice occasion, its only a week, and it may be fun. Definitely for your husband and for your kids… Most important is watching the kids around the pool and any other dangers…If the going gets rough through the week, just grin and bear it, and remind your husband he will have to make it up to you Good luck!

Stay home. I can't believe this story even without the newborn variable.

Hi there,

Sounds like our MILs have some things in common. I wouldn't go but would ask that DH go on his own and/or with one of the kiddos and send a very nice gift, card,sincerest best wishes, and a camera for some pictures. IMO it seems like it would be a good compromise considering the circumstances and would be a win-win for everybody. Your MIL would have her son and maybe a grandchild close w/o you, your child might have a great time socializing with the rest of the family, DH would get to see his family. It kind of sounds like you & DH walk on eggshells around MIL (Happens here too. I'd love to tell DH to cut the cord-not cut off his mom- just grow a _____ backbone when he's around her). I would definitely let DH know how appreciative you would be if he made sure there were definitive boundaries should you guys be expected to drop everything and run to MIL's beck and call for any future events.

Not sure what kind of boat you are in, but I'd say that the birth of your child takes precedence over celebrating a wedding anniversary. I dare say that it could quite possibly apply to your own as well if that's how the timing worked out.

Anyway, hope this helps. Best of luck to you and congrats on Baby #3. :-)

I could so not do this. I have a 9 month old, 13 year old, 16 year old. At 4 weeks, my head was just lifting from the fog. Didn't honestly feel like doing anything that ambitious until she was at least 3 months old! I honestly don't know how you would manage this upheaval in routines for 3 little ones, it's just too much.

Hi E.. I agree with you that this is a real tough situation. When my 3 children were small we traveled every year (5 hr drive) for a week vacation with my husband's realtives. I love his family, but it was soooo hard. You don't mention how helpful your husband is in regard to sharing responsibilities for watching the kids, but it my case it always ended up that my husband did ZERO to help, despite his promises to. Once he hooked up with his relatives, cousins, etc. it became a reunion of adults acting as if they were kids again, and i was just along for the ride with a "happy face", taking my usual care of 3 kids in someone else's home.

If you go, I would stay in the room together as your MIL has planned. Your 2 young ones will not want to be seperated from you in a strange house with lots of people they are not familiar with. If you stay in a hotel, that's where you will likely be trapped with the needs of a 4 & 2yr old and newborn. Your husband will be anxious to get going in the morning to be with everyone at the house, and you will be stressed trying to get the kids together, nursing (?), etc. Forget about a minute for yourself! Will you have another car to independently drive to and from the hotel when necessary, or will you be dependant on someone to drive you? If not, you may as well stay at the house b/c i doubt many will want to offer to drive you as needed. And at least in the room in the house you can attend to your childrens' needs more calmly while your husband joins the gang.

But in saying all that, i think you should seriously explore the idea of your husband going alone to enjoy his family's celebration while you stay behind (this time). The needs of your newborn have to come first, and everyone should understand that. If not....oh well! There are so many factors to consider: the baby may be overdue, you may be exhausted or not feeling up to par, your other 2 will likely be more needy than usual, given another baby that has taken mommy's attention.....

I would not recommend your husband taking your 2 & 4 yr old if you stay home. That happened at our family reunion last year and it was a disaster. The dad could not join in all the "crazy cousin" shenanigans, other female cousins ended up feeling put-upon when they were endlessly asked to watch the kids while dad engaged with his male cousins ("What's the difference, you're watching your own kids anyway").....arghhh.....it went on and on. You can be gracious and heartfelt in your decision to sit this one out while still standing up for yourself, your children, and your gut feelings. If your husband cannot support you in your decision, then maybe he should examine whether or not the apron strings have been cut yet. Family politics have to take the back seat to your grown-up responsibilities to your family. It took way too long in my case for my husband's strings to be cut, but he realizes now the way it should have been.....hindsight is always 20-20, right? It's different these days, and easier for wives and mothers to stand up for themselves. So, E., examine your situation, make a calm decision, and then stick with it. Good Luck! (And Happy 60th Anniversary to Grandma and Grandpa! Have a beautiful photo made of you and your children for them to treasure, include a heartfelt letter, and have your husband present it at the party....it would be the closest thing to you being there, while still showing your feelings and love for them. They'll love it.)

No, you are not overreacting! You will have your hands full and I totally agree with you about the pool. With so many people coming and going, someone is sure to leave a door open etc. Does it even have fence around it? I'm in AZ and we had a 3yo drowing about a mile from me two weeks ago. Kid got out of his own house into the neighbors backyard and drown. It's tough because sometimes we have to just "make do" and be agreeable, but if you are like most mothers, you will likely take on most of the work with your children and waking up for middle of the night feedings. i guess I would be very upfront with my husband that he needs to be extra helpful. Bring an air matress for your 4yo and put it on the floor. Good Luck.

We did a similar trip when my DD was about 6 weeks old and it was a complete NIGHTMARE! It will forever go down in history as the worst vacation week of my life. Hated it! Same thing, I was excited then kept getting more and more details and began to not want to go. Went anyway and within a few days I was BEGGING my husband to leave. Horrible. If I were you, I'd get a hotel...forget hurting feelings. If they want you there, they should understand your special situation and that you need more space with a newborn. You can hang out with everyone until bedtime and then have a nice relaxing evening. you're going to be so tired and already a bit stressed...hopefully not postpartum. I'd get a hotel or not go. Ooooh, sorry to be so negative, but trust your instincts...wish I would have.

I read some but not all responses, so if someone already pointed this out, I'm sorry. His grandparents are celebrating their 60th anniversary which probably puts them in their 80's or 90's. Your kids are going to be whinny and clingy because your family situation has changed, and they aren't getting enough mommy time and the baby is being a mommy hog. They are going to be screaming and crying because no naps and too many people. Plus at that age they are germ factories and are going to be around people who because of their age are immune compromised. Is it really fair to everybody else for you to go? I would tell my husband to go and then ask a friend or relative to come stay with me. I might send the four year old depending on how much you trust everyone to keep an eye out, but honestly I wouldn't go and simply explain that as much as you want to go for their health you don't think it's a good idea. My MIL is in her 50's and spent 3 days with my kids and blew up because she wasn't "used to babies crying all the time anymore". Are the older people going to be able to handle a week of it?

I think if this was your family you'd be looking forward to it - but having only a 4 weeks old baby - even if it was my family it would be tough. With inlawys it's tough. You need to have a heart to heart with the grandparents - I would bet that they really haven't thought about the fact that you'll be there with a newborn. They're thinking of how much fun it would be for all the kids to sleep together - but not for 2 and 4 yr olds. That's more appropriate for 6 - 10 yr olds - but as they get to be teens it's even a little dicey. I think it's a good idea for you and baby to stay home. As for a travel bed - you can buy an airbed at KMart for about $20.

This is a tough decision... good luck it's not an easy decision at all with kids your age.

Sounds crazy!!!! Just an idea - when we travel with our 3 & 5 year old we bring a double aero bed. They can sleep the opposite direction on it and both fit for the night comfortably. They also think it is special they get to share some bed space!!!! Good luck!

I don't go anywhere except to the Dr with an infant under 6 weeks old. I like the idea of sending the hubby with the 4 yr old and you stay back with the 2 yr old and new baby. Also - the hubby needs to stand up for his family and what thier needs are.

If I were in your place I would not even consider in my wildest dreams taking 2 young children and a newborn anywhere. 3-4 weeks postpartum YOU are still in recovery. You will be exhausted and should be sleeping when your baby sleeps. Hard to do with 2 older children but impossible if you are away from home.

Will you be driving down from NY? I would have to stop every houror two for a bathroom break, to change sanitary napkins, and nurse. Not to mention taking care of 2 other small children.

Add to that partying family members and a MIL like you described. NO WAY! I'd make plans to see the grandparents for a long weekend in the fall. That way you can stay at a hotel and things will be more managable without so many people around.

Just my 2 cents, but I would put my foot down. 3-4 weeks is too young, IMO for a baby to travel and be around so much noise and chaos.

I'd be concerned about the house/yard/pool area not being safe for the 4 and 2 year olds also and you will not be up for following them around all day long.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

R.

So you never said what happened, but I would have stayed the heck home with the kids.

I did not read all the responses below so sorry if I repeat any other suggestions.

A few years ago I would have freaked out and felt the same way about your situation. I would not want to go. But now...I am looking ta life a little differently. I would say go. It is only for a week of your life and then things will go back to normal. It is important for your husband and his family.

As for the sleeping situations...we have all stayed in 1 hotel room and believe it or not...it worked! Do you use a noise machine?? I use it in my kids room to drown out all the other noises especially if they are going to bed before everyone else. It is a constant noise and mine didnt even wake up for the newborn when they cried.

Also...just having a baby you should take advantage of all the help you can get. I know it is not always the help you want. But I learned to accept more help and it really is worth it.

You may also be able to rent a toddler bed. Look online to see if there are baby furniture rentals in the area. I rent a crib when I go to Florida...they deliver it, set it up, take it down, and pick it up! It is great.

Good luck!

sounds like your mother in law is setting up to lose your little mind, your mil is PLANNING on having ALL the kids sleep in ONE area, with a pool nearby, is she nuts, or just trying to make sure that you are completely miserable ? i wouldnt plan on going anywhere at all postpartum, you are going to be exhausted beyond all reason, and i am willing to bet that your monster in law is planning on leaving all the kids for you to care for, if she didnt have respect for you before you got pregnant, she is not going to suddenly decide to respect you now, ask her who is SHE planning on leaving in charge of all the kids, if she sputters and says, why you, of course, then you KNOW not to go. tell your husband to grow and spine and tell his mother to respect you.. or else ( you can even tell him i said so)
K. h.

I agree with you 100 % . The whole situation is ridiculous. Your husband should be the one to tell his mother/grandparents that it's too much for your family. Having a 4 yr old and 2 yr old in an unfamiliar environment with unfamiliar people is tough enough, but a newborn??? That's just crazy! Who wants a "vacation" like that? I think your husband should go alone or with your 4 yr old only and MIL and others have to deal.... YOu and your family come first, and it is not unreasonable for you to stay home with a newborn and a2 yr old. I hope the situation works out for you. Good luck with everything :)