Hi Moms
I am wondering what you would do in this situation. My cousin is pragnant and expecting in July she just turned 18 and found out her mom has 3rd stage lung cancer. her parents are divorced and her dad has remarried. Her dad is my uncle, my cousin does not care for his wife, so she asked my grandmother if she would do a baby shower for her. My grandma said yes but then my uncle told my grandma that if she had a baby shower for her. He would be very angery and feel betrayed so my grandma has decided to not do the baby shower now. So I feel she still deserves a baby shower and would like to do one but also don't want everyone to be mad at me because I am not very close to my cousin. So what would you do. Thanks for your advice.
Definitely!!! Every mom and precious baby deserves to be celebrated. Don't let family politics ruin her moment.
Do the shower! I think it is wonderful that you are considering it, since you say that you aren't that close to her. But it sounds like she needs as much support as possible right now. And as other people have said, it is about making sure that baby has the best start in life possible. Hopefully your family will come around and help support her. Just be prepared that you might create family rifts by doing the shower - and make sure you are prepared to weather the storm. But if people complain, remind them that this baby is starting life and needs as much help as possible. good luck!
Do the shower, but I'd contact her and ask her for some names of her closest friends, and enlist them to help put this on, to deflect some of the attention off of you...and hopefully make it less of a family affair and more of a baby affair.
If you get put on the spot by wacky relatives, you can say it was a joint effort with friends who wanted to welcome the baby.
Good luck!
I would do the shower. The shower is to help provide the baby with the essentials needed to start out life, in a positve manner. Since your cousin is 18, she's not going to be able to afford much - and it sounds like her dad is not going to help much - so she's going to need all the help she can get. This is also going to be a very tough time for her - she'll probably be going through a lot of emotions and it will be something positive for her to think about.
Do the shower! :) The poor girl needs all of the support she can get. She needs to have as much positive energy around her as possible. You could ask Grandma to help on the down low. Invite everyone and if they throw a stink, smile and remind them where this girl is registered. Good Luck!
Have the shower! It's a great idea :) I like what Nicole said about getting her friends in on it. I was pregnant at 19 and my mom and a friends mom planned a shower and got all of my friends to come, it is one of the best memories of my life. Showers should be a celebration of life and a time to have fun, play some games. (We had everyone put a balloon under their shirt and took a picture, and then they had to put a diaper on it in a race). Also if it wasn't for the showers (there was one at church too) I had I would never have been ready for my son. I didn't have the money to get everything he needed. Without the people who cared to help me out, my son would have been born with very little.
So throw her the shower and give her baby a good start in this world. Forget what others say and do as long as you are doing what is right in your heart that is all that matters.
Hi T.
Personally, I'd do it. This shower is for her child and some one should help make sure this new family member has what they need. She will be most appreciative. We all know that children are expensive and imagine how over whelming it would be to be 18 and just starting as an adult yourself and now there is some one who is going to be depending on you right away! It helps when family helps out and takes some of the financial needs over for you in this way. Now you did say that there could be repercussions for doing something nice for some one???? Well I have an aunt that has been taken out of her mother's will and banished from the family on and off for standing up for my brother and I. We are her brother's children that he abandoned. Her family is the only one I have ever known on that side of my family. So she gets hurt by them, but she still has a relationship with us. She has done this time and time again and has no regrets. They get over it and it cycles on, but she couldn't be happier. I honestly think I would do the same. Do what family should. You could be a real role model for others, even just for the child.
Hi T.,
I would throw the shower for your cousin. She's going to need a lot of support with the new baby and her mom being sick. It doesn't sound like her dad will be there for her; maybe he'll come around after his grandchild is born. Help your cousin get off to a good start with the baby and do what Jill (I think) said...smile and remind the rest of the family where your cousin is registered if they throw a fit about the shower.
T.,
Life is meant to be celebrated! Do the shower. sometimes events such as this can be healing with families that have differences.
One thing I did for my Brother in law's new arrival is have a book for the baby. Have everyone write something for the baby or a bit of support for Mom.
Suggest stories of parenting, growing up, pearls of wisdom, photos, Story starters can be: What is special about Mom's, the most important bit of advice my parents ever gave me, a favorite quote, lyrics from a song, etc.
Blank pages can be sent out with the invitations so people have time to think of special things they want to say. They can send it back in ahead or bring it to the event. A three ring binder with some empty page protector sleeves work well and even have space for the shower cards, gift list, guest list, some photos from the shower to be added later, etc.
It can even be a book that this baby is to open when he or she turns a certain age, say 16 or graduation or other special milestone. With her Mom having delicate health right now, this is a chance for Mom to write things down that she will want to share with her new grandchild. I am sure there are lots of things she would want her grand baby to know and this gives her a vehicle for sharing stories and wisdom.
We also do these kinds of books for showers, anniversaries, special birthdays, etc. Most recently was for my sister's 60th Birthday. It allows people to think and contribute lovely thoughts of that person and can really bring out the best in people, sometimes healing old wounds or difficulties.
Even if you are not very close to your cousin, it gives you the chance to know her better.
Every baby deserves a shower, regardless of what the adults in the picture seem to be doing, or not doing! Baby didn't chose for the grownups around him or her to have issues and unresolved relationships.
Go for it and do it with the intention of celebrating this new life and focusing on the new relationships that can follow. No one can fault you for wanting to do the right thing or the most loving thing. If they do, it just shows how petty and little they can be. This is a time for new beginnings and this baby and new mother need love and support. Be a part of the positive support not any family negativity.
One of my favorite quotes for such an occasion: "when a child is born, a mother is born"
Good luck!
J.
The misconception in a baby shower is that it's for the mom, but in actuallity, it's for the unborn baby so that it is well cared for with the essentials like diapers, clothes, etc. Every baby deserves this, regardless of the mother. Yes, it helps out the mom because she doesn't have to buy it all herself,...but it's really for the baby, so go at it with that in mind and try to smooth over waters with your family who disapproves and try to sway them that it's for the baby, not the mom. Bless your heart for wanting to do the right thing. :)
I agree with Amy... family is there for each other. It is costly to raise a child so any help along the way is nice... should not be needed (hopefully your cousin and man? is/are prepared for this) but it is always nice for that extra boost.
I would throw that baby shower... who cares what others think even if the others are your family. Family should put differences behind them and just get over it for the sack of the new little one coming into the world... so just tell them you are going to do this and that if they want to come come happy not to start arguments/fights. I hope the best for you in this situation as well as your cousin's new addition.
