So Subsequent Babies Aren't Special?

This question is asked weekly. Baby showers are to shower a NEW mother with wisdom. Traditionally they aren't celebrations of babies, they are showers for the MOTHER.

It's not that the baby isn't special. The shower is a party for the mom. Everyone is entitled to have a baby whenever they want and to save or not save their stuff. However, that does not mean that others are required to outfit the mom and dad with what they need. Gifts are not about special. Younger kids don't need to wear hand me downs simply because no one made a shower - the parents can buy whatever they need. They aren't entitled to have others supply them with these things. I buy a big shower gift once. When you have more kids after that, if you have a shower, you'll get an outfit.
An infant doesn't know that they are wearing their siblings' baby clothes or care that they are using the same blankets, high chair and stroller that their siblings used. My younger child has no idea whether or how many showers I had for him or his older sister. Kids do not care or ask about this. It's just about moms feeling that people aren't paying enough attention to them or giving them enough stuff.

A shower is not about the baby. It is about the mom.

Deb, it is not being judgemental. SO many people today have the gimmies and feel entitled to the degree that most views on this subject are skewed because of the attitudes of these people.

I'm in complete agreement with OneandDone......that it is perfectly acceptable for the new parents to HOST (foot 100% of the bill) a meet and greet for their new baby. Most people who would go to something like that would bring a gift. If new parents provide something like this, it does not come across as they are asking for more, more more.

For the record, I had an only child by choice and I elected NOT to have a shower because I felt it was my responsiblilty as a new parent to be prepared financially and to have things in order and ready for my new baby. We did receive many gifts (unsolicited), which were appreciated and thank you notes were sent out in a very timely manner.

Again, it is NOT about the baby and the specialness of one child over another.

every baby is worthy of celebration.
that doesn't mean that every baby needs a butt-ton of new stuff.
i hate the notion that everyone 'deserves' things.
the showers aren't about the baby's 'worthiness' but about the mother's need. and one hopes that people mature enough to keep having babies are also mature enough to provide for them without soaking friends and family repeatedly.
khairete
curmudgeon S.

I'll tell you a story. I went to a baby shower recently for a second baby, where the mom wasn't finding out if she was having a boy or girl this time. (She had a son already who is almost 3). When asked what people should buy, because 1. she already has everything she needs and 2. we wanted to buy gender specific, esp. if it was going to be a girl since all the clothes she had were for a boy, she said "oh, just get both and we'll donate what we don't need." Um, what? Not all of us have a lot of disposable income to be buying a lot of baby presents that you aren't even going to pretend to use!

The purpose of a baby shower is to shower the mother with items she can use for the baby, the same with a bridal shower. The idea is that by a second, or subsequent, baby the mother should have most of what she needs already. Maybe a diaper shower or meet the baby party would be more appropriate. You can still celebrate the baby but people won't think you're just in it for the gimmie grab.

We live in a disposable waste producing culture. Why does every baby need brand new crib, high chair, bouncy seat, stroller, etc etc????? When these things only are needed a few yrs. ? The message we're sending is our country can use brand new and produce more waste than other countries.
I see nothing wrong with a baby shower, but with my third child (14 yrs later) I borrowed a crib, took hand me down high chairs, clothes, etc. The gifts at my shower included bottles, feeding items, bibs, washclothes, sheets, towels, teething toys, somethings are nice new! Since I didnt ask for big items I also received items for the baby to use as he grew into a toddler!
No one is saying babies aren't special, but babies do not care what is new and what isn't, babies outgrow their things so quickly that they are usually still in good shape

Babies don't need all new things, heck older children don't need all new things. What kind of message is that sending? That they must have new stuff all the time?
If the family has an older child many of the things they would receive from a baby shower they already have. Especially if the baby is the same gender as the older child.
Unless the family is in need (poor) no I don't think they need a bunch of new stuff for the second baby. Most people do keep baby stuff from the first baby.

This has been asked a billion times. Here goes with my thoughts on subsequent showers...
Sure--ALL babies are "special"! You just don't expect your friends and family members to provide basics for "subsequent" babies.
Classier to HOST (read: foot the bill) for a meet & greet AFTER the new little O. arrives, not to expect others to "give" to the sane degree that they do when a couple welcomes a first child. That's a larger lifestyle change, and a bigger change of position.
Rest assured, people will most likely bring a gift, bit subsequent showers can be seen as a grab for gifts.
Subsequent kids don't HAVE to have hand me down everything. They can have all kinds if new stuff purchased by their parents and frie Ds/family that CHOOSE to purchase. Not directed.
So, celebrate away! It's special! Just don't expect others to provide registered gifts.

A baby shower, traditionally, is not a celebration of the baby, it is an opportunity to help provide a new mother with the essentials for caring for her infant. No one deserves a shower, but they are often given by friends (or family, though strictly speaking family should not give showers, as it is considered rude to solicit gifts on behalf of a family member) for first babies. After that, it is assumed that the family will have what it needs or will be in a better position to get those things.

I don't agree with your statement that hand-me-downs indicate that the child receiving them is worth less than a child who gets new clothes. Babies don't care what they are wearing, or who owned it before. New things are just new things, they don't confer status.

There is nothing wring with celebrating the birth of each child, but that is not the purpose of a shower.

Another example of our countries entitlement mentality.

oh ... , deep breathe, this is just like second marraiges being a big blow out becasuse one of them didn have a big blow out the first time.

SECOND CHILDREN and Second marriages ARE DIfferent than FIRST CHLDREN and FIRST MARRIAGES!!

Welcoming a second child with a nice gift and meal AFTER the baby is born seems much more appropraite to me than having someone Throw a party because someone chose to have a second child.

THe whole world and all the aquantences you ever had can be invited to a first baby shower because it's new and the parent doens't already have a crib, a highchair, a bathseat etc. What a waste to Replace all of that a few years later because another child deserves there own thigns.

ridiculous.

Neither one of my kids had brand new stuff. My brother gave me the crib that his threee kids used. A friend gave me the high chair her baby was done with. I bought a lot of stuff at garage sales and consignment stores. Having brand new stuff does not make a person special. Every baby deserves to be celebrated, of couse, but what does a baby care about having a bunch of new junk. The older child learns a very valuable lesson if he/she sees mom reusing baby items. The child learns that we shouldn't waste money on things we don't really need. The child learns that we shouldn't live in a disposable society. The child learns to be realistic. They learn that material things don't make people special. I did not have showers with either baby, although my friends threw a "meet the baby" party after my first came home from the hospital. We received a few small gifts. My immediate family and my husbands immediate family also bought us a few things, but we did not expect anyone to buy us anything.

I agree with you that it is very strange that someone would think that a mother shouldn't have a baby shower for a 2nd, 3rd, etc.child (I had never even heard of such a thing until a few years ago when I signed up on mamapedia). I would even go further to say that anyone who believes this is being a judgmental, selfish jerk.

Here's what I have to say to anyone who has that attitude: If a you don't want a baby shower for a subsequent child, then don't have one. If someone else wants to celebrate the birth of their child by having a baby shower, it is not your place to make any judgment what so ever on how, when or whether that celebration should take place.

Also, some posters have talked about "entitlement". The only "entitlement" I see are people who think that they are entitled to judge others and shove their own selfish views and desires on other people.

The purpose of a shower is not to celebrate the specialness of the child. You can do that at the child's birthday, or a meet and greet. The purpose of the shower is to ease the financial burden of needing to get so much stuff all at once which is the case with your first child. Traditionally it was a time to share wisdom with a mom-to-be to prepare her for her new role as a mother. There is no breach of etiquette if the age between subsequent children is 5 years or more. The shower is not so each child can have new things (as if they would even notice or care). This is a touchy subject since so many people are thrown baby showers for each child.

"Things" don't make a child feel special. Babies don't have a clue if they are wearing hand me downs, Walmart specials, or clothes from an expensive boutique.

But, I see nothing wrong with having a small shower for the mom. I just don't think moms should expect a shower for subsequent babies.

I think the whole shower idea is tacky for all but very young mothers. I saw no reason that other people should buy me things for my child - I am responsible for his welfare. I was happy to a party to celebrate and share our happiness, but having people, especially people not as financially well off, have to buy something - silly.
I feel the same way about weddings - people who marry in the early twenties - likely need things. People who marry in their 30s and later - hmmmm, they already have at least one toaster. They do not need, nor should they expect gifts.

I assume the woman in the last post is 6 years older than she was last go round. Shower with gifts - tacky. Party without gifts - nice.

Well I am way late, but I had three babies, three baby showers and that is how I have always seen it done. I actually had two showers for my third bc two different groups threw me showers. I have been to showers for fourth babies etc. I am southern so I knew nothing of all this until this board, but it was interesting to see all the differing ways of life out there. But as for me, I totally agree every baby is special and every pregnant mama is special and a fuss should be made over them both!!

Suz T said exactly what I was thinking!

Since being on Mamapedia, I have discovered that different parts of the country and different heritages, celebrate in different ways, have different rules for what is "acceptable".

Where I live, we have a shower for each baby. this does not mean that the second shower is like the first with the large items being given. It is usually the hostesses idea to GIVE the shower.

We happily and cheerfully celebrate that a baby is coming. Every baby deserves some of "their own?" things. Their own coming home outfit, their own lovies..

As a mom said, If it has been 7 years, they have probably given away the baby stuff. Different sex of the child. Different time of the year..

The mom is celebrated and supported in this special event. We want to show we are just as excited about this baby as the first.

I guess some people see it as being greedy, but I do not see it that way. I see it as wanting to welcome a new baby, congratulate the parents and their families and love knowing we are supporting this mom this time, just as much as we did the first time.

I love my friends and family. I do not assume they are greedy. selfish, all of the negative thoughts. I KNOW them.. They deserve to be celebrated, supported and loved.

If I felt otherwise, I would politely decline and stay out of their lives. They do not need any negativity in their lives during this happy time. .

Frankly, I am probably the minority here, but I have NO problem with subsequent baby showers. No matter what the number, you ALWAYS need stuff for a new baby even if only diapers, wipes, and bottles.

My children were born 2 years apart but were different sexes. I did notice that not as many people gave us a gift for our younger child. I would not have expected the larger gifts like strollers, swings, cribs, etc.. But it would have been nice if those same people would have acknowleged my little girl in some small way.

That being said...I did have some hurt feelings over it, but just chose to move past it. In the end,both of my children had all of the stuff and love that they needed.

From a very early age, doctors told me I would never be able to have children. At 24, I had a beautiful and healthy little girl and was so blessed.
I kept only a few things of hers, the first dress I bought when I found out I was pregnant and the little dresses my grandmother made for her, and some baby blankets.

Nine years later, I was absolutely shocked to learn that I was pregnant. I was super happy, but shocked nonetheless. I basically had NOTHING baby related. There was no talk of a shower. I became critically ill with shingles and spent most of my pregnancy hospitalized. My husband had a very demanding job on top of taking care of our oldest child.

My sister got my nephew's crib out of storage. She and my mom got it all nice and clean. Friends, neighbors, and people at my husband's office pitched in and got us some practical things. We didn't ask anyone to do these things, in fact, I wasn't even aware. And, we certainly could afford to buy things ourselves. It was just a very, very tough time, and I can't say how thankful I was for everyone's concern and thoughful kindness. Fortunately, my mother-in-law had been busy sewing up a storm and making all kinds of things. She passed away, suddenly, 3 weeks to the day after my son was born. His first big introduction to the world was with all the family and people who gathered for her funeral. Almost all of them brought gifts for the baby because they knew how excited my mother-in-law was to have a new grandson. He was a bit of joy for people who were grieving. They felt the baby was something to be celebrated in the midst of such sadness. Again, we certainly didn't solicit any of it.

Circumstances are different for different people.
I believe that ALL children should be celebrated.
For subsequent children, I find it inappropriate for parents to ask for specific gifts or register for things. A gathering after the baby arrives to introduce the baby is a great thing to do. Almost always, people who attend such things bring a gift of some sort. That way, they know the sex of the baby and the size. Working on the OB ward at a hospital, there are some BIG babies. Newborn or 3 month sizes won't cut it. Those sizes were outgrown before the kid popped out.

Baby showers can be fun with the games and everything. But you know there is somewhat an implied obligation to bring a gift. It's the whole obligation thing that I didn't feel comfortable with, even with my first baby.

I have a very wealthy friend who threw a shower for her daughter's first baby. It stated plainly on the invitation that no gifts were requested, but please bring a favorite child's book. The kid is set for life, financially, and all Grandma asked was some help building a library of books with an array from all those who attended. I thought it was a fantastic idea.

There are many different situations and opinions on this subject.
Some rules of etiquette seem to be changing. Or thrown out the window all together.
There are many ways to celebrate the joy of a new life.

You are WAY over thinking this.
Babies do not remember showers, therefore children don't know one way or another whether there was a shower when they were born, nor would they likely care (unless mom was daft enough to point it out and make a big deal out of it.)
I had a HUGE shower with my first, and smaller celebrations with the other two (dinner out with my closest friends and yes they gave me gifts.)
My kids were born two and three years apart so it was easy for me to reuse almost everything. We are not a family to get rid of stuff just to buy new stuff, that's NOT a message we teach our kids so, yes, the younger ones got a lot of hand me downs. But of COURSE they get new things too, it's not like they are forced to wear worn out shoes and patched up jeans!
Every situation is different. Clearly after six years a mom will need things, and people will know that and ask her what she needs. Personally I wouldn't register or ask for money, only because that's not MY style (I didn't even register for my big shower) but some people have no problem with it, so whatever, to each his own.

Sure am glad that I have wonderful loving family and friends who threw me a shower for every one of my kids and celebrated every birth.
I have 3 kids.
So, to answer your question "I don't know!" We go to lots of showers for families that have more than one kid. I have never encountered someone saying that they wont do a shower if the mom has more kids. Phew!
L.

I've always thought a baby shower was to celebrate the new parents--I prefer co-ed showers--why should Dad get left out??? You buy them things they'll need for their new bundle of joy. When they have a subsequent child, they're not "new" parents.

My older sister has been married twice. She had 3 wedding showers (my family, his family, and one at work) for her first wedding. She did the bachelorette party, bridesmaids luncheon, huge registry, etc the first time. The second time around, she felt that it was unnecessary to do all of that again. Not that she wasn't excited, but she felt redundant. She still had a big wedding and honeymoon--because that was more for him (this his 1st marriage).

I think these situations are similar.

I agree with you one hundred percent. I don't see why people get all crazy over having a second baby shower. I would gladly go and bring a gift, would and have.

By the way, I only have one child and it's probably going to stay that way. So before anyone can think, "Well, she probably had two herself." Nope. That's just how I feel about it. :)

To me, in a situation where there is that much of an age difference, I can understand the need for a second shower. Now, if she had been planning to have more kids all along and got rid of the baby stuff anyway, that would be different in my mind, but I imagine that's not the case.

Generally speaking, though, baby showers aren't really about the baby being special. It's about the mom getting the plethora of things that she needs in order to take care of the baby. No one is saying that no one should get subsequent children gifts and new things. They are just saying that there shouldn't be a shower for it. I ABSOLUTELY feel that there are some things that every child should have. For me, I want every one of my children to have a baby blanket that was made FOR THEM. With my first daughter, we got 5 baby blankets or so, 3 or so of which were ones that I would have considered as being keepsake handmade baby blankets. When my 2nd daughter was born, no one made her one, so I made one myself.

I went on a bit of a tangent there, but for the most part, people feel it's greedy to be ASKING for gifts of things that the parent should already have. That's why so many people on this site suggest having a "meet the baby" party AFTER the birth. That way if people choose to bring a gift, they can, but the primary purpose is just to have a get-together, hang out, and coo over the new baby.

People GAVE me showers for sons 1(friends) and 2 (church). Son 2's was wrapped into a "welcome home" and "D'ol" (Korean 1st birthday party). No shower for son 3 but a good friend gave me her sons' clothes because son 3 was my only "winter baby." I asked for NOTHING (and was gven SO MUCH) and I think this is usually the case.

If someone is demanding a shower, that's tacky. Otherwise, I have no feelings about what others do or ask their loved ones to do. I have no idea if anyone thought I was tacky in accepting the kindness with which we were showered. But if they did, they were free not to participate.

Maybe I'm naive, but I don't get why folks care either way.

It's a cultural / regional thing. In some areas, the majority believe as you (and I) do. In other areas the. Belief is the opposite.

It's just a cultural thing, although there is a tendency for 1 shower only to be a lower class phenomenon than a middle/upperclass phenomenon... It makes sense, though, yes? When people are struggling, a shower is a burden, but one undertaken to get a new family "started". Once that start is given, any continued burden on their (literal) poor relatives and friends, is seen as tacky.

It's not a hard and fast rule. Some families in extreme poverty still celebrate and 'share the wealth', while some wealthy people find it tacky. But generally, one can follow the trend pretty easily along class lines.

Its not about the Children really, who is special or not. Its for the parents so they do not have to go buy everything. I do think a 6 year difference does warrent a shower because who keeps all that stuff for that long.
Second hand things in great condition is just fine also. Thats how I shopped for a long time with all my kids.

I love your post! In reality, I don't know many people in my "real world" who sneer at showers for subsequent children. I threw a shower for a 5th baby and dozens of people showed up and showered the mom and baby with blessings.

As for the shower being about the mom and not about the baby- I wholeheartedly disagree! My baby book had pictures from my baby shower and a page dedicated to the festivities. My younger sister felt so sad that the "shower" page in her baby book was blank. Sure, she was little, but we loved looking at our baby books and I could tell that she felt "less" when she was reminded of that. Poor little thing!

I love parties, I love giving gifts and I love blessing people. If people are offended by showers, they can stay home!

Hm. Everyone I know has a baby shower for each child. These are all people with only two children though. Maybe if you have 3 or 4 or 5 kids you don't really need more baby showers. I don't know. It was not that anyone was greedy and wanted more stuff...the fact was all their friends and family WANTED to give them something for the new baby. I have only heard people complain about this on this website...Personally I think there is nothing wrong with having another baby shower.

My kids are almost 6 years apart so I understand you! We moved from Arizona to NC and there was no way I was hauling baby stuff because we didn't think we were having more kids. So when I got pregnant with my daughter we had nothing! I wouldn't care if there's 1 year or 10 every baby is special and the mom deserves to be celebrated. Maybe there's a lot of hoarders out here that save all their baby stuff...
Added: my friend is almost due with her 2nd daughter and is having a baby shower, she's had 4 miscarrages to get her "rainbow" baby so does she not deserve to celebrate this baby with a shower?

I believe ALL babies deserve a shower in their honor. The people who love and support the mom and baby should be there and show their love. I agree with you that it does send a negative message to each baby after the first that they aren't as special or deserving of nice things etc.

I am all for handme downs, used baby equipment etc. But new little ones should also have something just for them.

A first child is a "new" addition to a family with no children. Therefore giving them gifts at their request is not tacky. They have a new family starting.

A 2nd child is a planned out thing that they are supposed to have planned for and can afford. If they can't afford this child then perhaps they should have thought about it longer and saved more money, that's what most people think anyway.

We had a baby shower for a sister at church, one which celebrates large LARGE family's, and she had 5 boys almost all under school age. Only 2 of them were in school and one of them was only half a day.....she found out she was having a girl. Her hubby worked at Walmart and was in the management training program. So he had high hopes for someday having a better paying job. But they followed church teachings and were having another baby.

I helped hostess this shower, I thought under the circumstances they deserved and sincerely needed this party.

Only one person out of about 60 that were invited came or even gave her a gift.

I thought that was the saddest thing I had ever seen. She sat there with tears in her eyes thinking of how they were not liked or even cared about in our ward.

I asked some of the sisters at church the next Sunday why they hadn't come. They actually told me that we should have never had a shower for her. That if she was too poor to afford this child that there were community agencies in town that had free stuff for poor families. I about left the building and never sat foot in it again. I do go to social stuff now and again but I do not go to meetings there and won't again.

Many older people especially have been trained that a first baby is an event to be celebrated and showered. Subsequent babies are just an addition to the family and if you want to give them a gift you take something to them at the hospital or when you meet the baby for the first time.

Showers were to supply a need future baby's are a planned event usually and even if they're not, the family should be in a position to afford them themselves.

The world has changed but many many many people have not. I don't think a baby shower for children after the first one is always wrong, in this case, they might have been too poor to afford stuff they need right away like formula and diapers. If they could not afford those first few things the baby needs then they do need a shower. The other stuff can be bought as they need it, they can plan for it and budget money for older baby stuff.

I never understood this either.

To me, if the mom needs stuff, you have a shower. If she has everything left over from her other she just had a year ago and it is even the same sex, then she doesn't need a shower. I would think common sense would apply here.....

But even if the mom doesn't "need" stuff (crib, diapers, bottles, you know, the essentials) I think her friends/fam should at least recognize the newcomer in the form of a sprinkle shower or at least a card and some diapers!!

The baby doesn't care what you do or don't do. If the mom and dad are debt free making 500k a year, they don't need your help with baby items. If they are like most folks and could use a little help to plan for their new arrival, buy the poor parents some pampers!

I actually think a shower after 6 years is acceptable. I also think a shower for a second baby held close to the shower/birth of a first baby is tacky and an attention grab for the mother. It has more to do with making her feel 'special' than the actual true intent of a shower which is to help get a NEW mother started with all she needs.
Additionally, I think that your sentiment is indicative of the importance that our society today puts on 'special' as in each child is so special, number one, high self esteem, etc etc with the result being a very narcissistic group of young people that are just now starting to come out into the real world to the realization that they are just as 'special' as everyone else.

I believe every baby deserves a celebration. At that age gap a new shower is very appropriate, cause like you said..who holds onto stuff for that long (well I do, but I tend to loan a lot of it out).

I've had one maybe 2 'showers' and I have 8 kids. There's an 8 year gap between my older set and my younger set, and I bought everything. Friends did buy stuff to bring up to the hospital, but no actual party. However, that's because I do not like baby showers lol

I just helped my best friends DIL plan her second, for a second boy and the babies are a little over a year apart. We did a Dr. Seuss diaper party, and it turned out great. The thing with the babies being so close is that she, in many respects, needs 2 of a lot of things.

To me, it's not that subsequent children aren't special, but if the subsequent children come right on the heels of the first, then a shower is usually not needed because mom already has what she needs from the prior child.

Now, in this case the children are far enough apart in age that it's not reasonable to expect that she kept all the stuff and even if she did, a lot of it would be outdated. So, in a case like this, I think a shower for the baby is fine.

And btw, the second child would not know there was no shower for him/her unless the parent told them and if the parent did tell, then the parent needs to explain #1 to the second child.

My opinion: a shower has nothing to do with how special the baby is and has to do more with the mom wanting/needing items for the baby. Giving a first time mom a shower is great because they usually don't have anything and they need a ton of stuff. Also, it is a way to introduce her to things she might not know she needs or didn't even realize existed. Once she's an experienced mom, chances are she has a lot already (or has more friends who can give her hand me downs) and knows what kind of stuff she needs.

I hate baby showers in general - I think they are boring! I understand the point of them, but I really don't enjoy going to them. I certainly don't want to go again for a second baby.

I think if a mom really wants to celebrate her second baby, she should plan a "meet the baby" party a few weeks after the baby is born. A friend (whoever would have thrown the shower) can act as host if the mom isn't up for planning a get together when she has a newborn. But I think that's a nicer way to celebrate the baby than gathering everyone together again before it's born.

Another option: go out to a nice lunch with a few friends, but don't have people bring gifts and don't plan boring shower games. Make it a way for the mom to spend quality time with her close friends before going back to the newborn stage.

I agree with you. Each pregnancy and child should be celebrated and considered special. Typically (my family and friends) will have a big shower for their first and maybe not so big for second or more. If there is a big gap in the pregnancies, the second or more may be bigger than if they were close together. If they are close together, the mother should still have all the basics but would still need a few new pieces of clothing (lets face it, we all deserve something of our own, babies included), diapers, wipes, etc.

In my case, we had a casual outdoor shower with my first (it was end of summer so we made it co-ed and the guys swam while the girlie stuff was happening)...I was young and didn't have a lot of money so most of our bigger items were used. We didn't know the sex so many things were unisex (one boy and one girl outfit until he arrived). Fifteen years later, my shower was bigger with some newer things and a girl! Needlesss to say, I again needed everything and didn't have friends or family that could "hand things down".

I'm fine with a second baby shower or party for the subsequent kid, if it's been a while. But what annoys me is someone who knows they want more kids soon and clear out (I have a relative that does this) and then gets miffed when people don't pony up another high chair, rocker, etc.

My DD has a lot of new things being the far youngest, but she also uses a lot of things from older cousins and siblings. She's not less special. I'm just choosier about what she gets new and I frankly think that if you plan to have kids close in age, starting over with each one is wasteful. She has plenty of her own stuff and I can't afford to do all-new and wouldn't ask for it if we had another child. From your follow up, I wonder if you are not seeing a baby shower the same as I do. For me, a baby shower is for the parents first starting out. You can have any number of other events for the next kids and you can still give the families congrats no matter what you do/don't attend. But the traditional baby shower in my book is the starter gear.

I have friends who didn't have second showers, but for whose children I sent a special gift - both for the big sibling and for the baby. Nothing says you can't do that no matter who has/doesn't have a party.

I don't think any parent should EXPECT a shower at all--for the first child or the 15th!! A mom should not have a shower for her own baby. A shower is a party thrown by a friend who wants to get people together to celebrate a baby and give gifts to the new parents if they choose to do so. It's not reallly about whether the mom or new baby deserves a shower, but rather if someone outside the family WANTS to throw the party! If a person is close to the mom and wants to buy something for her and the baby, then she should do so. If not, . . . not.

A baby shower isn't for celebrating baby, because if it were, there wouldn't be gifts involved. A baby shower is for 'showering' mom-to-be with gifts, because having a baby is a big expense. I didn't have a shower for my second daughter, because I had just had a daughter three years earlier, so I already had everything I needed. I thought it would be pretty tacky.

Five years later, I'm pregnant with my first boy. I got rid of all our baby stuff long ago. My Mom threw me a shower for this one, because I didn't have anything.

I had a "meet the baby" party instead of a "baby shower" with my son and plan to do it with my future children. If people want to bring gifts, awesome. If not, I don't care.

Another thing people don't consider... I have a boy... What if my next child were to be a girl? All those boy clothes that I have in boxes in storage are not going to work for a girl. What then?

I've never heard of that.

If a parent is having a shower, they should get gifts regardless. I think all children are equal of course, but I only had one shower for first (which she doesn't remember because showers are really for moms :) Then we moved and didn't know many people for second two...no biggie. My third literally gets NO NEW CLOTHES because we have such a massive surplus. I figure we can start paying for new ones for her when she's old enough to care :)