Severe Temper Tantrums That Are Getting Worse

Maybe you can try what my Mom had me do. It worked for me. When my daughter started one of her tantrums I just started in doing what she was doing. Screaming, kicking, etc.. It only took a couple seconds for her to stop what she was doing and beg me to stop. I then told her that every time she threw a tantrum I was going to do the same. Problem solved. I never had another one to deal with.

Hi R., my name is R. and a mother of 3. When I had my second child it was great, my oldest loved having her around. I always let her help me "take care" of the new baby. Try involving your child in helping you change the new baby's diapers or have her pick a book out for you to read to them. If you include her in as much as possible she will feel that she is being like a big helper tro you and the baby, which in turn will settle her nerves. Best of luck to you and your children.

When My kids would start a tantrum. I would have them go to their room "Until you feel better and can use your words" . In doing this I would let them know that I was there for them but they needed to calm down for me to help. Sending them to their rooms to calm down but giving them the control that they can come out when they are ready helps them to start to learn how to deal with anger. Eventually they learn that no-one wants that behavior around and to calm down to deal with a problem.And the buffer of the walls and a door will help your sanity too. I wouldn't give ( at least out loud) sympathy to her for hurting herself during a tantrum.
I also would work with them to calm down with counting and deep breaths. I would give my kids a slow 3-5 count to take a deep breath or two and start calming down ( the older kids 3 younger 5). That has mixed results --you can't make a child take a deep breath if they aren't listening to you :<

Good luck. Three is a tricky age!

It is very possible your daughter is jealous of the new sibling and the time that is needed to care for the baby instead of focusing on her alone. Other than taking her to the Dr. and explaining what is going on, you might sit down with her while the baby is slepping and try to explain that little babies are so helpless that mommies need to take special care of them. Then maybe bring out her baby book and all your baby pictures of her and explain them while showing them to her so she knows she is and was special too. Then I would let her help take care of the baby as much as possible. Maybe at bath time, let her soap baby's body up or at changing time let her put some baby powder on it's bottom. Maybe at feeding time you can sit next to her and let her hold the baby in her lap and hold the bottle. This way she has your attention, she is learning what it takes to care for a baby and because she is helping a bond between her and the baby may begin to form. On the other hand, as a 3-4 yr old I also had these terrible tantrums that lasted forever and no sibling yet as an excuse. My mother took me to counciling. I out grew it of course and don't recall what was said about the tantrums.

OK, I feel for you - you definitely have a challenge. I don't know if you are into Natural help, I am all about it - I am anti-drug if at all possible, especially for kids (which nothing is approved for - no one wants their kid to be the ginnipig). Look at this website www.nativeremedies.com under Children under Other Childhood Issues, they have several that may be of help to you. My son is on 2 products of theirs and having awesome results plus the lady that created the company use to be a pharmasist, so she understands drugs. The explain everything about the supplements and why they work. Hope this helps and let me know if I can help anymore. Best of luck in your Journey to Complete Health, K.

Is there any way you can have alone time with her once a week or so? Maybe she is feeling left out.
Also, it usually works for me if during and after the tantrum I let my daughter know that I am there to give her a hug because I know she is upset and frustrated. She almost always wants one and it calms her.
This has to be tough for you- good luck.

My daughter was 2 1/2 when my son was born. The entire pregnancy we talked about how her baby brother was growing in my belly just like she did. When he was born, we showed her my scar (had a c-section) and explained to her that they took her baby brother from mommies tummy. When we came home, each day, no matter what, I set time aside just for her - even if it was just 10 minutes to read a book, she got alone time with mommy. We also constantly remind her how she used to be this little and got even more attention than her brother cause we didn't have to share our attention with anyone else. I also encourage her to help with him. Whether it's bringing me a diaper or playing with him with one of his toys when he is fussy and I am busy cooking or such, she loves to help. He is now 5 months old and she will be 3 in a month and they are amazing together. She talks and sings to him all the time. She loves to play patty cake with him and insists that we read his book (Goodnight Moon) together each night before bed. I honestly think our constant dialog with her and having her help with the baby helped her adjust well to him being part of the family.

Now she does still have the occasional toddler meltdown, but its not due to her brother. We have been going through a struggle of her not listening to Mommy, but doing everything Daddy says. After not picking up her toys as requested for the 100th time, I finally took ALL her toys away. She would ask for them and I explained to her that she doesn't get her toys until she listens to Mommy when I ask her to do something. She went three days without her toys, but when I asked her to pick up her toys last night before bed, you can bet she picked every single toy up (I do help of course, but she was capable of making the mess, she knows how to pick it up as well).

It may take something drastic like that for it to sink in that she needs to behave. I found that if the tantrum gets so bad, it can't be controlled, the best thing to do is put them in a safe spot (crib, bed, strapped in her carseat if your out) and ignore the tantrum. She will eventually calm down and realize that she gets ignored when she throws a tantrum.

I know what you mean. Maybe you have a spirited child, like mine. My dd was 3 when my son was born and 4 did not get any better. I have recently read some books on spirited kids that helped immensely. One book is "From Difficult to Delightful in 30 Days-How to Improve the Behavior of your spirited child" by Jacob Azerrad. Seriously, my kid is 5 and still throws a tantrum if she feels lines in her socks, if her shirt sleeves are too tight or something is worng with her shoes. Every am it's one thing or the other. It's getting better though. She tries to deal with the problem without the tantrum. These type of children don't respond to traditional disipline techniques.

I think that more attention and more physical activity will really help... a tired child is usually more happy and agreeable :-) Increase trips to the park, zoo, pool, gymnastics facilities and jump-houses that have open play, long walks outside when your too tired to chase her! I have a 3 yo dd and a 3 mo old ds and we had a little of that too. I try to spend as much time as possible with her so that she doesn't finally blow up over trivial things. Tantrums are usually the result of the child feeling so overwhelmed and frustrated about not being understood or they simply cannot communicate what they need. They usually feel they have no control over all the MAJOR changes that have just occured. I wouldn't use punishment first....she is already going through enough and feels frustrated to the point of literal breakdown. Maybe try to recognize times of day that she is likely to break down....spend lots of quality time then and really try to have her partake in the decisions, making her feel more a part of whats happening in her life and more understood (i.e.let her pick out the straw color BEFORE the breakdown!) You also may just have a higher needs child that is taking more time to adjust and may need more sensitivity...as hard as it may be, try to be compassionate and understanding when she melts down. She is not trying to punish you, she is is just confused and upset.... Along with increasing activity, make sure she's getting plenty of rest too so she isn't additionally cranky :-) Best of luck and hang in there....this too shall pass!

One thing is DO NOT REWARD THIS BEHAVIOR. Sure, try spending more alone time with her but also try to include her in helping with the baby. I have 4 kids and jealousy is never an issue in our house. Not because we devote a certain amount of time to each child but because we include everyone in helping with a new baby. And the part about her kicking the wall and hurting herself. Oh well...if she does it just let her know it's her own fault that her foot hurts and if she's smart she won't do it again. Kids will not hurt themselves that bad. They may scratch themselves but generally not enough to bleed. They may kick the wall, but not enough to break anything. My oldest son (2nd child) hits his head against the wall when he's in a time out. He learned early that he would be out of trouble if he hurt himself because I'd do the whole, "Oh poor baby. Come here." Then he started doing it on purpose just to get out of time out. That's when I started ignoring the behavior. I'd just tell him "Good, now you can sit in time out with a headache. When time out is over you can get up." Just think to yourself, "Who is REALLY in control here? Who is the parent?" She's just a child and you are the parent...so do some parenting. Don't let her get away with tantrums. She's 3, there is no reason for her to act like this. She's old enough to talk. Sometimes I just have to remind my kids in a calm manner that they are big enough to talk and when they calm down, I'll listen. Then I act like I'm not paying any attention to them until they calm down.

R.,
what your dau is doing is common. New baby getting all the attention from everyone. Now I would recomend that you pop her butt and put her in a chair. that might not work for you so another suggestion would be. Put her in a place by herself such as her room. remove all things that would hurt her get a naughty mat or blanket. Everytime she acts up place her on the mat and tell her in a stern low voice she is not allowed to get up until she behaves. Let her scream kick in other words go for it. She will not hurt her self because she is 3 she knows what ouch feels like. what is your husband doing to help out? include her with taking care of the baby, getting diapers, pacifer, wipes etc. She wants attention good or bad. Have someone watch the baby for about an hour and take only her out and explain to her that she is a big girl and you appreciate her good behavior and helping out. Good luck

Hey R.,

My daughter will be 3 years old in just a few months and my new daughter just turned 4 months old. My oldest threw very similar tantrums before the baby was born. I guess she really couldn't fully understand what was happening. But since my new daughter has been born not one tantrum!! I include her on EVERYTHING. She has been a big help and I give her so much attention for that. I have stayed at home with her since she was born so she was so used to me devoting most of my attention to her and now she has to share it and it's a hard concept. I think your daughter will do well also. Also I bought her baby stuff so while I change my new baby she could change her baby or while I feed the baby she could feed hers. While I push my new daughter in the stroller that she used to get pushed in now she has her own stroller to push her baby in. I believe that helped.
As far as her throwing the tantrum I would agree with the other mothers. As hard as it is to watch your baby hurting emotionally because she still can not control her emotions you will be doing the best for her by ignoring her. Now I am not saying to leave her in an unsafe condition or area. But if she is safe which most of the time I think she would be then let her go until she gets all her frustrations and emotions out and can more calmly understand. My daughter’s tantrums were so bad that, at times, I would have to put her in a cold shower. She would completely zone out and it was scary. If you give her attention she will know that and will seek it. Children that have just gone through a change (and having a new baby in the house is a huge change) will seek what ever attention they can get good or bad. Be sure to give her extra praise and extra attention the other times she isn’t throwing a tantrum and I will bet you will gradually see her tantrums starting to go away. Hope that helps! It will get better. You are a great mom so keep it up.

Beth

Hi R. - my 3 year old daughter is also going through this terrible tantrum stage and i'm at my wits end.....i don't know what to do anymore to get through to her. any advice you receive would be greatly appreciated if you could forward to me. thank you!!!