Seven Year Old-says Other Child Touched Her at School

First off, I can totally sympathize, as similar incidents have happened in our family. Though reading the responses to this inquiry, I am more than surprised. I am not sure if some of the parents thinking suspension/excessive counceling/and child services getting involved have 7 year old children. 7 year olds are VERY curious...they start exploring their own bodies (whether parents want them to or not), and start getting quite curious about the bodies of the children of the opposite sex. Do they look the same? Do they feel the same? Etc.

What this little boy did was indeed not appropriate, Yet it is extremely common for kids of this age to play "doctor". I don't know many parents that have had kids this age that have not experienced this to some degree. It was wonderful that your daughter came to you and told you. It was great how the boys parents responded to this as well. As far as the school, they realize that this curiosity is normal and natural, though the boy does need to learn what is appropriate and what is not.

Unless there are other signs that the boy is being abused, I doubt that is the case. Sounds like curiosity to me, and nothing more. If a huge deal is made about this, if these kids are shown that this was so horrible, so terrible that the boy gets kicked out of school, or athorities get involved, both the kids could be in a way traumatized with their first innocent experience with sexuality and the opposite sex. (Trust me, I know that most parents do not like to think of their small children as sexual beings, but that does not change the fact that they are...at least in the very early stages of becoming so.)

If there are other signs that the boy is being abused, then yes, definetly pursue it...but if it is just a matter of wondering if girls have the same thing he does under his jeans, then I think appropriate action has taken place, and pushing for harsher action may sexualy traumatize him for life. (Kids learn more in the early years of life, which stays with them forever, than they do the rest of their lives combined).

I have been in the same situation you are, so I do understand how you feel. When it happened to my daughter, I talked with health care professionals. Including a good freind who is a child psychologist. That is why I know what I do. If you are having such a hard time with this, perhaps you should do the same. Find out for yourself just how innocent this was...how natural and normal.

I also think that it is not enough. He should at least be put into another class and the teacher of that class should be informed of why he is being moved, so he/she can keep an eye on him. Your daughter should not be forced to move to another class or feel uncomfortable having that boy in class with her.
Maybe counseling also could help. Why would he do something like this? What gave him the idea that it was ok to do it? Those would be two things I would want an answer to.
Good Luck and I'm very sorry your daughter had to go through this! Luckily for you, your raising her to confide in you, good job!

I'm not sure about the authorities. Children are very curious about everything. I've never had this happen or have known my children to do this to another child, but if I were the other parents, I would want to be approached, instead of having the authorities knocking at my door. I think that it would be best to move your daughter from the boy, but do not make the experience more tramatic than it is. Maybe contact the boy's parents, not in a confrontational way, but in away that shows your concern for both children. I know my children have done things at school that I didn't think them capable of, and have welcomed the knowledge. Unfortunately we cannot be at the school with them, so we depend on other parents and teachers to give some insight. My kids go to a small school where there is only one class per grade and most of the parents know each other, so this helps.

I also agree with Tina H.

i wanted to respond, because i am on the other side-my son was just accused of touching a little girl. At such a young age, I think that it does not need to be blown way out of context. I don't know this little boy or your child, but I do know my son, and I do not see any signs, or that any other little girl that he hangs out with, he has never done this to. I will tell you that u need to educate your daughter, and let her know that it is wrong for people to touch her there and if this does happen again, then i would make sure that u talk to the parents. But, as for the first time, i don't know that I would make to big of a deal out of it. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying to just forget about it, because trust me I can't. I am just saying at this age, it is harmless.
Hope I could be of some help

I agree that a "warning" does not seem enough.
Maybe the boy should be suspended or moved to another class, who knows if he has done this to other girls who didn't have the courage to say something like your daughter.
I think this is a bad example for the school to be setting for your daughter.

hello S.,

I can understand your anxiety over this issue. I know only to well how frustrating the schools can be when it comes to handling certian situations. My oldest has been bullied for several years and just recently had a student tease him about his privates and he is 15.

These kids are 7 and what this boy did was totally unappropriate. Sounds like the school is trying to take care of the situation. It is a tricky thing, the boy might have seen it on tv or the parents and thought it was ok. There can be a few scenerios as to why he did it. But what they are doing is what they would do with any child, even your child. Now if it was me I would make sure he never is allow to sit by my daughter and they better make sure it never happens. Then if this boy approuches your daughter again in a unappropriate manner I would take a step higher. It is a tough world out there today for our kids.

If your daughter is doing well I would keep a eye on the situation and make sure her teacher is informed about how you feel.

S.:

You have taken appropriate action. The boy has been moved to another spot and he has been told his behavior was inappropriate. The situation has been addressed at school. It sounds like it was addressed in the boy's home as well if his mother left work immediately to talk with her son. If it happens again, more serious consequences will take place. You should treat this behavior as you would any other bad behavior. You have shown your daughter that she should not tolerate this type of behavior as well. So, I think you've done the right thing and, at this point, you don't need to to anymore.

Wow this a tough one. I agree with the other ladies that it does not seem to be enough. If your daughter came home from school happy today and has no fear of going to school each day then I don't think she is taking this half as hard as a mom would. So for you and her that is wonderful that she can move on from it.

I think the reason the boy did it should be figured out, not just brushed off as if nothing happened. This boy should speak with a counselor on a regular basis at the school. I would not rely on the parents of the child to take him to counseling, I would definatly have him speak with the school counselor once a week. You may suggest that to the principal. If things are of a bad nature at home, talking with someone will probably bring that out if he has the chance to talk about it.

If the principal does not agree with the counseling suggestion you could always talk with the district superintendant. As a last resort if you feel you must do something and nothing else is working there is always social services that you can call to make sure the boys home life is a safe place for him. But this would definately be a very last resort....I mean if his parents just dont want to hear about it or act as if they don't care and the principal and superintendant won't help.

I don't know, now maybe I am exaggerating the whole thing but I know if it was my daugher (she is 6) I would be going belistic and I would insist on something being done.

Whatever you decide to do, don't let it affect your daughters education, try not to let her know what is going on.

Good luck,
D.

I think that yes this is a common occurance among young children. But I do think that because this is the boys second offense something more serious should be done. I would however be very careful that your daughter is not harassed over the issue by school officials and such. Maybe you could get a private meeting with the principal without your daughter there and request that the school provide a counselor for the boy as well as a suspension. It would be of your best intrest for both your daughters protection and the other children in the school. I would call around and ask what is appropriate action for this behavior. I think that you should be very careful though that your daughter does not feel ashamed that she told you. Prayers for this one.

I believe you should not make a bigger deal out of it than it is. I think it is appropriate that there is one warning, but if it happens again, that further action be taken. Children are curious and the boy may not have been told by his parents that it is wrong to touch another the way he did. If your is happy, then please don't push the situation. If she came to you once, assume she will come to you again if something else happens. I feel if you make too big of a deal for this one instance, that she may become embarrassed or even ashamed and not come to you again.

That is horrible and I am so sorry your daughter had to go through that. Seven is an age where he shouldn't even know how to do any of that stuff. It makes me wonder if something isn't happening to him at home. At that age I didn't know what any of that was. Essentially your daughter was assaulted, and maybe you should go to the cops because if he did it to your daughter he could do it to another girl and if something happened to him at home, then whoever taught him this behavior needs to be punished. I don't know if this helps, but I will pray for you and your family.

S.,

If this is the 2nd occurance by this boy, then something NEEDS to be done, so he doesn't do it again (or something worse) to another little girl (or boy). If you don't think the principle is doing the right thing or enough, then YOU have to get involved and make sure the proper channels are taken. Our schools are out of control in this country and it's going to take caring parents like you to make sure the right steps are taken to try and prevent it from ever happening again. Your daughter did the right thing by coming to you for help. Don't be afraid to go with your gut, if your still losing sleep at night about it, then you haven't done enough. What if this boy does something much worse down the road because a warning wasn't enough? Please don't shove this under the rug. Maybe the principle needs to have an all school meeting with the kids about inapproprate touching and what the consequences are for those that do such a thing. Then no warnings would have to be given, they would just be expelled or have to go through counciling for a 1st offense. No child should be violated like that, I'll pray for you and your family during this difficult time and that you get the strength to do the right thing, whatever that may be for you.

I am a mother of a boy(5) & girl(16 months). My son was violated a year ago by a 6 yr old (boy) cousin. I understand your pain and it still upsets me to this day. After hearing that he did it to another little girl, I had to break ties with my cousin because she refused to think that her son had a problem and blew it off as kids will be curious kids...not with my kids!

i would have to agree with a few of the other moms on this subject; children this age are very curious about their bodies and i think that by the mother of the boy, the action taken within the classroom and by the principal warning the child that this is yes very inappropriate behavior was the best steps to take at this point; and i agree that if anything is done further from this child that more serious action should be taken in this childs home life to see why his behavior would revert back to this after hes been told that it was wrong; and appropriate action being suspension from school, psychological evaluation of this little boy would definately be recommended if he should do something like this again; you know a lot of us moms are soooo incredibly terrified of our daughters being "hurt" and preyed upon by these vicious monsters that we hear about in the news that we protect our children against to the point to where we forget that once upon a time that "playing doctor" was and acceptable social behavior between children.... discouraged yes but a normal social development. i hope and pray that this is the case with this little boy; and i definately have to applaud your daughter for doing the right thing; she's done exactly as she should have done and told you about it putting shame and embarrassment aside; you can have a little rest knowing that you have done a superb job of opening the lines of communication with her. i hope everything works out ok for you and you will be in my thoughts.

I'm torn on this subject. I certainly understand your concern and the upset at the thought that it would have to happen again for something more to be done. However, I can't help but think that it was a purely innocent curiosity because of their age. If this boy was older, say 10 I would be a lot more concerned that he be moved or punished to some degree. At 7, I do think that a warning and a few counseling sessions would be appropriate. I'm so happy that your daughter came to you and your husband with this. Knowing that your daughter is happy and comfortable now is a very good sign. Bottom line, I would strongly recommend talking to someone who has the power to require him to be counseled through the school just to get a better feel that there isn't something more deeply involved in this boys behavior that is causing him to act out in this way. With doing that and all that you have done so far, you shouldn't feel as if you are sweeping it under the rug. Good luck!

wow i am blowin away by this i am not sure i would settle for a warning i think i would demaned to have that child moved out of your daughter class and maybe have hime talk to the school shrink .our girls are to presious and inacent to have to subjected to that if the principal dose not do more i would go to the supperintendet i am a mother of five girls four mine one my husbands

first the fact that she goes to a public school is not the case because things like that can happen in any school. but yes you should go back and talk to the principal and the boy should be suspended dont they have a sexual harrasement policy you have to keep fighting for your daughter the boy need to learn a lesson not just a warning he harrased her he should be punished if you dont stick up for your daughter who will.

I basically agree with everyone else. I just wanted you to know that I understand how you feel and it is difficult to deal with those feelings. I am glad you posted here and hopefully quenched some of those negative feelings you had. Taking it much further than it went, would probably not have resulted in anything beneficiary. However, maybe a talk with his parents would help, if done in a non-threatening way. It was wonderful that your daughter immediately knew what she had to do. I think you can rest comfortably knowing that if it happens again, she will come to you about it.