Seperation Anxiety or Not Enough Mommy Time???

Time for a counselor. Try a larger church and they will prob. have one. It has become a bad habit and a way to control you. A counselor now will improve your life in the pre-teen/teen years. When you find yourself resenting her behavior you know it is a problem that is not getting better and you are not in a good place to work it out by yourself. Forget the housework and go for the counseling!

I would definitely seek counseling if I were you. Also, I would have a night once or twice a week that is "Mom and me" night. Wholly devoted to time with your daughter! Friday nights are awesome, you can stay up late! That would leave Saturday for grown-up time for you to go out with friends or dates. I would daresay that most moms don't get to go to the restroom or bathe in peace! I know I didn't! You could try giving her a task while you go to the restroom and bathe, ie "I'm going to the restroom, while I do, why don't you put some popcorn in the microwave. I'll be right back." I would forever tell my daughter where I was going and that I would back 'right back.' To this day, my daughter is 32, whenever I leave the room, I tell whoever is with me that 'I'm going ______, I'll be right back." Sometimes, just the assurance that you will return helps a child feel secure. Good luck, and do go see a counselor if it doesn't get better! God bless you!

M....you are not alone...completely, anyway. My daughter, also 8, is pretty much the same. However, I am married and we also have a 3-year-old son. I did separate from my husband for about 10½ months, back in 2006, right after my son was born, but we got back together and we have all been together, happily, since.

My daughter follows me from room to room like I'm going to abandon her at any given second. The very rare times she decides to play alone in her room, she comes out every so often to look for me. If she doesn't see me, she immediately asks my husband, "Where's Mama??" She will not sleep in her own room unless I am in there with her, so her bed is in our room. When she showers, she wants me in there, but usually I can compromise and just leave the door open after she gets going. She doesn't follow me to the restroom (anymore), but will come peek in on me if I seem to be taking too long. She does NOT like for me to go anywhere without her, though. I play Bunco with a group of ladies once-a-month and she always cries because she wants to go or doesn't want me to go (some fits are worse than others). She does enjoy staying with grandparents or aunts/uncles without me, but that opportunity very rarely ever arises. I have no problem sending her off for school. She has friends there, and at daycare, but none outside of that, which I think has A LOT to do with this. I have made several attempts at finding her a friend that can come over and play or spend the night, just someone to hang out with other than me, but the parents just don't respond. She usually only has one MAYBE two friends to show up at birthday parties...one year NONE came. So, this year, she and I had a date to the nail salon for a mani/pedi. I try to do things like this with her once-in-a-while, leaving the boys at home so we can have some girl time, and it helps, I think.

Anyway, she is very clingy, too. But, I have never once considered counseling for her (us). I have just come to terms with the fact that this is who my daughter is and she just has some need to be close to me and I try to treasure that. I constantly assure her that I will NEVER abandon her, tell her all the time how much I love her, and try to have 'our time' periodically. I really believe that this is something that will work itself out as she gets older, grows in her self-confidence and is able to hang out with friends outside of school. I also think that any time apart is very healthy and helps her, even though the getting apart is the hard part sometimes. My return, or our re-union, is that proof that when I leave, I AM coming back to her. One day, I'll miss her always wanting to be with me, I am sure of that.

You are the most important person in your daughter's life, and she is the most important person in your life. Unfortunately, most of your waking hours are spent apart. Do what you can to have time for yourself during your lunch hour (mani/pedi, massage, facial, shopping, lunch with friends, lunch with men, etc.) so that you can recharge and enjoy the time you have with your daughter.

Definitely include her in household chores, and do them together. It's more fun to clean your room if someone is helping you. Have her help you prepare meals. You are bound to get some resistance at first if she's not used to helping with cooking & cleaning, but it you make it fun and are not critical of her, it shouldn't be long before she starts to enjoy this time with you. This is also a great time for open dialogue about her day, her feelings, what's going on at school, with her friends, etc.

You only have a few more years before she will choose spending time with her friends over spending time with you, so you need to form a good connection with her now. I know you must feel overwhelmed, but the years pass quickly and you will never regret spending this time with your child.

Sounds like she needs a counselor. I have a hubby that is like that. Needs my attetion all the time. Get the 5 Love language book. Last name of the author is Smalley. It sounds like when she was younger there was a real need to have Mommy time...I think now it might have become a control technique. The book might help you fill her need and then be able to go out and fill yours.

Lake Arlington Baptist Church has a counseling center on a sliding scale fee schedule. Call Kim Peters at ###-###-####.

You are doing a great job. Hang in there!

Wow, I'm sorry you've gone through such a rough time. I really don't know what to say about your daughter . . . it does sound like there are underlying issues so maybe seeing a counselor would ease both of your minds? I honestly think that it couldn't hurt, you should give counseling a shot. You NEED time to yourself, time to be a person. Because of your long hours and being an only parent you, of course, are really going to have to balance it, but you do need to spend some time on you. It will make you a better mommy. I'm no expert, but I feel strongly about that.

Also, if I may, I have a couple of suggestions that you may find helpful. First off, check out flylady.net. She helps organize not just our homes but our time. Even if you have the cleaning under control, I think you might enjoy her tips. Second, MAKE your daughter help you!! What better way to spend some time together AND get things done. She may resist at first, but she is perfectly capable and once she realizes it is expected both of your lives will get better. My 7 year old daughter has daily chores (including keeping her bathroom clean), and she does a good job vacuming, changing sheets, mopping, etc when she wants to earn extra money.

Whatever happens, I wish you luck. It sounds like you love your daughter very much so I know you'll figure out the right thing to do!