Self-soothing Techniques?

I just read "The Lull-a-baby Sleep Plan" and wish I had read it sooner (my daughter is 8 months old). Highly recommended.

"The No-Cry Solution" is also a good book for learning the importance of a schedule, but you may find it it takes a bit longer.

Best of luck!

E.

My daughter was the same way. I never got anything done. I was lucky to get a shower. I definately think we conditioned her to be like that. Babies cry a lot and we hated to let her cry so we always held her and soothed her. I tried the Ferber method 2 seperate times after desperation. I couldn't do it either because it broke my heart to hear her cry and not comfort her. We also co-sleep still. I think over time she just cried less. She did start using her pacifier when she started teething and then she started to become more aware of everything around her. We used her play mat? with the colorful toys and she really enjoyed that.

My son loved rubbing the satin trim of a baby blanket, and also he had a stuffed animal with satin ears that he rubbed to fall asleep. Are you able to get her to suck on the edge of her hand or fist ? A lot of babies self soothe that way. As she's crying try just gently moving her hand to her mouth. My daughter twisted & rubbed her hair to fall asleep. Actually she still does & she's 10 now !

I believe that you can not spoil a baby by giving what she instinctually needs. I always allow both my daughters to fall asleep in my arms (it really is such a short time that they need it and when they don't need it I feel that something has been lost). I used the 10 minute rule. My sister in law taught me this it it worked about 90% of the time. I would allow her to fall asleep in my arms and after 10 minutes I would put her down. Don't go to much more than 10 minutes because their sleep cycle is very short. When she starts to wake sing or talk quietly and let her now you are near by. I also used the family bed and slept more than I would have if I had to get up to get her back to sleep.

You will find what works best for you. Just remember if the advice doesn't sound right then it is not the right advice for you and your family.

Good-luck and remember they are realy small for a short period of time and when you look back at things you will remember the times she fell asleep in your arms smiling and not the sleepless nights.

M.

H.,

I had the same problem with my little girl. When she came home we never put her down. Someone would have to sleep with her on their chest and as soon as you tried to put her down she started to cry. The only way she would sleep not on a person was in a bouncy seat that was set to vibrate - and even then sometimes you had to have your hand on her. She was premature and was in the hospital for the first 4 months so we had no problem constantly holding her (especially considering we couldn't hold her for the first 2 months). I thought she would never go to sleep on her own but she eventually was able to stay asleep when put into bed if you kept a hand on her for a little while and she was able to soothe herself to sleep if she woke up in the night. This went on for a while (and she was sleeping through the night so well that we would have to wake her up the next day or she would sleep until noon). Eventually she was able to go to sleep in bed with someone in the room rubbing her back and then finally she was ready to fall asleep on her own. It just takes time and patience - wait until your little one is ready - they should never cry more than 5 min. without you at least entering the room. Remember Shelley is just a baby and is still learning to trust you - remember it is a blessing to have a little one to keep you busy and awake (even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it). The other thing I will say is that my little one is now almost four and she has gone through different stages and cycles with sleep. Each child is different - now I have to read exactly 3 books and then rock her. Sometimes she falls asleep in my arms and sometimes I put her in bed still awake - the point is just take your cues from your little one and do what you feel is best for her - every day is an adventure because every day is different!

Hope this helps and good luck. P.S. We took turns with her so that everyone could get rest (It was me, DH, and my mom).

Y.

Mom of a beautiful and practically perfect in every way little 3 year old girl.

Hi H.,
You can't use Ferber at that young age. It will do more harm then good. You also can't spoil a baby that young, so don't worry that you have done anything wrong. This may be your son's specific personality and there are a lot of tricks that you can try. A blanket or something that smells like you may help him when you need to put him down. Or a sling that keeps him close by while you are working. But right now, he knows what he needs and a lot of snuggling just might be it. Soon he'll be a "big boy" and you won't be able to get a snuggle for anything. And you will be amazed at the benefits of all of the extra attention and including him in your daily activities. Best of luck!

K.

My son when he was this age would not sleep unless he was held so I held him. If I layed him down he would wake up immedietly. I quickly learned if I held him and slept with him he would sleep for 4 + hours at a time. I used a sling during the day and pulled his crib close to my bed with one side off for nights. That way he was always touching me. Now sleeping with your child is not for everyone and some people have strong opinions. I assure you more people do it than will admit. :) I always tell my families in my child care, follow your heart and do what feels right to you. If this feels right do it. It sounds like you understand that as the ferber method wasn't for you nor does it encourage attachment. If an infant cries we are supposed to pick them up to build trust. There is no right way, just a way you can live with. You may want to try a sling, over the shoulder worked great for me. Good luck. Oh, they do outgrow this too!!

I went through the same thing with my 3 month old. It can be very frustrating. I held her all the time from 1 month till she was 4 month. I held her all day and at night we had to walk her for an hour before she was in a deep enough sleep to put her down. At her 4 month check up my peditrician told me we can take steps to put her down. Around 3 to 3-1/2 months my daughter figured out her thumb so teaching her to self sooth was easier. My daughter hated the pacifier so that never worked for me. My peditirician also gave suggestions like start putting her down when she's drowsy to sleep starting with naps, bedtime and then middle of the nights. We did the Ferber Method but modified it so we were comfortable with it. My daughter is a little over five months and she goes down well for most naps and bedtime is a breeze. It was a frustrating process but we've come a long way since then. Hang in there.

Don't worry I held my son tons when he was little. I don't think that's really spoiling bc he is 3 now and we have a wonderful relationship. One think that may work that I have done; I put something that smelled like me in the bassinet so he would have my scent. I also got him 2 blankies he absolutely loves and carries with him everywhere. I don't like making babies cry themselves to sleep either. Unfortunately I did have to do that eventually but not until he was about a year old. I miss him being that tiny so much! Enjoy it because once she can move herself you'll never get to hold her like that again. If you need to get stuff done then a baby holder or a sling (I had one to those...they are awesome!)will help you do that. Just rememebr that you have to get her used to it first. My son didn't like t until I kept using it. I have put my son to sleep many times in the sling. I also had one of those little bouncers and when he cried I would rock that thing until he stopped crying. A swing is also a nice item if you can afford one (I think they are pricey since they grow out of them quick). The only bad soothing habit he has is his binky; it's not really bad until they are 3 and still want one. I'm still working on weaning him, but if you need to just give her one. Inever thought it was as evil as people make them out to be.

Hey H.
How about a swing? My swing was a Godsend! It will soothe her with motion and she will sleep and above all, you can get things accomplished. That or give the vibrating bouncers a try as well.

Have you tried wearing your daughter in a sling or wrap. The ultimate baby wrap is great & it leaves your hands free to get things done while the baby still gets to be held. Soon enough she'll want to be on her own to explore, Enjoy.

Hi H.,

I don't know if any of this will help you, but this is what worked for us.

We used a snuggle nest so when the baby when down for a nap, I could lay next to her and touch her and once she was asleep, I left the room. Between 3 & 6 mos., I would put her in the curve of a boppy pillow on the floor while I did dishes, laundry etc. There were days she cried - and loudly, but being busy helped divert my attention so I didn't rucsh right in to rescue her. Eventually, she would fall asleep there. I would scoop her up and put her in her snuggle nest, but this way she was in a place where I could easily see her, so I knew she wasn't hurt when she cried. She and I both worked through the crying - and in hindsight, I can say it was probably harder on me. Then, at 6 months, when I put her to bed one night, I had put the snuggle nest in her crib earlier in the day. she fell asleep in my arms, I laid her in the snuggle nest in the crib -she slept all night, and within a week, the snuggle nest was removed.

Good luck!

I would try a swing. My son would be totally relaxed in the Fisher Price Aquarium take a long swing. I wished I had had it with my older daughter. You can bring it room to room with you so they can stay close and the swinging action is soothing. He would fall asleep in it or just sit happy watching things.

Pacifiers are also something else that babies tend to you to sooth although I don't know if you would want to start that now. If you do, try to kick it by 16-18 months because they longer they have it the harder it is to get rid of it. Around 12 weeks my daughter started sucking her thumb and for us that was wonderful. She started sleeping through the nights because she would just put her thumb back in her mouth when she woke up and would fall right back to sleep.

Good luck.

Buy the Book "Babywise" by Gary Ezzo. It will save your sleep dreprived lives!

Have you tried a pacifier? I originally didn't want to use one with my son, but he constantly needed to suck on something, or he would cry. It was the only thing we could do for him if we wanted to put him down (it started the day he was born). He is now 8 months old and barely uses it anymore. We give it to him when we put him to sleep in his crib, but he usually just spits it out and goes to sleep without it.

H.,
This may or may not help- I wear my daughter in a sling. A LOT. Dr. Sears calls it attachment parenting, and speaks of children getting their needs met in the "in arms period." She can sleep, nurse, and just hang out in a sling, and it's pretty secure and comfy. And, you have both hands free to do what you need to- you can even wear her on your back. Check out www.wearyourbaby.com for info on what options there are and how to use them.

Have you tried a pacifier? My son Evan(he is going on 5 months) doesn't go to sleep without one, eventually he does spit it out during the night and he used to cry when he did but now he has started sucking on his fist or thumb. We also put him to sleep with a blanket between his hands and face, he likes the feel on his face of the fuzzy blanket. My son also likes vibration, my Pack 'n Play has a vibration box when you use the bassinet part of it, they also have ones you can get for cribs if your daughter likes vibration(my son loves it) Hope this helps!

how about a pacifier?? my daughter is almost 8 months old and she has used one since she was born..she has to sleep with it. she also likes to have a soft blanket to snuggle with. we put it between her hands and her head.

HI H. -

Well I have to say that I am a big advocate of the ferber method, but I didn't use it until my kids were almost a year old. When my son was just a couple of months old, I couldn't put him down either. I got really good at doing things with one hand, and eventually he just stopped needing me all of the time. I know that the swing was very helpful, and sometimes he was happy in his car seat (we didn't have a bouncy chair). I think these worked because he felt like he was being held where in a crib there is nothing right up against him. You could also try putting one of your shirts in the crib with your baby so that she can smell you even when you aren't there. But don't worry it will work out eventually.

Try wearing your baby in a sling. It frees up your hands and babies are much happier. They sleep better and will learn they are not abandoned. Remember that babies also light sleep first and deep second which is the opposite of adults. So make sure baby is really in deep sleep before putting down. I am a postpartum doula and this is what I suggest to my moms and it works.

Sounds like you have gotten some great advice. My daughter is just over 8 months old and we held her all the time from the beginning. I just loved holding her and looking at her. The sling was helpful in the beginning. We also caved on the pacifier and she does have a little cuddle blanket that we give her as part of her going to bed routine. In the beginning my husband would keep putting her fist to her mouth so she could figure out she could use it to soothe herself. We are also teaching her sign language. We started around 6 months old and she now recognizes over 15 signs and has given 9 signs back to us. It really helps us to be able to communicate. As we are getting ready to go to sleep we can sign to her and let her know it is time to sleep. At night we have our standard night routine including a bath (we don't soap her up every time). The last thing that we discovered that helped a lot was playing white noise as she goes to sleep. We had played lullabies on the ipod, but the music changes and isn't constant. For $10 I downloaded a 12 hour white noise mp3. Good luck:)

My son is also almost 3 months. I bought a cd with lullabies and storie at wal-mart for $3 and play that for him. Some nights it works some night it takes a while some night sit does nothing, but its teaching hoim he can do it.

Have you tried music? my kids still can only sleep with music on.. it started when we noticed our 1st daughter woke up when her lullabye tape shut off... then we used the radio & its worked ever since

You can always try the Ferber thing again, but scale it down! I tried it, but not to the letter.. I couldn't take the crying either.. try putting her down when she's just about to fall asleep, then stay with her rubbing her back or something.. then each time, leave a minute earlier and earlier until she figures out it's time for sleep, not being held. I did the same thing - my daughter would not sleep without me because I held her for every nap.. just try different things too. give her one of your shirts to lie with, the smell may help her too. good luck

LOOKS LIKE YOU GUYS SPOILED THE BABY! TRY A VARIETY OF DIFFERENT PACIFIERS AND A BABY SWING WITH MUSIC BABIES LOVE TO SWING THIS MAY FREE UP SOME ARM TIME AND IN THE MEANTIME TRY TO CUT SOWN ON THE HOLDINF IF YOU STOP IT GRADUALLY EVENTUALLY THE BABY WILL REALIZE CRYING WONT WORK ANYMORE GOOD LUCK!

H.,

At your daughter's age, babies don't do anything to self-soothe. They are neurologically incapable of soothing themselves. You've got another month or two until that's even possible physiologically.

Lullabies, blankies, binkies, and thumbs, all those comfort things help by keeping her from getting upset in the first place. If that works, it's great. Once she gets upset and starts yelling, she does not posess the ability to alm herself down. She still needs you to do that for her.

I'm sorry, I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear. It won't be long until she can do it, and she'll never need you for that again. Just like everything else we do for our babies, it's only temporary. Cuddle her while it lasts.

My daughter is almost three and her comfort is and has been since she was a little baby a blanket .... if you find a soft blanket ( I recommend buying multiple ones when you find the right one in case one is dirty or lost) I would put a piece next to her face and it would be comfort like her mom and dad... I understand about the Ferber method ... I think its effective but not at such a young age...because our hearts cant take this :) Well good luck K.