I have a 1 year old boy and am expecting my 2nd child (a girl) in a couple of months, my children will be about 15 months apart in age. I was wondering if anyone has any tips on how to get my son adjusted to his sibling when she arrives. At this point he doesn't seem to understand what a baby is much less be able to anticipate the arrival. I have seen some suggestions that say to get them their own baby doll to take care of but that seems to apply more to children that are a little older. I would love to hear from others who have children close in age with any advice or input as to what I should expect in the next few months. Thank you!
So....I would have updated this sooner but I've been a little busy! :-) My daughter is now 6 months old and I feel like we are starting to settle in to having two kiddos in the household. It was a harder adjustment going from one to two than I thought but it has been wonderful in it's own way. I wasn't able to involve my son in some of the ways I had thought because he didn't take his first steps until the week my daughter was born, so it was a while before he was able to go fetch things and "help" out in that way. It was difficult carrying them both around for so long, I had not counted on carrying two babies, but you figure it out. We have had some jealousy issues and have dealt with my son being very agressive towards the baby but we are learning ways to diffuse the situations that bring on the anger and jealousy. It is hard because with your first child you have all the time in the world to give them and then when the second child arrives you feel at times that you are having to choose who needs your attention the most. But you learn ways to attend to them both at the same time, like how to nurse and hold and child on your lap and read them a book at the same time, or how to nurse while preparing lunch for your toddler! Somehow I don't remember those senarios being discussed in my breastfeeding class! Thank you all for the advice!
No tips, but just positive addition. Mine are 22 months apart and the age closeness works beyond my expectations. The oldest is so helpful in wanting to teach her sister and the youngest learns best from her like potty training. My oldest was 18 or so months when the baby came and was very involved in everything so it made her feel so special.
Dear M.-
I have seven kids...20, 19, almost 18, 16, 14, and soon to be 13 yo twins!
I would NOT do it any other way! Three will be in college this fall...so $$ is tight...but there has been financial aid as well as scholarships.
When second son was born, I did get him an 'anatomically correct' doll...he mostly dragged the doll around by the leg, and frankly THAT had me worried. But when his brother arrived, all went well. He was a big helper getting dipes and wipes...and as the other kids came along, it was old hat really! In fact, when we gathered the then four kids together to tell them we were having another baby, the eldest said..."what? another one?"
Now that they are all older, they are amazingly close and have many friends (or siblings of friends) in common.
I am sure all will go well...relax...have fun...and your son will follow YOUR lead!
Take care
catwalk/michele
I come from a very close family. My brother was 11 mo. when my sister was born and she was 13 mo. when i was born. What my mom did was didn't do anything special. I mean your son isn't old enough to know it's not normal to have another baby. For all he knows you could bring one home every year...lol So I wouldn't put in emphasis on it. I would just blend the schedules and act like the new baby has always been there. If anything make it exciting. Yea look theres a new baby. Nothing negative.
Hi M., Congratulations!! We have a 2 1/2 year old girl and an 8 mos. old son. To "prepare" her, we kept her very involved, we did get her a baby doll that she "took care of" she was always putting HER blanket on the doll. That helped, although she did throw the doll a few times, we chuckled but reminded her how gentle she needed to be. Your son will be a little younger than our daughter was so my best piece of advice is; TRY to do all the things you normally do with him, even if its Dad doing them now. Try not to act like life is much different, they sense apprehension and nervousness, the more relaxed you are (I say that hypothetically, because we mommies don't get to "relax" much) about everything, the more it will seem commonplace to him! Our daughter was almost off the pacifier but wanted hers a lot more because the baby had one, so we let her have it (small battles) Your son may want things now because the baby has them too, he's young enough you can let him have them for the time being! I know it will work out for you, good luck and if you need to email anytime, please feel free!!
Make sure you make your son the "big brother" let him pick out clothes have him get you diapers and anything else that will make him feel like the big brother and a big helper. Talk to him often about the new baby. If possible have someone with you the 1st 2 weeks to show all their attention to him. Good luck I went through it a few years ago and it was not bad at all.
I have four kiddies- two sets of kids that are both 15 months apart.
Tips? Although your older one will be young, try to involve him as much as possible with the baby... Have him bring you diapers, have him kiss the baby before naps, you can read with the two of them, have him "hold" the baby (you are actually holding the baby on his lap), but don't force anything. My oldest was a fantastic sister to her when the second was born (15 months difference). She was unusually gentle and so very loving with her, so we tried to get her involved with everything we could with the baby.
Now, The third child of mine was very loving to her younger sister(15 month difference as well), but had a lot less patience, so we limited the time they did things together.
Today my children are 6, 4.5, 2.5 and 1. They generally get along fabulously. Hardly any jealousy with any of them. They also tend to like most of the same stuff cause they are all close in age. The only thing is since they are so close, they get very deeply insulted when things don't go well- lots of drama:) They also team-up on their poor parents. They are PERFECTLY well behaved when alone (which is rare), but together they can get into some trouble while feeding off each other... They are VERY close- like twins (finishing other's sentences and what-not)!
I love having them close together, but I'll have to tell you making the transition from one kids to two kids was a really hard step for us at first... the newborn, then another baby that is also very needy, nap times, diapers galore, trying to breast feed while the other one needs you! It is mainly fun once you get the hang of two, and I wouldn't have my kids' age differences changed if I had a choice- It is a challenge, but I love it. And what situation ISN'T challenging when it comes to raising kids properly?
Well, congratulations and good luck and have fun- if you have any questions for me being quite experienced with the whole 15 months apart thing, right me a message!
I have two children - a boy who is 6 and a girl who is 5. Yes they are 12 months apart! The only advice I can give about the situation you are in right now is to be excited about your new baby girl! Your son will follow your lead. My son absolutely loved his sister and still does most of the time.
The best advice I got when I was about to have my daughter was from my sister-in-law. At one point or another you will feel like you are neglecting one of them. Maybe the baby will be in the swing and you feel like you should be holding her instead of playing with your son. Or the baby could be fussy and you can't do anything for your son until you help the baby. It will all even out in the end and making yourself feel guilty won't help anyone! It's a lot of work but enjoy it as much as you can because the time really does fly!
One suggestion - when your son comes to visit you at the hospital, let him visit you in provate first, or at least don't be holdign the baby when he comes in. Let him see you and have some cuddles, before the "intruder" gets in the way :) Enjoy!!
Hi,
I have a set of boys that are about 18 mos apart. I can absolutely confirm that giving your older child tasks related to the baby makes a huge difference. At first I tried taking turns and dividing time and attention. Didn't work at all. Now when it is time to feed the baby I set up a series of tasks so the eldest can help. Please get the bottle off the table, the cloth off the dresser, the pillow off the chair, etc and help feed the baby. Then he mostly stands nearby and watches while the baby eats and then he gets to put all these items back. Similarly with changing diapers, playing, everything. It really helped to cement the bond rather than creating friction by having only baby time or only kid time. I still make sure to give each one a lot of one on one time but I do it while the other child is asleep or otherwise occupied. That way it is less "in their face" about not receiving the attention.
I once was told I was spoiling them this way and I asked that parent if they thought it was better to create situations for temper tantrums and jealousy. She said the older one just needs to get over it. My opinion was that at 15-18 mos old most children don't have the language skills to express that they are jealous, sad, angry, etc. Why frustrate yourself and the child by setting up a bad situation. Do what makes life easy w/o instilling bad habits. Giving an 18 mo old tasks to do will help develop self confidence, independence, and self sufficiency. Also it helps with language development as you continue to ask him for different items. But try to stay away from bribing him into it. None of the old "bring me the bottle and you get a cookie". Simply say "Please help and bring the bottle".
So yeah, my suggestion is to immerse your older child in the baby's life (if they aren't interested though don't push it) and as soon as you can start instilling the word HELP into his vocabulary. Start with the "hand me X" or "bring me X" as soon as he grasps those.
M.,
I have three children, all about 15 months apart. Your son will probably just go with the flow being that he is young, it's one advantage of having them close together. I never sensed any jealousy from my children but rather excitement over the new baby. I did read them stories about new babies and older siblings during our regular reading times (before bed, etc.) For my first child I even would show her a book with pictures of real newborn babies and she was fascinated by it; she could look at that book forever. I would also suggest having your home totally childproofed so you don't have to worry about the 15 month old getting hurt when you are busy with the baby. I would also line up help in advance. I found the transition from one to two to be much more difficult than the transition from two to three (in case you are considering in the future) but it has all worked out fine. Your biggest challenge will probably be the juggling act of all the diapers, bottles, meals, naptimes, etc. rather than dealing with behavior. Good luck to your growing family!
My children are 18 months apart, son and daughter followed. I was still nursing my son when I was pregnant with my daughter. One day, a few months before my daughter was born, I took my son off the breast and never allowed him back on. After a few nudgings from me he understood this stage of his life was over. It took him about a month to adjust to his new sister but the key is to continue to show him love. Before you know it they (brother and sister) are creating a loving bond that will last forever. Enjoy every step of the way!!
S. H.
My children are 19 months apart. Our daughter was a suprise! And our son was very well adjusted with NO issues at all. We did do the baby thing- got him a baby doll that was from his little sister. He got it the first time he came to the hospital to meet her- and it was from her.
We attempted to explain what was going to happen throughout th epregnancy and what a positive thing this would be. He was very excited. When she came home, we made sure to include him in everything. He was the BIG brother now, and he helped get diapers, wipes, my boppy- anything that he was able to do. he has never had any issues at all with her. They are very close now-- my son is 4 1/2 and my daughter is 3.
It is going to be a wonderful thing. It may be a bit overwhelming in the beginning, but when they are 2 and 3 1/2, they will be the best of friends and love each other dearly!! Enjoy the ride-- it is wonderful!
