Seeking Moms Who Are Wanting to Talk About Divorce and Children of Divorce.

Wow this may never get to you. This was posted along time ago. My site is www.S..com and my email is ____@____.com

I know a family member who this happened to and it is really sad. I get scared that it will happen to me because I am a single mother aswell, but my daughter has not met the other woman yet. I suggest just keep doing what you are doing, being a good mom, being there for her, helping her and disciplining her. Don't let it get to you, I am sure she still loves you and every kid will go through that 'I hate you' phase. She will eventually realize that you are her only real mother, you love her and appreciate you. She might be too young to realize it right now. Just don't get jealous and let it get to you and do or say something you regret.

He did make a comment to her that 'your gonna have a new mommy soon' and I about flipped! I hope I can deal with it maturely once it happens.

I don't think she has turned on you just by calling the "wife?" Mom. I don't know the whole situation though How old is your daughter? Maybe Dad wants her to call her mom and she doesn't want to hurt his feelings, there could be many reasons. I know it hurts and it's easy to feel that way. But we have to remember they are kids and they try so hard, especially after a divorce to please both parents.

Believe me I know, I was divorced when my son was 2, remarried when he was 6 had two more children. When he was 12 (after prodding from his father) he decided he wanted to go live with him. Which I grudgingly allowed because my atty said why get into a big custody dispute because in a couple more years he could probably decide were he wanted to live anyway. nothing wrong with his Dad (I just think he;s an idiot:)

Anyway he started calling step-mom "mom" and came to visit me and was telling me what he had gotten her for mothers day.(he had just brought me a card) I was hurt and for the first year I actually was mad at my son!! I felt he left me and didn't love me after I had sacrificed and raised him for 12 years!! I even told him "you better not call her mom I am your mother" i even resented having to meet his father to pick him up every other weekend they live about two hours away and I was mad about making the hour's drive.

Well he has been there 3 years and after a lot of misery on my part I have come to accept it. I had a long talk with my son not too long ago I apoligized and told him I understood why he went and that I loved him and I'd always be here for him I just wanted him just to be happy . Our relationship has been so much better. I know he didn't "abandon" me he deserves to get to know his father better and at least he has father that want's to be in his life. Divorce is hard on everyone a lot of hurt and anger from all sides.

I am sorry I wrote a book here, just wanted you to know that I think it is normall what you are feeling Just love your daughter and let her know that your always there for her no matter what. And you know you are her mom!!! and no other woman can love your daughter as much as you do..

I know that is not easy. My son went through that when I divorced my ex husband. It was not a good thing. I would say give her time. She will eventually understand how much better it is for not just you but for her as well. I didn't think my son needed to see all the fighting.
Good luck and I will pray for you.

Hi L.,
I was married to my oldest daughters; father, and when she was three I left him, so she was a little young. Now is is 12 and she mentions every now and then that we should still be together becuause she want to live with him. She does blame me, but I tell her every day that these are adults problems which has absolutely nothing to do with her and I let her know that she is always welcomed to call her dad or go visit him anytime she wants to. I try to let her know that she has two parents that love her very much but we had to do what was best for her future and that was to be apart, but us apart not her and them. Your daughter will blame you because you are the closest one to her but she will reach out to her step mom becuase its new and something different. Her step mom may be giving her time that you are not able to at this time(working I mean), and her step mom may be trying really hard for her affection. Don't let that scare you away, you are still her mother, but she is hurting and dosent know how to verbalize it..
good luck

How old is your child? I too know this hurt : {

F.

This is a subject that hits very close to home for me. I am dealing with my 12-year-old on this one right now. My ex-husband & I divorced after 10 years of marriage. He had several affairs, and I didn't want my son to know about them. I found myself making excuses for my ex. It eventually got to the point that the "flavor of the week" kept him from picking our son up. He would promise to be there, my son would sit on the porch waiting, and his father would never show. My son's behavior kept getting progressivly worse. It was hard to be patient & understanding when he was getting suspended from school. I started hearing things like, "I'll just go live with my Daddy. He won't ground me like YOU!" For a while, I bowed down to this. Then I realized that it was his way of getting what he wanted. I finally broke down & called his father for him. I told my son to tell him that he wanted to live with him & see what happened. When my ex answered the phone, I said, "your son wants to talk to you", and quickly handed the phone to my son before he could give me a response. I left him alone & went to wash dishes. After a few brief minutes, my son came to me crying telling me he was sorry. It was a very eye-opening experience for both of us. I learned to be firm, yet understanding of my son's behavior while realizing that no amount of covering for my ex was going to help my son. Stick to your guns, but try to remember that the pain is worse than a death in the family. What I mean is that while the death of a parent gives the option of complete absence & is very painful to get past, but eventually the pain subsides some, a parent that keeps leaving over-and-over again is like continuing to pour alcohol on an already open wound. The pain never gets better.

DO NOT LET HER KNOW IT BOTHERS YOU.
WHEN YOUR AROUND HER PUT ON YOUR HAPPY FACE.
SHE WILL COME RUNNING BACK EVENTUALLY.
GOOD LUCK, BEEN DIVORCED FOR 7 YEARS WITH 2 BOYS
13/16; REMARRIED WITH A NEW BORN ON THE WAY

my name is S. and when i went threw a divorce with my oldest dad, it was hard on him and me to every time i would drop him off it was fine but when i would pick him up he would sream that he didnt want to be with me that he wanted to stay with his dad ( and it broke my heart and i cried over this thinking he hated me and did not want to be with me). he was about 4 at that time and after a month( I know that seems forever ) he clamed down enough for him to actually listen to what i had to say and listen to what happen and to understand . maybe your child just needs time to adjust then listen. That worked for me I hope i was able to help you

I have two boys. When their dad first started seeing a new woman, they were taken it by it. Because the other woman wasn't acting herself. She just wanted to be their "pal" at first. It was hurtful, and all three of us (the adults) fought often because she would try insane things like just go to the school and get them out for the day. (That's a story for another time.) But when her true colors came out, my children knew who their mom was. It took a couple of years it seems like, but they finally came around. Hang in there. It will get better. Prayers are always very helpful. I will pray for you and your child. Good luck.

L.,
I am also 43, with 3 kids and going thru a divorce. Only my 12 year old daughter is a minor. We all moved to TN from FL to try and repair the marriage, but it didn't work. He left me in TN and moved back to FL with our daughter. We were together 18 years. He has turned my daughter against me and tells lie after lie. He has verbally and mentally abused me for years and I just can't take it anymore.
So, now I find myself in TN alone. I have a business here that I started shortly after we moved here and I love it and can't leave. I will never move back to FL.
I just want the divorce over.
I know God has me here for a reason, so I'm just waiting.

L.,
I am sorry you are going through this. It already hurts having to go through a divorce but the child siding with your ex and calling the other woman mom is even harder to go through. My daughter who will be six in December has done the same thing. I also have a son that is her half brother and her dad puts her against him as well. Unfortunately, my advice is not any great wisdom or quick fix. If you enter into the petty things to try to win her back it will just make her more stubborn in her opposition. Also, I was just like your daughter in my own parent's divorce. It takes time and unfortunately it is mostly after they have grown up when they see that they were used as an attack and to hurt the other parent. My best advice is to first of all pray about it. Second and most importantly, let your child know that you love her and be there for her. If she becomes distrespectful to you then address those issues as they come up. Don't yell at her and don't punish her for calling the other woman mom and for siding with her dad. It will only do the opposite of what you want. Be her mom, love her, be there for her. If she is old enough then at a different time sit down with her and let her know that when she calls someone else mom that it hurts you. Some children deploy these tactics as a way of survival in that house. She might be complying to her dad in this manner because she feels she has to either to win approval or to prevent discipline for not doing it. Either way, don't let it distract you and remember that she will eventually realize when looking back who loved her and who her real mother was.
Hope this helps,
S. E.

Hey L. I am a product of divorce and I think you need to sit down with your ex and the other woman at lunch time or something and tell them that it has hurt your feelings and they should correct her when she does this and if they are irrisponsive then you should sit down and talk to your daughter. Tell her she is hurting your feelings and how happy you were to have her when she was born and a few tears might help. Ask her why she is so angry with you and why she insist on hurting you because you are hurting still from having to divorce her father. I don't know your situation so I can't give you any more than this...hope it helps
A.

I have a 13 yo son. I have been divorced from his father since 1996. For a while, he was unconsolable without his dad and hated me. The older he gets, the more he sees for himself why I left his dad. He still turns on me, though, when things don't go HIS WAY. Luckily I've never had my son call another woman "mom". But, my stepdaughter in that marriage called me mom for a short period. Her mom had a talk with me and we both agreed that she had to stop calling me mom. (Her mom and I were far from friends, but I respected her request - as I wouldn't want my son to call anyone else mama!!) Maybe you should talk to this woman, as hard as it might be, and see if she won't agree to stop your daughter from calling her mom. Divorce is NEVER easy. The kids are the ones who get caught up in the pain worse than anyone, I think. And stepfamilies can add to that pain. Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers.

hi im going through a divorce right now he is trying to take my 3yrs old away from me. i went to court in may and they gave me physical custody and joint legal custody to both of us. but when i went to go get her and put her in school he said i couldnt have her and the law will not help me get her back i have tried everything, the judge order him to have her every 2 weeks out of a month and when she started school he would only get her on the weekends if i said so or i didnt have something i wanted to do with my daughter. now he is trying to get me for adaultry when he done it first with my real mother in 2004. i still stayed with him cause i dont beleive in divorce but after he started cheating on me i leaved him he help me pack my stuff and help me move then i got a phone call in feb that he and a girl he was seeing got drunk and sexual intercorse in front on my 2 yr old and dont rememeber if they touch her or not. then after he broke up with her he got a different girl off the net and she moved in with him on march 2007. he tells my 3 yr old now to call them mommy. it makes me mad but they time will come when it falls out for him im just waitin, now that the girl from march ant with him cause he abused her like he did me she lefted him, she lefted on august 28th 2007 and now he has a different girlfriend living with him. and the law will not help me in anyway. i dont know what else to do i have everything that he has done i have court papers and doctor papers i have everything and no one will help me with this i have no family there all dead.

My son is 13 yrs old and we have been struggling with getting in trouble for a long time so I let him live with his dad. This was very difficult for me since his father and I have never gotten along and have never seen eye to eye on much of anything. He is not married but has a very young girlfriend which my son adores. He thinks she is so great! i will call and he says sorry I am with Rachel right now. I am busy, cant talk to you. It about rips my heart out. Its bad enough him living with his dad and I feel like I have lost alot of that control but at the same time I had to follow through. If I were you, I would speak to the woman that she is calling mom. She needs to know that your the momma and that she needs to respect that and encourage that with your daughter. If your daughter sees that this woman is not going to tolerate her disrespect (because it is disrespectful) than maybe she will stop being so disrespectful to you. I have two step boys and they don't call me momma. They have a mother and even though I dont care for her at all, I still have to show her a certain amount of respect. If I don't, why should the children? I hope this helps and may God bless you. We all need it. Momma's jobs are not easy.

I am the step-mom. My husband has 3 kids from a previous marriage. His wife left him for another man- their son remained with his dad, while the 2 girls have shared, joint custody between the 2 parents. Recently, the youngest (13) decided she wants to stay with her mom, which naturally hurts her dad - she doesn't have any desire to see us, not even for weekends. But sometimes you just have to let them learn the hard way. My step-son went thru a period of time calling me mom - it was his own choice. But he wanted to be like "everyone else" and have mom and dad. After 4 years of high school with us (his mother, though invited, has never attended any functions at the high school, not even his high school graduation) all of his teachers thought I was his mother, and htat his dad was his step-dad! It only lasted a short time - like maybe 4 months, then he went back to calling me by my name. My own children call their stepdad "dad" - thei father died when my daughter was 9 and my son 17 months. My son doesn't remember "daddy" but he knows about him, and that my hubby now is his step-dad. they just want to have someone to call "dad"! Plus it is out of respect. THey hate the fact that my step-kids call my by my first name. I personally wouldn't tell it hurts you, she is at an age where she will probably do iton purpose at times. This seems to be an age where they go "thru" stuff - been there with both of my step-daughters! I wouldn't give in, it may not help to try to talk to the ex - I know it never had in our case, she does things to try to stir up trouble. Sometimes "Weekend parents" are such better parents in the kids eyes, because they don't do any real parenting! Good luck

This is so heartbreaking and I know exactly what you're going through. We had this happen with my two step-daughters. We were very close to them and then they started to change suddenly because of their mom's behavior toward us.

There's a great book on this subject for people going through it. It's called "Divorce Poison"... it gives you tips on stopping this from happening and turning it around before it's too late. To get back your loving relationship with your children.

Take care.

Okay, I divorced about 2 years ago. Soon after the separation and before the divorce was final, my husband (ex-husband) moved in with a very nice girl. My children loved her and she was great with them. I can't say that they neccessarily turned against me, but they did love to visit their Dad because the girlfriend would make their visit so much fun. She spent money on them and took them to all kinds of fun places. These were things that I was not able to do. So, yes, the would have much rather spent time at their Dad's than with me. However, they soon came to realize that money does not buy love and they came around. It devestated me when they stopped wanting to be with me most of the time. My children are my entire world and I spent many nights crying myself to sleep. After the new wore off and the money stopped being spent, the kids saw that it was just her way of making them like her and that gave her footing to fit in the "family" scene. She is still wonderful to my children, but she too finally realized that money doesn't buy love and began to spend more quality time instead of quantity with them. Now, the kids are back to normal and love to be with me, even though I don't have lots of money to spend on them. Just stay strong and continue to let your daughter know that you love her unconditionally and whatever you do, don't let her know that you are so hurt by the situation. My children do call the girlfriend Step-Mom, even though their Dad has not married her yet. That bothered me at first because I didn't want anyone to take my place. I soon realized though that, she wasn't taking my place, but just loving my kids the way that I do. Of course, when they get in trouble at their Dad's, they want to come home and when they get in trouble with me, they want their Dad. Divorce is so hard on kids. I am a child of divorced parents and it sucked to go through that. I just try to be there for the kids, even when they are telling me how much they dislike me....I just return with "I love you guys more than you could ever know and it's okay that you are mad at me. After you settle down, you will remember how much you love me too." I know that it takes some kids longer to adjust than it does others, but just be patient and she will come around. How old is your daughter? This could have a lot to do with the situation also. The older the child, the harder it seems to be. I was 16 and I rebelled and turned against the parent that I felt was to blame in the divorce. It took several years for me to realize that Mom and Dad just were not compatible and that I still loved them both, no matter what. I know that you are hurting right now, but I promise...things WILL get better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Some of our journeys are just longer than others.

Make sure the other woman isnt spoiling her or being coached into be called mommy?