Seeking Mom's with Advice on Potty Training My 3 Year Old

My son did exactly the same thing and I've heard that other boys (including my brother back in the 70s) had issues with being afraid to poop in the potty. What worked for my son was something I said just being silly. I told him it was such a shame that he wouldn't poop in the potty because the poop really wanted to go swimming. I would make silly voices and say "Let me out! I really want to go swimming!" He thought that was hilarious, and for awhile after that, whenever he would flush the toilet after pooping, he would wave at the toilet and say, "Bye, poopie, have a nice swim!" Hey, whatever works!

I had a similar problem with my son, he would ask for a diaper so he could poop. I think it was a control issue and so after 3 months, he finally did it in the toilet and has since. I would talk to him and if he wants to be in charge to ask for the diaper. It's easier than the underwear.

Hi Z.,

Here are some web sites about potty training:

http://www.parentingtoddlers.com/pottytraining.html

http://www.thediaperfreebaby.com/

http://potty-training.suite101.com/article.cfm/elimination

Hope this helps. D.

I've actually had this problem with my second born child, who is now 22 yrs. old. I have four boys altogether. It turned out that he was actually afraid to see the log in the potty. It scared him to death and then he would feel sad to see it flush away in the big potty!

Some children are sensitive and as wierd as it sounds, attached to their body extrements, so I had to come up with ways to make it fun as opposed to scary and let him know that the poopy wanted to go away, as opposed to staying with him. It was indeed challenging but he turned out to be a pretty good man! Good luck

Take him to the store and let him pick out big boy underwear. That will be the end of him pooping in his pants.

I had the same problem with my daughter. I noticed she would poop (in her pants) when she was playing with toys, so I started to put her on the potty and give her the "My First Leappad" to play with. She was able to relax enough to poop. After a week or two of doing this she no longer needed to toy to poop on the potty. I'm hoping this works with me son that I am about to start training.

My son did the same thing. I took advice from co-workers and a magazine article and made him clean it (with help). For most people this works within a couple days but my son is very stubborn and it took 2 weeks but finally he got sick of rinsing his underpants and stopped. He's rarely had an accident since. The trick is, when he complains they are too hard to clean or he doesn't want to do it, you can't give in and take over the clean up. If he flat out refused and laid on the ground and did that little act, I put them in the bathtub and he had to go to time out till he was ready to clean them. That changed his mind in a couple minutes.

I had a lot of trouble with #2 as well. I ended up regressing some and letting him start from the 1st step. I made him go in the bathroom to poop in his diaper. Then after a few days he had to sit on the little potty with the diaper. Then we would take off the straps of the diaper. Then I put the diaper in the potty. Then I cut the diaper so it was just a circle in the bottom of the potty. Then I put toilet paper there. Then I put the paper in the big potty. I know it sounds like a lot but he knew he had to go but for some reason was reluctant to go out of his diaper. So start with whatever step you are at and try from there. We also did a chart so he knew his accomplishments, but also to help end a step. He would fill say 3 blocks and then we'd move to the next step and make another chart for him to fill. He'd be excited to be done a chart, yet we were able to transition a little easier. Good luck, it looks like you've got lots of other great ideas as well.

My son did the same thing when he was potty training. He would hide behind a particular chair in our living room and complete his BM, then tell us he had done so. I handled it by taking a week off from my job and focusing on his potty training taking out the variable of the babysitter who was also caring for other children. Don't get me wrong. She was wonderful, but I felt if he and Mommy had this time together, he would get the idea. And it worked!

My son did not have this fear. However, many children at this age are afraid of the comode. They are afraid they will be pulled into the swirling water when they flush. You need to talk with him and see if thinks this way. Another idea many children have at 3 is that their stool is part of them and they don't want to give up part of them. Children are so magical in their thinking between 3 and 5. You really have to find out what he is thinking.

I hope my experiences are helpful to you. When I stayed home with him, I had very definite guidelines with the potty training. He had to wash out his underwear when he soiled them with soap and water. After a couple of these experiences, he used the potty appropriately. I also did not reward him with food when he was successful. I would give him a reward like reading a book together.

Good luck. Potty training is one of the least fun tasks of parenthood in my opintion, but a necessary one.

A.

My son did the same thing, he's now 7. All I did was when I saw him start to do his duty I would scoop him up and take him to the bathroom. Because we had taught him to pee standing he had a hard time with the potty and his feet not touching the ground, so we had to resort to the lil training potty, so when he sat his feet could touch the ground and he could kind of brace himself. After a few weeks he got the hang of sitting on the potty and we were able to get him to the big potty. Helps also if he really looks up to Dad. Dad can help by letting him know that even Daddy has to sit to go #2. Other than that patience and consistancy!! Good luck!

My Daughter was was the same way, it took her longer to poop than pee. Part of the problem was the sound the poop made and sometimes it would splash on her butt and it scared her. If you potty trained him to stand up then sitting down to do his thing may be what is worrying him. I would recommend trying to catch him when he is starting to poop or if he goes the same time everyday and put him on the potty right before he goes so he can learn that it is okay and he can do it.

First thing that needs to happen is you need to stop talking about the fact that he only goes pee in the potty in front of him. Next you need to ignore the fact he won't. Just focus on making the fact he poops in his pants as nasty and irritating for him as possible. With out saying it. When you take off his pants to change them get it down his legs, or better yet make him do it. Don't make it easy. Don't set out clothes make him get them. The harder it is on him the harder he will try to do it in the potty. Tell him that all kids have trouble doing it but after practicing they all get it and so will he. (this will encourager him to try. At the same time it's showing how unpleasant it is to poop in his pants. He might say it doesn't bother him but over time it will get annoying.

You're are lucky summer is fast approaching. The perfect time to go without a pullup. Messy business for sure, but easier when he can be outside and clothing is not so difficult to remove in time-I highly recommend stretchy waistbands in lieu of snaps & zippers. Boys do take more time, it seems, they just don't seem so freaked out by the 'ickiness' factor. Rewards for achievement work too- this is the only thing I ever made a chart for. 5 poops got a special toy-a super large magic marker kit,in our case, and only 5 times to make it easily forseeable- special toy by the end of the week! Then make it 7 or 10, then it will be second nature. Find that special things he wants and make it currency. We also passed the vibe that they just don't MAKE pullups for 4 yo's, only up to 3yo's. It's just big boy business, a matter of fact, it's just the way it is. Seems very frustrating- I KNOW! But it will just click in- you'll see, you have the whole summer. Don't let the pressure of something that far away in the scheme of things freak you out- he will only pick up on it. It's a natural process, just let it happen.

I would definitely recommend the Diaper Free Baby book and website (www.diaperfreebaby.com).

My son is now 17 months old and partially potty trained... we are taking our time and enjoying the process. My son would pee successfully, but would not have a bowel movement and would be reluctant to sit on the potty when having one. As I watched him, I sensed that look of embarrassment on his face when he was having a bm. So, I altered my approach. Whenever I saw him having one, I wouldn't rush him to the potty, but would go up to and speak quietly to him and tell him that he is having a bm and that it is ok and that he should not be embarrassed... I did this all the time before trying to get him to the potty/toliet. It was also great if he wasn't wearing pants/diaper and then he could see it come out and we could look at it. Then, I would clean and we would take it to the toliet together. I also made a point of taking him to the bathroom with me whenever I go... when I am having bm, I would let him know and let him look in the toliet before I flushed it. Now, sometimes he has his bms in the toliet/potty... and other times in the diaper, but he does not seem embarrassed like he did before....

In your case, I would really try to tune into what the issue is... and go from there. He could be embarrassed, or maybe his bowels just move quickly without warning... my son is much more successful at holding his urine than his bms... It is so great your son is peeing in the toliet... just be patient... it sounds like you are doing a great job and your son is defintely on the right track.

Ah! One other thought: maybe he needs to be in more of a squatting position like toliets in Eastern countries vs. toliets of Western countries (where we sit). Maybe try letting him have his bm on a piece of paper near the potty/toliet... maybe it is a positional issue. Then you and he can try to adjust to having a bm while sitting vs. squatting? Just a thought.

Try the Once upon a Potty book or DVD. You can get it from netflix. It has worked with all of my kids. The last one I potty trained was my one high-need child. She liked to watch the movie and imitate it. I put her little potty in the living room and then when we got the hang of that we started using the big potty. It is such a big step learning where to make deposits. Hang in there. He will get it. I have also used potty candy along with the video. They get 1 skittle or m&m for #1 and 2 for #2. If you give candy to your 9yr too every time the 3yr. is successful then you will have a motivated cheerleader

I had the same issue with my daughter however, her's was more painful (almost constipation)than normal. First I did get her a little potty and almost had to time when she would use the potty. Sitting her on the potty for 15 minutes everyday did the trick for me. Once she got the hang of pee & poo in the potty, I had to get a stool for her feet to rest on when she was on the big potty. Have you thought about it hurting him when he is on the big pot? A lot of pediatricians would say that a child needs to place their feet firmly on and not have their feet dangling when on the big potty. When they are able to brace themselves by having their feet flat on the floor(little potty) or on a stool (big potty), it would become easier and easier. Hopes this helps.

I had a child who could not wait to go to school, so that was my ace up my sleeve. He knew he could not go to school if he could not go poo & pee in the pot & not in his pants. If your son is as excited about school as mine was this could work. Good luck.
T.

My advice is to skip pullups and try a couple of days without pants and let him make the association with poppy and the potty. Let him watch daddy poop and the older sibling. try stickers as a reward. do give up.

Hello Z.:

I was reading your story until I go to the end of the story. What I would suggest, since he does not like to poop in the potty. Then ask you husband to take him to the bathroom, when he feels the urge to do so. I know it sounds a little bizarre, but believe me it works. My son would do what ever his father would do. God called my husband home when my son was 10years of age, this was my second marriage, and my husband first and oly child, so you see they were very close. Talk to your husband first, and let your husband explain that he can not start school unless he poops, tell your husband to tell him, if does not poop in the potty, he will run his friends away from him. Because his little friends will feel he is not a big boy and only babies do not poop in the botty. I think this work,if you decide to work on him now. Reward him when he does poop in the potty. Have a little party for him. Show him how proud you and the family are of him.

Hi Z., MAYBE he's scared of the water splashing his cute butt when the poopie came down. What about if you try the compact potty or travel potty from One Step Ahead and see if he will do it there. At least there'll be no water splashing around and you can just easily throw away the plastic afterwards. The website is www.onestepahead.com. Also you can try using "reward system on the wall" to entice him. Give a star sticker everytime he does it in the potty. And after 5 or 10 stars, he will get a new hot wheels car or you will take him to IHOP.... Don't promise an expensive toy though... ;-)
Other than that... he WILL do it when he's ready. Good luck!

- A. purba -

Dear Z.,
When I was a three-year old preschool teacher, I took some classes at the local community college in early child development. To my surprise, I learned that a lot of kids (especially boys, for some unknown reason)feel afraid to poop in the toilet because they feel as if their insides are coming apart.
Oftentimes, the poop looks scary to them (in the pot), as well. Obviously, the poop is going to come out eventually. When it does so in his pants, it's probably after he has tried to hold it in. Try making a game of it, creating a story about how his poop, now that he's older, needs to swim in the toilet bowl water to get to it's next destination.
Here's hoping this helps!
Blessings!
J. F.