Seeking Help for 9 Yr Old Son's Attitude

Be strong, honey. You have to be both Mom and Dad and that means you must draw a hard line with your sons. Don't give him a choice in the matter. He either does what you say, or there are consequences in store for him. Whatever means of punishment you choose to use, be consistent and don't ever waver. I raised 5 of those little boogers and as much fun as they were, they tried my patience every minute of every day. You'll do alright, just don't let them see you break.

Hello S.,

Here are my 2 cents of questions/ideas. some may be naive since my son is not 9 yet... but he'll be there in Nov.

sounds like he might have problem concentrating. does he take any medication? allergy meds affect them. could allergies be affecting him at school and he can't concentrate? what is he having for breakfast? bigger questin yet, is he eating any breakfast? my son will drink chocolate milk in the morning and nothing else. So I add liquid vitamins to it and also some pear (baby food) to add some fiber. I also add "valerian calm" from Herbs 4 kids (at sprouts) I put 2 droppers in the morning and no more. the recomended dose is 2 - 3 times per day. I find that he's more calm in school. it does not make him drowsy or dopey either. I do give him breaks from it too.

Is he sad/upset about something? have friends moved away? is he going to bed too late? too much soda/caffeine or the wrong type of sugar? is he sleeping well? my husband read somewhere that kids should not use the computer or watch tv 1 hr before bedtime because their brains will be too wired and they won't get a good rest.

is the classroom to 'loud' or 'too distracting'? could he have dislexia? is he having trouble reading? have him read to you and see how he does. is he afraid of doing something wrong in front of other kids? or is he having trouble and don't want to be the last one finishing? how is his vision? how is his hearing? any bullies at school?

take tv and games away and like the previous one suggested, make him earn it back. is he in any groups? church group, scouts, etc? is he jealous of the attention the 2 year old gets? can you spend a bit more time with him? maybe just read something to him. play a game with him. have him show you how to play a video game. maybe he just needs more time with you. so make some chamomile tea and a few deep breaths and try and set up something just for the 2 of you where you don't judge him for any thing. and one thing that I sometimes forget to do...try and catching doing the right things.

I know I went all over the place and I hope any of these will help. Good luck!

S.~I really don't have any advise, but to just wish you luck. I have a 9 year old step son who is the EXACT same way. We found out that he's got a mild case of ADHD. He wasn't doing his work in class, lying about having homework, being beligerant to his teahcers and spending quite a few hours in the principals office. We got him some counciling and took out EVERYTHING in his room except for his desk, dresser and bed. He's having to earn all things back by "buying" them with points that he's earned by doing things around the house. It seems to be working. He's brought home A's & B's on his last report card and we haven't had a problem with him not getting his work done since.

Good luck!

I would take everything away and make him earn it back.
I'd also find some books about children his age in other countries/situations that have NOTHING (literally) and teach him to be happy for what he has.
Perhaps some counseling?

Hello, this may help or you have already tried, but I am a special education teacher and work with behavioral/emotional disordered children. Not that your child has either of those problems, but I use this with my own child. I have found that a simple chore list is very beneficial to you and your child. If you set specific guidelines for him to follow and he chooses not to do so, then you limit what he is allowed to do. I set up a system with my child, who is 5, that when he completes his chore he places a sticker on that day, and when he has so many stickers he is rewarded. Rewards can be as simple as TV rights, play station, an allowance, etc... Just remember, nagging and yelling do not work. Children will tune you out and then you sound like a annoying yakking dog. I learned this the hard way, I thought if you kept on them they would eventually complete the task you wanted them to do. That is not the case, they will ignore you, and soon stop listening all together. Also, ignoring will not help the situation either. I know there is a theory about ignoring misbehavior and they will stop doing it. Well, that may work with younger kids, but older ones will feel like you don't care and may make the behavior worse. Work on eliminating one bad behavior at a time- Although your kids may have several behaviors that are driving you up the wall, it is best to focus on one behavior at a time . When you focus on just one behavior, the chance that you will be able to get your child to stop the behavior is increased. Also, immediately correct the behavior and enforce the consequences- As soon as the rule is broken again or the behavior continues, then you must immediately follow through with the punishment.
Finally and most importantly, recognize your child's effort- Acknowledge all small changes in your child's behavior; doing so increases the chance they will continue to try to change.
- one more thing, have you had a meeting with his teacher, to see if there is something going on at school? (attention problems, vision, distractions, conflict with peers, etc..)

The first thing I would advise is to not punish him, until you find out the source of the problem. If he is suffering from ADD he probally is already frustrated himself not understanding why he cant get his work done and making him feel insecure and dumb. I would speak with your pediatrician for some guidance on a more personal level and rule out those types of behavior issues. I do have a few rules which are no tv or computer (unless doing research) to include playstation during the school week. Not even when homework is done. Best rule I ever made. When my kids are done with homework and there is down time they play board games or go outside and play. My sons attitude (though not at first) is totally different and he sleeps better at night. He gets 4 hours of tv, playstation, or computer on holidays or weekends if were home.

It may not be that he refuses to do the work. It might be that he is distracted by what others are doing around him. Therefore he has trouble concentrating on his work and having a lot of homework. I had this problem in school and was diagnosed with ADD. Once I was on my medicine I could concentrate better and got more work done. Hope this helps. If you want to talk about it more feel free to contact me.