Seeking How Other Moms' Handle Play of Video Games (DS), Computer, & TV Time

Hi J.,

We have a 30 minute limit on electronic games. It can get so out of hand without limiting the time. They can earn a little extra time if they read more than their 30 minutes required - for every 5 they read they earn an extra minute on DS, etc.

Hope this helps!

Good luck!

We came to an agreement as to how much time he was allowed to play video games (which for us is only on the weekends - Friday after school and Sat & Sun). Once that was determined, we used popsicle sticks and a timer. Each popsicle stick was worth 20 minutes. He could pull out the popsicle sticks whenever he wanted (unless he was in trouble), but once they were all gone - they were gone and that was it for the weekend. This helped him learn time management as well. And on special occasions or if he did extra chores or what not, he could earn sticks back or trade in some of his allowance for sticks. This gave him all the "power". Good luck. I know it can be tricky. Wish you all the best.

J.,
My boys are 6 and 9 years old. We have a rule that there are no video games until Friday after school. This starts Sunday evening after dinner, so as not to disrupt the bedtime routine. They can get on the computer to sites that I choose once their homework is done and they are allowed limited TV after reading each day. Sometimes they don't ask about the computer or TV, and know not to even ask about video games. The key is to never waiver from the rules. Good luck!

It looks like you have received lots of advice! I'll add mine,just because it have been a life saver for me. I have four children, the oldest being 8 and 7. They both love the computer and would play for hours on end. I finally came up with a plan that everybody seems to enjoy.

I made up some simple "computer bucks" that they can earn by either reading, or practing their musical instrament (but you could include homework, or whatever activity that you would like to encourage). They earn one "buck", or one minute on the computer for each minute they read or practice. Anyway, my kids have really enjoyed this system. They read like mad, trying to earn and save up these computer bucks. And then, I let them redeem them as they choose (a little at a time, or in a big lump sum). This way, they feel like they have control, and I am not always having to say "no", and I am getting that moderation that I was looking for. By the way, I didn't make any $1's, just $20's. That way, the time is easier to keep track of, and it also pushes them to read a little bit longer or practice the piano/guitar more to earn that next $20 computer buck.

With T.V....I don't know, sometimes kids just need a little of that unwind time, so I haven't really limited this, or included it in the "computer bucks", but I just try to use my own discretion, and when I say it's enough, they just know that it is enough, and I get them doing something else.

I do have to agree with the last response that our kids live in a different world now, and their success in school and work will depend on their computer ability, and (as my husband puts it) their eye-hand coordination that comes from play-stations, etc.. I didn't buy this line from my husband at first, but then I got thinking about a lot of the jobs out there. So many of them require the use of these devices and increasingly, the ability to use a remote. The important thing I feel, is moderation, and that they still must develope their social/communication skills.

Another sidenote that may be different than some of the other responses, is that I don't allow my kids to play the computer on Sundays, it being the "Sabbath". On Sundays I do ask them to find other activities to do. This is where their creative play comes out. This may also be a good day to designate as a time when you spend time together developing other hobbies or interests like: baking, scrapbooking, gardening, writing in a journal, building with Legos, seeing what you can make with play-dough, writing letters to relatives, going for a drive to the mountains, or whatever activity that you can enjoy doing together. I've just layed that law down and they haven't seemed to mind it one bit. It actually served as a nice brake from the rest of the crazy work/school week.

And incase if you are wondering, "Zoo Tycoon" is one of their favorite games to play on the computer. It's a good game that can be picked up at Target or Walmart, and it's not super expensive. They get to design, create and run a zoo all within a budget. I've played it, it's fun.

My son is 8. Dh has a son that is 17 and was totally addicted to video games (& has other emotional problems, that's why he was tuning out the world) and seeing this, we * really * limit video games in our home.

M-TH (school week) NO TV rule. Exceptions are sports with dad. Not long, maybe 30 minutes and it's rare.
FRI - occasional "movie" night with family.
SAT & SUN - 30 minute cartoon show (I forward through mindless commercials) in the morning.

DS - we will never buy one for him.
video game console in our home - Ditto. If he wants to play, he can play at his friends house.

I prefer he do other things with his time. Play, imagine, ride his bike, etc...

But boys especially become addicted to them sometimes (due to lack of boundaries, if I had one, I would limit any electronic media to 30 minutes a day). There is some brain research on this topic. Check out the book BOYS AND GIRLS LEARN DIFFERENTLY by Michael Gurian.
http://www.amazon.com/Boys-Girls-Learn-Differently-Teache...

http://www.michaelgurian.com/

Also check out Jane Healy's book ENDANGERED MINDS
http://www.amazon.com/Endangered-Minds-Children-Think-Abo...

Independent researchers (not paid for media companies) on brain development and media are finding that, among other things, when boys focus on the immediate "here and now" aspect of games (triggering the fight or flight response in the brain) it molds the brain to focus on immediate gratifications and lessens the desire/interest in planning ahead for the future. Scary. Read the books I mentioned and it will lead you to others if you are interested in learning more.

Hi J.,
This age of electronic games is so challenging. My husband and I held off as long as we could from buying our son a game system. He is 6 y.o and we bought his first system Christmas '07. Some would probably think we are quite restrictive. The recommendation for children my son's and your gradnson's age is 2 hours of screen time per day. This includes TV, Video and Computer games. We try very hard to comply with this recommendation. So our son knows that he has 2 hours to divide among the aforementioned screen activities. He is not allowed to play at all during the week when school is in. In fact, he can only watch TV 2 nights a week. He can play 2 hours on Saturday night and Sunday. We use extended play time as an incentive.

He is allowed to play during travel in the car because both of his grandparents live almost 2 hours away but he is not allowed to play when we are just out and about because they are oblivious to their surroundings when they are engaged in playing these games.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

Your grandson's are blessed to have grandparents to stand in the gap in the unfortunate absence of their mother.

We never really allowed video games unless they were V-Tech or learning games. The other option is The Wii because it's very interactive and the whole family can get involved. It's very physical and interactive. You can also limit the time he is allowed to play the game and be sure all other homework etc. is done first and use it as a reward but still limit the time. If he's not responsive you can start taking it away as it seems to be interfering with his behavior. I know we have to limit my son's tv time because his behavior changes if he watches to much television.

good luck,
C.

Hi J.,
in my home, my boys (ages 6 1/2 and almost five) are only allowed to play with their handheld video games, DS (this is the only system they have for now) on the weekends, from friday after-school to sunday. And then, it is usually only for 30 to 45 minutes at a time. They can come back to it later, after they have done something else for at least one hour.

As for TV, they only watch 30 minutes before bedtime Monday thru Thursday, and about 2 hours per day on the weekend.

THe computer is only 1/2 hour at a time on the weekends also.

I see these rules become more difficult to enforce because my mother has them home this school year from 3 p.m. to about 5 when I get home. I know I have to be very clear with her.

Prior to her, these guidelines worked well for us.

Good luck to you and the other caregivers...THey are two lucky boys to have so much love around them.

I think each child is different but as for me & my house, the rule is provided they behave nicely (no yelling at each other or the TV) [& as long as their homework & chores are done] they can play. The moment they ignore something I have asked or said, or they argue over a game or show - it is done. They know, all I do is give them the look & they turn everything off. They also know that that in turn means their rooms better be clean etc... Good luck & God Bless!

Hi J.,
We limit ALL "screen time", (no matter what type it is) to no more than 1 hour/day. Often my son will break it up to two 1/2 hour segments (ie, computer 30 minutes in am, TV or video game 30 min in p.m.). All homework must be completed before any p.m. screen time. I encourage him to play outside or with other toys before screen stuff... he always hears from me "TV & video games don't help your brain grow" We also use a timer, as soon as it goes off, the thing gets turned off immediately! If I get a hassle, he loses the privelege for the next day. This works for us. He likes knowing the rules and what is expected of him. Good luck!

I have 3 children(ages 11,9,3) I read some wonderfully, helpful tips in a "Family Fun" magazine. The biggest hit in our house is the "chore jar", from unloading the dishwasher to picking up toys(for the 3 year old), they do chores to earn points. After earning so many points get minutes to play the Nintendo Wii, computer time, tv time,or going to stay the night at a friends house. I have a friend(who has 5 kids), this works in her house also. The kids don't get to just play, the have to earn it. Check out the "Family Fun" magazine (even online) they had some wonderful ideas.
For the jar you take any kind of jar, decorate it if you want. Then take craft sticks (either multi colored or all the same) and write chores on them. Put them in the jar, then the kids pick. I use a jar thats wrapped in paper(so they can't see what they are picking). I also have an index card taped to the front that tells what each chore is worth(points/minutes) then they know before they do the chore. Then we keep track of the points, they hae to earn 30 before they can use any.
Hope this idea may help. Good Luck you both sets of Granparent. Your Grand- children are ery blessed, and lucky to have you.

I made a little chart for my 8-year-old daughter. It lists her daily responsibilities (like make the bed, brush teeth, etc.) as well as the fun stuff like TV and computer time (or in your case, also video games). She has 4 "bubbles" each day, each representing 1/2-hour of time. She has to fill in an empty bubble for every 1/2-hour of TV or computer and once the bubbles are full, she knows she's used up that day's allotment. I add an extra bubble for a movie on the weekend days. It works great and she doesn't argue. She manages her time during the day if she knows there's a show she wants to watch in the evening. Some days she uses more computer time, others more on TV. But it's her choice and her responsibility to manage, so it gives her both freedom and limits. Good luck with whatever you choose and bless you for taking such good care of your family!

Hi J.!

These electronic games are both a blessing and a curse. For my 10 year old, we strictly limit his "electronic time" to weekends only and then only if he has done well in school the previous week, has done all his chores, and has shown a good attitude around the house. Even then, I try to limit it to 30 minute blocks of time. If I allow him to play more than that, I might as well give the kid a "supid pill;" the results are the same...he can't think straight, he's unresponsive and his behavior is rude and aggressive. And we make sure he has the "tame" games, not the violent ones!

The hard part is school. Even though the games are banned, kids still bring them and I know my son plays during recess and such. Still, I can control our home and I do and more importantly, my son knows it.

Having said all that, I will admit that his game boy is one of the best electronic babysitters I've ever encountered, particularly when we're on road trips, I'm donating blood or some such thing. There is a time and place for these things, even though I hate the zombie it creates.

If you feel the electronic time is being over done, my recommendation would be to sit down with the other grandparents and your son and map out a game plan: when is it ok, when is it not, what conditions must be met to earn the privelege, etc. Then, everyone sticks to it. No cheating...that's the important part, consistency. You'll have a very rough period of "withdrawls" but once he's over that, he'll be much more pleasant to be around.

Last warning...beware of the sudden desire to "play" at someone else's house. It may be a sneaky way of getting his elctronic fix. Trust me...my son has pulled this stunt on me (and the friend he was visiting was playing very violent games) and one of our neighbor's sons used us for this purpose. It's insidious. Have your grandson bring his friends over to you where you can monitor things. It's loud and intrusive but at least you know, right?

What saved me was having a huge supply of "classic" games available for play. We have Monopoly, Sorry, Battleship, Checkers, Chess, Apples to Apples, Clue, Risk. Believe it or not, once kids start playing these games, they love them. It's the concept of a board game that requires human interaction that they're uncomfortable with. I had a houseful of kids all summer (up to 8) all clamoring to play these games, so I know kids do enjoy them. <g>

You've picked a tough battle, one that really goes against society. I've gone up against many people on this, especially my mother. But, with consistency, you can develop workable boundaries.

Good luck!

PS: Exceptions...educational computer games or the family approved movie. <g>

My son is not allowed any electronics Monday through Thursday. This includes video games, computer games and TV. If we watch TV, it's a family show that we all agree on. My son is 11 and we've been doing this for about 3 years now. At first there was a little resistance, but now he knows the rules and there is no problem. I tried telling him he could have a 1/2 hour after homework was done, but then he just rushed through his homework. So we stopped doing that. On the weekend, we're more relaxed and kind of let him self-regulate. We're usually pretty busy so he doesn't have too much time anyway. I've definately seen an improvement in his attitude since we started doing this. I hope this helps you.

Hi J.,
I have 4 boys (almost 7, almost 5, 3 1/2 & 1 1/2) - the three oldest constantly want to watch movies or be on the computer. We use a timer system where we allow so many minutes, then they have to switch turns or stop all together. It seems to work. Our guys are still also focused on playing outside and reading / coloring, so that helps. We know other families too that use an eggtimer type system where when it goes off after 15 - 20 minutes that is all they get.

Hi J.-
I had to lay down the law in our house when the boys received a video game system as a gift. I have 9 & 14 yr old boys. There is absolutely NO video games during the week & limited video games on the weekends. I will give them 1/2 hr. each in the mornings on the weekends & about 1 hr at night on the weekends & that's only if all their chores are done. As far as TV goes, the boys can't watch TV during the week unless all their homework is done & they watch what my husband & I watch with them. (usually Animal Planet) I do allow TV on the weekends, again only if the chores are done. I try do be with them outside on the weekends as much as possible. Fortunately my boys are super active & very involved in sports so it makes things a bit easier for me to inforce this rule. good luck & happy playing :)

My condolences on the loss of your daughter-in-law. You are to be commended for stepping up and helping to raise your grandkids. The best way to deal with video games is not to have them around at all. My son (age 9) does not have an X-Box, Play Station, Wii, or Game Boy. Yet he does not feel deprived. He and his friends play at our house and always have a great time. OK, he does have one computer game that he likes to play. But he must earn computer time by reading. For every minute that he reads, he earns a minute of computer game time. By making computer time a reward, my son appreciates it more than if he was allowed to play all day. He also gets in a lot of reading, which is always a good thing.

On school nights we limit TV to one program either before or after dinner. There are exceptions for special programs of course. On weekends he can watch more. But he must have his homework all finished before even thinking about turning on the TV or computer.

Another suggestion would be to get some simple board games, cards, or Legos that the boys can play with together or with their friends. This would encourage social interaction. I've seen too many kids in the US sitting together playing Game Boys and not interacting with each other. When my son's friends are over, they often build fantastic structures with Legos. They also play imaginative games with action figures of pirates, knights, and soldiers.

In our home, we limit regular video game time to 30 minutes per day, unless we give special permission. In order for our daughter to play, she needs to have completed her homework and chores and is required to read daily for ten minutes per grade level (she's in fifth grade, so she reads for 50 minutes per day). This seems to work on a regular day to day basis, but some days we allow her to play more.

Here's some other guidlines we adhear to:
- We are ALWAYS present while she plays her games.
- If she behaves rudely (including being unresponsive while playing) to others while she's playing, she must immediately turn it off for the day.
- All games must be age appropriate (all games now come with a rating: ie. rated Y is for youth up to age 8 while Y10 is for kids 10 and older. You've gotta read the description on the case to understand what their rating means).

Video games are a ton of fun and they teach critical thinking, perseverance, and cause and effect. I think there's many benefits to video games, as long as they are played under proper supervision and care. My daughter has a great time sharing her games with us.

Have fun!!! 8^D

Hi J.,
I'm sorry about your daughter in law. It's nice that your grandson has you to help take care of him.

If you think your grandson is spending too much time, sit him down and set a limit for each activity. Then use your kitchen timer to time him. When the bell rings he's done. We had to start this with my niece when she would spend hours on her video game. I don't set limits with my son, who is 6. He doesn't use the computer unless he is working on an educational program and he doesn't do many video games. He does like to watch TV to relax after school but we just turn it off if we think he's watched too much and we offer to record what he is watching to watch at a later date. Between bed and dinner we only play games together (usually board games) and read books.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Hi J.,

First, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter-in-law's accident. It sounds like you and the other grandparents have really pulled together to help create a good life for your grandsons. Congratulations!

I have 10-year-old and 13-year-old boys and am very familiar with that DS hypnosis! We have two very simple rules in our house: homework and piano practicing come before screen time (includes videogames, TV, computer games ...) and "If you can't turn it off, you can't turn it on." The second rule requires a bit of preparation because we allow the kids to "finish" a part of a game before turning it off. The most important thing is that, if they don't turn it off, we really follow through on not letting them turn it on next time.

Although we haven't needed to set a specific limit to screen time, we have had many conversations about how we're not against all video games, but doing a variety of activities is important. In other words, if they seem to be devoting too much time to screen, then we will set a limit. Luckily, both of our boys are great readers, and can be enticed to a book. Mom and Dad time is important too. We send them outside to play ... you get the picture.

Good luck! You are definitely not alone. E.

With my 11-year-old it's a trade-off--equal time for TV/video games as sports/exercise. For example, since he swims for an hour each day, I allow him to watch TV or play video games for an hour. Good luck!

First I must say you are amazing,and your grandsons are very lucky to have you in their life. As for the DS-screen time issue, I recommend getting a handle on it very early. The problem with the DS and computer games is that nothing is as compelling to them so they get sucked into that world and want to play it all the time. They lose interest in reading, and games that involve imagination. They tune out everyone.

I do not let my child use the computer or DS on school days and I limit the amount of t.v. she can watch (and that is after she has finished her homework). Then on the weekends and friday night, I only let her do a timed amount after she has finished her chores. When I first put restrictions on her, she fought me constantly about it, but now she just accepts it. And if she acts up for any reason she loses her screen time.
I know people that don't let their kids have DS's at all, but it does create a social issue when all the kids are talking about it. And there are some very creative games. Just be firm. The kids I know who are still allowed to play on weekdays coincidentally are not great students. Good luck!

My condolences on the loss of your daughterin law. It must be difficult at times with you and the other grandparents. I have a three year old also and I limit his television watching to strictly educational programs like Sesame Street. Absolutely no Disney Channel (in fact I am limited to about 15 channels through the cable company to avoid Disney channel). We play educational games on the computer together. I think it is good to set up a reward system for computer/tv/video games. If they help you with chores and do their homework and have good behavior, then maybe 30 minutes per day of tv and 10 minutes of computer or video games. You have to be careful about the 7 year old with these, because he may be using his electronics to avoid talking or interaction with you and the other grandparents. Maybe get some board or card games that the three of you can enjoy together. My son likes to play concentration and go fish. Best of luck to you.

Our first rules are that all chores and homework must be done first. Then, when friends are over - say, a sleepover - he can play longer, but otherwise we keep him to about an hour at a time. we also can revoke the privilege, at any time, and take it all away. Our son's pretty good about it, but every now and then we have to ground him from them.

Hi Judy:
I'm a Grandmother as well,and while Grandpa and I don't have full or half custody of them,they spend a great deal of time at out house.I can actually remember,when tvs came out. The experts were outraged and complained,about how corrupt it was for our youth.I can also recall,back in the 50s,when rock and roll began,and the big controversy over the nasty shaking,and dancing around associated with it.It was considered evil,and discusting,and yes there were parents, that absolutely forbid their children to listen to it.I was one of those kids,who supposedly had (evil in them) Because, I loved rock and roll.My mom and dad,both met while playing in the philhamonic Orchestra. Mom was a classical pianist,but,they were wise enough,and open minded enough,to allow all seven of us kids to learn to appreciate and love all variations of music.The only difference,between then and now,is the extrordinary advances made in technology,computers and electronics.Regardless,of the restrictions,some parents put on their use,their children,will grow up spending hours a day on them,with or without their knowledge. They will have at least 45 minutes worth in a computer class at school.The're reasons they offer these classes as part of their education.They offer them,because computer savy,will not only be a must for college but,There are few if any professions, today without it.As long as your children, show an interest,and provided they don't ignore or fall behind their other responsibilities,there is no reason to hold them back,or treat their interest in learning how to use the computer,Like an (evil) your permitting them to get away with for spurts of time.They retreve important information,and games,( Many experts believe to be an advantage)Many believe,it teaches children problem solving, tactics, and improved motor skills.I agree.J., I honestly believe, that as long as your Grandson is doing well in school,and getting some physical excersise outdoors, with friends or in a sport,that theres no need to put unreasonable restrictions on him.There are so many,that put to much emphasis,on what they can control or prohibit their children to do. Their energies would be better served for an otherwise out of control,juvenile. Just one opinion.I wish you and your Grandsons the very best.

Hi Judy,

God bless you as you help raise your grandchildren. My son is too young yet for video games, but friends of mine told their three sons they could play video games on Saturday mornings until noon. Now boys got up at 5:00 am and played straight until noon, but that was the only time they were allowed to play. It also helped that they were very busy during the week with sports and other activites.

Good luck,
M.

We do not allow our son to play video games on school days. In addition, when he does have privileges, we set a timer or dole out "video games tickets" allowing him a certain amount of time to play. We don't usually let him play for more than an hour a day or more than a half hour without taking a break. Our son has been playing video games for about 4 years now.

Hello J....I don't know if this will help...but my son is almost 6 & absolutely loves the video games...be it on the DS, Wii or computer. The way we have really limited his time is that he has to earn time to play, and if he doesn't have any time earned, he doesn't play. If he has only earned 20 minutes to play, that is all he gets to play. For example, I made a chore chart, and for every 2 chores my son completes, he receives 5 minutes of Wii or computer time. I included simple chores such as making his bed, getting dressed in the morning without complaining, brushing & flossing his teeth-along with regular chores like unloading dishwasher, picking up dog poop, emptying the trash, cleaning room before bed. It has really really really worked for our family! I actually got the idea from one of the nanny shows on TV. It is also a GREAT way to encourage POSITIVE enforcement instead of taking away the video games when he is naughty. One other thing we do is give him a warning...meaning letting him know how much time he has to play, but 3 minutes before his time is over, we let him know "hey you have 3 minutes then it's time to put it away"...and this has worked wonders too because he is not so shocked to have to put his beloved video games away suddently.

Hope this helps...I know it has for us! You are a blessing in this little boy's life. Enjoy him.

Hi J.,
With my children, we make it clear that video game, computer and tv time are "rewards" not "priveleges." So, there are certain things that need to be complete - ie., homework, chores, etc. before getting reward time and even so, the time must be restricted. Unfortunately, this comes with a lot of supervision which is timely on our parts.

S.

As long as they complete homework/chores/piano practice, my kids are allowed two movies worth of time(about 3-4 hrs) to watch movies, tv, or play games. If they don't get their work done, they don't get any time.

Our 8 year old son must read in an age-appropriate chapter book, then tell us about what he read. For every page he reads he gets 1 minute of computer or television time. At first there was a lot of resistance, but now that we have found some chapter book series he really enjoys, he is reading all the time! He has a hard time putting the book down...he reads in the car, while he is eating, etc. The other day I had to remind him it's not a good idea to read while going across the parking lot from the car to the store entrance :)

Hi J., I would try and get interested in the game he is playing, ask questions, ask if it is hard, ask if he can show you how to play it, that might get him to open up a bit while playing. If it is TV, same thing, get interested in what he is watching, it might help.

Good luck to you and the other grandparents!

M.

Put a timer because you really don't realize how long they are really playing. Set it for 1/2 hour and let them do each one spaced out through out the day and get them more into reading, playing outside, riding bikes and sports and other things and always make sure homework is done first and they have behaved in school and home before they can do any. Bless your heart to all the grandparents and dad for all coming together in such a tragic event in the boys lifes. Good luck to you all

Hi J.,

I understand your dilemma. My girlfriend came up with this formula for video games, computer games and TV games. I have a 7 year old and it works great. As the adult you have to stick to the rules. Multiply the child's age by 5. The one that is 7 would get to have 2 sessions on his choice of technology. Each session would be 35 minutes (age7 X 5 minutes). The catch is that a full meal, not a snack has to be eaten between the 2 sessions. This way they cannot piggyback all of their video time at once. We also banned all technology games on Sundays. This day they have to read, go outside and play, play a board game, a card game. Anything non-electronic. If it is something educational, like a LeapPad I did not put as much restraints on it. I even let them play it on Sunday.
Of course many times there are exceptions to the rules. If I have a Dr. appointment, I allow my 7 year old to bring his DS and he knows that this is either a session for him or it is a bonus session for him.
TV we just try to use good judgement. My 7 year old loves the Science & History Channels. As long as the subject is appropriate for him, I let him watch educational TV. I do keep an eye on how many mindless cartoons he watches.

Oh yeah, with the video games my son sets his own timer on the oven and is responsible for turning the timer off. This way he knows I will not turn it off and it keeps beeping. By him turning it on and off it makes him more responsible.

I know this is a lot, but I have had great success with it. I also have a 14 year old who has lived by these rules since he was 7. Best Wishes, V.

I am writing before reading other's ideas. So, this is what I do- No TV or WII during the school week. The DS is okay during the week if he has a Dr appt-or something like that. Now, he makes up for it on the weekend. And, what I notice is that my son gets real mouthy when he has what I call "too much screen time". And, when that happens, he loses it all for the rest of the day-or weekend.

I have a 7 year old daughter and we only allow her to play games after homework and chores are finished. Then, we allow only 30 monutes in a day. She can choose the (pre-approved) games she wishes to play, but the only way she gets more time is on the weekend (if we are home and the chores are finished). To help her keep track, we use a timer right next to the computer, so she can see it constantly. Also, we only allow her to play in the living room so that she doesn't sneak in extra time or play unapproved games.
Hope this helps.

My almost 11 year old boy would use all the screen time 24 hours can provide if he could. Instead, he CAN use up to 2 hours a day. With school, homework, etc. he does not get 2 hours a day, and he has to ask before using any screen time at any time, and we can always say he only gets a smaller amount on any day. It keeps us in charge and him knowing it. When bad behavior surfaces, screen time is taken away for a week at a time. Good behavior or such can allow for small screen time earned within weeks lost sometimes. I haven't let him use his DS for a long, long time now because it just does something to him. It consumes him in a way. I myself am a 30-something who grew up playing video games and I like them myself, and I play his DS sometimes too, but I have to limit myself as well. It does not seem healthy/right to focus in on something like that for too long. I don't have research or anything, I just have the experiences to retell. Screens are a privilege, not a right. If it is interfering in normal life, it does not belong on all the time... Kids will say it is completely unfair, but it is just completely not what they want to hear from you. Be the adult. :)

I have a friend who has a system I'm thinking about putting into place. She got it from accountablekids.com. Her boys have 4 age-appropriate chores for each time block (morning, afternoon, evening). If they complete a complete block (all 4 chores) they get a ticket for 30 minutes of "Screen Time" -- that means anything with a screen: TV, computer, gameboy, etc. That looks really good to me, because I think about 1.5 hours/day is plenty, right?

Good luck.

Only one of my kids is into video games - she's 10. Our rule is no more than one hour a day, broken into half hours, and only after ALL her work is done, including piano, bath etc. I set a kitchen timer so she knows when it's up. Good luck!

First of all, bless you for stepping up to the plate in the wake of your daughter in law's tragic accident. i only hope that your son may be able to find a way to not travel so much....that said, my son is 11yrs old now, but since he was 7, i have had a contract with him in regards to video & computer games. 1) we sat down as a family & made a list of household chores 2) we divided these chores between dad/mom/boy with everyone in agreement on each others duties 3) i then typed up a contract for our son, made him read it aloud, initial after every chore listed, and we ALL signed at the bottom, so that EVERYONE was clear as to what was expected for each individual as being part of the family. every year, we adjust the contract to "fit his age" & appropriate chore level. he knows that he has to finish his particular chore(s)for the day before he can play video/computer games (1 1/2 hrs during wk & 2-2 1/2 hrs on the wkends). he has a regular nighttime routine & bedtime, so if the chores are not done, no games. if the chores are done & it only leaves him w/a 1/2 hr to "spend", then that's what it is. this has REALLY taught him the ways of the REAL world & responsibilities - "WORK BEFORE PLAY". just to give you an example of what duties he's had over the years....at 7, he was responsible for cleaning up all toys/clothes/books off of the floor in his room or laying around the house, emptying the bottom level of the dishwasher. at 8yrs, those chores remained & we added emptying the bathroom & bedroom trashcans. at 9yrs, same chores remained & we added dusting the coffee table & end tables in the living room only. at 10yrs, we added what we call "P.U.P." (picking up the dog poop). now, at 11yrs old, we no longer have the dog, so we replaced that chore w/ONE "miscellaneous" chore per wk (such as helping me clean out his closet, helping dad wash the car, etc..) those chores are usually done on the wkend, and if he is playing w/his friends & CHOOSES not to do the misc. chore, that's fine....but no video/computer game when he comes home. this really gives him some power to decide what is important to him & thankfully, he chooses mostly to play w/his friends & spends less time w/the video games!! win, win, win! i know this was long winded, but i hope it may help you w/some ideas...

Hi J.! This is a hard one. The DS is good when we go out but at home it is like you said, when my girls(7 and 10) play them they become unresponsive. My husband and I have set the rule that no computer, or video games until homework is done. They then can have an hour on the computer and an hour of video games unless it is bed time. We also have to watch out towards bed time because once they start playing it is hard to get them to stop even if it is bed time. If they stay up after bed time because they didn't stop the game it is no games the next day and half hour earlier to bed.

Hi Judy, this is how we handle it all. During the School year, my kids are not allowed to play video games at all (with an occasional exception such as a family gathering, etc.) On the weekend, they each get an hour per day (again there is an occasional exception) By the time my 7 year old son gets home from school, has a snack and does his homework there's usually only time for 1/2-1 hour for TV before dinner bath and bed. Then on the weekends there's sports, playdates and birthday parties so there are days he just has no time for the video games. Saturday evening through Sunday afternoon is time designated to family (dinner & movie, big breakfast and an outing). One big thing, he does not and cannot have a hand held game at all. That would be the end to our rule enforcement. I think they are easy to sneak since they're so small.
If possible try to get him involved in outside activities, sports, cub scouts, a hobby that one the grandparents is into (woodworking, fishing, etc.) Dave the DS for road trips and special occasions. Good luck to you.

Regarding video games... my husband and I do not quite agree on this issue with our youngest, who just turned 9 (the other three are in their 20's) so creating rules we can both accept was key. Our rule is 60 minutes a day on school days, and only after homework and chores are done. On weekends he gets more time. He is an active child with varied interests, and that plays a part in our time allowances. If weight were an issue, or if he were a sedentary kid by nature, we would probably have stricter limits.

The main rule in our house has more to do with attitude than with time. If we remind him that his time is up, or almost up, and he fusses about it too much, he knows he is in danger of losing his game time the next day. Once the rules are set, they need to be followed, but a bit of leeway on our side is needed, too. For example, don't expect him to turn it off the minute you ask him to. It usually takes a few minutes to get to a place where you can stop your game without losing your progress. Not important to us, but important to the game player. Also, we try not to disturb our son during his game playing time. That is only courteous. Yes, children are unresponsive when playing video games - they are focused, and concentrating on the game. We allow him more game time when ill, or during long car rides.

With one of our older sons, the whole video game thing became a problem when he was about 10, so we took it away for several months. You have to be prepared to fill the gap if you take such drastic measures - and I mean filling it with YOUR time. Playing games, coloring, going to the park, cooking together, reading to him...

I am a grandma, too, and I just do not know how I would deal with your situation. It sounds as if your grandson is using video games as an escape. I had a difficult childhood myself, and reading was my escape. Reading soothed me when I was upset, and cheered me up when I was depressed. Books became my close friends. They never let me down. I would have been in a bad way if someone had tried to regulate my reading time.

How tragic that your son cannot find a job that allows him to be close to his kids, who have already lost mommy. Thank goodness the kids have grandparents who care so much!

J.,

Sorry for your family's loss. Your son and grandkids are lucky that you and your husband were willing to step in and help. I applaud you for recognizing early that your 7 year grandson may be too involved in his video games.

My kids are only 3 and 5 but they both have Leapsters (learning games). At this time, I've not had to set limits because they don't play them every day and when they do play them, it's 30 minutes tops. Down the road if they were to want to play them more, I'd limit it to 30 min in the morn and 30 min in the afternoon. At least that is my thought right now.

As for TV. They watch 30min - 1 hr a day. Some days none at all. It's always been this way, so we don't have any TV issues here. Again, not yet anyway. Down the road, I would use this to my advantage. Have them earn TV time, etc..

With your Grandson, he is old enough to help around, so let him earn his video game time. Get a timer and let him play when he wants (providing, homework and chores are done - unless of course he is able to play first then get that stuff done - but probably works better the other way around). When the timer goes off that is it. Giving a 10 minute, then 5 minute then 2 minute warning might be good, since it might be frustrating to him to just have the game end before reaching a certain level or what not. I'd try to limit video game playing to once or twice a day for 30 min - 1hr at a time. Or maybe let him pick - TV show, computer or video game. The rest of his time must be spent outside or doing something active.

Best wishes to you,
M.

Hi J....I too am the grandmother of a 7 year old boy who spends every other weekend and Weds with me. I think the best advice is to just limit his video game time. There are positives to these games. They teach fine motor skills and concentration. If they are "learning" videos then that is a plus but sometimes kids just want to play the "fun" ones. Remember, play is the "work" of children.
Good luck with your grandson. I'm sure he's a blessing.
S.

Judy you have some good advise that I am going to try on my 10 yr old too. Has your grandson talked with a counselor, maybe he's still upset or has something else going on in his head. I also wanted to make sure that you are aware of the games he is playing. Most of the DS games I believe are E-for everyone:which means basically no bad stuff-violence, language, sexual content. Those games are the best if he is going to be playing. I also agree that the Wii is a great console and the games for that are appropriate for you and the boys to play together-lots of fun, interactive, family time. Good luck

Hi J.,
My boys are 4 1/2 and 6 1/2. During the school week (M thru Th), they are allowed 40 minutes (2 x 20 min increments) of TV time, or computer time (playing games). On Fridays and weekends, they are allowed 60 minutes (2 x 30 min increments). They use a timer and they know that when it goes 'bing' that means they are all done. With the TV time, if the show is not quite done after 20 min (usually the case) then they are allowed to finish it, of course. Their shows are approximately 23 - 26 minutes. I hope this helps. My condolences on the passing of your daughter in law.

we have time and behavior limits on video games computer games and even TV and films.

if my kids behave, they can play games for an hour after homework. if they misbehave at school or home, then video game privileges are taken away for two days. that's the first thing to go, if they continue to misbehave then all media access is denied, for those two days. (or however long it needs to be)

you just need to find what will work with them. every kid is different, but try everything!

good luck!

Aloha J.; My husband & I live on another island from our grandchildren, so the time we are able to spend with them is more than precious. 2 years ago on our annual day at the zoo, luncheon and talk story time, we had 3 of them playing video games from the time we picked them up & even walking through the zoo. Well what's quality time if part of the group has their attention elsewhere. I had about enough of video playing and before we left the zoo, I 1st thought of demanding the playing to cease but then took my husband's approach and asked that the games be put away or the one/s that continue to play must tell the rest of us what's been going on at their school, what they've been eating for lunch, places they've been, movies seen, etc. Well we all know that we would have gotten that information while we were having lunch, but the 2 of us were fit to be tied. My husband was surprised at my mild approach but then he did say to the kids that our visits are few and far between so we must cherish our times together and find out what's been happening in each of our lives. Well 1st there was much silence and a few facial expressions of bordom, but after we started talking and having each of the 8 share " what's up " we did not have to speak about the video games then. However the next day, before our family's trip to a breakfast treat and then to the mall, my husband said there'd be on games being taken today but family sharing & talking story will happen instead and if you don't care for today's agenda then perhaps you need to rethink " quality time " is not only that from the adults but for each who are present. The 8 kids had a huddle, 2 pulled away for a short time & even left the room. We were saddened cuz we thought they had chosen to remain home, but to our surprise all 8 joined us for breakfast, each talking over one another and not enough breakfast time to hear it all. We sat in the mall from time to time, to allow the littler ones some rest, but then those who hadn't enough time to share, raced to get onto their grandfather's lap to finish up their story and get another hug and a great big kiss. As grandparents we've learned that we can not stray from those things important to us whether the children are ours or not. Discipline and rules have made their mark with our grandchildren and their parents have found it to be a valuable source instead of a baby sitter. Whenever the 2 of us visit, we ask that we have time to talk, play some silly games but that the TV is turned off, computer time is limited and that video games ( if being played ) have to be taught to us too. You know that explanation of game playing to the older generation is not a child's cup of tea, so game time is normally given up under those circumstances. It's so different nowadays, with parents working and busy with family activities, but if rules are laid then parents/grandparents should stick by them and not be wishywashy about them. Kids will take advantage of anything but when they know business is business and play is play, they normally keep by the rules/standards. Keep the faith because we've seen over the years that all children, no matter the age or nationality, all need to be provided guidelines to have a structured life. We all know how children are, don't just be a friend, you're the parent or grandparent - you don't want to be just loved but you do want to be respected also. It's kind of an unwritten law, but it works in many households and if it were practiced more often, we'd have better behaved children and adults out there. Just an opinion from grandparents who have seen changes but don't give in to excuses. Stand your ground, you'll be loved.