Seeking Advise to Talk to My Teenage Daugher Caught in a Lie

She has used you in a terrible way. Tell her you know the truth and that as of her 18th birthday she needs to be out of your house and on her own. Suggest to her she go live with his mother. If she is grown up to have a baby, she needs to be grown up enough to take care of the baby. She can also go to social services to get financial help as well. It will be tough for her now, but she'll be better in the long run.
If you are to busy being a parent to your grandbaby, you will miss out on that special granparent bond.

Hi S.:
First, I'd sit my daughter down, and have a nice ,calm chit chat with her.I'd ask her,if she really appreciates what you are doing for her and her baby.If she tells you yes,then I'd ask. Then please tell me why you felt you had to lie to me,in regards to child support from the father?I would insist on her paying for her own food and the babies food.I would ask her for a small rent as well.This way, if she becomes neglectful in her duties as a mother,you can use that money for the baby. That is what that child support is for after all.The best of luck to you S.

It's really quite simple, tell her that as of this month or next month you will no longer be supporting her. If you choose to let her stay in your house then so be it but tell her since she cannot be honest with you about the finances she's receiving then she will no longer be receiving any financial help from you.

She has to be an adult now because she has a little person depending on her and you cannot always be her fall back when she can't or won't be responsible. She has to learn that if you make adult choices, then you have to deal with adult consequences and if she's lying about receiving money then you should cut off all financial help.

It's really nothing to discuss because she's an adult and she will make her choices but you don't have to enable her either. I think once you withdraw from paying for things then she will hopefully begin to understand that life is not going to be handed to her. I hate to sound harsh but I sound this way because I understand where you are coming from as well as I grew up in a single parent home and it was a no nonsense home. My mother didn't hand anything to me, everything I got I had to work for and now that I am older, I can appreciate her doing that. I didn't like it when I was a teenager but now I can stand on my own two feet because she taught me that no one is going to support me, I have to work just like everyone else and I don't get rewarded for doing bad.

It's one thing to have a child at a young age, it happens to a lot of people but it's a choice to be honest and to live the right way and you've raised your child, you shouldn't have to be responsible for raising your grandchild or at least it should be optional. Explain to her calmly but firmly that she has to be an adult and lying about getting money is no exception. I believe in a situation like this one, talking won't really help, you will have to show her that you are serious.

Well You are a Great mother.

I'm also glad that she is getting this child support, but how dare her take from your pocket when you have your own family to take care of.

If this was me I would have told her that if your old enough to play the grown up game then your old enough to be responsible, and she should have had a job for the last two years to pay for the babies needs, you are responsible for her but she is responsible for the baby. The end.

But since you are a wonderful parent,things are diffrent. I would not give her anymore money. You have a month or so until you are no longer responsible for her. Since she toke advantage of you, you have no resposibility to her. Let her know that you found the check and she needs to pay for things herself, and that when she is 18 or September 1st she will need to leave or start paying rent for the 2 of them to continue living their. Let her know that you have always been their for her and you are hurt that she has taken advantage of you. Tell her and give her a list of the things that she will be responsible for like:
1. $200.00 rent-this covers a roof over your head and food
(you decide what it covers & how much & when it's due).
2. to live here for $200.00 you are responsible for, dishes
3 nights a week, vacuuming the house twice a week and so on.(you decide what she sould be responsible for to help you out).
3. you need a job and a sitter. I don't do it for free unless I decide that this time I'll do it for free. I'll let you know before I baby sit.
4. I am not responsilbe for your baby when your to lazy to get up and take care of it. Your the parent you get to do it.

Think about your list for a few days and change it if you need to. But you need to make her responsilbe, Tough love for this one. Remember she is the one that toke advantage of you first, and you don't even know for how long.

Love goes both ways, one can't always be the giver, someone has to refill the candy jar right. If she is going to treat you this way then you treat her the same way until she catches on that it sucks, and starts treating you better. When my kids tell me no, I don't want to. Or they just don't do what I asked. That's when I start giving it right back to them. (mom I need you to take me to susies? That's nice but I don't want to.)they have to find another way to get their.

I think that if you make her be a grown up and start paying for her own things she will become a great person. She sees you as a great roll model, for taking care of her and her child, But she won't tell you that until she is out on her own. I know it's your grand baby and you love them dearly, but at 18 she needs to figure out life like the rest of us. Good Luck! J.