Would You Charge Your Kids Rent?

Here is what mine and my husbands parents both did to us. As long as you are in school, no money was expected. If you weren't in school you paid rent, part of the electric and helped. You helped around the house even if you were in school. We took in his little brother and he stopped going to school. We later kicked him out because he refused to help financially and he wouldn't go back to school.

My parents DID charge me rent (a very small amount...$150/ month) as long as I wasn't in school. If I was in school at least 1/2 time then I did not have to pay. It was one of the best things they ever did to teach me financial responsibility (also to inspire me to stay in school and then get out on my own!)

Yes charge her rent! My 21 yr old sister had to move back home with a newborn baby after it didn't work out between her and the dad. My dad (who she moved in with) is a very wealthy man and after a year of her living there, he started charging her rent too. Everyone felt it wasn't fair because my Dad has so much money but he was simply doing it to teach her some responsibility and to me, it really helped her out whether she'll admit that or not. She's now living completely on her own and financially doing great.
So YES, I truely feel that charging a 19 yr old a reasonable amount of rent is FAIR and if she doesn't like it, she'll just have to find her own place!
Good luck to you and let us know how everything works out!

The rule in our house was that if we enrolled in school fulltime we did not have to get a job or pay any bills, but since she can pay for a tv and a laptop and drop out of school, I certainly think she can pay her own car insurance. I also don't understand why she can't help with chores! I was as spoiled as you get, but I still had to do chores. She is 19....she needs to grow up a little! I personally don't think she should pay "rent", but what about her cell phone bill or her own gas and insurance. What about her mother? Does she lend any money to her?

I paid my mom rent whenever I wasn't going to school (except summers). I think it taught me financial responsibility. I also think it was my mother's way of giving me one more reason to continue with school.

I really believe that your husband is doing his daughter a disservice by allowing her to live free like that with no responsibilities. It was her choice to drop out of school. Also, at what point does it stop and what is it teaching your other children? She is part of the household and has to do her part, especially with such a large family.

I'm sure it's tough for your husband, but sometimes the best lessons are the toughest ones. I know for you it's financial, but it goes much further than that. Try to remind your husband that she has to prepare to live in the REAL world. If she doesn't want to go to school, then there are consequences, period.

Good luck and stick to your guns!!

We are definetly not at that point yet with our children. But my husband and I both have said...the kids can live at home if they are going to school. They must have some sort of job, to pay for their gas and what not. If they are not in school, then they need to get out. If they can pay rent at our house then they can pay rent for an apartment. I moved out when I was 17, by my choice, and have lived on my own ever since. That's not to say I never needed my parents help. But it helped me to be more independent, and defenetly helped me to get a sense of who I am, especially before I got married. She definetly needs to pay you guys rent and abide by your rules and help out around the house if she wants to live there. Maybe if you become a little more strict with her, it may encourage her to want to be out in her own place, even if it's with a roommate.
Good luck!

Yes most definetly. She needs to learn the full concept of responsibility. With everything being her way no wonder she doesn't want her boat rocked. You need to set your husband down and tell him she needs to pay some rent, but most of all she needs to be helping out in the house. Tell her and the husband if she wants to live like she is in a fine hotel living, then she needs to go stay at one. Daddy needs to quit treating her like his little 5 yr old. Trust me we had to really come down on our son. Today my son will tell anyone its the best thing that could have happened to him. It taught him responsibility. Good luck, S.

ABSOLUTELY!!! For one thing, it teaches responsibility, and it also lets them "practice" living on their own. I mean, I paid my mom $200/month rent, plus any of my long distance calls, the internet since it was mine, etc. TRY finding an apartment for that price! But it taught me how to deal with bills, making a budget, all kinds of good stuff, but I was "safe". That's what parenting is in my opinion: teaching children how to do stuff without you, while you're still there to help / protect them. It's how my husband and I were raised, and we'll be doing it with our son when he's 18 and graduated. If the kid is in school (college or whatever) then you can cut it in half during the semester because they're only working part time. Otherwise, you're actually doing your kid a disservice because they're not learning, they're not practicing, they're not building pride in standing on their own. As parents, our goal is not to hold on to our children forever, but to prepare them to thrive on their own. As for not having chores, WHAT THE CRAP??? I'm sorry, but NO WAY can one be expected to just hang out without chores. My mom did the whole "my house, my rules" thing, but we also understood that a household is a family, which is a TEAM. Teams make team efforts, and that includes everyone pulling their weight to make it run smoothly. I think it's crazy to allow otherwise. How will she make it when she eventually moves out? Good luck keeping a roommate! Good luck paying your bills and not getting evicted! Good luck thinking you'll be a good wife/mother! I think you are 100% right to think of rent and assistance.

D.,

We have a 21 yr old son who has a great job and we don't charge him rent, but we are about to. We were paying for him to go to college but when he failed 3 classes one semester we told him that he would have to pay for and pass 3 classes before we started paying again. Well let's just say... that hasn't happened. He does pay for his cell phone, his car payment and his insurance. He is a good kid but he comes and goes (but he does have a 12:00 curfew) and does little around the house. All of the replies to your message have encourage me to finally follow thru with what we have told him - Go to college, don't pay rent - Don't go to college, pay rent. One thing you could do is look into what it cost to rent a small apt these days and figure the utilities and let her know what she would be paying if she were on her own.

Side note: We have been attending Dave Ramsey's, Financial Peace University and we make our 16 & 21 yr old sons go with us. It doesn't cost extra for them to go and they are learning valuable tools for life. The key is that they are learning from someone who is not their parent.

I wish you the best of luck.
K.

YOU BET!! And if she has no bills, what the heck is she doing at Rent -a Center- giving money to sharks! She needs some lessons in personal responsibility. What better way than to pay rent, or better yet, if she's not going to school & bringing in $24K- she can move out & start her own life in an apt. of her own. Buy her some kitchen supplies to help her out the door;)

Get the book, "Boundaries" to help with this; then give HER the book, "The Total Money Make Over."
D

My son is 19. Goes to College full time and holds down a job. He paid for his car himself, pays for his insurance and his cell phone. I occassionally front him money for incidentals (food and gas) but other than that, he pays everything himself.

Now, he lives on campus at his school. He comes home about 2 weekends a month and during that time he helps me with the yard work, with my youngest son (he's one) and with anything else.

I have to say tho...if you're wanting your daughter to pay rent to subsidise your income...that's the wrong way to do it. I'm glad you got to stay home with your kids, but your money situation is yours...not her's.

If she can afford all that she has...even rented, she should be held accountable for what she would be if she lived outside your home. Or she would live by MY rules in MY house sleeping in one of MY rooms.

My theory is that ALL adul children need to be held responsible for their actions. That includes rent and chores.

Sending good thoughts your way.

You would be doing her a favor by teaching her responsibility. When she goes out into the real world, nobody is going to give her a free ride, so she needs to learn responsibility now, while she still has you & your husband to help her through this. If she were in college, I wouldn't charge rent - but since she's not, I'd not only charge rent but a small portion of the other household expenses as well.

Good luck - I have a teenage SD and I think I will be facing the same dilemma soon.

I haven't read any of the responses,so I may be repeating others. My parents never charged me rent and I lived at home till I got married at 21. I did help out around the house however and would expect the same from your daughter. If you decide to charge her rent, maybe make it less than an apartment and without telling her set it aside so that in the future when she's ready to purchase her first house it can be her down payment. She will then realize you were helping her out and teaching her responsibility and look at what you get in return.

The way my parents handled my sisters and I are probably what I'd do with my kids. My parents paid for our college / schooling / living expenses / car insurance, etc. through college and for up to one year after college to get on our feet. Once I got a job, I took it all on myself. I started making $24K a year as a teacher, and it was enough to get an apartment, car payment, car insurance, etc. I did graduate college, so I guess I was 23 before I was out on my own without their help. My sister did not finish college, but when she dropped out, they gave her one year to get on her feet. She did. It seemed fair. That's probably what we'll do with our kids.

YES!!! As a favor to her...charge her rent. She needs to learn about fiscal responsibility. One idea....if you can afford it, just put the rent she pays (or even half of it if you need some of it to keep your household running) into a savings account. When she is ready to buy a house, go back to college, get married, or make another major purchase, you could offer it back to her as a gift. Hopefully she will have learned a little about budgeting, and you would have done her the favor of starting a little "nest egg." She shouldn't know you are saving it for her. (that might also get your husband on board)

Before you insist on it, though, do honestly consider this--would you feel the same way if this was one of your birth children? I believe a parent's duty is to teach their child responsibility, but in blended families...it is SO important not to have double standards--even when you don't mean to--just something to think about.

Congratulations on the new baby and good luck with this situation!

I think it does sound a little crazy... but I do think that she should be paying her own bills and car insurance since its her car she should do her share. You should talk to your husband about your concerns with money problems and how you want to stay home with the baby and see if you two can come up with an idea on money issues. And talk to him about ways to teach ur daughter to learn to fend for herself (if i may) and talk to her too because u dont just want to start making her pay and start a big fight or her move out and avoid you but u could talk to her that she needs to learn how to do things for herself and not let others do things for her. especially with 5 other kids.

and if she dropped out, she may still be trying to find herself or what to do in life and you dont want to overwhelm her.

Here's my two cents....I also say yes, charge her rent. If she was going to college then, no but since she chose to drop out, she needs to pay rent. As it is, she isn't learning any responsibility concerning money management. By not charging her, you are doing a diservice to her. I have seen too many kids take advantage of their parents this way when there was no need and when they were forced to do something on their own, they really struggled. Some have never been able to make anything of themselves as a result - not saying that is what is going to happen with her - just a worse case scenerio. She's already proven that she can hold a job, lets see if she can maintain the rest that go along with being grown up. I was brought up that if I didn't go to college, then I had to work and support myself and that is what I am teaching my daughters. Another thing, my daughter knows that when she starts working at 16 on forward, that she will have to take $30 out of each paycheck and put it into savings. That way in the end she will have a nice little nest egg to use either towards further education or towards a place of her own. While doing that she is learning the importance of saving. Kids these days have no idea what the value of a dollar is. The only way some of them can learn it is by doing it themselves. Ya'll are making it too easy for her, so why would she want to change that? Give her a dose of reality. It's either you pay rent here or elsewhere and it would be a heck of a lot cheaper to pay rent there. Good luck, I know it's not easy but in the long run she will be so appreciative that you did what you did.

Yes. If she's not in school, then she needs to pay the rent. My mom did that with me, but I was always in school. I moved out when I got a job. But she didn't do this with my brother. He made almost as much as me a month when I was teaching, & he didn't pay for anything when he lived with my mom. She did him such a disservice by not making him responsible. He recently had to join the army because he realized that he was going nowhere in life & had no direction. Good luck!

from the time i had a job at the age of 16, i paid rent, in high school or college or not. it wasn't much, but it was a contribution to the household. that held firm as long as i lived at home. if i had any other bills in my name (in her case, car insurance, the tv, and laptop) those would be my resposibilities as well. if she can't afford all three, then she needs to reprioritize. did my parents occassionally help me out? sure, but i paid them back quickly. what did this teach me? my bills were my issues, not anyone else's. don't sit around and wait for someone to take care of you (parents or husband). i intend on using the same rules for my boys.

The rule in our house with our oldest, who's now 21 and living on his own, was he would help around the house AND if he went to college, we would pay for it and he could live at home while he was going. If he chose not to take us up on our offer to pay for him to go to college, he would need to pay his own bills, including living expenses or "rent". He chose not to go to college so he had chores to do at home plus he paid his phone, insurance, he paid for his own car and he paid "rent". As far as we were concerned, when he chose to work instead of go to college, he was making his own living so he needed to pay his own way.

I actually lived with my parents until I was 19. We had to pay for our own car insurance. My dad's rule was I could live at home without paying rent only if I went to college. If I didn't go to college, I had to pay them rent. So...I went to college. I totally think you should make her pay rent and her own car insurance. It will teach her responsibility.

I that if she can afford to pay to live elsewhere than she should. I would not have her staying if it was my husbands daughter if she,s 19 and doesnt do any cleaning! Especially when you have an infant to take care of. Babies are demanding. Not to mention the big one your trying to get along with and the marital strain as well. I think I would go nuts. Try to just pretend she,s not there?

Perhaps a better way to present it to your husband would be ... why should she leave? She has free room and board, no responsibilities, etc so he needs to be prepared to have her around for a loooooooooooong time. My currently 19 and 21 year olds were informed growing up that with privileges come responsibilities. Is the real world going to let her have a free ride? He is just prolonging her child hood and that is not very healthy. I have a 6 year old as well now, and am much better off financially this time around - but will do the same thing as the 19 and 21 year old are in college so that they CAN afford to take care of themselves (but they are paying their own way for the most part).

You are not doing her any favors by allowing her to free load. She needs to pay rent AND help around the house, or find her own place. She's an adult and needs to start acting like one. I would not make it into I want to stay home, so now you have to pay rent. She'll just blame you. I would definately quit paying ANY of her bills. It's not about money, it's about responsibility, gratitude, and becoming an adult.

If you aren't going to school, then you have to pay rent! Especially if you are paying for a the TV and laptop rental fees and not consistently paying for insurance. It is often hard for parents to do what is best for the kids. What is best is teaching them to support themselves on the money they have available, not on credit. I would also definitely look into the cost of living on her own (or with a roommate) in your area as a comparison for when you speak to her about it, but her dad should be the main part of this conversation. And not put as because you are staying home, but because it is the right thing to do! As someone else said already, this is too easy for her - why should she be interested in leaving? And remember the decision or rule you make here has to stand for all future children.

I haven't read all your responses .. but I would think you'd get a unanamous (sp?) YES! ;-)

One option that you could do if your DH just really felt that bad to charge her rent ... my In-laws did this with their daughter .... when she graduated college and was working, yet living at home - she paid a monthly rent and OF COURSE helped around the house. Then when she got married and was on her own - they gave her a large portion of all her rent back. That way, she was used to having to pay rent - and they just used it as a lesson as they didn't really need her money ... hope that made sense.

Good luck,
S. :-D

i DEFINITELY agree w/ Cari S...she should help out w/ something, but don't charge her rent. i think that is soooo tacky for parents to do that to their kids.
good luck!

You definately charge her rent... tell her to look at it this way, she could pay you 75.00 a week, (300.00/month) OR move out, get an apartment pay what 550.00 or more in rent, plus electricity, water, food, im sure she will want cable for that big screen TV, and internet for her laptop, on top of her insurance cause after she moves out you will no longer pay for it. Plus gas and car maintenance... She might rethink it and offer you and your husband some money!! I know I would!

She should pay rent. When I grew up it was go to college or get a job. It was an understood rule that this was the way it was. No free hand outs allowed. Well, I went to school and got a degree. I still stayed home but paid rent each pay day and managed to save money for a car and insurance and any other thing I wanted. I brought up my own children that way. In fact, my son was going to join the service and then at the last minute got cold feet. I told him that day he was leaving the house, I didn't care where but he was going out of here! So he left with the recruiter. It took me a year to realize that I "threw" him out. He has said that it was the best tough love he has ever had and thanks me often. He now has a new home and is a journeyman electrician.

There is nothing wrong with paying rent and helping out around the house. I would not tell the daughter that you want to stay at home with the new baby - that's none of her busienss. But stick to you guns with this decision for all children no back sliding - what you do for one you do for all. The world does NOT owe her anything it is up to her to find her way in or out of your home. Sometimes mother birds push their offspring out of the nest. It may be time. She can do it on her own.

Charge her rent!!! If you don't, she has no motivation to get an education or get off your meal ticket. She's an adult and has to live with decisions she has made. This is just one consequence of those decisions.

GL!

She is an adult with a good job. There is no reason she should be relying on you to provide for her. No money for insurance, but money to rent a laptop and big screen tv? Sounds like someone needs to discuss priorities with her.

Yes, I would charge my kids rent. They need to learn to budget their money, and it would be more difficult for them to learn with a less lenient (it's up to you how lenient) landlord. Plus, once they get used to "living it up" and living a certain lifestyle/standard of living, which they may not be able to live on their own. That could cause problems later, because they may get into real financial trouble when they DO live on their own and can't buy stuff they want, when they want. So, I want them to learn to save for their things and budget/spend wisely.

This isn't an issue about charging your daughter rent; it's much bigger than that. This is an issue of teaching your daughter personal financial responsibility and helping her develop into a financially independent adult. Right now she doesn't seem to understand that it takes a lot more than 24k and a dead-end call center job to be an independent adult.

You and your husband owe it to your daughter to help her develop financial responsibility and independence. But, instead of just charging her rent, you should help her develop some realistic goals for her future so that she can eventually become independent. She will undoubtedly need more schooling of some kind, not necessarily a 4 year degree. Perhaps she doesn't realize what it really takes to support yourself. Try making a budget with your daughter both for her current expenses and for her future. Encourage her to open a savings account and contribute to it regularly.

If your daughter is resistant to your help and will not see reason, then you may have to resort to charging rent or car insurance payments from her. She certainly should have the money since she's working a regular job. It may mean that she can't buy designer clothes or party on the weekend but then you can't do that either because you are an adult and live in the "real world". But, I would save all or a portion of that money in a savings account for your daughter assuming that she will eventually want to be on her own.

Most importantly, you and your husband need to present a united front. Talk about what your expectations are for you daughter and agree before you try to make any rules for your daughter. If not, your daughter will see through it and take advantage of the weaker parent (in this case, her father). Above all else, never make this an issue about your own finances. Children should never feel guilty because their parents have money problems.

I agree that if it is only for the financial burden of staying home than it is wrong. However, I firmly belive that she should be doing something for herself. She is 19 and needs to learn responsibility or she will never make it on her own. She should be paying her own bills at the very least if she can't afford car insurance than maybe she needs to return the stuff from Rent a Center so that she can.
also, if she is going to be living under your roof without paying rent or going to school than she needs to be living by your rules and pitching wherever needed in replace of not paying rent. It is called repect for your parents and all they have done for you.
I have a 20 year old daughter who moved out of her Dad's and realized she couldn't make it on her own in order to move in here she had to get a full time job or enroll in college with at least a part time job. She was to live by our rules (especially since there are also younger children in house as well) and hlp around the house if she chose not to do that she would have pay rent. She has since moved out on her own again and seems to be doing okay so far.
I had worked from the age of 15 and was earning things by working around the house from the time I was 10. My parents put a down payment on my car and I made all the payments, paid my own insurance, gas, and upkeep plus anything I wanted or needed that they did not already purchase on a regular basis. I honestly belive that if my parents had not taught me these things at an early I probably would not be where I am today.
Kids at this age especially, need to learn that nothing comes for free! You have to work for what you have......We all had to do it and they need to learn as well.

I whole heartedly agree with everybody. YESSS. Being a productive part of the family is very rewarding.