Seeking Advise on Child Sleeping Alone

Make your room boring and her room awesome. A big girl bed in sheets she picks out, a fabulous nightlight lamp (princess theme?), adhesive glow-in-the-dark stars, and all of her toys in her own room--NO toys in your room. Take that toddler bed and get rid of it--but put the mattress under your bed for those middle of the night visits that you KNOW are going to happen (at least at first). Night music CD, preferrably the same one she's listened to in your room (or no music, if that's what she's used to).

Depending on your daughter's temperment and capacity for change, introduce these changes slowly or all at once...you'll know what to do.

I'm not sure of her maturity level, and 4 is a bit young for this, but maybe she'd like a sleepover with a pal or cousin. Basically, make her room "hers" and make having her own private, special place exciting and even fun sometimes. Make your room as boring as possible....to a 4 year old, not your husband (which when you lose the kid, might get a whole lot less boring for the two of you)!! Good luck!

Ween her out of your bed and prizes.
Have her lay down in her room (at bed time - say 730) and you do stories in there and snuggle for x amount of time. Then you go finish your night and let her be in her room, with an ocean cd on or something soothing. (For the fears get a night light -solar system light - and a guardian teddy or angel) Time her to see how long she stays in her bed. if she stays for 1 hour she gets 2 m&m's (one for each half hour), she gets them the next morning. If she stays the whole night she gets the whole fun size bag. If she stays for a whole week of nights go and get a $5 toy. The catch is each time she ends up in your bed, after a few min of snuggles and she settles back down you have to put her back in her bed. You will loose sleep in the short run but gain your bed back in the long run :)

Check out Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book, "Sleepless in America." She should have some ideas for you. She also has a website called www.parentchildhelp.com.

I know there are many opinions on this, but since you asked, here are my 2 cents! As a parent, I feel that instilling independence is one of my primary responsibilities. Sure, it would be nice to have more cuddle time, sleeping together, and the like, but it really would be more beneficial for your daughter to gain the independence she will need in life be learning first to sleep in her own bed in her own room.

That being said, it sounds like you'd like to get her into her own room, so I would recommend involving your daugher and finding ways to make it special for her to sleep in her new room! Maybe she could help to paint, or choose a color/theme for her room. Maybe she could choose new sheets for her bed or a blanket or maybe stuffed animal to sleep with at night. Turn on the nightlight in her room and enforce that she stays in there after you've decided that is where she will sleep. I'm not going to sugar coat it - this is going to be difficult! You've established a lot of dependence on being by mom and dad at night (and since you can't go back and erase that), you will need to be understanding that this is going to be difficult for her. It's not her fault - it's yours. I'm saying that in the nicest way possible! So, set the date for a time when you all will be home for a few days together, say over a long weekend, because you and dad aren't going to get much sleep for the first few nights. Stick with it! You can do it! Remember that this really is best for your daughter to gain control over her sleeping, to gain the ability to sleep on her own, and to begin to gain her indepedence!!

i have only one child and she is a girl she will be 7 in august we also made the mistake of letting our daughter sleep in our room we tried everything from buying her bunkbeds remodeling and bribing her it took along time but we just let her fall asleep in our bed and moved her to her bed when she was asleep and we praised her first thing in the morning she still wants to sleep in our bed so every weekend she picks 1 night to i miss her in my bed but she sleeps better in hers

N.,

Excuse my bluntness, but ARE YOU NUTS????

Speaking from experience, what you sow, you reap, meaning that you are setting her up for an inability to comfort herself and have be able to adjust to new environments. That you have been turning your own room into a toddler room for 4 years will require changes from all of you.

It is not easier (in the long-run) to do what is easiest in the short-run (getting her to go to bed by giving in to her requests).

She is old enough now to engage in problem solving and contribure her ideas toward the solution of getting out of your room and into hers. I suggest you start making steps right away,