Seeking Advise for a Child That Has Started Stealing!!

First off which daughter is doing this ? If it is the 8 yr.old or 11 year old they know better.If it is the 3 year old she needs to be told that if she wants money she should ask for it and tell you for what.If it is the older girls they may just want money for school or to carry around as many kids get unheard of amounts of allowances these days. I got .50 cents a week in grade school and worked for every cent of it.Back then it would buy 10 candy bars if I wanted.They were .05 cents each. The food sneaking seems to me pretty normal.A lot of kids do this as they are sometimes afraid to eat too much in front of others.Thus get teased by friends. Girls especially because every one thinks skinny is so cool.Or it is possible the food thing is just a comfort zone, that can become dangerous if she becomes over weight.Children today are under so much pressure to be like every one else, even back in the 60's it was there, but I was a rebel, I wore hand me down clothes and almost never had candy or soda pop or any kind of junk food as my parents didn't allow it and we were pretty poor also.My hand me downs were soft and itch free and were from my aunt who was only 3 years older and her clothes still looked new I was wearing better clothes than the doctors children and happily passed them on to my smaller friends as I out grew them.
You really need to put a stop to the stealing though, punishments work well , but we took my sister to the police station at 3 1/2 after she stole something and she never stole again.

Let her do chores for an allowance, as I am assuming that it is the eleven year old removing the money from your purse.
I imagine her peers at school have money, and she feels at odds, and doesn't want to be different. Good luck

You are not failing as a parent! Alot of kids do this as a way to gain attention. I would sit her down (no tv or other kids around) and talk to her. Maybe ask her how she would feel if someone took something of hers that didnt belong to them? tell her that it is not right to steal and ask her why she is doing this. Tell her that if she needs some money, all she has to do is ask for what she wants. she doesnt have to steal from your purse. As a suggestion...maybe start giving her an allowance every week for chores done around the house. It may give her a sense of pride to work for money instead of taking it from you.

Your daughter needs to learn the value of a dollar. It is a lesson that would serve her well for her entire life. Hard work brings rewards. I have a 9 yr old son. He has worked for allowance for many years. He understands that if his chores aren't done, no money. He saves up for the things he really wants. He has bought his last 2 bikes on his own! Chores don't have to be horrible to be effective. My son is required to take out the trash in both bathrooms on Tues. and Thurs. and has to clean his room on Sundays. It is also understood that part of his allowance is behavior. He must do his homework and behave (at home and away) to earn his allowance. He's done really well with it. He knows how much it takes to buy things and he is really good about saving up his money. His dad takes him shopping when he's ready and he spends his money. So there's a little incentive for alone time with dad, too. Much to my shock, he's been saving a little extra and buying a small gift for his baby brother on some of his trips. I hope this helps. Good luck, Shannon G.

First of all we trained my children from the very beginning my purse and dad's wallet were off limits. Not to just to them but we by example never got into the other's wallet or purse. Why do you leave your purse laying around where your child can get into it?

We had trouble with our foster daughter on this one. We put a lock on our bedroom door and kept it locked unless we were in it. It wasn't just money, it was clothing and it was liqour as well.

We finally called a friend who was a police officer and had him come to the house, fingerprint the purse/wallet and the children then he would take her to the station and let her spend a day in the cell block. She quit stealing from me. Drastic but it will help if your local authorities are willing to assist you.

P. R

I think that seeking professional help is going a little far. I understand that steeling a couple dollars may lead to bigger problems, and keep your eye out for that. Also talk to her teachers - maybe she's hanging out with some kids from school that you don't know about and they are causing peer pressure.
Right now you need to let her know that she has broken your trust and will need to earn it back. No matter how much they despise their parents when they are teens, they still thirst for our trust. I think she will try to win your trust back.
I agree with the other posting - you must limit her ability to steal - keep your purse in your bedroom or something.
Just some 2 cents. hope this helps!

I had this problem with my 7 year old daughter. She was lying and stealing small things, mostly from home. One day she took candy and gum from a store. That was the day we caught her. We let her know that we were angry with her, that she had lost our trust and that we were disappointed. She got very angry and dug in her heals. From there it got worse, lying to her teacher and forging my name at school. She was previously a very good kid, no one could believe she was behaving this way. Finally, on the advice of my childless sister, everyone's favorite aunt, we took her to church to have a conference with our pastor. She was embarrassed and I had to drag her in to talk to him literally. After that she was a changed child. He never did tell me exactly what he said to her, but he did tell me that he was not condemning to her. Since then no more stealing, the lying has become minimal and age appropriate and she has had a much better attitude. No more school problems or teacher complaints. I'm not sure if she did this to get attention, or was just seeing how much she could get away with, but having her speak to someone outside of the family and her safety zone I believe was really what helped. She has also had to earn our trust back, I explained this to her. She is no longer allowed to be alone in a store, even to go to the bathroom. I question thoroughly where all of her money has come from, and keep track of when and where she gets and spends it. It's hard to be this way with my little girl, she was always so good, and I was always so proud to be her mom, but I want to feel that way again, so I have to be tough with her. Good luck to you.

Time to nip the stealing in the bud, and your daughter needs to be losing privileges over it.
She certainly is not respecting your possessions.
When my child took a small item from the grocery store years ago I took her and the item back to the store, made her give it to the manager, and had him talk to her about how they deal with shoplifters, and that it ends up costing us more for merchandise when people steal.
I had to do this for 2 or 3 of my 6 children.
They were all aware of the 10 Commandments of course too.
So good luck.

Historically, a lot of wealthy women became shoplifters, especially back in the early days of department stores. From what I've read it was because that even though they were well provided for, they were missing out on some other basic emotional or relational need. You sound like a really good parent, but there may be something going on you don't know about--maybe something at school or just personally. Even a few meetings with a counselor might help identify the real problem.

Also, remember that your daughter might not realize there's a problem. It's not that she just won't talk--she just might not recognize that something's not right in her world, or that she's feeling empty/hurting/wanting somehow. Your profile says your girls are all pretty young, so it might be that she can't identify her problem. And hormones hit girls early these days--not just sexual hormones, either. All the adolescent ones that their young bodies can barely handle -- the full range of larger-than-life emotions, which their brains aren't equipped to sort out rationally.

You're a good mom for wanting to nip this in the bud! Best of luck to you!